So Utterly Confused
Massao-na-Mizu
Chapter 9 – November, Remember November
(important notes/warning after the content)
"And I'm haunted
By the lives that I have loved
And actions I have hated.
And I, I'm haunted
By the promises I made
And others I have broken."
- Poe, "Haunted"
Kagome
November for me has always been all about my father and Rin. It never just started on the first day but well before that, as if it extended upon late October. My mother would become wistful most of the time while November 2 drew near, All Souls Day, because it was the time my family gathered to visit the grave of my father.
If I had been a more typical person, it would only be in movies and soap operas that I would have seen how men and women continue their lives without remarrying for they have never truly gotten over the fact their most beloved had left them.
It wasn't really the case of not accepting it and staying in the past, but still having the love in your heart, pure and undaunted by the seemingly extreme distance of you and your loved one.
My mother always found scenarios to quote something my father had said as I grew up. It was mostly random stuff, about trees and nature and sometimes about television, things like that. Grandpa would nod, closing his eyes in sincerity of his agreement with my mother.
It was mostly an amusing thing to witness, but as I grew up, I had understood it more.
I was never close with my father, with him being so busy with his work to support my family that he had no time with us. If not for his hard-earned money when he was still alive, we wouldn't be living as comfortably as we were without too much added pressure on my mother.
In that sense, I was thankful for him. My mother said I had inherited his eyes and I am thankful for that too, for my eyes made me unique as Sesshoumaru's eyes made him unique.
With that thought, I stopped myself; wondering why I thought of him, instead of my best friend, Inu Yasha whom I have always associated gold with. Perhaps it was because it is with Sesshoumaru that I always find myself with these days that it was inevitable not to think of him.
His eyes also reminded me of a little girl I used to know and still love with all my heart, Rin (even though they didn't have the same color of eyes) – a young one taken away from life before she had the chance to truly experience it. I always had a connection with her.
Perhaps it was because our parents always told the both of us how much we resembled each other except for our eyes. While mine were cerulean, hers were black.
I had taken care of her when she was younger and since she died, I've never missed a single first of November to visit her. Seminal-break rarely started on the first of November so I've always depended on my pure luck and determination to continue visiting Rin and my father for a long time. It was always a hassle to make it there, but I've been doing it for so long, life seems to fit in for me whenever November arrives.
I woke up and dressed intent to spend my day with Rin, but to visit a flower shop first to buy her flowers. Rin loved flowers, especially pink tulips and because they were expensive, I maid it a point to save my money for flowers for Rin and my father.
I bid goodbye to my grandpa, mother and my brother and closed the door behind me.
It seemed nothing for my legs to go down the hundred steps towards the road for they had gotten used to it. I've been living here as long as I could remember.
I smiled to myself as I remembered that the last time Miroku, Sango and Inu had visited, Miroku had complained of how tiresome their trudging was and a peek at Sango with beads of sweat on her forehead confirmed her quiet agreement. Inu had ignored them both, speaking in his rash way on how weak the two were.
Seemingly offended, Sango had trudged quicker than anyone towards my house.
That was before all of the awkwardness arrived with the start of our Senior Year. Before we seemed to be inseparable.
But now, Inu was going after Kikyou (not that I mind in a bad way, mind you) while Sango and Miroku seemed love-struck all of a sudden. I shouldn't have been surprised; they had it a long time coming.
But the loneliness that came with giving them more space and letting Inu chase after Kikyou seemed to envelope me. It was magnified by the fact that I have ignored Inu's brother, Sesshoumaru since the incident on their manor so I had no one to talk to and I couldn't bring myself to visit their home.
Not that I'm too bothered with not speaking to him, really.
He didn't seem to care at all, which was not unusual. It was just pretty uncomfortable to be checking papers beside him inside the teachers' lounge, no words being exchanged between us. I don't really know why I was so bothered by his actions that day but it was most probably for the wrong timing it had come with that had put its intensity.
