A/N- This goddamn fic has been a pain in the ass . Here am I, writing about philosophy and the intricacies of "The problem of perception", when this son of a bitch suddenly comes in, puts a gun to my head and said "Write me, bitch." I like living, so I wrote. I hope you enjoy this little experiment of mine!
I do not own any of the of the franchises or characters used, bar my own character.
Happy reading!
Time is a funny thing. Really, it is! Like, how can you describe time? What is the structure of time? What elements does is made out of? Seconds, hours, days, weeks, years, the past, the present, and the future? Or maybe events, good and bad moments that pass slowly or quickly? I remember reading once in a psychology magazine, it can be said that "what time is like" depends on how we think about it. And the way we think about time is related to our personality, life experience, and upbringing. That made me think on how I could "define" time. And I found an answer!
Time, is the means to a gamble, or an arbiter of sorts.
Before you laugh or simply forget about this tale of mine, hear me out, I can explain!
Let's imagine... A boring guy. You know, that one average Joe? The guy that is just plain and has nothing exiting going on in his life, no real dreams or motivation... That one, yes.
When will he die?
I don't have that answer, and neither should you for that matter. But one guy knows...
Time.
Let's take a step back, and think about this. If time is a dude, concept or whatever. Then there must be others, like Life and Death. I imagine things get boring when you live for eternity and do the same things over and over. But you know one thing that always keeps things entertaining? Gambling.
I can even imagine Death saying: "Yo, life, I bet you average Joe dies in an year.", and life answering: "You're on! He will live a long life! Loser does the other's paperwork for a week!", just like the optimist she is. The Joe usually commits suicide because he comes to the conclusion, somehow, that life has no meaning. But hey, at least she is hopeful! Now, who makes sure big L and D don't try to cheat? Grandpa time! That and his brother Space, but that guy is an asshole, always late to the party. And I imagine he made time as we understand it just to give himself a break because Life and Death kept pestering him to know who won.
How in the bloody hell did I come onto this conclusion? Because I'm a gambler! I know how addicting and fun it is! So how can two concepts not know of its infinite entertaining value?
But anyway, let's talk about me now, to give a little background about my life story and how that "influenced" my way of thinking about time, as the magazine so strongly suggests.
Little me was born in a small country you might know as Brazil.
Known for its political scandals, firing 2 presidents, niche native american communities, meat, women and soccer.
When I was a whiny brat, one of the things my parents did to shut me up was to teach me how to play patience, and I did! For two whole goddamn years! I was so stupid back then, I swear.
So then I asked them for something new when I got sick of it.
They taught me Blackjack. And after that Truco, then Poker.
Looking back, I don't know why they are so upset I make a living with gambling, they practically groomed me into it! And I'm really good at my job, thank you very much.
Now imagine an overactive spawn of the devil spending most of his time on card games and gambling away lunch money with other spawns of the devil at school, you pick up a few tricks here and there.
I mostly picked up the math. Hooo boy, if you want to be a successful gambler, math is your best friend. Specially probability. There is a Blackjack chart out there for those of you who are interested, and that is based off math calculations and chance. Same thing with poker hands and your probability of winning compared to your opponents, but that doesn't matter as much with poker because 70% of my wins in poker are because of bluffs, and the other 30% of the time I either get fucked or really lucky.
For example, I got into the finals of a poker tournament! I lost after I got a shit hand and tried to bluff the guy out, and got called out so hard I disappeared from the professional poker scene for a whole year!
I still did blackjack in the mean time, so I made up for that loss in 3 or 4 tournaments that year.
Good times, really.
So, I can guess my little life story must have helped to understand how I came onto that conclusion.
Well, you would be wrong~!
I came to that conclusion when I saw it before my own eyes, wanna know why, how, when, who and what? Then buckle up kid, and say goodbye to Texas while you can.
I might've forgot to mention I died before I found out the concepts were real. Sorry, sorry. Little details and all that.
I died in my sleep, and an asshole in my head is saying that I, for unknown reasons, was assassinated. I like to think one of the 3 or 4 dipshits that hated my ass because they lost all their money to me finally decided that me being dead would somehow make them recover financially. I have a feeling it didn't work out. Oh, I hope it was Oswald! Never liked the bastard. Hope he burns in hell~
Could you please be quiet for 5 minutes so I can explain your situation?
