Couple's Therapy
Pointless tales of pairing off
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Disclaimer:
All non original concepts are not mine to do with as I please, et cetera.
The middle section of this chapter has been infected with musical theater. On behalf of the editorial staff, we apologize for any inconvenience and also lay all the blame on bunnies (I've got a theory, it could be bunnies...)
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SPECIAL CASES: Cologne and... (almost there), OR Little Death Before Dishonor
Part Three: Gordian Knot
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What would she do?
How could she defeat Cologne?
Would she ever see Ranma again?
Akane tried not to think about him as she practiced. She tried to keep her mind on what she was doing, to focus, but it just wasn't working.
Would she ever see him again?
The dojo was oppressively quiet, everyone having already turned in for the night. Akane had been in the dojo alone before, of course, but right now it seemed different. The massive hollow emptiness of it all just seemed to resonate with how she was feeling right now.
She didn't know what would happen now, she couldn't. All she had was fear and doubt. Ranma would, literally WOULD move heaven and earth for her, but she...
She'd do everything she could to get him back, but what could she do? Ranma was so far beyond her in martial arts skill, so far beyond any of them, and even he had trouble against Cologne. How was she supposed to beat the Amazon matriarch?
And if she couldn't beat Cologne, how would she get Ranma back from her?
What was she going to do? Would she ever see him again?
Suddenly there was a brilliant flash outside, which briefly flooded the dojo with light. Akane ran to the window, wondering what new catastrophe had fallen upon them now.
The garden was filled with light, radiating from a lone, silhouetted figure. The figure began approaching the dojo as the light faded.
"It can't be," Akane said in a whisper as she hustled out of the dojo to greet the figure. "Princess Ori..."
But it was. When she arrived outside she was greeted by a girl with a celestial bearing.
"Hello Akane," Princess Ori said.
"This has to be a dream," Akane said, in awe at once again being in the presence of the daughter of the Emperor of the Heavens.
"It is," the weaving princess confirmed. "I've been watching you Akane. I know your heart is filled with uncertainty now, but I came to tell you that you have nothing to fear."
"Nothing to fear?" Akane repeated.
"You and your fiance are bound together by fate," Ori elaborated. "Nobody can take that from you. Just remember that, Akane."
"Because of the spell you cast," Akane said. "You said it was..."
"Oh, that?" Ori asked, "That was just a little light show," she said with a mischievous smile. "I thought you two might work out your differences more easily if you thought you had divine fate on your side."
Akane was shocked. "It was all just some kind of trick?" she cried, "But you just said that we were bound by fate!"
"I didn't mean that," Ori said. "I wouldn't use magic to try to force you together. No, you're bound together because it is what you both wanted."
She held out her hands and a shimmering stalk of bamboo appeared between them. Two slips of paper, each of which bore a name, hung from the leaves.
"I heard your wish Akane," Ori said. "How could I not grant it?"
Akane remembered it clearly, though she hadn't thought about it in some time. The night before the Tanabata festival, that stalk of supposedly magic bamboo. Their parents forcing them to write their names and place them together on the stalk. "But that was our parent's idea, not us," she protested.
"It doesn't matter who's idea it was," Ori said. "I could tell that in your hearts this was what you wanted. Are you going to deny it?"
Akane thought back to that night. She thought about all that had happened, about the brief feeling of absolute terror she had felt when she thought Ranma had destroyed his paper...
"Ranma is such a jerk," she said. Still, she couldn't deny... After it was all said and done, the idea that her and Ranma might one day be married had been... nice to think about.
"But it was such a little thing," she said. "How could this bamboo leaf bind us together?"
"The leaf was just a formality, Akane," Ori said as she began to glow. "Destiny is not as important as you might think. What ultimately bound you two together was the feelings you share. As long as you remember that, you'll do just fine."
Ori continued to radiate light, brighter and brighter, until she was shining so bright that Akane had to close her eyes.
*****
When she opened her eyes again, she was in her bed. Sunlight was leaking through her window shades.
"Was it all just a dream?" she wondered. It was so vivid, so real...
Her and Ranma were... bound together by fate. The thought was actually quite heartwarming. Maybe she didn't need to worry... Maybe in the end everything would work out.
Her door opened and Kasumi poked her head in. "Good morning Akane," she said. "You had better hurry up. You don't want to keep the others waiting."
That's right, Akane remembered, they were leaving today. "I'll be down in a little bit, Kasumi," she said.
"All right then," Kasumi replied.
*****
Well that was about as subtle as a wrecking ball, wasn't it?
Anyhow...
*****
What the heck is going on here, Ranma wondered to himself as he sat on a rock and watched the sunrise. Where is pop?
What was that dream about?
He was in the mountains, somewhere. Some girl who called herself... what was it again? He couldn't remember her name, but she'd told him she'd found him lying in the road somewhere and had brought him to her camp. She hadn't seen his father anywhere.
"What did the old man do this time?" he wondered aloud.
And what was up with that dream? Who was that girl in the dream? He couldn't put a name to her face, but somehow in the dream her death... it... it was terrible. Seeing her die had been... it was like her death was the end of the world.
But damnit he didn't even know who she was!
Could she have something to do with all this? With pop's disappearance?
He just plain didn't have the answer to that. All he was left with was more questions.
*****
Cologne watched Ranma sit and think, and wondered what would come of her plan.
It was apparent that the memory altering shiatsu hadn't been entirely effective, which in itself wasn't much of a surprise. Trying to blot out nearly a year of someone's memory was... to say the least, not all that easy. Completely blocking that much information in a person's mind was actually simply impossible. The most vivid memories and strongest emotions would still tend to slip through the cracks, from time to time.
But she hadn't expected this. She knew all about Ranma's dream. She'd heard him sobbing in his sleep and later after introductions were made, she'd gotten him to tell her about it. It was clear to her that the dream had been about Akane. But rather than some fragments of forgotten memories, which she would have expected, the dream had been very specific and very explicit. Ranma had seen Akane die.
