Hi guys.

This oneshot is slightly different from the fics I usually write. It is very close to my heart and has been rather therapeutic for me.

I'm not sure how well received this will be throughout the fandom though...

Massive trigger warning in regards to infertility. Also TW for clinical terms and vomiting.

This is for my badthingshappen Square "phantom pain". Lurkingwhump, thank you for your help and your friendship. I glove you.

Also special thanks to unorthodoxoblivion for allowing me to ramble about this project. You're a gem.

"Are you alright?" Kurt asked Jane as he joined her in the kitchen. She was leaning against the counter, nursing a cup of ginger tea, her eyes closed, her face drawn. She met his gaze, shrugging at his question. "You only drink that stuff when you don't feel good." he continued in her silence. "Are you sick?"

Jane shook her head. "No exactly." she breathed. Kurt frowned, moving closer and rubbing her shoulder.

"Is everything ok?" he asked, worried now.

"Well… I'm late." she confessed, giving him a pointed look.

His eyebrows shot up. "Oh!" he exclaimed. "Have you taken a test?"

Jane shook her head and sighed.

"Not long after I took the last test… we found out I was dying… I'm just a little scared I guess." she divulged. She looked up at him with big worried eyes. He could see every emotion swimming in the depths of her green irises. Fear, uncertainty - hope.

They hadn't really spoken about children again since Madeline's take down, but he knew it was something that still held her attention often. Especially now that Tasha was due to have her baby, he would often see Jane buying various items for the baby and staring at her bump longingly.

"Why don't you make a doctor's appointment," he suggested. "That takes away the fear of taking the test at home."

Jane bit her cheek and nodded. "Ok…" she said softly. "But will you come with me?" Kurt's heart contracted at the vulnerability he saw on his wife's face. He reached out and rubbed his thumb over her jawline.

"Of course I will." he replied softly, kissing her on the forehead. "Make an appointment in the morning, I'll notify the NYO and tell them we are taking the morning off."

Jane smiled gratefully at her husband. She was so lucky she had him. She knew she could always count on him.

She groaned softly as her stomach rebelled some more, closing her eyes and breathing through her nose.

"Drink the tea." Kurt said softly, noticing her distress.

Jane nodded, bringing her mug up to her mouth and taking a few sips. The ginger soothed her belly quickly and she sighed in relief.

"How about we go to bed." he said softly, taking the empty mug from his wife and putting it in the sink. Jane nodded in agreement, completely spent.

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They managed to get an early morning appointment at their doctor's office. They sat in the waiting room, Jane picking at the skin on her fingers. Her anxiety was palpable and Kurt's heart ached for her.

Kurt reached out and took her hand, running his fingers over her now red fingertips.

"It's going to be ok, Jane." he told her gently. "No matter the result."

"I know…" Jane mumbled. "It's just… I never knew how much I wanted this… until the thought of it not being positive…"

Kurt raised her hand to his mouth, kissing her fingers softly.

"So if you're not… then we will start actively trying."

Jane exhaled sharply, but then forced her face to relax.

"Ok." she whispered quietly.

"Ok." Kurt repeated.

It was another ten minutes before her name was called.

They sat down with their family doctor, Jane feeling like she was about to explode in anticipation.

"Now… what can I do for you today?" Doctor John asked kindly.

Jane looked up at the doctor, suddenly unable to form words. Kurt squeezed her hand in a silent 'it's ok… I've got this.'

"We want you to do a pregnancy test." he replied calmly.

Doctor John nodded. "Of course. Have you taken a home test already?" he asked, grabbing a specimen jar and handing it to Jane.

Jane shook her head.

"No." she croaked, finding her voice. "I wanted to do it here."

Doctor John nodded in understanding. This wasn't his first nervous couple who were trying to conceive.

"The bathroom is down the hall." he said, gesturing for her to leave the room.

Kurt watched his wife leave, trying his best to keep his composure.

"She's really nervous." Kurt admitted.

The doctor smiled warmly.

"I can understand that. It's been a rough year for the both of you."

Kurt chuckled dryly.

"That's certainly one way of putting it." he replied carefully.

Jane returned a short time later with the specimen jar. She handed it to the doctor who then unwrapped one of the pregnancy tests. Using a dropper, he put a few drops of her urine onto the test strip.

"That will just take a few minutes." Doctor John said, sanitising his hands.