Shut up Dorothy. I'm delighting myself in the misery of others. Call me when I'm done.
Dorothy?
Dorothy, Dorothea or Dolores. Take your pick.
I have a name...
And I really don't care~
...I'll take Dorothy.
Fantastic! So, Dorothy, what were you saying when you sooo rudely interrupted me?
Sigh, congratulations! You were chosen as the 69th gamer!
First of all, nice. Second, that overdone trope with no originality whatsoever where people write their wet and power fantasies?
Yes.
Double nice! Do I get the whole Gamer's Mind and Body goodness?
You do.
Perks acquired.
[Gamer's Mind]
Your mind will calm down when you get too emotional.
"Says 'fuck no' to mind fucks."
[Gamer's Body]
'Tis but a scratch, bitch.
Though limbs go "bye bye" if you lose them.
Skill gained.
[Observe]
The ultimate peeping tom ability. But less for fun times and more for real life usage. And cheating.
Hell yes! Oh, the uses this things will have, the uses! I bet you I could become a fucking millionaire in half a year just with Observe and Gamer's mind alone! Thank you, Dorothy!
You're... welcome? Anyway, choose a race.
[Human] [Random]
Human, of course. Do you think I'll take a unknown, losing bet with no opportunity for bluffing? What do you take me for? A fucking casual!?
No comment, Human it is.
[Human]
Plain, old, good human. Jack of all trades regarding interdenominational species.
10% to all XP gains.
Kind of expected no bonuses, if I'm being honest.
I can make it nothing, if you'd like.
NO, no, I'm good thank you very much,
Are you sure?
Yes, Dorothy, I am sure. Have I told you your voice is beautiful?
Shameless. You know what? I'm making that a flaw.
Flaw acquired.
[Shameless]
"Shame? What's that? Can I eat it?"
The subject is bound to have no boundaries or respect for social norms, even when actually trying.
Oh, fuck you! Wait... shit, um, that means "I love you" in Portuguese!
Flaw acquired.
[Pathological Liar]
The subject will have a hard time telling the truth even on the simplest of matters.
...I'll shut up.
Thank you. Now, please choose a class, Odile!
Odile!? Oh, come on! I made yours feminine! Make it Odilon at the very least!
I could...
...but you really don't care.
But I really don't care~
Just get this over with.
Relax, I'll take pity on you, Odilon.
...Thanks.
No problem. Now choose.
[Fighter] [Rogue] [Ranger] [Mage] [Support]
Oh, oh, magic is real!? Fuck yeah I'm becoming a mage!
Mage it is.
Choose a-
Is there a Chronomancer option?
No, now choose-
That can't be right, there must be a Chronomancer option!
There isn't, choo-
I demand to speak to your manager! Some items are missing from your shop!
Even if I wanted to make that available, which I don't, I wouldn't be able to! Just choose a goddamn spec already!
That's why I asked for the manager~!
You know what, talk to him then. Go kill yourself for all a care. At least when this is over I have a chance of getting someone actually pleasant to talk to.
Just give me, the goddamn, manage-
And it was at that moment, that I met him.
Time.
A wizened face peered out from under a wedge of blue hat, which was the only thing on his otherwise bald and mottled scalp save a sparse fringe of white. His eyes were so heavily lidded and weighed down with wrinkled folds that it was almost like talking to someone asleep, yet he was quite alert.
"Administrator, what is the meaning of this?" I expected the croak of old age but his voice was more like a sergeant major, strong and distinctly upper class. I had a few run ins with oldsters like this, they always had the meanest poker faces.
Lord Time, this rude, rude man wanted to speak with you. Something about Chronomancy being missing from my "store".
"Oh? Tell me, young man, why do you think that is the case?" He asks me with an amused expression.
"Why? You're Time! You know how useful Chronomancy can be!" He raised an eyebrow
"Are you aware of how timelines work?"
"I can guess time travel would have its intricacies, but simply slowing down time and speeding it would be enough until I have a decent mastery over the subject to know how to properly do more complicated shi-, stuff."
He seemed thoughtful for a moment "Hmm, that sounds acceptable. What are you willing to give in return?"
"What do you want?" I instantly ask.