What did it mean? It couldn't be a memory resurfacing. That would be impossible, wouldn't it?
Unbidden, thoughts of her recent encounter with a fortune teller came to mind. Someone will die before this matter is resolved. Someone dear to one of the involved parties...
The thought sent a chill down Cologne's spine. What if... what if something more supernatural was at work here? What if the dream had nothing to do with the past at all?
*****
Breakfast was waiting for her when Akane came down the stairs. And that apparently wasn't the only thing.
"Kuno?"
Kuno sat at the table next to Nabiki. His expression was... perhaps less than ecstatic. Akane couldn't quite understand why, but he seemed genuinely uncomfortable here.
"Tate-chan has decided to join us for breakfast," Nabiki said.
"Yes," Kuno said, wincing at Nabiki's pet name for him. "Regrettably Sasuke seems indisposed presently. Therefore I have accepted the invitation of... of my fiancee..." the term did not seem to come easily to him, "...to dine here. I hope I am not imposing."
*****
Meanwhile Sasuke ran screaming through the streets, covered in pint sized demons of hell that endlessly gnawed at him. They were really little more than a nuisance and it wasn't like they were actually hurting him or anything, but hey, you wake up covered with the legions of the infernal realms and try to tell me you wouldn't be just a little freaked.
"GET THEM OFF!" he screamed as he ran, "GET THEM OFF!"
In the shadows, his tormenter watched him running in terror, and smiled. This was only the beginning.
*****
"Oh not at all," Soun said from his place at the table. "After all, you will soon be part of the family."
Another wince from Kuno, and Akane began to puzzle things out. She didn't know exactly what Nabiki had done to get a marriage proposal from Kuno, but she had assumed that there was love in there somewhere, at least on his end. Now she was starting to seriously doubt that. Nabiki had entrapped him, that much was obvious. What was surprising was that he apparently knew it.
In any case, that wasn't important right now. Ironically, for once she was happy to see Kuno here. He knew something about what had happened Ranma while he was away. He had to, he was there!
"Kuno," she said, "can I talk to you in the garden?"
For a moment Kuno's eyes gleamed at the thought, but just as quickly they turned to despair. "It... It would be unseemly," he said. "For former lovers to converse privately in such a manner..."
"Hey!" Akane protested. "We were never lovers!"
"Oh don't worry Tate-chan," Nabiki said with a very considerate voice. "I trust you to spend time alone with my little sister."
Kuno was surprised at Nabiki's statement. "Nabiki Ten... Nabiki, I... I am grateful for your understanding."
Nabiki beamed with appreciation that Akane thought was probably feigned. "Oh, and Akane," she said.
"Yes Nabiki?"
"I certainly hope you won't try to take advantage of this little courtesy," Nabiki said with a mischievous grin. "Don't go stealing my fiance, now."
"Nabiki!"
*****
"Honestly," Akane said as her and Kuno entered the garden, "she's treating this like its just some kind of game. I don't know why you put up with..."
She was cut off when Kuno swept her into his arms.
"Oh dear Akane!" he cried, "how bold you are! My heart races with excitement!"
Akane felt her anger build like a volcano ready to blow. "Oh Kuno dear," she said sweetly, then tossed him into a tree, "YOU'RE ENGAGED!"
Kuno crashed into the tree head first and slumped to the ground. Then, quicker than a blink, he was back on his feet with his arms once again around Akane.
"Oh such a cruel twist of fate which has tied me to your sister," he lamented. "I shall do all for her that is required of a husband, but know that in truth my heart forever belongs to you. In whatever time we can have together, we can make memories that will last for years to come..."
Akane knocked him down again. "Cut it out!" she demanded, "I didn't bring you out here for this! I wanted to ask you something."
Kuno got up to a seated position. "You may ask anything you want of me, my dear Akane. I shall endeavor to be of service however I can."
"I was..." Akane hesitated. Ranma hadn't told her anything about what had happened to him while he was away. Once it had been nothing but irritating, but now... as she stood there, she realized that finding out the truth just wasn't as important to her as it used to be. She found herself thinking that Ranma would tell her himself when he was ready.
And that was just fine with her.
"Never mind," she said.
Kuno looked to the ground. "I understand what you are asking," he said.
"Huh?" Akane asked, confused.
"Oh if it were only so easy to set aside your sister!" Kuno lamented. "Alas, I have given my pledge to her, and I cannot break it." He moved to her and took her hands. "But be strong Akane, know that my love is true, know that we will find a way..."
"That's not it!" Akane protested. "I was going to ask what you and Ranma were doing while he was gone!"
Kuno's face got a look of supreme puzzlement. "Say again?" he asked.
"I wanted to know what you and Ranma were doing," Akane repeated. "Forget it, I don't need to know."
"I do not know what you are talking about," Kuno said. "I have no dealings with Saotome."
"Shampoo saw you with him, at Ryuugenzawa," Akane said.
"Shampoo is mistaken," Kuno said. "I had no part in his leaving, though he would have done well to stay away permanently. And I certainly have not been to this Ryuugenzawa."
But this didn't make any sense! Shampoo had been very specific. Kuno had been the one that was with Ranma. Was he lying now to hide something? But what could he possibly be hiding?
Why is it that every time she tried to learn more about what had happened, all she got was more questions?
*****
"Let me out damnit!" Ukyo shouted as she pounded on the door to her room, thoroughly boarded up by Ryoga.
"I'm sorry Ukyo," Ryoga said safely on the other side of the door. "You can't come with us in your condition. It's too much of a risk for the baby."
"Ryoga you jackass!" Ukyo hollered, "you can't leave me behind! You owe me, pig boy, you hear me!"
