Days Of You And Me

Ellie imagined this scene playing out far more differently in her head. She'd imagined taking her time, killing Abby slowly, making it satisfactory and ensuring she received as much pain as she had caused to Joel.

What Ellie didn't anticipate was that they'd have a slash-off, legs half-way deep within water, their upper halves sliced to pieces and bloodied as they took jabs at one another. And she certainly didn't foresee that she would end up trying to drown the woman who ruined her life.

She was so weak, so tired, the pain of not only physical but mental torment finally catching up to her in this exact moment. Despite feeling so weak, that burning drive, the same one that had become a ravaging flame deep inside of her the moment she watched Joel's skull crack by Abby's club, was still raging like a blazing fire. It was burning her from the inside, and it had been for too long. She had tried to put this desire of avenging Joel out of mind, but there was no avoiding it anymore; not even a life with Dina and J.J. could deter her now.

Ellie simply could not rest until Abby was dead for what she had done.

A piercing scream escaped Ellie's lips as she felt her fingers being bitten while she was trying to apprehend Abby. The older woman would not let go, her jaws clamping shut completely. Bones crunched. An intense pain, like a thousand bees had stung her all at once, filled her fingers, and before Ellie knew it, Abby pulled away, taking two of her fingers with her as a prize. The pain made Ellie reel as a burning heat ate up what was left of her fingers, her screech of agony only becoming louder as she stumbled back.

"You. . . you bitch!" Ellie screamed, a whimper following after as she backed up another step. There was way worse she planned on calling her later, but her mind was so distracted by this new pain, this unbearable pain, that she could hardly get out more choice words.

In the murky water, everything was so slippery, but this didn't deter either woman from attempting to hurt each other badly with what they had to work with. Ellie had taken the liberty of gazing at her newly-acquired, permanent injuries, hand shaking wildly as blood poured from where her fingers used to be. She clutched her wrist with her five-fingered hand, expression shocked that it had even happened.

This of course meant nothing to Abby but a leverage above Ellie. The older woman pulled out her small dagger, slashing another cut into Ellie's abdomen while she was still in shock, a loud scream emitting from Ellie's lungs as the dagger made impact with soft skin. Abby didn't hesitate in the slightest as she sent a pulsating shock-wave through Ellie's jaw with her already bloodied fist.

Before Ellie could process it, she had fallen backwards, and Abby was right there to ensure she would die. Ellie was being held down beneath the water; one arm was pressed against her chest, which lacked any air at all, and Abby's free hand was busy throwing punches into Ellie's side, attempting to weaken her further.

Ellie didn't fight back; she didn't bother. She laid there for a moment, realizing that this was the end. Despite this fact, she couldn't help but smile. She had risked everything for this. The chance to avenge her father, the only person who went to this same exact level of determination and willpower for her sake. . . and it was all for naught.

If Ellie had had any amount of air in her lungs, she likely would have laughed at the fool she had seen herself become. Killing Mel and Owen? That didn't even benefit her; she merely wanted to see Abby suffer the pain she had suffered. Killing the bitch who had made fun of Joel's screams? Ellie could admit that was satisfying. But what of the rest? So many lives were lost in this war of vengeance, and for what?

Instead of contemplating this thought, Ellie reminisced about all the times Joel had called her 'kiddo' or 'baby girl,' and every time he put her needs first, every time he risked his life to keep her safe. Every time she acted up and he'd get Maria to leave her alone, even if she wasn't deserving of that type of lenience. Of course, she could never forget their time when they were journeying alone in Salt Lake City, filled with. . . well, terrifying memories, but incredible and life-changing moments as well.

Every other moment spent in-between was enjoyable, for the most part. Subtle humorous jabs at each other, always having each other's backs, Joel teaching her to play the guitar and giving her one of his own, being the best duo their new world had ever seen; these memories were top-tier in Ellie's heart.

And yet, Ellie's favorite moment was the one that was burned into her memory: Joel smiling on that porch during his last night alive. . . and every time before that where he had smiled.

Ellie's eyes had closed as she pictured his smile, and it made her tempted to, too. It was something she never wanted to forget. She didn't want to tarnish her memory of him any further, as her memory of him recently had been that awful scene she'd been subjected to. Just picturing his smile, however, made her feel like a little girl again; the girl that was safe and could do anything, be anything she wanted to be, as long as he was right by her side. As long as that smile was on her side, she was unstoppable.

Her face twisted up with grief as her brows furrowed, and her lips parted, a few measly air-bubbles escaping them. Dying felt easy. Death felt so close, that she almost yearned for it after all that she'd been through since Joel's death, and yet, something else popped into Ellie's mind at that moment.

