Ellie felt like she was drifting through space.

Lost in the immensity of the nothingness surrounding her. It felt calming, it made her forget how tired she was, how her life was crumbling around her and slipping through her fingers and she simply couldn't do anything about it because she felt like everytime she tried, she made things worse. Way worse. Everything around her was black, shyly illuminated by the moon that was shining behind a set of thick clouds in the sky.

She sighed.

The motions of the boat were really starting to make her feel nauseated. The motor died after a few minutes in the water. She sat straight up. When her body got up, she felt a really pointy sting coming from the right side of her body. Her vision blurred and the edges were turning black. She moved her hand to the sore spot, putting some pressure on it, trying to make it hurt less. Spoiler alert, it didn't. She didn't dare to lift her tank top up to see the damage that awaited her. But she could feel that her finger tips were wet.

She sighed again, burying her head in her hands. What was she doing?

She looked behind her, wondering where Abby's boat was. They were both heading to the same location, which was basically any land that they could put their feet on. Both were tired and hurt and drifting aimless through the sea in that condition was... Well, was not wise.

When there was still enough light to see anything past 6 feet ahead of her nose, she could see their boat. It was tiny, way ahead of hers, but it was there. Their motor probably broke as well. Fucking shitty boats.

Did I do the right thing? At that moment she didn't know if she was wondering about letting Abby leave or about going after her in this suicide mission in the first place.

She returned her head into her hands. This time the pain on the side of her body stopped but it was substituted by the pain on her left hand.

Fuck.

Ellie sighed again.

Fuck

"Ellie?"

"Hmm" Ellie lifted her head from her hands. She wasn't in her boat anymore, she noticed. She was inside this warm wooden house, lighten by some bright yellow lights on the ceiling. She wasn't wearing her white tank top as well, she was with dark flannel shirt and clean jeans.

"Ellie?" Maria called her name again, she was standing in the corner of the room, starring at her. She moved close to her and placed a glass of water in front of her. She had a worried look glued on her face "You with me?"

"Yea, uh, fuck, sorry" She hates this. She really did. This has been happening to her for awhile now, it felt like she was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Her mind playing sick tricks on her. When she least expected, she would get lost in her thoughts, in her memories, and forget about the present. She felt like a ghost most of the time.

Dina was sitting in the chair next to her. Paying close attention to every word Ellie said. She didn't need to look to her right to see the worried look plastered over the younger girl's face, it was palpable.

"Ellie, oh my god" Maria said, taking her in a tight embrace. Ellie wasn't used to human contact anymore. It felt... wrong.

After the farm, she walked aimless for a few hours, she didn't know where she was heading towards but her body seemed to know where to go, so she just turned off her mind and let her body do their thing, after a few hours of endless walking, she saw Jackson's giant walls. Yea, obviously her feet took her there. Suddenly she felt a pit in her stomach and got worried, worried that when she finally arrived at the gates she would be sent on her way back. That she would not be welcome there anymore, not after everything she did. Not after everyone she hurt. "Come on in, you must be freezing" Maria said, taking her out of her mind and leading Ellie through the gates. "Let's go to my place, then we can talk"

Tommy? She wanted to ask, but her voice didn't come so she didn't. She wasn't sure she could face him right now anyway.

Maria's house looked the same as Ellie remembered. She entered and felt the familiar warmth wash over her. Maria lead her to the kitchen and motined her hands towards the kicthen table. Ellie sat down and Maria followed.

"Do you want something to eat? To drink?" The older woman asked but Ellie shook her head. They sat like that for a few minutes that felt like hours. Complete silence. Maria awaited. She didn't push Ellie to talk. She knew she would when she could. Ellie was grateful for that. She opened her mouth but couldn't find her voice. This happened a few times before she finally spoke "Dina?"

"She's alright, all things considered"

"Good, can you-can you call her here?" Ellie asked looking into Maria's eyes

"I don't think that's the best idea right now" Maria warned her "You really hurt her, Ellie"

"I know. Believe me, I know" Ellie said, her hand going harshly through her hair "I just don't think I'll be able to tell this story more than once. At least not right now and she deserves... to know"

"You were telling us that you found her and then-"

"Yea, right, I found her. She was tied up to a pole on a beach, she looked so skinny. So... fragile. They all did. It was really fucking ugly" Ellie said with a little shiver going down her spine "I thought about, about leaving her there but it felt wrong. So I untied her. She took the boy that was tied into a pole next to her and lead the way to the boats. I just followed" She stopped, trying to catch her breath.

