John Phoenix sat in the front row of the John Phoenix Games Show, his expression forlorn. He waited for the audience to ask a question, so that he could analyze the responses and see which one acted more like the real Dakoolguy.

A deep silence rung out amongst the crowd. Then someone from the back of the crowd raised their hand. John Phoenix Games' face lit up.

"Ah! A question! come up to the front please!"

The man walked down the aisle and towards the stage. John Phoenix thought he had a very familiar face and clothing. John Phoenix looked closer, and realized why that was. The man looked and dressed exactly like his uncle Phoenix Wright. John Phoenix might have thought that he was his uncle, if it weren't for one small detail. This man, unlike Uncle Phoenix Wright, was sporting a beard on his face. John Phoenix had a very bad feeling about the immediate future.

"Alright sir," said John Phoenix Games. "If you could please tell us your name and question."

"Alright," said the man "My name is Dakoolguy, and I would like to ask if I am the real Dakoolguy."

A loud buzzer sound played .

"Oh, sorry Dakoolguy," said John Phoenix Games. "But the rules say that real and fake Dakoolguys can't ask questions. Better luck next time!"

Dakoolguy went back to his seat. The next question asker walked forward down the aisle. He was well dressed, with a blue suit and red tie. He had a beard. He looked exactly like Phoenix Wright except he had a beard. When he walked up to the microphone, he began to ask his question.

"Hello, my name is Dakoolguy, and I would like to ask, am I a fake Dakoolguy?"

John Phoenix Games' voice faltered for a second this time.

"I-I just said no real or fake Dakoolguys. Go away."

The third person walked up. He looked exactly like Phoenix Wright. Well, almost exactly like Phoenix Wright. You see, there was one simple difference between this man and Phoenix Wright. This was a very simple difference that hardly made this man any different from Phoenix Wright, however if you were asked to tell between this person and Phoenix Wright you would instantly be able to do so, as this difference is a very easily noticeable difference. He had a beard.

"Hello, my name is Dakoolguy. Both of those other Dakoolguys were lying, I'm the real Dakoolguy."

This broke John Phoenix Games. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH," he said. "STOP IT STOP IT STOP IIIIIIIIIIT!"

This plea was not heard, as many Dakoolguys from the audience started screaming their questions as well

"No, he's lying, I'M the only Dakoolguy"

"No you arent, you FAKER, because I'm Dakoolguy!"

"HE'S DAKOOLGUY, YOUR DAKOOLGUY, I'M DAKOOLGUY! Is there any other dakoolguys I should know about?"

John Phoenix was appalled at the terrible conduct of this audience. All of them were breaking the rules and being very rude. John Phoenix closed his eyes and folded his arms as he tried to think of what to do next. John Phoenix looked over at the stage. John Phoenix Games was on his knees sobbing, while a long line of Dakoolguys was waiting their turn to speak. John Phoenix realized that the game show was effectively over at this point, and he wasn't even one step closer to finding the real Dakoolguy. John Phoenix wondered how to resolve the situation...

SEVERAL WEEKS LATER

John Phoenix was at the dentist's office. His teeth had been hurting when he was eating his 2AM snack and he was concerned. Dr Hotti was currently examining his teeth to see what the problem was. John Phoenix was growing impatient, because he had already missed his 2:30 AM snack, and if Hotti did not hurry, he was sure to miss his 3:00 AM snack as well. John Phoenix grumbled at the thought.

"I found the problem," said doctor Hotti. "You appear to have a total of 27 cavities. Have you been eating too much sugar recently?"

John Phoenix was silent for a moment. This revelation had hit him like a brick. "If you'll excuse me, Doctor, I have something I need to do."

"An errand to run, at this hour?" said doctor Hotti. "Alright, have fun."

John Phoenix left the dentist and went to his uncle Phoenix's house. John Phoenix broke the front door down and walked into Phoenix's bedroom. Phoenix was sleeping like a baby (fitting). John Phoenix walked up to Phoenix and started punching and kicking him in the face. Phoenix woke up to the feeling of pain and blood, as he deserved. Phoenix barely noticed John Phoenix before another punch connected with his face and broke his nose.

"J-John Phoenix!" said Phoenix "What are you doing?"

"Shut up uncle Phoenix," said John Phoenix. "As my legal guardian, you have been extremely neglectful of me. When I asked for sugar cubes, you never said 'no'. You always brought more sugar cubes to me, spoiling me and adding more danger to my teeth. And now because of you, my life is ruined! I can no longer smile for pictures or eat most foods! I'm going to make sure you pay, Uncle Phoenix."