I don't think I'll ever know, but heck, I'll get over it.
I passed thru that park, seeing that few children were there and a bunch of high school freshmen from another school were not at all secretive with their smoking habits. It was disturbing to see teenagers in their age already picking up such a bad vice. Kouga was nowhere to be seen, which was all right with me for I was not in the mood to converse.
The flower shop was right outside a small mall and I took my time to look at each flower stem critically looking at the flowers to see if there were any damages. I was actually the only one in the shop when the bell tinkled as customers went inside the shop.
I paid them no heed, concentrating on my flower picking but my concentration was broken when I heard a familiar female voice.
"Come on now, you don't want to have such a dark hallway at your home!" the female voice chided to whomever she was with.
"I care not for dark hallways. There are reasons behind the presence lights," a disinterested voice retorted, sounding even more familiar to my eyes.
I slowly turned to find the owners of the voices and sure enough, the silver-haired girl (whose name I cannot remember – not that I'm trying very hard to) who introduced herself to me before was looking through vases of different types of flowers while Sesshoumaru leaned on a wall, following her movement in a bored manner.
I sighed, all sense of urgency coming to me, calmness seeping away. I hurriedly picked the flowers I decided were not damaged and quickly brought it to the counter, a heavy feeling suddenly enveloping me.
It was as if… it was as if I was being observed.
"What are you looking at, Sesshou? Found a flower that caught your interest?" the girl asked. I drummed my fingers impatiently, my other hand reaching for my purse while I waited for the lady inside the counter to arrange and wraps the tulips I was in the process of buying.
I felt another pair of eyes on me and the girl commented teasingly to Sesshoumaru about 'finding flowers' which I didn't quite hear and I could feel pinpricks on my ears, my cheeks definitely burning. Footsteps echoed towards me and before I could do anything about it, there was a light tap on my shoulder.
I turned slowly, taking my hands away from the table counter I was unconsciously gripping hard on.
There she was, standing taller than myself, smiling at me in a friendly manner. I dared not look at Sesshoumaru.
"Hi, you're Kagome-san right?" I nodded, she smiled wider (how she did it, I have no idea, she must have frog blood on her veins - a thought I felt guilty of thinking). "You might not remember me, I'm Atashime."
Ah so that was her name. Right.
"Ah, Yes," I said, turning desperately to look again if the lady was finished with my bouquet and thankfully saw she was punching numbers into the cash register.
"Higurashi," Sesshoumaru stated as I turned back to look at Atashime. It did not really surprise me that after not speaking with him for a long while, it would be the first word he would utter to me. He was as passive as ever, gold eyes looking at me straightly from his 6 foot four vantage point. "What are you doing here?"
Somehow, his question irked me. Who was he to ask where I went and what I do?
"Buying flowers," I answered needlessly, gesturing to the flowers still held by the lady. I looked at it longingly, impatiently.
"For whom?" Atashime inquired. There must be something in their blood which made them feel they had the right to know other people's business, even Inu was sometimes like that.
Finally, the lady behind the counter told me the bill and I gladly paid it, taking the bouquet in my arms. I smiled at their direction. "A dear departed," I answered their question and walked out of the shop.
Sesshoumaru
I vaguely wondered why she looked so intent in ignoring not only I, but Atashime as well. My eyes never wavered from her as she made her exit from the flower shop.
The flowers were probably for her father, since she was speaking about him just the last time we have spoken. She seemed grateful that the conversation with us was over and there was a bounce in her step as she went her way. I was still looking at the last corner she turned before disappearing when Atashime put a hand on my shoulder.
"Well, too bad the flower you want just can't be bought ne, Sesshou?" Atashime whispered jokingly. I glared at her coldly before putting my hands inside the side pockets of my coat and exited the flower shop. "Hey! Wait for me!" she whined, annoyed.
I strode quickly inside the mall and prodded the elevator button indicating 'down'. She quieted while the elevator went down to the basement and we headed for my car. I turned on the engine; not bothering to open her door as I usually did, then fixed my hair to the side so that I did not sit on it.
