It was after midnight and Kristin lay in her bunk unable to sleep. She'd collapsed into it 45 minutes ago having only just finished in the lab for the day, but despite being absolutely exhausted she couldn't sleep. She knew why too. She was alone. For weeks now the realisation that she was completely and utterly by herself in this world had been quietly creeping up on her when she least expected it. It'd never happened before, and for some reason she couldn't seem to stop it happening now. It would stupidly hijack her thinking at the most inopportune moments like at staff meetings, in the Ward Room, in the middle of a sentence… People must be beginning to think I'm going crazy, she thought with a snort at the dark room. But she wasn't. And it wasn't a terrible, dramatic, emotional rush – it was simply a dawning that that part of her life might be over. Although it made her unhappy, in the last few days she had admitted to herself that perhaps her search was over. It might be that that person she'd always been looking for, the one that everyone expects to find, the partner that songs and sonnets are written about, might not in fact ever cross her path.

Kristin wriggled uncomfortably in her bed as her thoughts continued… She wasn't usually a pessimist either but this time she believed that her mood was not gloomy but rather realistic. Not everyone finds true love. She sighed. Of course she'd discovered immediately what had started her musings; Nathan. As it always was these days. A while ago they'd been sitting in the Mess just talking about nothing in particular when very suddenly she realised that he would never be interested in her. It wasn't something she'd been thinking about, but in the course of hearing about one of his favourite holidays that he'd had with his wife and son, she knew abruptly that he could never find that happiness with her. And it had startled her how much this comprehension had hurt. She hadn't been aware that this was what she'd been hoping for; a relationship with her captain. But she supposed she must have been for the thought that she couldn't have one to cause such an ache. And from there she'd decided to just give up on that sort of happiness entirely. Although it wasn't really giving up, she told herself, it was more like accepting defeat. Besides there were other things that kept her life full and enjoyable – her work, Cynthia… her research... work. Kristin let a few tears slip down to wet her pillow and fought in the blackness to overcome the threatening deluge. She shook a little with the effort as she almost lost the battle when suddenly there came a knock on her door.

"Damn," she said in a heavy voice as though she had a head cold and reached her arm out to turn on the light. "What the…?" she sniffed as she squinted at her clock (1:07am) and the knock sounded again, this time a little louder. She was a mixture of annoyance and curiosity as she swayed out of bed frantically rubbing her eyes – she could not think who would come to wake her at this hour when medbay always paged her if there was an emergency. And it wasn't like she was expecting a man to come and visit for the night; she managed a wry smile. Nevertheless, there was a man standing outside when she opened the door and for a moment Kristin didn't seem able to speak. The man outside had a dressing gown covering his pyjamas and the somewhat tousled hair of someone who'd been asleep. His expression was quite resigned, but it turned to concern as he looked at the woman standing before him.

"Kristin, are you alright?" Nathan asked as he took in her troubled appearance and continued silence.

"Uh, yes," Kristin croaked.

"Your eyes are red," Nathan stepped closer to get a better look at his doctor.

"I'm tired," answered Kristin with the first thing she could think of. She certainly wasn't going to tell him she'd been crying.

Nathan frowned. "Yes, sorry it is very late. I'll see you tomorrow," he apologised. He had needed to talk to someone and he knew it had to be Kristin, but his haste had overridden the thought that making house calls at 1am was not particularly good manners.

"No, no," Kristin held his arm as he'd turned. "Come in, it's fine." Nathan looked at her. "Really," she smiled slightly and he acquiesced. And within seconds he'd slumped himself into the chair by her desk, his relief that he could share his problems almost palpable to Kristin. But when he looked up at her properly to speak, his mouth opened slightly and he was temporarily muted. Kristin grimaced in bewilderment in his stare then quickly grabbed a jumper from the end of her bed and pulled it over the singlet and shorts she'd forgotten she'd been wearing when she answered the door. She blushed a bit.

"Sorry," said Nathan, clearing his throat and looking up at the ceiling.

Kristin sat herself cross-legged on the end of her bunk. "If I'd known you were coming, I would have worn some nice pyjamas," she said jokingly, trying to lighten the mood. Nathan laughed but his thoughts quickly turned back to the reason he had come in the first place. "What's wrong?" Kristin asked, watching his face cloud over.

"How do you know something's wrong?" Nathan asked in surprise, a little unnerved by how well she always seemed to be able to read him.

"Well," she deduced slowly, "I don't usually get midnight visits from you, so I suspect there must be something going on." She smiled softly at him.

"Lucas," he answered. It was just the one word but it sobered Kristin very quickly.

"Is he alright?" she said sharply. She knew he was to be coming back from the conference soon and thought that if Nathan had had news that it could not be good.

"Yes he's fine," Nathan quickly reassured her. "In fact, he's back on the seaQuest already."