Jane sat back in the chair, willing herself to breathe.

"How has your health been?" the doctor asked. "I'm assuming you've had some symptoms?"

Jane nodded.

"Well my period is late…. I… ah… I've been having stomach cramps and nausea…. fatigue." she listed.

The doctor nodded. They were all definitely signs of early pregnancy. "And how late is your period?" he asked, typing on his computer.

"Five days." Jane replied, instantly. She had noticed her period had been late straight away - she had always been regular to the day.

The doctor noted that down. "Ok while we wait, we may as well take a few obs."

Jane nodded, rolling up her sleeve so the doctor could take her blood pressure.

He peeled back the cuff, typing in the result.

"Blood pressure is good… heart rate is a little fast, but I would expect that if you're feeling a little anxious."

Jane bit her lip. She hated feeling this way.

Doctor John stood up, looking at the pregnancy test.

He frowned.

"Unfortunately this is negative." he said, looking at Jane with genuinely sad eyes.

Jane's heart plummeted. She looked at the floor, trying with all her might not to cry. Kurt reached out and took her trembling hand and she used his touch to ground herself.

"I'm sorry." Doctor John said. He sat back down so he was eye level with Jane. "I would like to send you for some bloods, just to check a few things."

At Jane and Kurt's questioning stare, he continued. "You're still having some untoward symptoms, and the fact that your period is late, I just want to check that your hormone levels are where they should be."

Jane nodded.

"Ok." she whispered in a small voice.

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Jane had just finished getting her blood drawn, when her phone rang.

"Hey Tasha." she replied, meeting Kurt back in the waiting room. "How are you feeling?"

"Huge… bored." Tasha replied. "Hey are you still coming over on Saturday?"she asked, getting straight to the point.

"Of course." Jane replied instantly. "I miss you."

"I miss you too." Tasha replied. "Hey do you think you could bring those bagels from the bodega down your street?"

"Of course." Jane chuckled. She opened the door, walking out onto the footpath. "Hey I gotta run, but I'll see you in a few days."

"Ok!" Tasha replied. "Don't forget the bagels." she added for measure.

"I won't. Bye Tasha."

"Bye Jane."

Jane hung up the phone, taking Kurt's hand.

"That was Tasha." she told him. "She wanted to know if we were still coming on Saturday, and she wants us to bring bagels."

Kurt grinned.

"If that woman eats any more bagels, she is going to turn into one."

Jane smiled softly up at her husband, before sighing, her eyes falling close.

"Hey." Kurt said gently, stopping on the street in front of her. He placed both of his hands on her shoulders, bending down so his face was adjacent to hers. She opened her eyes and looked at him sadly.

"I'm sorry… I guess I'm just a little disappointed."

Kurt kissed her on the forehead. "Me too." he murmured. "But as I said… I guess we just start actively trying now." he winked, earning himself a soft punch to the shoulder.

She reached up and kissed him tenderly, forever grateful that he was by her side.

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Jane woke up the next morning to a feeling of urgency. Her stomach lurched, sending her hurtling towards the bathroom. She quickly lost the contents of her stomach, her eyes streaming from the intensity of the sudden attack.

She felt Kurt holding her hair back with one hand and start rubbing her back with the other. She whimpered uncharacteristically as her stomach cramped forcefully, gagging into the toilet bowl.

Very slowly her stomach started to settle back down, the nausea abating to a manageable queasiness.

She accepted the toilet paper Kurt was handing her, wiping her face and blowing her nose. She sat back on the tiles feeling wretched.

"I don't understand." she whispered when she could finally use her voice. "If I'm not pregnant… then why am I vomiting?"

She looked up at Kurt, her eyes wide and unblinking.

Kurt shrugged, kneeling down in front of her. "Maybe you have some kind of bug?" he suggested, holding the back of his hand on her forehead. "You don't feel warm though." he frowned.

Jane groaned miserably, leaning her head against the vanity, closing her eyes.

"Whatever is wrong, I think you'll feel better in bed." Kurt said softly. "Do you want me to call you in sick?"

Jane paused for a second. It wasn't like her to take time off work, but the last few days had been an emotional roller coaster and her insides were still churning. She wasn't sure if she was going to be able to keep her own body under control. The thought of vomiting at the NYO was mortifying.