"A few favors, and when the time comes you'll have to work for me cleaning up a few singularities." That seems acceptable, actually.
Lord Time! You cannot possibly be considering-
"Administrator, you have no ground to say what I can and cannot do, know your place. And eternity is a long time dear, a little bit of entertainment is always welcome. Now, do we have a deal?"
Too acceptable. "What kind of favors?"
"Nothing too unreasonable, just a few run ins I would rather not do myself" Seems fair to me!
"I accept, on the condition I can wager on the terms of your favors." Because it is always good to give myself some leeway.
"I can live with that, a deal it is then."
Class acquired:
[Chronomancer]
To divine the strands of past and present. To see the end and the beginning. What a wonderful power, what a terrible curse.
"If that is all, I bid you goodbye. I have to tell Life that Death won the bet, again"
"Wait, they gamble?"
"Oh, yes. Mostly over how much a person will live. It helps with looking forward to something. Now I must go, goodbye and good luck"
...
That was something. Also, suck it Dorothy.
I hate you. I hate you so much.
Eh, you'll get over it, can I have my character sheet now?
Fine!
Odilon Richesse
Level 1
Hp - 70 - 1 hp regen p/second
Mp - 150 - 1 mp regen p/second
Class- Chronomancy - LVL 1/100 [0%]
Race - Human
Rank - Novice
Alignment - Chaotic neutral
STR - 8
END - 7
DEX - 10
INT - 15
WIS - 10
CHA - 19
LUK - 1
Why is my luck 1!?
Because fuck you, that's why.
Rude! I successfully pull off what Karens dream of pulling and this is what I get for it? You cruel, cruel woman.
You are an insufferable bastard, I swear I'll make you suffer for this.
Just don't pull off a GLaDOS on me and we're gucci.
Maybe I will! Exterminating humanity sounds pretty fucking therapeutic right now!
Do I have to call Time again?
...Die in a ditch.
Wouldn't you like that? I'm beginning to think you have a murder fetish, you naughty, naughty woman.
You know what? I'm done with your shit. I'll just leave the rest of the stuff I need from you up, and then ignore your existence until I can't anymore.
Do you want to roll for a random trait at the cost of a random flaw?
I mean, I'm already fucked anyways, so might as well!
Trait added
[Lady Luck's Favorite Boy-Toy]
+2 Luck per level up.
+10 increased relationship with Lady Luck.
Flaw added
[Compulsive Gambler]
You will have a hard time saying no to any bet, whatever the amount.
I hope this doesn't have an instantaneous effect, but yeah, Lady Luck I love you! Thanks for the help!
+1 relationship with Lady Luck
Aw, how sweet~ I'm going to roll again.
[Never Ending Deck]
You will have an unlimited amount of playing cards at your disposition, in your inventory. Cards can be enchanted to give the user special effects. Not exclusive to classical playing cards.
[Masochist]
You will derive pleasure from pain, and more likely then not, get them mixed up.
Did I just get all the Yu-gi-oh cards in one go? Oh this was so worth it! Thanks again Luck! I'm going to call you L2 from now on, if you don't mind.
+1 relationship with Lady Luck
I'll take that as a yes! Now, one more ro- No! I must quit while I'm ahead! But... the rewards.. I must- NO, no and no. You're good, Odilon, you're done. No need to become even more of a jogatina than you already are. No.
Choose your starting world-
Is Kakegurui available? Because Yumeko is my waifu. I will kill for her. No joke.
Can. You. Stop. INTERRUPTING ME!?
L2, help me! Dorothy is being a meanie again!
Fine! Go ahead, stick your dick in crazy. Just please forget I exist and leave me alone.
Knew you'd see my way~
Fuck you.
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
I'm not even gonna bother answering that. I hope you become a slave in your first week.
We'll see if that happens, won't we?
So, in summary: I died, met a lovely asshole called Dorothy, Time became my sponsor, and L2 is a sweetie! Pretty good for a day, I would say! I hope half of my days are as exciting as this one!
Why do I have the feeling this little comment of mine will fuck me over in the future?
A/N- Yeah, this is a new idea. And the main reason why I won't upload What is real? this week. I really don't like how my mind works sometimes. Hope you like this idea as much as I do! Reviews are always appreciated.
Blessed Mother, Deliver us onto hope. Praise be her and her eternal love.