Ryoga turned his attention to the rather cute girlish ninja hiding in the shadows nearby. "Take good care of her while I'm gone," he said.
Konatsu shot him a dark look, but then he was used to that. "I'll take extra good care of miss Ukyo," he said. "Feel free to not come back, ever."
Ryoga winced. It was safe to say the kunoichi didn't like him, not one bit. At least Konatsu had stopped trying to kill him, mostly.
"I packed a lunch for you," the ninja said, offering Ryoga a bento box.
Ryoga didn't accept it. He wasn't about to gamble with his life any more than he had to.
Locked in her room, Ukyo continued to plead, threaten, and demand that she be let out.
"You can't do this to me, Ryoga!" she yelled. "I'll never have another opportunity like this again! You can't make me miss it like this!"
Shampoo and the elder entered the restaurant.
"Nihao," Shampoo said. "Is all ready to go?"
"RYOGA! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE!"
Even Shampoo shuddered a little at Ukyo's latest outburst.
"Umm..." Ryoga said, "Ukyo isn't coming along. She doesn't need the strain right now."
Shampoo nodded. "Mortal combat is no good for pregnant womens. Shampoo would stay behind also, but must come to help find Great Grandmother. No one knows great grandmother's training places like Shampoo."
"You can't do this to me, Ryoga!" Ukyo pled. "I'm the only one he's going to recognize! You're ruining everything! I'll never forgive you for this!"
Ryoga shook his head. "You'll never forgive me for anything no matter what I do," he said softly, quietly enough so as not to be overheard. "It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters now, the only good I can do in this world now is to make sure that my baby will live a long and happy life. I'll protect you with my life, Ukyo, whether you want me to or not."
"What Ukyo mean, she only one he'll recognize?" Shampoo asked.
"I don't know," Ryoga said. "She hasn't been all that willing to talk to me in a rational manner right now, but it doesn't matter." Whatever he had to do. He'd protect her and her baby. His life, his happiness, he'd give it all up for her child. It was all he had left.
*****
They gathered at the Tendo house soon after. The nine were now eight, but nobody complained. Ukyo wouldn't have been much good in a fight anyway.
There were, however, other issues.
"Why is Kodachi here?" Akane wondered aloud to Nabiki, who, along with the rest of the family, was seeing them off. Kodachi Kuno wasn't exactly Akane's idea of a good traveling companion.
"Why else Akane?" Nabiki said, "to win Ranma of course. You had better be extra careful around her. She's not playing by any rules anymore."
"I'm more interested in why that Pantyhose guy is here," Ryoga said. "Why would he care if Ranma comes home or not?"
"I've heard that he's courting Kodachi," Nabiki said.
Ryoga thought for a moment. "It's a good match," he said finally. "A demon and the devil."
"My my my," Nabiki said. "Someone's gotten rather moody. Engaged life treating you poorly?"
Ryoga smiled grimly. "Let's just say this isn't exactly what I had in mind for my future."
"But weddings are such wonderful events," Kasumi said as she joined the conversation, a large bouquet of roses in her arms.
"Looks like you've gotten quite a bouquet there," Nabiki said. "Where did you get it?"
"It was on the doorstep with a card addressed to me," Kasumi said. "It didn't say who it was from."
"Sounds like you have a secret admirer," Akane said with a grin. She couldn't be sure, but she had an idea who might have done it. It was nice to see that amidst all this mess, some things finally seemed to be working out.
"Oh that can't be," Kasumi said. "Whoever sent them must have just forgotten to sign their name."
Happosai looked up from the deep conversation he was having with the Amazon elder and scowled, but nobody noticed.
Shampoo walked over to Akane. "We need get going," she said. "No want miss train."
Akane nodded. "Your right," she said. "It's time."
Around them the air got strangely... musical. Nobody could explain it, nobody bothered to try, but the air was filled with a rousing tune like something out of London musical theater.
"One day more," Ryoga started to sing, "another day, another destiny, this never ending trail of misery."
Nobody commented as Ryoga kept singing. "I had some drinks and I can tell I've screwed my way straight to hell, one day more."
Akane joined in. "I did not live until that day," she sang. "How could I live if we were parted."
"One day more."
"Ranma could be worlds away," Akane sang, "And yet I know that I will find him."
At Ucchan's Okonomiyaki, Ukyo joined in despite being miles away and locked in her room. "One more day, all on my own."
"Princess Ori gave me hope," Akane sang.
"One more day with pig boy's baby," Ukyo bemoaned in tune
"I was born to be with him," Akane again.
"How did this all go so wrong?"
"And I know he will be true."
"LET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"
The song seemed to build in dramatic tone as Kuno stepped forward.
"One more day before the storm!" he sang.
"Do I follow where she goes?" Ryoga wondered.
"And the end of the vile Saotome!"
"Should I help her fight Colonge?"
"When our ranks begin to form..."
"Nothing will change, she won't care!"
"Will you take your place with me?"
Everyone joined in. "The time is now, the day is here!"
"One day more!" Happosai cried.
"One more day to find Saotome," Taro sang, "one day more to end his life. Then I'll show that damn Kodachi, I'll show her what love means!"
"Watch them run amok," Kodachi sang, "kick her when she's down. Better watch her back if there's a free for all. Here a little trip, there a little push, who can really blame me in an accident?"
"One more day to some new action," Happosai crooned.
"Raise the skirts of ladies high!" his pervert chorus of Chingensai and Lukkosai tossed in.
"Every day will be a dream."
"Every night he'll get some..." the chorus was quickly muzzled and ejected from the song.
"Shampoo says I get a present," Happosai continued, "one I'll love to unwrap. Just imagine what that can mean!"
Ryoga came to his decision. "For better, or worse, I'll fight for her!"
"One day more!"
Now everybody started singing all kinds of different verses at once that I deny anyone to decipher.