Making a decision, she nodded softly. "Please." she croaked out, rubbing her stomach uncomfortably.

He smiled, kissing her forehead.

"Ok. I'll call and then I'll help you back to bed." He left the room and Jane could hear him talking in the other room.

Jane frowned as her stomach cramped again, swallowing convulsively against the building nausea. Kurt reentered the bathroom, just as she had dragged herself back to the toilet, groaning into the bowl.

"Jane!" he exclaimed, rushing to her side. He knelt behind her, pulling her hair back off her face again. "Hmm maybe you do have a bug." he murmured as she gagged, throwing up what little was left in her stomach. He winced in sympathy when she was down to dry heaves, rubbing her back in the only comfort he could offer.

She retched again, before spitting into the toilet, taking deep breaths through her nose to try and calm her upset belly.

"I'm gonna get you some water." Kurt said softly, moving out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. He filled a glass, his concern for his wife growing. She was already struggling emotionally, and it hurt him to see her struggling physically as well. He returned to the bathroom to find her leaning against the vanity again, her hand resting on her upset stomach.

He knelt down, handing her the glass of water. She sipped at it slowly, a look of relief crossing her face when it seemed like it wasn't going to make a reappearance.

"Let's get you back to bed." Kurt said kindly, offering his hand and helping her to her feet. He guided her back to their bedroom, tucking her under the covers. He left to get her a bucket from the cleaning cupboard and set it beside the bed. "Arla has said to take the weekend off." he said now that he had her settled."

"Really? It's only Thursday?"

Kurt nodded. "She said that if you were that sick, that you should stay away from the NYO until you were feeling better."

"Oh good." Jane said relieved. She would be lying if she had said she didn't want some time off to recuperate after the last few days. Her stomach chose that moment to cramp again. She frowned, curling into the fetal position.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" he asked, worried at how pale she was.

Jane shook her head. "No… we can't both take the day off." she said from under the covers. "I'll be ok."

Kurt bent over, kissing her softly on the temple. "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "Go. Or you'll be late."

"Call me if you need me." Kurt said before walking out of the room.

Jane snuggled back under the covers, willing her stomach to stop turning. It wasn't long before she fell back into a fitful sleep.

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Jane was woken by the shrill ringing of her phone. Checking the time she noted she had already been asleep for half the day.

"Jane speaking." she answered, rubbing her hand over her face.

"Jane, this is Doctor John. How are you doing today?"

Jane sat up in bed, suddenly more alert at hearing the doctor's voice.

"I'm ok." she replied.

"I've gotten your blood results back." the doctor said, getting straight to business. "Jane, your hormone levels indicate something called pseudocyesis, or more commonly known as a phantom pregnancy."

Jane frowned, at a loss for words.

"What does that mean?" she asked quietly, not sure if she actually wanted to know.

"Basically it means your body thinks that it is pregnant, but there isn't actually a fetus." Doctor John explained.

"So that's why I've been vomiting today?" she queried incredulously. "I've been having morning sickness?"

"To a degree, yes."

Jane sighed. This was not what she wanted to hear.

"So what now?"

"I've booked you in for an ultrasound for this afternoon. I just want to make sure there is nothing more sinister going on." At Jane's silence he continued. "I'll send a text with the information."

"Thank you." she breathed, unable to talk anymore.

"Let's make another appointment for you to come and see me tomorrow to discuss what happens next. What time would suit?"

"Any time." she said, remembering she had the next three days off.

"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow at four. That will give time for the results to come through to me."

"See you then." she rasped before hanging up the phone.

A phantom pregnancy. How could life be so cruel? To have the thing she wanted most in this world dangled in front of her face like that… it was like fate was playing a sick joke on her.

She sat on the bed, feeling miserable, until she realised she needed to tell Kurt what was happening.

Taking a calming breath, she called him, waiting nervously as the phone rang. He picked up on the third ring.

"Jane? How are you feeling?" he answered, concern laced through his voice.

"The doctor called." Jane replied, cutting straight to the point. She would be lying if she said she wasn't a little bit nervous at how Weller would take the news. She knew he wanted this as much as she did.

"What did he say?"

"I'm… I'm having a phantom pregnancy." Jane mumbled. "Basically my body thinks that I'm pregnant… but there's no baby."

"Oh Jane…" Kurt whispered gently. "So that's why you've been so sick?"