"If I ever were to lose you, I'd surely lose myself. Everything I have found here, I've not found by myself. Try and sometimes you'll succeed, to make this man of me. . . All my stolen missing parts, I've no need for anymore. 'Cause I believe, and I believe 'cause I can see our future days, days of you and me."

She could almost hear his voice singing that song to her. Oh, how it hurt, that first line; if I ever were to lose you, I'd surely lose myself. Ellie wondered for a moment when exactly she'd lost herself. Was it when she first swore to kill Abby? When she killed her first of many victims? The first time she had a flashback?

Regardless of that, when she was here, fighting Abby, she almost found it futile to fight back, to get the revenge she sought. Now that she was here, it felt pointless. So many lives were lost in this war of vengeance because of the fact that she couldn't see those future days together with Joel.

However. . .

Ellie had been robbed of the most vital, caring person that she had in her life. The man who had saved her, risked the world and everyone just for the sake of her own life. That had sent her spiraling and she'd quickly become lost.

It was a fight to avenge Joel, yes. However, Ellie now realized in this moment that she'd lost herself somewhere along the way in her desire for revenge. In the sleepless nights, in the times where she'd play music and feel no emotion, when she dwelled on the past and felt empty. . . she'd lost herself at some point. Her old spunk, her happiness, her reason for living - all of those things were locked away.

No. She had evolved and changed into someone new.

Ellie realized quickly that it had also become a fight to find herself and who she actually was, but she knew who that was all along without realizing. She was still Ellie, still Joel's baby girl beneath the desire for revenge. She was still capable of being who she was in the past, but with a newly acquired difference: the difference that she wanted revenge. If she got her revenge, then she could live her days out in peace. Ellie had neglected herself ever since Joel's death, and realizing that she was still her all along, just simply evolved, gave her some sort of comfort in that moment before death.

No, not death. Ellie couldn't die now, not yet.

Ellie's eyes opened, and she realized that Abby had stopped fighting her, likely assuming she was dead. With a strength that had flooded back into her veins due to her sudden determination, she pressed back to the floor beneath her, and Ellie's legs slid from beneath the hold that Abby had weakly kept around her, rising to her chest before she flung her feet straight into the woman's stomach.

Abby fell back, and Ellie quickly rose up, violently choking as she put a hand around her throat.

"Kicking still?" Abby asked, a mix of water and blood rushing down her face, obscuring Ellie's view of her expression. But if Ellie had to guess, she seemed aggravated.

As soon as she was done regaining her breath, Ellie angled her head back up.

"That's right." Ellie said hoarsely, making an effort to get steady as her arms hung limply at her sides.

Both were gasping between words, exhausted from the fight.

"I spared you for a reason. If you were smart, you wouldn't have come."

Abby was glowering at her, but all Ellie could do was laugh. Abby's expression became quickly disconcerted. Ellie's breath was still weak as she placed one hand on her abdomen, where her newest wound had appeared.

"You know something? You and me, we're a lot alike, if you think about it." Ellie said. "Two girls without a father. The only difference is that I didn't kill your fucking father like you did with mine."

Abby's frown hardened.

"I had to do it. You know why. It's the same reason you're here right now." Abby motioned to her with a hand, "But that was your mistake. You should have taken my mercy and let that be the end of it."

Ellie only shook her head. "You know the thing about Joel? He killed your Dad, but that had nothing to do with him. He was just trying to protect me. You should have killed me." Ellie's smile slowly slipped off of her face the more angrier she became as the words she spoke sank in. "Why didn't you kill me?"

"Maybe I should have, but that meant killing both of you." Abby's teeth were grit. "He saved my life. Call it some sort of repayment, if you will, for letting you live."

"He. . . he what?" Ellie asked, eyes widening.

"I was going to be killed by one of those things," Abby shut her eyes briefly, "but he saved me at the last second and led me to safety. And that's when I got the chance to kill him."

Ellie's fists clenched. "You really are a horrible person."

"And what are you?" Abby inquired, shouting now, "You went and killed everyone in my life who meant everything to me! You took everything else that I had left!"

Abby's eyes were staring right into Ellie's. She could see Ellie's pain, the malice, the flame, all reflected clearly in her eyes. It was off-putting. Ellie's snickering brought her back to reality.

"You act like you're the only victim here." Ellie shook her head, her hands shaking, "I left everything behind and lost everything that I knew to kill you."