"She was about to leave. And I considered letting her do that. But I just couldn't, I just, couldn't let her go away like that. It wouldnt be right. It just wouldn't. I told her to fight me but she refused" Ellie said briefly looking into Maria's eyes then back down "I- fuck, fuck, I put a knife into th-the boys throat" Ellie's voice was breaking, her eyes was filling with water. She looked up to the light on the ceiling, trying to concentrate, trying to obligate her body to obey her, but she was starting to shake. To lose control. "Fuck" she repeated. Her leg moving up and down so fast and her breathing getting out of control.

"Ellie, please calm down" Maria said, her eyes looked sad and filled with worry. She approched Ellie and put her hand on her shoulder to show support and try to calm her down. Ellie shrugged away from her touch "Fuck. I threatened an unconscious boy and she agreed to fight me." Her eyes were red and she let out a humourless chuckle. "I- We fought and" She started but stopped, looking down at her hands, it was shaking. She then held the water glass tightly. Her knuckles were turning White. Well, it looks like she wouldn't be able to finish her story afterall. She wasn't Strong enough. She was spiraling out of control, she could feel it. And she hated it. She didn't want this to happen right now. Fuck.

Dina reached her hands to hers. Her body wanted to move away instinctively but she was too tired to move, so she didn't. She used all her mighty to talk through the bad memories that was threatening to take her away at any moment. She was tired, so she didn't move away. She was glad she didn't.

After a few moments of silence she finally said "I let her go"

"You what?" Maria inquired. She felt Dina's touch stiffen over her skin.

"I let her go"

"Why?"

"It- It didn't feel right" it was barely a whisper.

"Ellie" Maria called but she refused to look up. "Ellie" Maria insisted, she walked over the broken girl, putting her hand over Ellie's shoulder, giving a tiny squeeze "I'm proud of you"

Ellie looked confused. She couldn't phanton the idea of anyone being proud of her, after everything she did. It didn't feel Worth of such a thing. She failed, right? she was a coward that couldn't keep her word "But I need to ask." This took her out of her thoughts "Do I need to worry that someone will come here and endanger the to-"

"No" Ellie swallowed hard "It's over"

"Ok" Maria gave another squeeze on Ellie's shoulder. They stayed like that for awhile.

"I'm-" Dina finally spoke up, breaking the silence that had settled in the room, but she stopped right then. Her voice caught Ellie by surprise. She was so quiet this whole time, she took in every word that came out of Ellie's mouth but didn't say one herself. Ellie was dying to know what was going on inside her head, she wanted to look at her but she kept her eyes down, she didn't dare to look up and face those eyes she loved so much. She was... scared? No, no. She was terrified, she noticed. She was terrified of what she would find if she allowed herself to look at the immensity of Dina's eyes. Would there be anger? Hurt? Regret? All of the above? Her hand was still over Ellie's arm, making a circle motion with her thumb to calm her down. Or maybe it was to calm Dina down, she wasn't sure.

"I really- no, I just-" Dina was struggling to find the right words, which was odd because this was Dina. She always knew what to say. "I'm glad you came back alive, El" She finally said. Dina had been terrified for Ellie for these past few months. To not know what was going on, was killing her. She thought she would never see Ellie again, the moment she put her feet outside the farm, it felt like she was walking into her death. That was something that haunted her everyday ever since. "I thought you wouldn't" it was barely a whisper.

They stayed like that for awhile. The warmth of Dina's hands on her skin was calming and reassuring. It managed to calm the erratic beating of the taller girl's heart that had been beating out of beat since she put her feet back in Jackson. No, it was before that. It has been beating wrong since she put her feet out of the farm. Their home.

She noticed later that Maria was not there anymore, when did she leave? Dina finally stood up. Breaking the touch between both of them and cleaning her eyes with her fingers "Uh, I've got to go. I need to pick up JJ from Jesse's parents. I-I will see you around, El" JJ's name caught her attention, it made her look up at Dina but she was already moving to the door. She opened her mouth to speak, to call her back but decided against it. She wanted to ask how he was doing. If he was ok. How big he was. How much did she lose? But she didn't feel like she was allowed to do that so she just kept quiet and her eyes came back to her hands.

Ellie was just so tired.

Hey guys, I hope y'all liked the story. I really loved the game, it emotionally destroyed me lmao So I decided to write this. It's been a few years since I last wrote something like this at all. So take it easy on me. Also, english is not my first language, so there will probably have some random ass gramatical errors. Please leave a review if you want more or not.