A/N: For my 300th-ish story, another randomly generated item crossover with my friend - this time, two spy parodies that were set during the same era circa the 1960's; a prequel to both the 1997 film "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery" and the original television series "Get Smart".

Randomly generated objects for the story: snowglobe, magazine, necktie, sand timer, bottle of sunscreen, notebook, apple, a lighter, bottle of ink, tennis racquet, sunglasses, camera, flashlight, bottle of perfume, rubber gloves, spool of thread, book of matches, clothes pin, chain, magnifying glass, balloon.

Forget Me Knott

It was a bright, sunny day in the summer of 1964. The progression of dark-clothed somber people filed past the open grave, throwing a small amount of dirt onto the casket as they paused for a moment. An elderly admiral in full-dress uniform shuffled with his cane to the site and attempted to bend over to pick up a bit of dirt and started a slow fall onto the casket only to be pulled back by a man with a head of brown hair that was just starting to turn gray at the edges. Middle-aged, he looked young beside the admiral.

"Careful Admiral" the man said as he stooped over and picked up some dirt before sharing it with the older gentleman.

"Thank you Thaddeus" the admiral said as he tossed the dirt in. "That was a fine rendition of Ave Maria you sang; quite a fitting sendoff" he said before shuffling on. The younger man added his small amount of dirt too, as well as the last man in line behind him. The admiral shuffled away and left the two alongside the grave as the excavated dirt began to be shoveled in by cemetery workers.

"Harold Squire was a good chief, Hodgkins" Thaddeus said to his new assistant. "Be sure to remember him."

"I know. He's going to be hard to replace, Chief" the man replied to his superior. "I think you'll be the perfect man for the job; do you think you'll miss being at your old desk?"

"I don't think so - being the Washington Chief of CONTROL is a busy job."

"Are they going to activate a new agent now? I know 12 retired two weeks ago."

"Right, but we won't reassign her number for another four or five months; we're going to let the other side think she's still active. I think the next number for a new agent is 86."

"Who's the person that's going to be assigned to it?"

"I don't know much about him, but I coached his baseball team in espionage training school - a guy named Maxwell Smart. I'm going to bring him in tomorrow."

...

"Have Smart come in please, Hodgkins" the Chief dictated into his com system. He looked up just in time to see the wall shake slightly after a muffled 'thump'; the picture on the way jiggled a little. He pushed down the TALK button again "Tell Smart to wait until the door opens first." The door slid open to reveal a younger man several inches shorter than the Chief, feeling his nose and checking for blood with his handkerchief. He dropped the accessory, and in the delay picking it up off the floor the door closed again. There was another 'thump' and the Chief rubbed his eyes. There was an old saying - Start Weak, End Strong. But there was another even older saying - You Can't Fix Stupid. He prayed the first just wasn't wishful thinking as the door opened again and the new agent stepped through, eyeing the door suspiciously. Labeled "CONTROL HEADQUARTERS - Intelligence" on the outside, the door slid shut again.

"Welcome to the ranks of CONTROL agents, Maxwell."

The new agent reached over and searched for his timecard, found it, and punched into work. "Just Max, Coach. Only my mother calls me Maxwell. And then only if I've been naughty" he said as he returned his card to the rack.

"And you can call me Chief now - I don't coach the baseball team anymore. When were you naughty?"

"I...ah...missed sending her a Mother's Day card last year."

"I see. So, 86, let me brief you on your first assignment."

"Who?"

"You. Agent 86!"

Max took a paper out of his pocket and looked at it before rotating it 180 degrees. "Oh..heh heh...I thought I was going to be agent 98. That's the second time I've fallen for that this week. Guess I'm going to have change that order for monogrammed towels now."

"Just remember your number, okay Max?"

"Got it, Chief." Max stared at the paper for a moment, closed his eyes, then stuffed the paper in his mouth before swallowing it.

The Chief started to point to large signs labeling three openings as 'Incinerate', 'Shred' and 'Save' but quickly withdrew his hand; already he was starting to think about what other items in his office weren't fool-proofed. "Just have a seat 86, and I'll begin the briefing." To his surprise, Max actually sat in the chair he was supposed to without mishap; perhaps there was hope after all, he thought.

"Here is the dossier on the case that Agent 37 was working on when he was killed."