"You sure are getting all fired up for Kagome-san," she said lightly, glancing at me with a smile. I glared at her once again. Did she not take hints?
"Next time you say something about your illusions of my attraction towards Higurashi, I shall leave you in a very faraway place from Chimiesno Manor and leave you there. I will not come for you," I told her, sounding sincere in my warning.
She looked pissed but nervous; crossing her arms like Kagome had done last time she was inside my car.
She dared not challenge my words, I had done the said warning before when we were fifteen and probably in her mind we were still childish enough to do such an act. Of course, I had no intentions of leaving her stranded anywhere she cannot get herself out from.
There was a traffic jam yet again and we were stuck on the middle of four malls, surrounding us. There was a flashing billboard of some girl dancing while singing. I looked away, not at all pleased.
Before I knew it, Atashime was opening her mouth again.
"You know, you don't have to take it out on me if you have frustrations with her," she chided, resembling a ten year-old rather than her eighteen years of age. "Kagome-san seems nice enough and she's very pretty," she informed me, as if I needed telling of her thoughts.
"Pretty is a word used to give the meaning that something – or someone, is at the verge of being beautiful, but far enough not to be. You're in fact insulting her while praising her at the same time."
Her mouthed opened and she seemed suddenly very outraged. "You're being very critical! Stop it you brat!" she said. I swerved towards a path I had become accustomed to and the gates were opening to welcome us inside. She quickly got out of the car, waling quickly to my side. I was about to get out of the car when she pushed the door closed. "Whatever you did, or whatever you want to do, you need to settle it! I won't have brats inside the house!"
I looked at her coldly. "Must I remind you it is my house you are refusing my entrance to? Also, you have no right to call me a brat," I hissed at her, all of a sudden tired of the temperamental females around me.
"I have very well the right to call you a brat when you are acting like one!" she said something in French which I didn't catch as we narrowed our eyes at each other. She was still holding onto the door. I clicked it close. I breathed in, gripping the steering wheel before I sighed.
I looked at her from my car window.
"Fine I shall resolve the matter with Higurashi although I am not quite sure what the matter with the impertinent girl is," I told her. The frown on her lips turned up and she was about to say something before I scowled. "When I return, I expect a banquet for dinner. A banquet," I said, and maneuvered out the still open gates and went out.
Whatever Higurashi's problem is, it would be resolved today. Once I find her, that is.
…...
It took a long time to find her. I had to visit her house before I knew where she could be found. Her mother had suggested I try a flower shop but I said I had lost her there.
"Yes, well then try the cemetery," Mrs. Higurashi said, a hand on her cheek as she thought of the only possible place her daughter might be. I raised an eyebrow.
The cemetery?
She might have seen my questioning look and smiled. "She goes there every November the first," she explained. I nodded my head and thank her for her help.
I was on the road towards the cemetery when I saw her, her head bowed and looking solemn as she walked towards her house. She was only a couple of blocks away, but it somehow disturbed me to see her walking alone.
"Higurashi," I called out, slowing my car and letting it move on reverse. It seemed to have little to no effect since she didn't turn towards me except for blinking. "Higurashi," I called once again. This time, she sighed and stopped walking to look at me. I stopped the car in front of her, but didn't get out.
"You have been to the cemetery?" I knew the answer but I felt that I should ask.
At the cemetery's mention, her head lowered a bit more than before and she shook her head sadly. She bit her lip, looking uncertain if she should tell me what the problem was.
She opened her mouth to speak. "I – I tripped going there, happy that you know, I was away from you." She glanced at be quickly and looking away. I remained passive. She'd been avoiding me. There was nothing new to that. "Well, I got what was coming to me and I tripped…" her eyes shined now and my eyes widened fractionally.
She was about to cry.
"Higurashi," I started to say, clicking the unlock button, ready to step out.
She sniffed. And pouted.
Her bottom lip started to quiver.