"Yeah." Jane breathed. She lay back on the pillows, staring at the ceiling with wide eyes.

"Are you ok?" Kurt asked. "If you need me to come home then I will."

"No… no I'm ok." she replied in a small voice. "I have to have an ultrasound this afternoon… the doctor just wants to check a few things."

"I can meet you there?" Kurt said, trying his best to support her through this.

"I have a follow up appointment with the doctor tomorrow… I would rather you be there for that… I'm not sure how well Arla would react if you kept ducking in and out like that."

After a brief moment of silence, weighing up his options Kurt replied. "You're right. They probably won't tell you much today anyway."

"Yeah I doubt it. I'm still waiting for the doctor to text with the information. I'll let you know when I do."

"Ok Jane." he said softly. "I love you."

She sighed.

"I love you too. I'll see you later."

They ended the call and Jane brought her hand up to her face, trying to keep her composure.

Her phone beeped, stating that her ultrasound would be in a couple of hours at a clinic not far from her apartment. The instructions said to show up with a full bladder.

Jane sighed, realising she hadn't had anything to eat and only very little to drink since waking up the first time. She forced her aching body to get out of bed and made her way to the kitchen. She fixed herself some dry toast and ginger tea, not wanting to aggravate her already delicate stomach.

The next couple of hours went by quickly, and before she knew it, she was in the waiting room.

"Jane Doe?" the ultrasound technician asked.

Jane stood up, following the tech down the hallway to a small, dark room. The tech asked her to lay flat on the bed. Jane did as asked, the tissue paper rustling under her body.

"Your bladder is full?" the tech - Julie, Jane read on her name badge - asked as she set up her equipment.

Jane nodded, feeling quite vulnerable. She wished she had let Kurt come. She knew Arla would have gotten over it. Full of regret, she took a breath, before Julie lifted her shirt, squeezing the gel onto her skin.

Jane watched, her heart sinking when she saw the image of what she assumed was her uterus appearing on the screen. The fact that it was empty had her willing herself not to cry. She lay there silently, letting tech run the wand over her belly.

"Ok, I think I need to do an internal, if that's ok with you?" Julie said, as she cleaned the gel off of Jane's skin.

"Ah… yeah? Is everything ok?" she asked worriedly.

"I'd just like to get some clearer images on a few things." Julie replied. "There's a bathroom through there," she pointed. "Empty your bladder while I get things set up."

Jane complied, shuffling off of the bed and moving towards the bathroom to relieve herself. When she returned, the tech pulled the curtain, asking her to remove her pants and underwear and cover herself with the sheet provided.

Jane winced slightly as the wand was inserted, her pelvic area feeling incredibly tender.

She looked up at the technician, noticing the frown plastered to her face.

"Is everything ok?" Jane asked again. Julie looked down at her with sympathy.

"You have a lot of inflammation in your fallopian tubes… this could be caused by the pseudocyesis, but I want to get some clearer images to be sure."

Jane swallowed thickly - that would explain the stomach pains and tenderness. She lay there silently for another fifteen minutes, before Julie removed the wand, lifting the sheet back down to cover her.

"I think we are done here. I'm going to get one of my seniors to look at these before we send the results back to your doctor."

Jane bit her lip. She could tell there was something Julie wasn't telling her. She wouldn't meet her eye.

"Ok." she said in a small voice. She didn't want to put the tech in an awkward position. Clearly it wasn't her place to tell her what was going on. Jane would just have to wait until her appointment the following day.

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Jane returned home feeling shaken and dazed. Kurt wasn't due home for another hour so she busied herself cleaning the apartment and fixing him some dinner. It was the least she could do after he had literally held her hair back for her that morning.

He arrived home right on schedule, mildly - yet pleasantly surprised at the meal that was put in front of him the moment he sat down.

"You not eating?" he asked, his concern palpable.

Jane shook her head.

"Still feeling sick?"

She sighed.

"I don't think the ultrasound went well." she confessed nervously.

Kurt put down his knife and fork, giving her a pointed look. "What makes you say that?"

Jane bit her lip, staring down at the floor.

"Just the way the tech acted. She got me to do an internal ultrasound and then was avoiding my questions… said there was inflammation in my fallopian tubes."

Kurt put his plate on the kitchen bench, his meal momentarily forgotten. He walked around the breakfast bar, pulling his wife into his arms.