"Why didn't I get his number? I kind of like 37 better."

"The last five agents that have been assigned that number have all died within six months of starting work."

"Uh, on the other hand 86 has a nice ring to it."

The Chief handed over a folder and Max started leafing through it as his boss continued. "We got wind of a new evil organization that hasn't been seen before. Just before he died, Agent 37 managed to find out that the new outfit, SINISTER, is actually just a holding company of evil that has two individual organizations as partners - KAOS and Acme O' Evil."

"Acme O' Evil? I've never heard of them."

"Maybe not, but you've heard of the head man - Dr. Evil."

"My dentist is the head of an evil organization? Oh wait, that's just my nickname for him...no, sorry, haven't heard of him."

"You will. He's operated independently for years with his own small organization, but it turns out that he's in league with KAOS. His interview from TV Guide magazine is in the folder too."

"He's on television?"

"He hosted a short-lived game show where everyone lost."

"That IS evil. But they taught us about KAOS in spy school, so I've heard of that organization. What does the word KAOS stand for, by the way? They never explained in school. "

"That's because we haven't been able to find out; none of their agents that we've interrogated seem to know either. It's possible that it doesn't stand for anything."

"I just can't stand it when an acronym doesn't stand for anything - it's so...unprofessional."

"I think we all hate that. Even though they're an international organization of evil, they're relatively small; they're making inroads in the United States and I don't have to tell you that doesn't mean they can't be a menace to the world."

"You don't?"

"I don't what?"

"You don't have to tell me?"

"I just did!"

"Oh. Yes. Of course, everyone knows that. Sometimes the most innocent things can create the biggest headaches." Max finished leafing through the folder and closed it, then tossed it on the Chief's desk. It slid on the surface and knocked over a snow globe that rolled off the desk and broke on the floor. "Sorry about that, Chief" he offered in way of apology.

The Chief sighed as he rubbed his eyes. "That was from the last vacation I took. TEN years ago. Skiing in Rosebud, Vermont. Ah, Rosebud."

Max tried to change the subject quickly. "So, they're starting to work in America, eh? Part of the British Invasion? And I was just getting used to the Beatles too..."

"No but speaking of British Invasion - you're going to be teaming up with one of their top agents. He's had some dealings with this Dr. Evil, and he's helped in the past with the CONTROL European branch - we're flying him over to Washington to brief us with one of our own people." The Chief stood up and walked toward the door. "Before that happens, I'd like to run you through the lab and introduce you to the staff. Because of the nature of their work, everything you see down there will be considered top secret."

"Of course. You can have complete confidence in me."

"But this is your first case."

"Oh. Would you believe mostly confident?"

The chief looked at the smashed snowglobe on the floor and then back at Max.

"How about extremely hopeful?"

As they left the Chief's office, he noticed some hair on his desk that he hadn't noticed before. Rubbing his head, he saw that a few strands came out as they walked down the hall.

Down in the CONTROL development laboratory, the Chief introduced Max to the head scientist. "Max, this is Professor Carleton. He is the new Head of the lab, after working closely with Professor Bush for some time. Our policy is to rotate scientists occasionally into the top position."

"Naturally. I'm sure the intense pressure and long hours are a heavy strain on the nerves" Max said as he shook hands with the professor.

"Actually," Carleton explained "I have more vacation time than I know what to do with and sometimes I go a whole day just solving crossword puzzles to keep busy."

"That sounds pretty good. Do you have any openings right now?" the new agent asked.

"Max, you have to a solid science background and years of study to work here. Experience is vital" the Chief emphasized.

"Except for a little experiment I'm trying" Carleton countered. "You see those two men over there at the counter? They're just a couple of random guys that I picked up from the unemployment office. I have a theory that what they lack in a science background will be made up for with intuition and inspiration. Walt and Craig are my first two tries to see what they come up with - I call it Operation Streetwise. Walt, have you come up with anything yet?"

The taller of the two looked up from their work. "Our first idea is a necktie with a built-in thermometer."

"How's that going to help an agent?" the Chief asked.

"Fantastic! Don't you see Chief, if he goes to a restaurant to make a contact he can put his tie in the soup to make sure he won't burn his tongue when eating it!" Max said, making what to him was the obvious connection. Walt and Craig beamed with pride.