Before I knew it, I was out of my car, holding her head and patting her back awkwardly as she sobbed on my favored white button-down shirt, clutching onto it near her face like it were a big handkerchief.
Which it wasn't.
"It fell and – and, a car was passing by…" she whimpered, her shoulders shaking from time to time. "It wrecked the tulips. The idiot driver run it over!" she wailed. I winced at the loud sound, instinctively looking around to see if there were any spectators to the scene she was making. There were no passers-by and it relieved me somewhat.
I continued to pat her back, slightly getting the hang of it. This comforting thing… I never had to do it before. It was alien to me.
When I was younger and any classmate or mine would cry, I would simply look away. He or she would get over it. And they'd be smiling about from idiotic thing once again.
I frowned. Why was I so worried about Kago – Higurashi crying?
It never meant anything to me to see anyone not related to me cry. Here I was, letting her soak my shirt with her tears and possibly snot, her head buried in my chest while I ran my hand through her dark hair.
When I realized what I was doing, I took her by the shoulders and pushed her gently away. She was already calming down, barely sniffling as she looked at me through teary cerulean eyes.
"I'll buy you flowers," I blurted.
She blinked and cocked her head to the side – an expression of utter disbelief on her face – and questioned, "Uhm, could you please repeat -"
"I'll buy you flowers, Higurashi," I said, surprised at my graciousness but not taking my word back.
It was a bad habit of mine, one I shouldn't keep - not taking back my words.
She sniffed, and then gave me a small tentative smile. "Really?" she asked eagerly.
I nodded.
She squealed in delight and I faintly wondered what got into me to offer such a thing. She clutched on the collar of my shirt, pulling me a bit towards her causing my eyes to widen again. She had her eyes closed and she sighed. Her breath was warm on my face, for she was mere centimeters away from me.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" she said gleefully, eyes now open and looking up at me gratefully.
"Higurashi get off my collar," I growled. She made an 'eep' sound and even dared to cough then brushed my shirt with her hands. I growled again.
She raised an eyebrow. "I'm cleaning your shirt," she explained.
I huffed.
"It wouldn't be soiled in the first place if you haven't felt compelled to -"
"Never mind, let's just go okay?" she said cheerfully and went to the other side of the car
I followed her and opened the door, waiting for her to go inside.
She blinked then looked up at me and then looked away again, blushing. I raised an eyebrow.
"Are you going in Higurashi or not?" I asked coldly.
"Yes I am! It's just… you opened the door for me," she said lamely. I was about to question her, when I finally understood.
I was being gentlemanly and it makes her feel uncomfortable. It is my fault, for I had shown her mostly only callousness. I didn't know what to say so I settled for gesturing towards the seat. "Get inside, Higurashi."
She obeyed, surprisingly. She got inside quietly then I closed the door, went to my side and drove.
After a while, she was humming, looking outside the window as she did so. I decided to ignore her when she suddenly turned to me.
"Don't you listen to music when you drive?" she asked curiously. I sighed, knowing where this conversation was going to go.
"Unless you want to listen to classical music, Higurashi, no," I told her.
She scrutinized me for a minute before shrugging and reaching out for the player. "Better that than silence - unless of course you want to tell me the story of your life, Sesshoumaru," she teased.
"Hn," I replied.
We went into the same shop I had encountered her in a few hours back and she scurried towards the pink tulips, looking carefully at each one before picking. The saleslady was wrapping it while we waited. Kagome drummed her fingers on the counter table, humming FÜr Elise. The saleslady smiled at her and frowned at me.
"You shouldn't let your girlfriend pick the flowers you're supposed to give her, you're supposed to pick them yourself!" she told me. What?
Beside me, Kagome blushed. "Oh, uhm no – I-"
"Young men today!" the saleslady cried, shaking her head then fixed me with a dirty glare. "You think you can just pay for the flowers and she'll be happy!" the saleslady continued her tirade, while Kagome tried helplessly to stop her.