"Tomorrow we'll be far away," Akane sang.
"Tomorrow is the judgment day," Kuno sang.
"Tomorrow we'll discover what this dumb hack writer has in store!" Everyone sang.
"One more dawn!"
"One more day!"
"One day more!"
Then the song ended, and everyone went about their business as though nothing had happened.
*****
"Look, I don't really need help," Ranma said as they approached a nearby small town. "I can look for pops on my own."
"You're a mess," Cologne pointed out. Ranma had decided to leave her camp to go looking for his father yesterday, and she had graciously offered to guide him to the closest town, and to help him search. "You have a broken arm that you don't even know how you got. It's no big deal, I have nothing better to do. Besides, don't you believe in karma? Helping fellow lost travelers is good for the soul."
"Karma?" Ranma seemed dubious. "What was your name again?"
Cologne winced. Unfortunately she had made one miscalculation in her rushed plan to escape the trap Shampoo had laid for her. In blocking out all of Ranma's memories from Jusenkyo onwards, she had unfortunately caught herself in the backwash. Had the shiatsu worked as it was supposed to, then all her plans for seduction would be for naught. Ranma wouldn't be able to keep her in his mind long enough for her to get anywhere.
Fortunately, the problems the blocks were having on keeping Ranma's memories buried were actually serving to counteract that problem. Since Cologne had targeted so much of his memories, not just the last year of his life, but his memories of everyone he encountered during that time, the blocks she put into place weren't as strong as they would normally be. Ranma could keep Cologne in his mind, however try as he might he couldn't remember her name. Oh well, names weren't really necessary for what she had in mind.
"Don't worry about it," she said. "Look, I just want to help you. I don't have anywhere to go back too. Helping you will give me something to do with my life again."
Ranma seemed to accept that, but he still seemed dubious. No matter. Time would eventually take care of that. They would be traveling together for a long time searching for a dead man. A young man and young woman traveling, working, even fighting side by side for so long... why the end result was a foregone conclusion!
The only wildcard was apparently Akane. Ranma had had another dream about her last night. Unlike the first one, this was a rather pleasant dream (Cologne didn't know the details, but she had heard him mumbling rather contentedly in his sleep). Nevertheless, when he had woken up the dream was just as disturbing as the first one. It didn't matter if the girl was so important to him in his dreams, he still didn't know who she was or why she was haunting his sleep.
But Cologne knew what it meant. The imperfect blocks on his memory were starting to crumble. In his dreams they were practically nonexistent. How much time did she have before they fell completely?
She shrugged off the concern as they passed by the train station, where passengers disembarked from a recently arrived train. They should hold long enough provided Ranma doesn't run into...
"RANMA!" a young woman cried. Both Cologne and Ranma turned to see who had called his name, Cologne recognizing the voice from the first and hoping that she had misheard.
Akane stood on the platform of the train station, with the whole gang from Nerima there with her.
"Oh for goodness sakes!"
*****
It was incredible, almost unbelievable. They'd gotten off of the train, expecting a long and fruitless search, and instead, there he was! Akane thought her heart might burst as she called to him and he turned to her.
But...
Akane was surprised to see a flash of fear in Ranma's eyes when he caught sight of her. She was even more surprised when he spoke.
"Who are you?" he demanded. "What do you want with me?"
For a brief moment Akane couldn't find her voice. Ranma didn't... he didn't remember her?
"Ranma," she said desperately, "It's me. It's Akane..."
"Bad Great Grandmother!" Shampoo snapped. "You use Xi Fa Xiang Gao Shiatsu on Ranma!"
"Zi fa shang... what?" Ranma asked.
"Don't worry about it, Ranma," Cologne said. "Don't believe a word these interlopers say."
"She stole your memories, Ranma!" Akane yelled.
"Don't listen to her," Cologne said. "She's been haunting you."
"I've been what?" Akane demanded. "What are you talking about?"
"Ranma," Shampoo said in an earnest voice, "great grandmother use amazon technique for memory manipulation to steal memories of Akane."
"What are you talking about?" Ranma demanded. "Who are you people? What is going on here?!"
"He no remember any of us," Shampoo realized. "Great grandmother very thorough. This what Ukyo meant maybe?"
"Enough of this!" Kuno declared, charging at Ranma with sword drawn. "We end this now!" Ryoga followed behind him.
"What are you doing?!" Akane demanded. "Don't hurt him!"
Neither Ryoga nor Kuno paid Akane any heed. Kuno had his own motives for going on the attack, but Ryoga knew that if Ranma didn't know any of them, he might very well turn on them. It was better to take him out of the fight now while he was still somewhat distracted.
Ranma got into a fighting stance, ready to face his attackers, but Colonge stepped in front of him.
"I'm afraid I'm not going to let you hurt the boy," she said.
"Hey," Ranma protested, "I can handle this myself."
"No you can't," Cologne said. "Not in your condition."
"Stay out of my fights, lady," Ranma snapped.
Some kind of blur flashed between them, apparently just brushing Cologne's shoulder. Both Ryoga and Kuno stopped their charge, wondering what it was.
Cologne looked down at her chest, feeling strangely... unsupported. Her eyes widened in shock as she looked to her left, seeing Happosai nuzzling her bra in triumph.
"Happosai!" she cried. "How did you..."
Happosai grinned a lecherous grin as he stashed the bra... somewhere... and cracked his knuckles. "Don't worry my dear lil Cologne," he said in a positively evil voice, "you're going to become well acquainted with what my magic little hands can do."
Cologne smiled grimly. "So Shampoo told you, did she?"
Happosai nodded. "You boys handle Ranma," he told Ryoga and Kuno, "and leave this one to me."
Happosai and Cologne both lunged into combat, their battle quickly carrying them away from the rest.
"You with me Kuno?" Ryoga asked.