"Then what's stopping you?" Abby's arms were spread. "Your father would be so proud of you I'm sure, with you taking right after him and killing people relentlessly! Isn't that right, Ellie? Maybe it was wrong to kill Joel instead of you after all."

The wind rippled through both of the girls' hair as they stood there.

Ellie's fists unclenched, and the fire in her eyes seemed to die as her head suddenly hung. Abby's dagger was still in hand, and she tightened her grip on it, still feeling uneasy.

"You want to get away with your friend, don't you?" Ellie asked. "Isn't that all you want at this point? To just forget about this mess you created?"

Abby's gaze did not leave Ellie's face, hatred for the girl who was so much like herself not fading. A long silence sat between them. Abby looked at the boat just by averting her eyes for a second, feeling some urgency, before she looked back to Ellie.

"That's right," Abby answered, "will you let us go?"

For a moment, Ellie contemplated everything once more. She was never a vengeful killer deep-down, but her grief had fueled her to become this way. She didn't want to end up all alone with no one just so that she could ensure vengeance for not only Joel, but for her own sanity. Then, she sighed.

"I don't want to kill anyone anymore." Ellie shook her head. "That's just not who 'Ellie' is."

Abby raised a brow, being able to stand almost completely upright now. She wasn't convinced, clearly suspicious of Ellie's tone.

"It was never who I was, either. If we both go our separate ways. . . it can be finished. We can consider this whole thing over."

"Right." Ellie nodded.

Ellie was standing near the boat, still.

"I'm just getting to my boat." Abby said cautiously, slipping her dagger into her pocket and raising her hands. "I'm going to get into my boat and take Lev and I far away from here."

Ellie nodded again, "Then go."

Abby navigated the water slowly, not wanting to get too close. Ellie headed away from the boat, and the two women approached each other in passing as they prepared to part ways for good. Ellie only gave her a dismissive nod, and Abby stared at her for a moment longer before going past her.

There was relief immediately when they began to move away from each other.

Abby waded over to the boat, hands gripping the side in satisfaction. For the first time in a while, she smiled as she looked down at Lev.

"I'm going to get you out of here, Lev." She frowned, though, as she reached into her pocket. "Just after I-"

Despite the darkness, her pupils shrunk when she found her pocket empty.

The only thing she could think of was the fact that Ellie had so sneakily pick-pocketed her that she hadn't even noticed. Had they truly gotten so close to each other?

Before she could say another word, a burst of searing pain went slashing across her shoulder-blades, and another down the length of her spine just as fast, digging in deep. She let out a piercing, chilling scream.

An arm wrapped around her neck as she was dragged backwards and away from the boat. Abby's hands quickly reached up, gripping at Ellie's arm, but the girl had her in a death-lock, Abby's own dagger in hand.

"I knew you weren't going to leave so easily." Ellie snarled, tightening her hold on Abby's neck.

"What happened to this not being Ellie?" Abby spat, digging her nails into Ellie's arm, trying her hardest to break the grip.

"It's not how Ellie is. It's how Joel's daughter is, and that's exactly who I am."

The blaze, the wild blaze that could eat up forests and leave third-degree burns, had appeared right back in Ellie's eyes. Abby struggled to get her off before she reached up, aiming a punch at Ellie again, but the girl swerved her head out of the way just in time. She kneed Abby right in her back, causing the two of them to topple over as she refused to let go of her.

The two tussled in the water for a minute, and Abby managed to worm her way out of Ellie's grasp. Abby was crying out still from her new cuts as she tried her best to get a hit on Ellie. The infection-immune girl had the chills all over when she heard Abby scream the first time, and now, the thrill of the chase was pumping adrenaline into her veins. Ellie's now three-fingered fist was punching repeatedly as Abby fought to simply get out of the water.

"I wasn't sure why I risked everything to come and kill you for a moment. I left everything behind, even Dina, even J.J., just to kill you. So I wondered why I even did this." Ellie admitted between gasps. "But then I realized it's because you took Joel's future away from him, and away from me. That future was meant for us to spend together and you ruined it!"

One last blow, specifically aimed at the throat, left Abby choking as she grabbed onto Ellie's arm, desperate to stay above water.

"How could I ever let the girl who murdered my father in front of my eyes go? I thought I'd lost myself, but really, I found who I truly was, and it isn't some weak little girl who was crying for her dad to come save her. It was the strong girl who swore that she would get justice for her father, no matter what she lost, just because it was the justice he deserved! That's exactly what being his daughter means to me, do you hear me?"

Ellie used her free arm to send her elbow crashing down onto Abby's head, who hadn't gotten a single other word out since the knock to her throat. Ellie had tossed the dagger away, using her mere strength to press Abby into the shore's floor, pressing harder and harder.