"No, you see, he isn't my-" she tried. I had enough.
"She's not my girlfriend," I informed her curtly, glaring at the saleslady coldly.
The saleslady didn't even have the decency to look embarrassed but just turned away, still scowling. When she was done, I handed her the exact amount and walked out of the shop, annoyed.
"Sesshoumaru," Kagome called, flowers firm in her grasp. She was holding as if it were a sleeping baby in her arms. "She didn't mean it, she's old and, and-"
"You don't have to explain Higurashi," I cut her off coolly. I opened her side of the door wordlessly. "Just get in the car."
She grumbled, before walking and sliding inside. She glared at me from inside.
"You always call me that," she said.
I walked towards my side and started the engine. I spared her a look before speaking.
"It's your name isn't it?" I sped into the main road.
"No, it's not. Well, it's my surname, but my name is Kagome," she snapped, her cerulean eyes expressing her irritation. "That's what I want you to call me," she said gently, eyes softening.
I sighed before speaking. "Fine, Kagome. I'll drive you to the cemetery."
She smiled then, and leaned on her seat.
"You're being awfully nice today, Sesshoumaru. I'm starting to have suspicions as to why you are behaving this way," she told me pointedly, grinning.
My eyes didn't waver from the road ahead of me. It would take more than fifteen minutes to get to the cemetery and it wouldn't do to make ourselves angry. But I couldn't resist. "I would be more cordial if you were also, Kagome."
She frowned.
"I am always nice!" she protested huffily.
I shrugged. "I have never encountered a self-proclaimed nice person asking the half-brother of his or her best friend if he were gay or if he had any romantic relationship with said best friend in my eighteen years of existence."
Her jaw dropped, cheeks flushing attractively. I stiffened at the thought, clearing my throat. Attractive? I could think of Kagome in a lot of ways but I am sure that if I weren't preoccupied with driving, I would not have thought so irresponsibly.
Kagome glared at me.
"That's unfair! How should I know who you were?" she complained indignantly. "You're bringing it up again weeks after the incident! How mean!" she huffed. "I thought you're going to be nice today, but then you always spoil yourself. I should've known."
Spoil myself? What did she mean?
It was fun to annoy her, that was all there is to it. I do not inherently offend all of the people I encounter. But it might perhaps be attributed to the fact that my first impression of her was not pleasant which why I like to annoy her as much as she annoys me.
I didn't respond to her accusations and so she brought it upon herself to make peace. She sighed before turning towards me.
"We're near the cemetery, and if you want to go with me, I just want to ask you please do not be so… insensitive." She said carefully, her eyes darting away from my face and back again.
Hn. "If you feel so strongly about it, Kagome then I will not go further with you." As there were few vehicles on the road, I stopped the car on the side. Her eyes widened quickly.
"I didn't say that! It's just that the person we're going to visit is very special to me and I really want to pay my respect o her," she told me gently.
Her?
"I thought we are going to visit your father," I stated, trying not to show my confusion. She shook her head.
"I'll introduce her to you when we get there. But you have to promise," she fixed the flower so that she could use her left arm. She held out of hand, her pinky sticking up. "You have to promise to be nice."
Pinky swear, I noted idly.
I nodded. "Fine," I acquiesced, not letting go of the clutch.
She pulled my hand up and hooked her little finger on mine and pulled gently. I closed my own around hers. Her little finger looked even smaller entwined with mine. Kagome smiled fondly, her eyes lighting up as she did so. She looked at my hand then cocked her head to the side, looking puzzled.
"Your nails are long," she told me. I just looked at her face.
From up close, she didn't look so plain at all. Her face was free of make-up that seemed to cake the whole face of her classmates regularly and her skin looked smooth. Her lips weren't even glossed but they shone a bit nonetheless, rosy pink in color. Her nose was small and only slightly upturned – I was thinking of her again.
"-cut them," she might've said; if I were listening I would've known. I tried to focus on her eyes. She looked up from my hand and frowned. "Are you alright, Sesshoumaru?"