Kuno nodded, tightening his grip on his sword.
"Hey, wait a minute," Ranma said. "You're Ryoga, Ryoga Hibiki."
"Wha?" Ryoga was justifiably surprised. Ranma recognized him? "You remember me?"
"Hey, yeah," Ranma said. "We went to school together. So what's going on here? Who are all these people?"
Of course, Ryoga realized. It all made sense now. Cologne must have erased all of Ranma's memories from his time in Nerima. That's why Ukyo said Ranma'd recognize her, and why Ranma recognized him now. They both knew Ranma from before then. Maybe he could explain everything to Ranma after all.
"It's a long story, Ranma," Ryoga said. "This is going to take a while to explain, and it might sound a bit unbelievable, but you have to trust me..."
Kuno wasn't particularly interested in talking, and instead went right on the attack.
"Kuno, stop," Ryoga yelled. "We don't have to fight him!"
"I will have no part in parlay with the devil Saotome!" Kuno declared. "I will destroy him!"
*****
Akane felt an overwhelming sense of frustration and a bit of fear when Kuno began attacking Ranma. Why had she agreed to let him come along?
When Ranma had recognized Ryoga and the two had started talking, Akane had hoped that this meant that they could resolve this without a fight. But then Kuno had attacked Ranma!
And yes, the fear was there. Was Ranma in any shape to fight? He was still hurt from whatever had happened to him while he was away. What if Ranma's memory loss included the techniques that gave him the advantage against Kuno?
She had to stop this, if she didn't then Ranma might be...
A cyclone suddenly roared into existence, swallowing both Kuno and Ryoga (who was just a little too close) and flinging them well away.
Akane was stunned. "That was the hiryu shoten ha," she said in wonder.
Apparently so was Ranma, who stood in the center of a small crater staring at his fist with a look of total confusion.
"Conditioned reflex?" Shampoo more asked than stated. "Technique is so second nature that Ranma performs it unconsciously."
But that didn't make any sense, Akane decided. "It's too complex," she said. "You have to be consciously aware of too many things to use it..." She saw him drop to his knees, one hand on his temple, and in a flash she understood. She leapt down from the platform and started running towards Ranma.
"What you doing Akane?" Shampoo called after her.
"I can bring his memory back!" Akane declared.
*****
"What's the point of fighting it, lil Colonge?" Happosai asked as he attacked. "You've already lost to me once, and they're your own laws."
"I don't have to marry you if you're dead," Cologne pointed out, fending off most of his strikes. She was fighting with all she had and a little that she normally didn't, and yet she was barely keeping up with him. What gave him his strength? Was his sick perversity really that strong?
"But would it be so bad?" Happosai asked.
"Yes it would!" Colonge declared, snapping a kick at Happosai's head.
He effortlessly dodged the blow. "Well you better get used to it sweet cheeks, 'cause you ain't killing me tonight!"
*****
Akane walked towards Ranma slowly, feeling incredibly nervous and a little afraid. She wanted to be sure this would work, she wanted to know that everything could be made right again. But she couldn't know for sure.
"What do you want?" Ranma demanded, trying to sound tough, but actually sounding a little afraid. Why would he be afraid of her?
"You can feel it," Akane said, "can't you? Like something buried deep in your brain trying to claw its way out." She moved closer to him, within arms reach. "Ranma, I want to help you remember."
"Why?" Ranma asked. "Who are you?"
Akane stepped closer and slipped her arms around him. "I'm your fiancee," she said softly, tenderly, "and I love you."
Then she kissed him.
*****
Cologne was thrown to the ground. Happosai loomed over her.
"So, Colonge," he said as he looked upon her with a laughing, victorious, lecherous eye, "do you want a chapel wedding, or a small civil ceremony?"
"You think you've beaten me?" Cologne wanted to know.
"It's all over, Cologne," Happosai said. "Give up while you still can."
"Not yet," in a flash(so to speak), Cologne had made her move, whiping off her shirt to give Happosai a good look at her ample goods.
"Hot momma!" he cried as he leapt at her, only to receive a kick to the face that dropped him to the ground. Cologne wasted no time in pinning him to the ground by his neck with one hand. She raised the other up...
A moment's hesitation. "Goodbye Happi."
Her fist dropped, slamming down with skull smashing force.
Just beside Happosai's head.
Cologne released the lecher in frustration. She couldn't bring herself to do it. She couldn't bring herself to kill him after everything they'd been through together over the centuries. "Damn it all, I should kill you," she said as she retrieved her shirt and put it back on. "This isn't over yet. I still have Ranma."
*****
Akane felt Ranma encircle her with his arms and pull her close to him as she kissed him. She felt him respond to her, return her kiss. It was working!
She broke from the kiss and gazed into his eyes. "Ranma..."
Ranma grinned sheepishly. "Who were you again?"
Needless to say, that killed the mood. "YOU JERK!" Akane cried, releasing him from their embrace with a savage slap.
"What was that for?!" Ranma demanded.
"Do you always kiss girls you don't know!?" Akane shot back.
"Hey!" Ranma protested. "You kissed me, Akane! I ain't taking the blame for that!"
"But you weren't exactly fighting to get away, either!" Akane returned, completely missing the one thing she should have been paying attention for.
"Oh yeah?" Ranma asked. "Well how were you so sure that I was who you thought I was, huh? What if I was someone else? Do you just kiss guys you don't know?"
"That's ridiculous Ranma," Akane scoffed. "I know you when I see you. I'm not going to mistake someone else for you."
Ranma was going to respond, but his earlier statement finally clicked in Akane's mind, and she interrupted him.
"You remember me!?" she exclaimed.
"Yeah," Ranma said. "It all came back when you slapped me."
It was supposed to be an expression of displeasure, like maybe you could have found a gentler way to bring my memory back, but that wasn't important to Akane. She flung her arms around him again and just held him close. After a little bit of this, Ranma decided the slap wasn't all that big of a deal.