John Phoenix punched Phoenix in the mouth. He knocked several of Phoenix's teeth out. This was a very metaphorical revenge.

"I hope you've learned your lesson," said John Phoenix. He went to Phoenix's desk and grabbed his wallet. "I'll be borrowing this so I can pay for the medical fees and gas money. Oh yeah, and you can also expect to be cancelled via a twitlonger post within the next two business days. Good night."

Phoenix watched his nephew leave. Phoenix was crying.

John Phoenix went back to his house. John Phoenix was too exhausted to sleep. He was exhausted because of the wild night he had been through. He couldn't believe the horrible things his own uncle had done to him. John Phoenix decided to hop in to cyberspace to forget his worries.

John Phoenix went into cyberspace, and decided it was time for some good old-fashioned troll slaiying. John Phoenix went into the reviews section for John Phoenix vs Kumar Timalsina. Ever since both dakoolguys were kept in cyber police custody for possibly being fake, this review section was entirely unmoderated. John Phoenix braced himself for what he would find there. What he found there was...

...

...

It was terrible. There was everything wrong with the world in that review section. Spam and graffiti was littered everywhere. JordenPhoenix was there with her classic plagiarism. Camperor and Benjamin Woodman were describing their pedophilliac fantasies in grotesque detail. It was awful.

John Phoenix thought that surely someone good must be there. His friend John Phoenix Games usually reviewed this story, so John Phoenix decided to look for him. He was suddenly interrupted by a creepy looking woman from behind.

"Heyyyy there Mr. John Phoenix. My name is Lisa Ware-Krantz. I'm making a Pedophile club down in Texas. You seem like you'd be interested. Care to join us?"

"Shut up degenerate," said John Phoenix. "I'm looking for a programmer wearing a green hat and gray hoodie. Have you seen anyone like that? His name is John Phoenix Games."

"Oooooooh, John Phoenix Games?" said Lisa Ware-Krantz. "Is he a pedophile? I'd like to meet him."

John Phoenix realized at this point that this was not a conversation worth keeping. He decided to find someone else to speak with. John Phoenix scanned the room to find a person who was mentally sane. He saw Enemy of John Phoenix, which was the next best thing. John Phoenix decided to ask Enemy of John Phoenix about John Phoenix Games.

"Well well well, if it isn't mr. John Phoenix coming to me for help huh," said Enemy of John Phoenix. "Give me one reason I should help my sworn enemy."

John Phoenix smirked. "If you don't tell me where John Phoenix Games is, then I will tell Enemy of John Ph that you are here."

Enemy of John Phoenix anti-smirked. It was like smirking but frowning instead of smiling. "Not Enemy of John Ph! Dang, you've got me there. I have no choice but to help my enemy. I am also very dumb and moron and stupid. Your friend went to the pub down the road. That's all I'll say because I am an idiot."

John Phoenix left the review section without another word. He walked down the road to the place called the Imgur Pub. He walked in and found John Phoenix Games, drinking a bottle of grape juice and wearing white face paint with red around the mouth. John Phoenix was disgusted at this alcoholism and wanted to help his friend out of the dark place.

"John Phoenix Games?" asked John Phoenix. "Are you alright?"

"No, I'm not alright. do you realize why? It's because we live in a society. A society where instead of peace and friendship we get arguing. This whole dakoolguy situation could have been solved if it wasn't for all of the fake dakoolguys arguing. But that is what our society values most. Arguing and bad stuff instead of working together. All I wanted was to have a fun way to find the real dakoolguy but I didn't even get ONE legitimate question only fake dakoolguys arguing with each other. I can't take it anymore, I have gone full psycho mode now, because I just cant do it anymore. We still don't know who is the real dakoolguy, Zack is nowhere to be seen, and there hasn't been a new John Phoenix story in a week. You people make me sick. This is what our society has come too. We are all doomed because of our bad society I have gone crazy because of you. WE ARE ALL LIVING THE BAD ENDING AND IT IS BECAUSE OF YOU STUPID REVIEWERS THAT DIDNT ASK ME A SINGLE REAL QEUSTION ONLY FAKE DAKOOLGUY QUESTIONS. IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED YOU FREAKS. TO SEE ME GO MENTALLY INSANE AFTER DOING NOTHING WRONG AND INNOCENTLY TRYING TO HOST A FUN LITTLE EVENT. BECAUSE YOU HAVE GOTTEN EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT. AND I HAVE GONE OFF THE DEEP END BECAUSE OF YOU. HA. HA. HA HA HA HA AHA HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA," Said John Phoenix Games.

"Wow," said John Phoenix. "This really says a lot about our society."

"This is so sad," said Spirit of Justice, the best ace attorney character.

The End