"He fought for me to live, and I'm going to make sure I live on, just for him! Just die already!" Ellie screamed at the top of her lungs, and the thrashing beneath her became more desperate, water splashing all over her. "Go to Hell!"

Her scream became ear-shattering as she kept her hands pressed against Abby's throat. She was shaking violently, knuckles white as she squeezed tighter and tighter against the girl's throat.

The violent thrashing that was beneath her started to slow. Ellie was still screaming, wanting so badly to bring her up again just to make her suffer more, but her adrenaline wasn't going to last forever. She was just as exhausted as Abby, and she needed to make the most of her energy.

For a moment, she closed her eyes, remembering once again that split-second memory of Joel sitting on the porch, smiling. That was all it took to tell her that this was right. Killing Abby would put his soul at ease. Not only his, but Ellie's, too.

A few moments later, the thrashing stopped entirely. Beneath her, Ellie could feel the tensity leave Abby's body, but she wasn't yet convinced that she was dead. Ellie's trembling hands stayed stuck to her throat like glue, knowing that at any moment, she could get back up and easily overtake her like she had before. Playing dead was not something she'd put past this wretched person.

Minutes passed. Ellie's grip had long since loosened, but she was still there, paralyzed. Tears were running down her cheeks as she sobbed. Her head leaned back, and her mouth opened as she let out a piercing sob. Despite what she had said moments before - about not needing a father to cry for help to - she wished Joel was there. Because in reality, even if it was someone she hated, killing was never easy.

She wished he could just hug her. She was sure Joel would have played something on his guitar to calm her down and make her feel safe, but no.

The woman beneath her had taken all of that away from her. And just like that, that thought made Abby's death completely justified all over again in Ellie's mind.

For every time that she'd clattered something a little too loud and could hear the crack of Abby's club to Joel's head and was taken back to that day, for every time she woke up from nightmares, screaming and wishing that Joel was there to comfort her, for every sleepless night and meal she skipped out on . . for Joel.

Finally, her enemy was dead, for all of those reasons.

Eventually, she got off of Abby, once she'd stopped sobbing. She stared at Abby as she bobbed up and down in the water. The lifeless body of a monster who stole her happiness away from her looked pathetic and sad now, but so utterly satisfying to Ellie. For a moment, she sat in the water, watching it, still not believing she was gone.

Ellie knew that killing wasn't right. But after something so precious, so irreplaceable had been torn from her. . . there was no letting this woman live free.

A weight had been lifted off of her shoulders, and she sighed shakily.

She left the boat with the boy within it behind. She didn't care about him, she didn't even know him. It had nothing to do with her. Before she left, though, she stared back at Abby for a few more lingering moments, just to make sure she really was truly gone.

The clouded-over look in the woman's eyes was plenty of evidence to her. A sigh shuddered from Ellie's lips. She turned, heaving herself out to the shore.

Ellie collapsed the second she was out of the water. She laid against the ground, eyes closed as her eyelids hung heavy. Though she was hurt all over, and had likely lost Dina and J.J. in the process of her attempts to do right by her father, she found it was worth it. She had, after all, killed so many to make her way to Abby. Finally, the fight was over.

There was no way she could have let Abby go free. The debt would never truly be paid, but at least Ellie found some solace and relief in the absence of Abby's presence on Earth.

Despite being exhausted, she was still crying, softly now as she dug what was left of her fingers into the ground below. She could picture Joel right now, wherever he was, peaceful and content now that he'd been avenged. She hoped Abby was right. She hoped he was proud of her. However, not even Abby's death could undo the damage done to Ellie's soul. She was beyond emotional healing. It would take a while to get back on the right road, but now, her nightmare of a job was done, and that's all she could think about. The flame that had been burning her alive, making her sick and causing her pain, was finally dispersed.

Ellie rolled onto her back, looking up at the cloud-scattered sky, rain falling gently on her face. Relief. Contentment. Peace. Ellie felt all of these things at once, despite the pain that was aching in her chest.

"Joel. . . Dad. . ." she whispered, salty tears still falling freely from her closed eyes. "Please, rest easy."

A/N: I just finished TLOU2, and to say my heart is shattered is an understatement.

Just could not stop thinking about how awful that ending was, so I wrote this in an attempt to calm my mind because... honestly, that ending was just not right (and I know that's not an unpopular opinion hahaha). I was looking forward to seeing Abby get her dues, but the game disappointed. I had to write my own ending, or else I'd never be happy. Probably the darkest thing I've ever written though!