"Everything is going to be ok." he promised, murmuring into her hair. He felt her start to tremble. "Shhh it's ok… I've got you."

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Jane barely slept that night, and was woken by another onslaught of nausea. Kurt brought her a cup of ginger tea into the bathroom, knowing it was the only thing that seemed to stem the vomiting.

"Arla has okayed me taking the day off with you." Kurt said, sitting on the bathroom floor beside his ailing wife. He knew that right now she needed him there with her. She was going to be an anxiety riddled mess until her appointment with the doctor that afternoon and he needed to be there to support her.

He felt some of the tension leave her body at that knowledge.

"I was thinking maybe we could watch a couple of movies to fill in the day?"

Jane nodded, still not quite recovered from her "morning sickness" attack to speak yet. She took a couple more sips of the tea, before Kurt helped her to her feet and led her out to the living room. He got her situated on the couch, bringing out the bucket from the bedroom from the day before.

"Just in case." he said softly.

Jane managed to smile at him. There was no way she would have been able to get through the last forty eight hours without him. She would be forever grateful that he was there to help her through yet another traumatic ordeal.

The day passed quickly and before she knew it, she was sitting in yet another waiting room, anxious out of her mind. She knew in her heart that the results she was about to get would change her life forever.

She saw Doctor John appear in the waiting room and make eye contact with her. "Jane." he said, indicating she should follow him. She could tell him his whole demeanour that he wasn't looking forward to this appointment.

They sat down in his office, Jane looking at him expectantly.

"How are you feeling?" Doctor John asked, noting how pale she looked.

"Not great." Jane admitted. "The stomach symptoms are causing me some grief."

The doctor nodded at that.

"I will prescribe you some hormone supplements to help with that." he said softly.

"What did the ultrasound say?" Kurt asked, addressing the elephant in the room.

Doctor John sighed.

"I've been doing a bit of research in regards to your ZIP poisoning last year." he started.

Jane looked at him with a confused expression.

"What does my ultrasound have to do with my ZIP poisoning?" she asked, frightened of what the answer would be.

"Jane… the ultrasound showed that your fallopian tubes are incredibly inflamed… this inflammation has caused irreversible scarring… I'm so sorry."

Jane's chin wobbled.

"W-what are you saying?" she stuttered.

"From the research I've done in conjunction with your ultrasound results… it looks like when you were sick last year, the poisoning caused your fallopian tubes to swell…" he paused, looking sympathetically into Jane's eyes. "You will never conceive children naturally."

Jane's eyes widened and then she just went numb. The doctor's voice faded into the background, and if it wasn't for Kurt's hand on her knee, she would have forgotten to breathe.

She didn't hear much of the rest of the appointment so she was glad that Kurt was there to retain the rest of the information.

She remained silent the whole way back to the apartment, Kurt watching her out of the corner of his eyes. He could see her struggling - hell he was, but he knew he needed to give her a moment.

It wasn't until they got back into their apartment that he stopped her.

He stepped in front of her, taking one of her hands softly. "Jane." he whispered. When she wouldn't even meet his eye, he cupped her chin, tilting her face up so she was forced to look at him. "Talk to me… please."

Her eyes darted back and forth, her entire body trembling. "I…" she started, before her lip trembled and her face contorted in grief. She let out a wail before dissolving into a fit of tears.

"Oh Jane." Kurt murmured, pulling her into his chest. Jane sobbed into his shirt, her tears falling uncontrollably. "It's ok baby… I've got you." He felt her tremble, before her knees gave out in her grief. Kurt caught her, lifting her into his arms as she cried. Making a quick decision, he carried her to their bedroom, laying her gently on the bed, before joining her, cradling her to his chest.

"Ssshhh." he whispered, as he stroked her hair. "I've got you… everything is going to be ok…" His heart shattered for his poor wife, and the knowledge that they would more than likely never have children together. The doctor had mentioned referring them to a fertility specialist to see if they would be viable for IVF. So there was still a glimmer of hope, but Kurt knew in his heart that Jane would never go for it. He knew she wouldn't be able to put herself through the hormonal abuse, for it potentially not to work. Her broken heart wouldn't be able to handle it.

He held her tighter, holding her hand to his heart in an attempt to try and help her calm down. There was nothing he could say or do to fix this, so he just opted to hold her, to let their shattered dreams die together as the both cried.

