Cow Tetris (A Children's Book)
Volume 1
This is the story of a man named Bob. Bob was born in the USSR in
1978. Although wanting a better life, he moved to the U.S in 2000.
He moved to Kansas, where he became a farmer.
But like every person, he loved different things.
He was interested in eating, drinking, killing.
But what he loved most, was Tetris.
The greatest Russian video game ever produced.
One day, in 2008, Bob was playing Tetris on his computer.
He was so close to winning, but the Wi-Fi died.
So, now, he couldn't play his favourite game.
So he sat by the window, looking out.
And he saw his cows, wandering around in the field, just going about
their daily business.
But as Bob was watching the cows, a little idea came to him.
What if… he thought to himself.
What if… So Bob ran downstairs, hit his head on the wall at the end,
and went outside.
And when Bob came out into the field where all the cows were,
he couldn't help but, observe the marvellous nature of these
creatures.
How they step, how they eat, how they get fatter day by day and
couldn't give a stuff about it.
But to Bob, just to watch these magnificent creatures at a distance,
was breath-taking.
And with that, Bob decided to gather the cows all into the barn,
to play his favourite game.
Bob gathered all the cows and hay bales into the barn,
and prepared for the game's start.
As the time came for Round 1, Bob started stacking.
Bob got on the top floor of the barn, and dropped the cows onto the
ground.
And because of the geometric nature of these cows,
they acted as if they were Tetris blocks.
So Bob kept stacking and stacking, round after round.
Until he got to Round 4…
Volume 2
When Bob dropped Cow #154,
it got stuck in the stack of cows. Now Bob couldn't have that,
he needed a clean pile. So Bob got down,
saw the trapped cow in distress,
and started pushing it out.
Bob put both his hands on the cow's bottom,
pushing with all of his strength.
But the cow won't budge.
So Bob had to get a bit more… experimental.
Bob kept pushing with all his might for a prolonged period of time,
but, in vain, couldn't get the cow to move.
"Damn it!", cursed Bob, and slapped the cow's ass in anger.
The cow liked it. "I'll try one more time", said Bob.
And with that, Bob kept pushing, and pushing, but,
accidently, Bob's right hand slipped and went into the cow's asshole.
The cow mooed with surprise,
but then the cow started to feel pleasurable about it.
And remember… Bob was still pushing during all of this.
So Bob kept pushing,
making his right hand to go up and down inside of the cow's asshole.
The cow started to moo orgasmically,
as Bob's hand kept going up and down inside of him.
But has Bob tried to stop, the cow wouldn't let him.
"Keep going, Bob", said the cow, in a creepy perverted voice.
So Bob had to go faster. And the faster Bob went,
the more pleasure the cow felt.
"Mmmmm, yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaah",
said the cow, feeling way too much orgasmic.
"Please let me stop", pleaded Bob, with the talking,
rectangular cow.
"You gonna keep pushing the insides of me for all eternity Bob,
until I explode", said the cow, reaching peak insanity levels.
So Bob kept pushing, as hard, and as fast as he can.
The then cow started moaning again.
"oooooooohoohhohhhh, yes! Keep doing it! OH! Wait! I think I'm go- I
think I'm gonna expLOOOOOOOD-!"
Volume 3
Steve The Cow exploded everywhere.
With milk, body parts and other fluids,
going all over the barn.
It went on the walls,
on you and all the other cows.
Although,
no one knew that
Steve The Cow was actually a God,
and his milk was actually magic milk.
Although his milky magic had different effects
on different lifeforms.
When the milk landed on you,
it turned you're *ahem* noodle, into a banana.
You were outraged!
But feeling healthier due to a rise in potassium.
But that was the least of you're problems.
The magical milky magic that landed on the cows
turned them into sentient,
very sexual active cows,
that liked Russian men that moved to the U.S
and was a farmer as well.
So they picked you.
Although a bit upset that you're *ahem* noodle,
was now a banana,
it was still suckable at least.
After Steve the Cow exploded,
his soul rose from his corpse and said,
"I am now at one with myself.
Although our bodily union Bob,
was not meant to be.
But hopefully my offspring can fill in the gap…".
And with that,
Steve rose to Heaven,
to take his seat next to his father.
Now, to the other cows.
The other cows couldn't decide on what to do with you,
so they decided to hold a national vote,
against
Bernard the Dairy Cow, and Otis, the carefree cow, from
The movie Barnyard,
which are all of the cow's favourite movie.
In the end, they chose Otis to lead them,
and you thought this would be good for you.
It was not.
Otis shouted into the room, "COWS!",
and all the cows waited his command.
"RAPE!",
he shouted at the top of his lungs,
pointing at you.
The other cows, um, prepared,
themselves and charged right at you.
Bob tries to run,
but one of the cows grabs your leg with their hoof.
That cow tries to make you fall over,
which the cow succeeds in doing,
and starts to take your clothes off.
Although luckily for you,
your clothes are really hard to get off for the cows,
which at this point,
you have about 50 cows surrounding you.
So they rip your clothes off very violently,
breaking several of your bones in the process,
"arghhh!", Bob screams.
Steve's offspring have managed to get all your clothes
off, except for your underwear.
They notice the bulge that you have there.
Otis then comes to the front of the cow pack to admire
the bulge you have created for them.
"We will give you a choice human.
You will either willingly take off your underwear and
show us the marvel of your banana,
or, we will destroy it".
Your sweating injuriously,
trying to get help. "I know!",
says one of the cows. "We'll play Tetris for it!"…
More juicy Cow Tetris will come whenever I make
another...
Cow Tetris The Movie Trailer: watch?v=rLneJyWAtVs
The Message of these stories is to never have intercourse with cows...