"What?" Kristin asked, confused.

Nathan took a deep breath. Despite the fact that he hadn't been the one to break the rules he still felt he was about to be flayed alive for being the messenger.

"Well it turns out that it wasn't a conference he was going to."

"What?" said Kristin slowly and acidly.

"It was…" he faltered beneath her glare. "It was a party."

"What?!" she yelled as she vaulted from her mattress.

"Apparently nothing happened," Nathan reasoned from his chair. He figured that if he could stay as neutral and normal as possible then this situation possibly wouldn't explode. "It was just a regular party that some of his friends organised. I think some of the people were from Node 3."

"Why did he come back early?" Kristin put her hands resolutely on her hips and fixed Nathan with a characteristic glare.

"It seems that the host wasn't as truthful about how he'd gotten hold of the venue as he could have been."

"Meaning?"

"A janitor had given him the keys… And security came in and broke up the party."

Kristin threw her hands in the air and started pacing in front of her bunk, all the while followed by Nathan's eyes from where he sat relatively calmly in her desk chair. "And what then? He had a guilt trip and woke you up to tell you all this?"

"No," Nathan began slowly, "I was woken up when a policeman called to say he'd picked Lucas up for speeding." Kristin stopped dead at this news and Nathan eyed her warily. She closed her eyes and sunk back onto her bed as if this final misdemeanour had sapped her of her anger.

Finally she raised her eyes heavenward before asking quietly, "what did you do when you saw him tonight?"

This was it; this was what Nathan needed to talk about. It wasn't that he wanted Kristin to agree with how he'd handled the situation but he definitely felt everything would be much better if he had her support. He couldn't imagine how hard it must have been for Carol to do all of this alone, without him. "I told him not to do it again." Kristin looked at him blankly, so he continued. "He asked if he was going to get a lecture and I told him that there wasn't one for something as stupid as what he did. I didn't get angry. He obviously regrets what he did – he'll punish himself enough."

Kristin nodded. "Well, it's not what I would have done… but that's probably for the best." They both smiled a little at the thought of the yelling match that would probably have ensued had Kristin been called instead of Nathan. "Plus, he'll never forget this. When you know someone who loves you is disappointed in you then it serves as a far better reminder than any angry argument you could have had."

"And I made him hand over the keys to the Stinger," Nathan added as he relaxed and leant back.

"The Contraption," Kristin offered.

"Yeah," Nathan grinned. There was a comfortable silence before Nathan continued. "That's not quite all though."

Kristin looked up. "What else could he possibly have done?"

"No this isn't something bad, it's just…"

"Go on?" Kristin prompted.

"I asked him for the keys and they were in his pocket and when he pulled them out, a condom fell onto the floor." Nathan wasn't sure exactly if he was feeling embarrassed by this conversation. He wouldn't usually have told anyone about this, but he knew that Lucas' mother would want to know, and Kristin was the closest thing to a mother aboard that he had.

"Oh," was all she could think to say.

"He told me I could keep it."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Nathan smiled absentmindedly at the recollection of what had transpired earlier in his quarters. "I told him that I carried one in my wallet when I was sixteen so he could carry this one round in his… I carried mine for years…" Nathan trailed off.

Kristin sighed. "He's growing up, isn't he?" she said wistfully. "On our watch," she added wryly.

"I think we're doing ok though," Nathan nodded. "There's the odd conference at the Sanger Institute every now and then, but mostly we're doing a good job." He smiled at her jokingly. Kristin remained quiet for a moment then eventually she met his watchful gaze.

An impish glow reached her eyes and she said, "you carried your condom for years then?"

"Hey," Nathan defended as they both laughed. "I wanted it to be with the right person and it turned out I had to wait to meet that person till I was 21." Kristin nodded without speaking. Their laughter subsided and Nathan said more seriously. "I hope Lucas waits for the right person."

Kristin immediately looked down at her bare legs as they swung off the edge of her bunk. "He might be waiting forever," she said softly. "Some people never find the right one."

Nathan studied her, the slight but strong form he'd come to know so well and depend upon. He knew she was talking about herself and wanted so desperately to show her how he felt. All this time - since their very first meeting – he'd been trying not to let her in. But he'd come to realise it was impossible. "And other people," he answered, "are lucky enough to find two perfect partners in the same lifetime." Kristin looked up at him, stricken between hoping his words meant what she wanted them too and not daring to believe at all. Nathan's gaze held such intensity and when he stood and moved towards her, Kristin had to hold her breath. As he reached her bunk he smiled softly. "Goodnight Kristin," he breathed as he bent to kiss her on the cheek.

In seconds Kristin heard the door to her quarters closing and found herself alone again. "Yes it is," she whispered as a grin spread across her face.

The end.