"Hey, Akane," he said.
"Yes?"
"I was thinkin," he could feel butterflies fluttering around in his stomach, but it was something he felt he had to say. It was something he probably would have said already, if this whole current mess hadn't gotten started. "When we're a little older, like maybe out of school or somethin..."
Akane said nothing, but she could feel her heart racing.
"I was wonderin if... well... would you maybe... marry me some day?"
*****
Cologne watched Ranma and Akane share a second kiss, one that didn't end in an argument or slap. She could feel the warm and fuzzys from where she was.
"So lil Cologne," Happosai said, "you were saying?"
"I guess it's no surprise," Cologne said. She could feel fate closing in on her like the jaws of an angry dog on the throat of it's tormenter.
"Martriarch," a wizened old voice said. Cologne turned to face a long time enemy.
"Hello, Gel," she said.
"What will you do now, Cologne?" The amazon elder asked. "Shall you press your claim for Ranma?"
Cologne shook her head. Honor and position had gotten her into this mess. The Matriarch of the tribe must be held to the highest standard of honor and duty. Claiming rights to a boy that she cannot win was not the behavior of a Matriarch. "No, I have no claim to the boy."
But then, neither was disregarding tribal laws.
"You know what you have to do," the Elder said. "Do it, or step down from your position."
"It was my great granddaughter that told you about the mushrooms," Cologne said. "Correct?"
"Correct," the elder said. "You appear to have angered her greatly over some matter."
"And I suppose you already have the support lined up to replace me should I make the wrong choice," Cologne said. "You've always wanted the Matriarch's position. Are you using Shampoo to get to me, or is Shampoo using you?"
"I require a decision," the elder said.
"Old Ghoul!" Ranma yelled as he approached, Akane following behind him. "I've got something to say to you! Whatdidja think you were doin kidnapping me like that!"
Cologne said nothing. She walked to her backpack, dropped when the fight had begun, and picked it up.
"Will you step down?" the elder asked.
Cologne still said nothing. Instead she opened a pocket on the pack and took out a mushroom.
"Sixteen centimeters," she said quietly, "and still fresh. Just the right size."
"What's going on here?" Ranma asked Akane, totally lost.
"She's actually going to go through with it?" Akane said in shock. "I can't believe it!"
Believe it. Cologne walked over to Happosai and offered him the mushroom. "Here you go, Happi," she said, resigned to her fate. "If we're going to go through with this, you have to eat this first."
Happosai took the mushroom and sniffed it suspiciously. "You aren't trying to poison me, are you?" he asked.
"Not at all," Cologne said. "But at your age, you are currently ill prepared to carry out your husbandly duty. This is going to fix it."
"My husbandly duties?" Happosai asked, sounding hopeful. "You mean..."
"You know exactly what I mean," Cologne said in a low voice.
Ranma had never seen a mushroom consumed quite so quickly. The affects were nearly instantaneous and at the same time entirely unexpected.
The Happosai that they had all known vanished in a wave of sudden growth and tearing and popping cloths, now simply too small for him.
Jaws dropped at what had replaced him.
"Well well," he said as he looked over his freshly young body. "I have to say I look good."
"He's a hunk!" Akane exclaimed. The Happosai that stood before them was a tall, dark, dashing, rougish figure. The kind of guy girls almost automatically swooned over should he choose to smile at them.
Ranma looked to his fiancee with an annoyed look. "Oh yeah?" he asked. "So that's what you go for?"
Akane scowled at him in response. "That's not what I meant!" she protested.
"Don't worry about it, boy," the elder said, "It's understandable."
"Well does she have to keep staring?" Ranma asked.
"Oh it's no big deal, Ranma my boy," Happosai said. "I'd forgotten how good I looked when I was younger." He ran a hand through his freshly re-sprouted black hair. "And this is sure an old friend that I've missed."
Cologne grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around to face her. "You have some explaining to do, Happosai!" she declared. "You didn't look anything like this when we were young. What's going on here?"
"Oh," Happosai said sheepishly, "that... Well, I guess there's no point in keeping it a secret anymore. I'm afraid I was less than honest with you back then. You see, I wasn't sure you would like me quite so much if you knew that there was a... few years age difference."
"A few years?" Cologne asked. "Just how many years older than me are you?"
"Oh, not too many," Happosai said nervously, "one or two or..."
"HAPPI!"
"Ninety seven," he quickly admitted.
Cologne's jaw dropped again. "You mean to say that when you told me you were eighteen, you were actually a hundred and fifteen years old?!"
"Hey," Ranma protested, "wait a minute. He can't have been that old."
"That's right!" Akane agreed. "We met him back then. He was just a kid."
"Bah," Happosai scoffed. "My youthful appearance back then was simply thanks to plenty of amazon wrinkle reducing cream. It was enough to take centuries off my face."
This earned him a pair of blank stares from Ranma and Akane.
"It's true," Cologne said. "That stuff works wonders. Gel here has been using it since the Sengoku era, and look how well she's turned out."
The amazon elder, who looked not too unlike how Cologne used to look, scowled at the matriarch.
"Well then," Cologne said, "this changes things quite a bit. It looks like this marriage will be a lot more fun than I thought. How about it Happi? A quickie wedding as soon as we get back?"
Akane and Ranma were stunned.
"But just a while ago you were doing everything you could to get out of it!" Akane protested.
Cologne chuckled. "The Happosai I expected was about a foot tall and really had... lets just say nothing to offer me. This one..." She took a long moment to look him over from head to toe (did I mention he was naked?) "Yes, I really have nothing to complain about."
Happosai slipped an arm around Cologne and pulled her close. "Well, I'm a little out of practice in some areas, but I'm eager to learn."
Cologne smiled in a definitively impure way. "And I'll be happy to teach you... everything."