It was sometime later before Jane started to calm down, her sobs turning into little hiccups. Kurt continued to hold her tight, swapping between rubbing her back and stroking her head. He felt her relax, her breathing evening out. He peeked down at her to find she had fallen into an exhausted sleep.

He sighed. She was going to take this hard. Not only had they found out it was very unlikely she would be able to get pregnant - that alone was devastating - but he also knew she would be plagued with guilt. He knew she would be stewing over the fact that she had agreed to taking the ZIP… that it was just another thing that her previous life had ruined for them. He knew he was going to have a hard time convincing her that it wasn't her fault - that she didn't know what would happen.

He settled against the mattress, nuzzling into her hair. All he could do was be there for her. To show her that no matter what, he wasn't going anywhere.

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The next morning, Kurt woke to find his wife missing from their bed. Rolling out of bed, he checked the bathroom, wondering if she had gotten sick again and ended up there. Seeing that it was empty he wandered out into the kitchen.

"Jane?" he called, when he still couldn't find her.

He saw a note on the counter and strode across the room to read it.

"Gone to get bagels." Was all it said.

Kurt chewed on his lip. He had forgotten that they were going to visit Tasha today. He wondered how Jane would react to seeing her pregnant belly. He knew it was probably going to be hard on him, so he could only imagine what that would do to Jane.

She entered the apartment a few minutes later, carrying a brown paper bag filled with bagels.

"Hey." he said softly.

"Hey." she replied, putting her keys in the bowl and placing the bag on the counter.

"How are you doing?" he asked quietly, pulling her into a hug.

"I'm ok... I guess." she replied sadly.

"We don't have to go and see Tasha and the others today if you're not up to it." Kurt murmured against her hair.

Jane shook her head.

"No, I said we would be there… and I miss her." She sighed, stepping out of his embrace. "It's going to be hard… but I want to make the effort. I can't hide in this apartment forever."

Kurt cupped her cheek, bending down to kiss her softly. "You truly are remarkable." he said sincerely, in complete awe of how brave his wife was.

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They arrived at Tasha's mid afternoon, both of them excited to see their friend. She pulled each of them into a hug before snatching the bagels and disappearing into the kitchen.

Jane could hear Patterson and Rich in the living room and made her way in to be with her friends.

"Jane!" Patterson exclaimed. "How are you feeling? We've missed you at work."

Jane took a seat, trying her best to school her features.

"I'm ok." she said in a measured voice.

"You've been sick?" Tasha asked, reappearing with a plate full of bagels.

"Not exactly…" Jane started, looking up at Tasha's giant belly. At the silence that followed, she looked around at her family, the expectant expressions on their faces. "I… I've…" she looked at Tasha's bump again, her heart rate picking up. "I'm sorry…" she muttered, jumping to her feet. "I thought I could do this…" She raced past Kurt, slamming the door behind her.

"What was all that about?" she heard Rich say as she ran down the street to a nearby alley. She leaned against the brick wall, trying to stop herself from hyperventilating.

She closed her eyes, tears leaking out from behind her lashes.

"Jane… hey."

And there it was… the voice that would get her through everything.

She forced her eyes open, drinking in the sight of him greedily.

"Hey…" she mumbled. "Sorry about that…"

Kurt took her in his arms.

"Sshh it's ok Jane. I get it… I really do. It was hard for me to be in there too."

Jane looked up at him, guilt clouding her eyes.

"I feel like I've let you down." she whispered.

"Hey… hey none of that." Kurt murmured, staring deeply into her eyes. "None of this is your fault Jane."

Jane sniffed, swallowing thickly. "If I hadn't have…"

"Jane… stop. This isn't your fault." he exclaimed more forcefully.

Jane sighed. "It's just something we both wanted… as I said… I just feel like I'm letting you down."

Kurt sighed.

"Jane there are other ways to have children… we still have the option of going through the fertility specialist… if that's what you want."

Jane bit her lip.

"I'm not sure what I want." she confessed. "The thought of going through all of that… for it to fail…"

"I know baby… I know." Kurt said wrapping his arms around her. "We don't have to decide anything right now."

They stayed like that for a moment, before Jane pulled away.

"We're going to have to go back in there, aren't we?" she asked, looking back in the direction of Tasha's apartment.