"Completely," I lied quickly, pulling my hand back and putting it back on the clutch then I started the engine once again, heading for the cemetery.
"Are you sure? For a while, you were looking at me but you didn't appear to see me at all," the way she said it made you think she was merely thinking aloud. Knowing Kagome even just briefly, it might have been the case. Her eyes lit up again, probably the light bulb in her head clicked on. "Oh, maybe you're like that guy, Samson – you know the guy who was very strong but if you cut his hair, he'll be weak – maybe you gain your strength or intelligence through your nails or something," she speculated, looking very convinced to her theory.
I raised an eyebrow, amused. I smirked at her. "Stop your absolute nonsense Kagome; it is wholly impossible and absolutely bizarre."
"It could happen," she insisted.
The cemetery came into view and Kagome was speaking again, only this time she wasn't speaking gibberish. She pointed me the way towards where whoever we were visiting rested.
Finally, we came into a somewhat garden surrounded by tall, willowy trees and different kinds of flowers blooming in clusters. The grass was kept short which meant this place was taken care of without relent. In the middle of the garden-like part of a cemetery, there was a marble coffin normally seen inside mausoleums with benches you can sit on its right side. There was a pink candle on top of it, unlit.
Kagome walked towards it, clutching on the flowers. I clicked on the alarm button and my car instantly locked but I stayed beside it, observing Kagome walk towards her deceased loved one.
She had a fond but sad smile on her lips and the same expression clearly written in her eyes. She sat on the bench and murmured something but I was too far to hear. She put the flowers down carefully in the middle; arranging it until she was satisfied then she lit the candle. For a while, she was in her own world and the only one inside was her and the deceased person.
I stood there with my hands on my pocket, looking at her like she was an actress in a movie I was watching and because of the picturesque sight, it looked more real. The wind blew and she turned her head from where it came and smiled. She murmured more words and grinned at the marble coffin.
It was somewhat bizarre to be speaking to a block of marble, no matter what was inside.
In fact, knowing there was someone inside made it more peculiar.
Kagome finally turned to me and even afar, I could see her cerulean eyes looking at me perfectly. She gestured with her hand for me to come forward. I started to stride slowly. I didn't have to hurry. In this place, in this time, it seemed like everything paused for a while.
"Sesshoumaru, this is the person I would like you to meet," she said, her hand pointing to the marble coffin. There were words engraved and I started to read those in italics.
For our beloved Rin who bloomed so beautifully but wilted so swiftly. Nevertheless, your beauty will be remembered for all eternity.
"This is the girl I'd like you to meet," she told me, her hand finding mine and squeezing it gently. I barely acknowledged the fact that she was touching me, my gaze fixated on the markings. "Sesshoumaru, this is Rin Ishikawa."
Kagome
Sesshoumaru remained silent.
I didn't find it at all peculiar that he did. Perhaps he was taking in what I said; he did think that we were going to visit my father.
We, I thought faintly. Since when did I start to think of Sesshoumaru and me as we
I started to explain. "Rin died a few years back. She was barely five and she contracted a disease that can be inherited in my father's line," I started to say. I tugged on Sesshoumaru's hand to signify that I wanted him to lower himself onto the bench before continuing. "She died with the same disease my father had. I used to take care of her and we all had our hopes up. The disease is curable, it is just that she was too young and my father was too old…" I trailed off, feeling it was a feeble explanation but I couldn't think of anything else to add.
"Will you have it?" he asked after a long while. I knew exactly what he was talking about and I shook my head.
"Not everyone has it and my mom had us checked up before and there is very little percentage that my brother and I would," I explained. Sesshoumaru seemed so quiet and his eyes weren't as cold as they normally were. His eyes looked like they were trying to search for the meaning of life and was failing. I frowned and noting I hadn't taken my hand away from his and he had yet to complain, I squeezed it lightly. "Are you alright?"