At this point, Ranma and Akane chose to just walk away.
*****
Among all this bliss, there was one person who was definitely not happy.
"Are you ready to give up now?" Taro asked.
Kodachi said nothing, she just stood there feeling an impotent rage. She'd seen it all, seen the warmth and tenderness that Ranma and Akane were now sharing.
"Why can't you let it go?" Taro asked her.
"She will die," Kodachi said quietly. "I will see to it. The girl will die and I will give Ranma her heart on a plate."
"He'll kill you for it," Taro said.
"I don't care."
*****
TO BE CONTINUED!
*****
Author's notes:
1) Umm... sorry about the whole bursting into song thing. Just needed to vent. It won't happen again.
2) You might be wondering if Akane's dream was really a divine visitation or just a really comforting dream. Well... I'm not telling, ever. Choose whichever answer you find the most appealing.
3) You didn't really think Akane's tender declaration of love would instantly snap Ranma out of it, did you? Silly readers! For memory restoration nothing beats a blow to the head from someone you love.
(...)
4) Has anyone figured out the meaning of Gendo's prediction yet? I've sure given you enough clues to puzzle it out...
5) I'm sure someone isn't going to like the idea of Ranma proposing to Akane. Well tough. It's been heading that way for a while in this story (if you didn't notice). Events were conspiring to force Ranma and Akane to take a long, hard look at their relationship and decide where they wanted it to go. That they finally decided, after a lot of grief, misunderstanding, arguments, distrust, and sex to comit to a life together certainly shouldn't be unexpected.
6) Thought for the day: "Cherish your emotions, all of them. A man feels love and he knows he's alive. He feels pain and he knows he's not dreaming." ~anonymous
Pointless tales of pairing off
--------------------
Disclaimer:
All non original concepts are not mine to do with as I please, et cetera.
The middle section of this chapter has been infected with musical theater. On behalf of the editorial staff, we apologize for any inconvenience and also lay all the blame on bunnies (I've got a theory, it could be bunnies...)
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SPECIAL CASES: Cologne and... (almost there), OR Little Death Before Dishonor
Part Three: Gordian Knot
--------------------
What would she do?
How could she defeat Cologne?
Would she ever see Ranma again?
Akane tried not to think about him as she practiced. She tried to keep her mind on what she was doing, to focus, but it just wasn't working.
Would she ever see him again?
The dojo was oppressively quiet, everyone having already turned in for the night. Akane had been in the dojo alone before, of course, but right now it seemed different. The massive hollow emptiness of it all just seemed to resonate with how she was feeling right now.
She didn't know what would happen now, she couldn't. All she had was fear and doubt. Ranma would, literally WOULD move heaven and earth for her, but she...
She'd do everything she could to get him back, but what could she do? Ranma was so far beyond her in martial arts skill, so far beyond any of them, and even he had trouble against Cologne. How was she supposed to beat the Amazon matriarch?
And if she couldn't beat Cologne, how would she get Ranma back from her?
What was she going to do? Would she ever see him again?
Suddenly there was a brilliant flash outside, which briefly flooded the dojo with light. Akane ran to the window, wondering what new catastrophe had fallen upon them now.
The garden was filled with light, radiating from a lone, silhouetted figure. The figure began approaching the dojo as the light faded.
"It can't be," Akane said in a whisper as she hustled out of the dojo to greet the figure. "Princess Ori..."
But it was. When she arrived outside she was greeted by a girl with a celestial bearing.
"Hello Akane," Princess Ori said.
"This has to be a dream," Akane said, in awe at once again being in the presence of the daughter of the Emperor of the Heavens.
"It is," the weaving princess confirmed. "I've been watching you Akane. I know your heart is filled with uncertainty now, but I came to tell you that you have nothing to fear."
"Nothing to fear?" Akane repeated.
"You and your fiance are bound together by fate," Ori elaborated. "Nobody can take that from you. Just remember that, Akane."
"Because of the spell you cast," Akane said. "You said it was..."
"Oh, that?" Ori asked, "That was just a little light show," she said with a mischievous smile. "I thought you two might work out your differences more easily if you thought you had divine fate on your side."
Akane was shocked. "It was all just some kind of trick?" she cried, "But you just said that we were bound by fate!"
"I didn't mean that," Ori said. "I wouldn't use magic to try to force you together. No, you're bound together because it is what you both wanted."
She held out her hands and a shimmering stalk of bamboo appeared between them. Two slips of paper, each of which bore a name, hung from the leaves.
"I heard your wish Akane," Ori said. "How could I not grant it?"
Akane remembered it clearly, though she hadn't thought about it in some time. The night before the Tanabata festival, that stalk of supposedly magic bamboo. Their parents forcing them to write their names and place them together on the stalk. "But that was our parent's idea, not us," she protested.
"It doesn't matter who's idea it was," Ori said. "I could tell that in your hearts this was what you wanted. Are you going to deny it?"
Akane thought back to that night. She thought about all that had happened, about the brief feeling of absolute terror she had felt when she thought Ranma had destroyed his paper...
"Ranma is such a jerk," she said. Still, she couldn't deny... After it was all said and done, the idea that her and Ranma might one day be married had been... nice to think about.
"But it was such a little thing," she said. "How could this bamboo leaf bind us together?"
"The leaf was just a formality, Akane," Ori said as she began to glow. "Destiny is not as important as you might think. What ultimately bound you two together was the feelings you share. As long as you remember that, you'll do just fine."
Ori continued to radiate light, brighter and brighter, until she was shining so bright that Akane had to close her eyes.
*****
When she opened her eyes again, she was in her bed. Sunlight was leaking through her window shades.
"Was it all just a dream?" she wondered. It was so vivid, so real...
Her and Ranma were... bound together by fate. The thought was actually quite heartwarming. Maybe she didn't need to worry... Maybe in the end everything would work out.