Kurt nodded.

"I think we should tell them." he said quietly.

Jane nodded, but was stuck to the spot.

"I don't know if I can…" she whispered.

"It's ok…" he soothed. "Why don't you go and wait in the car… I'll go back in."

Jane looked gratefully up at her husband. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "I'll be back shortly."

Kurt made his way back up the street to his friend's apartment. He would be lying if he said he wasn't dreading telling the rest of the team what was going on… especially Tasha. She had enough going on with the impending arrival of her and Reade's baby. He didn't want to add the extra stress - but he also knew that they all deserved to know what was happening.

He entered the apartment, Patterson jumping to her feet at his arrival.

"Is Jane ok?" she asked with wide eyes.

Kurt sighed.

"No… but she will be." With that he explained everything that had happened in the last few days. When he finished, he was enveloped in a very awkward hug, Tasha's belly getting in the way.

"Kurt… I'm so sorry." she said softly.

Patterson and Rich followed suit, hugging him in turn and offering their condolences.

"Anyway… I should get back to Jane… I just thought you guys deserved to know."

"Please… tell us if you need anything." Patterson urged, walking him to the door.

"Thank you." he replied softly. He looked up, catching Tasha's eye. They nodded to each other in a silent understanding.

Kurt found his wife waiting in the car, her head leaning back against the headrest in exhaustion.

"Hey." he said softly, getting into the driver's seat.

"How did that go?" Jane asked, her eyes wide.

Kurt just nodded in reply, sniffing. He swallowed before looking back at his wife.

"Are you ok?" he asked again.

Jane took a deep breath.

"I will be." she said softly. "As you said… we don't have to make a decision right now… but when we do… whatever happens, happens."

Kurt reached out and took her hand, bringing it up to her lips and kissing the back of it.

"Agreed."

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One week later.

Jane was busy cleaning the kitchen when her phone rang. Looking at the caller ID she answered straight away.

"Rich?"

"It's a boy!" he shouted in joy. Jane couldn't help but smile.

"Oh my god! How are they?" she exclaimed, motioning to her husband. 'It's a boy!' she mouthed to him. Kurt's face lit up.

"They're doing great!" Rich replied, and Jane grinned at the proud tone of his voice. "Tasha wants to see you… if you're feeling up to it."

"Of course!" she replied almost instantly. "We will be there soon." She hung up the phone.

"Are you sure you're up to this?" Kurt asked her carefully.

"There is no way I'm missing this."

Kurt cupped her jaw, kissing her softly. "Let's go meet our nephew."

Jane nodded. "Our nephew." she repeated.

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They crept into the hospital room quietly, Jane holding a bunch of flowers, while Kurt carried in a teddy and a blue balloon.

Jane took one look at Tasha holding her baby and burst into tears.

"Oh Tasha." she wept. "He's beautiful." She placed the flowers on the table.

Tasha started crying the moment she saw Jane crying and pulled her in for a hug.

"What's his name?" Jane asked, peeking at the baby.

Tasha smiled softly with watery eyes. "Eddy… after his daddy."

Jane leant forward and kissed her friend on the forehead. "That's perfect… he's perfect."

"Would you like to hold him?" Tasha asked softly. She didn't want to set Jane off again, but she also wanted to give her the choice.

Jane nodded softly.

Tasha handed the baby over gently, Jane holding him close to her chest.

"Hello beautiful boy." she cooed. "I'm so glad to finally meet you." she whispered, a tear escaping and rolling down her face.

"Jane I wanted to ask if you and Kurt would be his godparents?" Tasha asked, looking and Jane and Kurt.

Jane's head shot up, meeting Tasha's gaze.

"Are you sure?" she squeaked.

Tasha nodded.

"It would be an honour." Kurt answered. And it truly was. His best friend had died, and what better way to honour his memory, than to look after his family.

Jane sat on one of the chairs. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the precious bundle in her arms. When the baby started to fuss, she started humming 'hush little baby' to him and he settled almost instantly.

"That's a good boy." she murmured softly. "You are so loved. I'll never let anything bad ever happen to you. I'll always there there for you."

Kurt watched his wife, pride filling his chest. They had some tough decisions to make in the near future, but until then, at least they had this little guy to fill their lives with joy.

They would get through this, just as they got through everything else, as a family.