Dumb luck: Mandy version
I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!
...III...
ANNOUNCEMENT!
I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!
SUMMARY:
On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!
The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.
...responses...
...III...
"Want to see me make a chocolate/vanilla swirl?" Asked Billy the moron. He sucks up the two aforementioned shakes and then proceeded to blow them out his nose right at Mandy the Sociopath.
Enraged, Mandy promptly punched Billy so hard his nose snapped in two. She groped around blindly for a napkin to get the foam, shakes and nose fluids off her...while doing so, she accidentally knocked over some salt.
Grim the Reaper was about to tell her to throw a pinch of salt over her shoulder...then thought better of it. If it had been Billy, he'd have had fun with him. But Mandy could actually make his life miserable and was clearly in no mood for jokes, so Grim stayed silent...
...plus...if there was any truth to the superstitions he'd heard by the water cooler in the underworld...well...there was no way he was going to help Mandy out of some much needed comeuppance...
...
After Billy insults the waitress and gets kicked in the balls, Mandy reaches for some pepper to put on her fries. But the pepper shaker was faulty and it's top fell off. covering her fires in pepper and giving her a face full of pepper dust.
A little known fact: Contrary to popular belief. Mandy actually DOSE have a nose...it's just too small for anyone to see. On the plus side this meant she couldn't really smell anything bad, or usually not be affected by pepper.
However, when a concentrated dose of it is almost literally thrown in her face...even her small nose was affected, and when a nose that small is FINALLY forced to sneeze...
AH-CHOO!
BOOM!
it wasn't pretty...
...
Thankfully, Mandy was able to sell Billy's organs to pay the damages done to the 'Greased Pig' diner. In any case, she and Grim walked home...
And Grim again said nothing as Mandy stepped on every crack, crossed paths with every black cat, broke every mirror just by showing her ugly face them, walked under every ladder-
CRASH!
SPLASH!
It took all of Grim's willpower to not break down laughing as the ladder AND paint crashed down on Mandy...
If she asked his advice, he'd give it...until then...she was on her own...
Meanwhile, Mandy's mom had to be rushed to the hospital as her back kept breaking dozens of times over...
...
The next day Mandy relaxed in a hammock, reading a good book: '13 new ways to legally kill people'.
She opened a can of soda-
SPLOSH!
Only for it to spray all over her, she stumbles blindly causing the hammock to comically flip her around and throw her to the far side of the yard-
CRASH!
Mandy groans as she tries to lift herself from the hole her body had just made in the ground...only to pause as she saw she'd crashed into a warren of prairie dogs. The last thing she thought before the swarm enveloped her was...'Prairie dogs 1, Great white Sharks 0'.
...
After recuperating, Mandy tries to get food from the fridge-
CRASH!
-Which immediately fell on top of her...
...
Her milk soured so she gave it to Saliva...who immediately suffocated on it...
...
She tried to open her drawers-
ROAR!
Only to be attacked by Prairie dogs!
"Oh, come on! That doesn't even make sense!"
She shouts right before being enveloped...
...
Mandy waits at the bus stop-
SPLASH!
...
Mandy receives her test results-
FWOOM!
Everyone stared in stunned silence as Mandy's report card exploded and she went up in flames...
...
"-And she forgot to carry the two." Exclaimed Jody with a giggle just as Mandy walked past-
"Oh, Mandy. There's fuzz on your shirt." Said Jody as she grabbed said fuzz. Mandy ignored her and kept walking.
"Okay, this is officially beyond weird. When I get home I'm going to demand Grim do something about this!" And then Mandy heard the laughter...and felt the breeze...she looked down and saw the lost of her clothing unravel into oblivion...
Mortified, she covered herself with her hair accessory...for all the good it did her as the whole school pointed and laughed at her nudity...
Getting home just got WAY more difficult...
...III…...
TO BE CONTINUED?
AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!
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