He suddenly spoke up then. "Kagome," he called, turning to me and fixing his golden eyes on me intensely. "I know her."
I blinked. What was he talking about?
"You know Rin?" I questioned. He simply nodded and looked back. "Then how come you're not familiar with this place?"
"I've never been here, but I knew Rin," he said.
How could he have? Did Inu Yasha tell him about Rin?
"How did you know Rin?" I asked, becoming very curious.
He looked away but I continued to look at him. He finally tugged his hand away and I fisted my hand because it felt so cold when the warmth of his hand was gone. There was a tug in my heart but I couldn't explain it.
"I am in a way related to her," Sesshoumaru told me.
I frowned. "How could that be? Inu Yasha never told me he was related to her."
"That's because Inu Yasha doesn't speak with our relatives and they in turn do not acknowledge his existence. When he's around, he's ignored. He's only noticed whenever our father was present to defend him," he spoke the word 'father' as if it were foreign.
"So you're sort of related to me?" I asked, flabbergasted.
Me? Related to Him? No. Way.
He shook his head and smirked. As he did so, I thought that he was probably over his shock if he were doing that damnable smirk of his.
"Like the idea, Kagome?" he asked me pompously.
I stuck my tongue out and looked at him through annoyed, narrowed eyes. "Just the thought of it distresses me," I said to him. His smirk widened, golden eyes looking so bright that it hurt my own eyes but I couldn't look away.
"Oh, it distresses you, does it? May I ask why?"
"It's revolting, that's all there is to it," I said absently, waving my hand in dismissal, looking away. His intense gaze made me blush and I didn't trust myself to look up.
"Yes, it must be. It would ruin your chances with me," he agreed monotonously.
I turned my head sharply towards him to find him tracing the marble with his fingertips, a smirk still lingering on his thin slightly pink lips.
"What?" I almost shrieked.
He didn't respond. I got annoyed so I stood up and bent slightly to poke him on the chest.
"Hey!" I poked him. "You promised to behave!" I poked him again.
He looked up at me and blinked, long eyelashes fluttering. It is so unfair how gorgeous it looked on him – no, wait! Arrgh!
The burning sensation that I feel whenever I blushed returned again as he smirked like he knew something I didn't.
"I never said I would behave, Kagome. I said I would be nice," he informed me pointedly. He looked very calm and it irritated me more.
"What? You -" I started to say but he tugged on my hands and made me sit on the opposite bench.
"She's related to Atashime on her mother side, if I remember correctly. So technically, we aren't really cousins at all," he explained. "But I would like to think of her as such."
"Huh? Why?" I asked, very confused. He was mentioning Atashime again.
"Rin was special. You should know," he told me, glancing at me briefly. I felt something inside my chest whenever he looked at me and I tried hard to ignore it. What is wrong with me?
Perhaps it was the atmosphere of the place. But really, could a cemetery be expected to make you feel all dizzy and make your head pound without the feeling of horror?
"Yes, but how was she special to you?" I asked softly, knowing it was the only way I would get him to talk since he didn't respond to demands. Sesshoumaru is under the illusion only he could demand things on other people.
"Rin has always been a very cheerful girl," he started. His lips were parted a bit like he wanted to say more but he didn't knew exactly what to say and how to say it. "She was very kind. She reminded me of my mother."
I felt for him. I really did. Sesshoumaru must have been a lonely child, since he was apart from his father and because of the way he disdained Inu Yasha's mother, he might have grown up with the ideas that he wasn't all that loved and other things as well.
Nothing could be blamed on Inu Yasha, he was a product of what his parents had done and he acknowledges that but knows he can't do anything about it. Maybe that's why he hated Sesshoumaru. He hated Sesshoumaru for treating him so unfairly and Sesshoumaru probably hated him for having what was meant for him.