"Maybe their next one will be better" Carleton muttered. "Then again, it's early. In the meantime, Agent 86, I want you to take this new device" he said as he handed Max a long strap of leather. "It's a belt phone. Inside the buckle there is a dial and a speaker, and you speak into the other end."

"Clever. I thought the fashion for belts was wider this year."

"Just take it Max" the Chief said. "Whenever you return from an assignment, give Carleton a rundown on any problems you had with how any new equipment works. That way we can constantly improve our devices."

"One question."

"Yes?"

"Do I have to fill out one of those warranty cards?"

"No!"

"Good. I HATE those things. Those little spaces are always too small to write in."

"That's all Carleton" the Chief interrupted. "We'll let you get back to work. Come on, Max. We have to get you ready to meet that British agent that will be flying in."

"What's his name?"

"An agent by the name of Austin Powers."

...

"Attention, passengers" the airplane's speaker announced from overhead. "Please extinguish all smoking materials, return your seats to their upright position and fasten your seat belts as we make our final approach into Washington DC. We thank you for choosing our airline for all your transatlantic needs, and we hope to be seeing you again soon."

"Better get buckled in Austin - sometimes the approach into Washington is a little bumpy" the tall woman informed her seatmate.

"That's why I'm always working on my approach, baby" the man replied in an English accent. His dark-rimmed glasses moved slightly as he leered in his best come-on smile. "I like it when it's bumpy" he intimated, intentionally bouncing a little in his seat. The woman reached over his lap and he let out a small "Yeah!" until she clicked his seat belt and pulled it extra tight. "That's good" he barely managed to squeeze out of his mouth as his hands tried to find the right adjustment to allow circulation back into his lower body.

"I'm wise to your tricks Austin; try not to embarrass yourself with any agents over here."

"I think you should really behave yourself, shouldn't you?"

"You really should shorten that."

"I'll work on it. Susan Hilton, you may be relatively new to the European CONTROL ranks, but I am an EXPERT at embarrassing myself." He stopped and reconsidered what he had just said, trying to rephrase the statement in his head.

"Maybe so, but I don't want to look bad in front of these people; I hope to transfer and get back to where I grew up."

"On a farm?"

"No! I mean in the United States. Modeling in Europe was great, and I picked up some languages, but I miss my country." The plane was near the water now as it neared the runway. Instinctively, Susan gripped the armrests of her seat; Austin put his left hand on top of her right. "Move it or lose it" she said in a low voice."

"Sorry baby, I get nervous flying solo. Grrrrrr" Austin growled, but he withdrew his hand before he was clawed.

Down at the baggage claim, Susan tugged her passing suitcase of the bag belt and waited for Austin. He smiled and waited until a tiny bag came by, which he picked up with great effort. He grabbed a wheeled rack from nearby and wrestled his bag, about the size of a loaf of bread, onto the conveyance. "One bag? What's in it?" Susan asked.

"Oh, just the essentials - hair care, body sprays and washes, pheromone aftershave...you know, the basics. If I need a change of clothes, I just pop into the latest mod shop and get some new threads, baby."

Susan looked up and down Austin's bright striped suit and ascot. Even a previous career in modeling wouldn't have prepared her for this aesthetic barrage - but the man was a good agent, so she said nothing. "Can you tell me anything about this Dr. Evil?"

"He is the thorn in my side...or am I the thorn in his side? I'm not very good with plants. We've had a few run-ins before, and although we always manage to stop him, he manages to get away every single time. He's bald, has a fresh scar from our last encounter, and I think he tends to compensate, if you know what I mean."

"I don't. What does that mean?"

"Haven't the foggiest, just something I heard once from a stewardess friend of mine who was studying psychology."

"Who is this stewardess shrink?"

"A terrific bird by the name of Knott; I met Hope while I was in spy school."

"She had the name of Hope Knott?"

"Hope so, actually" Austin snickered. "It was night school, of course" he said, shaking his hips a little. "We put the 'shag' in shag carpeting."

"There's our car" Susan said, changing the subject and pointing out a brand-new GTO.

"Groovy!" Austin said as he jogged up to the car and attempted to slide through the side window, only to find after bouncing off that it was rolled up. "Does it come in a convertible?"