"Sesshoumaru," I said, feeling torn up inside. I wanted to make him feel better but I didn't know how. So I racked my head for something to ask him or tell him, something I missed to take his mind of his problems even if it were momentary. So I blurted out the first thought that came into my mind. "Uhm, you said she was related to Atashime," just with her name, my temper flared. "Are you that involved with Atashime that you love everyone she does?" I asked through gritted teeth, hoping my voice sounded gentle nonetheless.
For the first time since the day we met, Sesshoumaru looked taken aback.
"What did you just ask me?" he asked in a soft, unfeeling voice. His eyes were back in focus.
I didn't want to, I really didn't want to speak again, but I knew he was going to force it out of me no matter what so it was better to speak with my own accord.
"You really love her?"
His jaw tightened and from the way he had stiffened, I knew something I said pissed him off again.
"Higurashi," so we were back to surnames again, I thought faintly as he hissed, moving towards me. I backed away subconsciously until I was at the edge of the bench, my hands gripping the side tightly. "That is the second time you've accused me of incest. And frankly, it's disgusting."
I blinked, startled and lost my grip. "I – what – ah!"
I was very sure I was going to fall but when I opened my eyes (I didn't even realize I had closed it) Sesshoumaru had me by my forearms, his lips millimeters away from my nose and I wanted to kick myself for the clumsiness.
If only he weren't six feet and four inches tall, I am certain my nose wouldn't be the appendage I had leveled with his mouth.
He didn't seem to notice that my gaze was directed on his lips since I still felt his gaze and I was sure they were staring at my half-lidded eyes.
"You have the tendency to fall whenever I am around, Kagome," he whispered. I couldn't place the emotion in his voice since I didn't have a proper control with my brain at the moment.
Uhm.
"Sorry?" I offered weakly, finally raising my eyes to his.
I was startled to see his smoldering gaze and felt my heart leap. It's cliché, I know but it was exactly how I felt like.
"Sorry isn't just going to work this time, Kagome," he said my name in a very peculiar way and I liked it.
I probably don't really have any control right now on my brain since I was hoping he'd suggest a very nice way to pay him back.
Something that wouldn't really involve any talking.
Or clear thinking for that matter.
Clearly, the real Sesshoumaru was abducted by aliens - or someone is controlling his mind - or maybe this person whose face is millimeters from my face is Tom Cruise disguised as Sesshoumaru because he had another mission to fulfill. It was just a sidetrack to kiss me or something.
Or maybe, I thought even more dazed. Ashton Kutcher is hiding somewhere and he'd shout I got punk'd and Sesshoumaru would be laughing his head off because of me.
Then, as maybe my last coherent thought, I remembered.
This is Japan. There is no possible way any of the people I mentioned would travel continents away just to get a laugh off me.
Because really, more exciting stuff is seen on anime than those.
"What would work then," I said, my voice raspy and I tried to breathe hard but couldn't. "Sesshoumaru?"
I saw his lips smirk and he murmured something I didn't quite catch because it was too soft and the beating of my heart was too loud.
Before I knew it, I couldn't see his lips at all and I could only feel it. Pressed on mine.
I moaned before I kissed him back, my arms gently moving from his arms to circling his neck. His left arm cupped my neck and tilted my head this way and that while his other one was at the small of my back.
I was going to say more. Really.
It's just that I didn't feel like thinking after that.
(End of Chapter)
M/N: short, I know. But there was kissing! So, yeah! How is everyone? Sorry it took me so long. I had a lot of drafts and trust me; this was the best draft (draft number 28, if I counted all that was saved in my computer for the last three years).
Important Note: I advise everyone to please reread the chapters again to understand this one. I had to revise some parts to get this done. I was shrinking away from that for a long time because I didn't want to wreck what I had done before. But then, I finally did it. I changed a scene in chapter 8 so please, please read it! I left a note to point you where it is at the bottom of the chapter so please check it out!
I hope you review and please, please don't flame! I love constructive criticism, honestly. I'd love to hear from you all so I encourage you to click on that button right there and review!
Disclaimer: I do not own Tom Cruise, and also You Got Punk'd and Ashton Kutcher.