Her door opened and Kasumi poked her head in. "Good morning Akane," she said. "You had better hurry up. You don't want to keep the others waiting."
That's right, Akane remembered, they were leaving today. "I'll be down in a little bit, Kasumi," she said.
"All right then," Kasumi replied.
*****
Well that was about as subtle as a wrecking ball, wasn't it?
Anyhow...
*****
What the heck is going on here, Ranma wondered to himself as he sat on a rock and watched the sunrise. Where is pop?
What was that dream about?
He was in the mountains, somewhere. Some girl who called herself... what was it again? He couldn't remember her name, but she'd told him she'd found him lying in the road somewhere and had brought him to her camp. She hadn't seen his father anywhere.
"What did the old man do this time?" he wondered aloud.
And what was up with that dream? Who was that girl in the dream? He couldn't put a name to her face, but somehow in the dream her death... it... it was terrible. Seeing her die had been... it was like her death was the end of the world.
But damnit he didn't even know who she was!
Could she have something to do with all this? With pop's disappearance?
He just plain didn't have the answer to that. All he was left with was more questions.
*****
Cologne watched Ranma sit and think, and wondered what would come of her plan.
It was apparent that the memory altering shiatsu hadn't been entirely effective, which in itself wasn't much of a surprise. Trying to blot out nearly a year of someone's memory was... to say the least, not all that easy. Completely blocking that much information in a person's mind was actually simply impossible. The most vivid memories and strongest emotions would still tend to slip through the cracks, from time to time.
But she hadn't expected this. She knew all about Ranma's dream. She'd heard him sobbing in his sleep and later after introductions were made, she'd gotten him to tell her about it. It was clear to her that the dream had been about Akane. But rather than some fragments of forgotten memories, which she would have expected, the dream had been very specific and very explicit. Ranma had seen Akane die.
What did it mean? It couldn't be a memory resurfacing. That would be impossible, wouldn't it?
Unbidden, thoughts of her recent encounter with a fortune teller came to mind. Someone will die before this matter is resolved. Someone dear to one of the involved parties...
The thought sent a chill down Cologne's spine. What if... what if something more supernatural was at work here? What if the dream had nothing to do with the past at all?
*****
Breakfast was waiting for her when Akane came down the stairs. And that apparently wasn't the only thing.
"Kuno?"
Kuno sat at the table next to Nabiki. His expression was... perhaps less than ecstatic. Akane couldn't quite understand why, but he seemed genuinely uncomfortable here.
"Tate-chan has decided to join us for breakfast," Nabiki said.
"Yes," Kuno said, wincing at Nabiki's pet name for him. "Regrettably Sasuke seems indisposed presently. Therefore I have accepted the invitation of... of my fiancee..." the term did not seem to come easily to him, "...to dine here. I hope I am not imposing."
*****
Meanwhile Sasuke ran screaming through the streets, covered in pint sized demons of hell that endlessly gnawed at him. They were really little more than a nuisance and it wasn't like they were actually hurting him or anything, but hey, you wake up covered with the legions of the infernal realms and try to tell me you wouldn't be just a little freaked.
"GET THEM OFF!" he screamed as he ran, "GET THEM OFF!"
In the shadows, his tormenter watched him running in terror, and smiled. This was only the beginning.
*****
"Oh not at all," Soun said from his place at the table. "After all, you will soon be part of the family."
Another wince from Kuno, and Akane began to puzzle things out. She didn't know exactly what Nabiki had done to get a marriage proposal from Kuno, but she had assumed that there was love in there somewhere, at least on his end. Now she was starting to seriously doubt that. Nabiki had entrapped him, that much was obvious. What was surprising was that he apparently knew it.
In any case, that wasn't important right now. Ironically, for once she was happy to see Kuno here. He knew something about what had happened Ranma while he was away. He had to, he was there!
"Kuno," she said, "can I talk to you in the garden?"
For a moment Kuno's eyes gleamed at the thought, but just as quickly they turned to despair. "It... It would be unseemly," he said. "For former lovers to converse privately in such a manner..."
"Hey!" Akane protested. "We were never lovers!"
"Oh don't worry Tate-chan," Nabiki said with a very considerate voice. "I trust you to spend time alone with my little sister."
Kuno was surprised at Nabiki's statement. "Nabiki Ten... Nabiki, I... I am grateful for your understanding."
Nabiki beamed with appreciation that Akane thought was probably feigned. "Oh, and Akane," she said.
"Yes Nabiki?"
"I certainly hope you won't try to take advantage of this little courtesy," Nabiki said with a mischievous grin. "Don't go stealing my fiance, now."
"Nabiki!"
*****
"Honestly," Akane said as her and Kuno entered the garden, "she's treating this like its just some kind of game. I don't know why you put up with..."
She was cut off when Kuno swept her into his arms.
"Oh dear Akane!" he cried, "how bold you are! My heart races with excitement!"
Akane felt her anger build like a volcano ready to blow. "Oh Kuno dear," she said sweetly, then tossed him into a tree, "YOU'RE ENGAGED!"
Kuno crashed into the tree head first and slumped to the ground. Then, quicker than a blink, he was back on his feet with his arms once again around Akane.
"Oh such a cruel twist of fate which has tied me to your sister," he lamented. "I shall do all for her that is required of a husband, but know that in truth my heart forever belongs to you. In whatever time we can have together, we can make memories that will last for years to come..."
Akane knocked him down again. "Cut it out!" she demanded, "I didn't bring you out here for this! I wanted to ask you something."
Kuno got up to a seated position. "You may ask anything you want of me, my dear Akane. I shall endeavor to be of service however I can."
"I was..." Akane hesitated. Ranma hadn't told her anything about what had happened to him while he was away. Once it had been nothing but irritating, but now... as she stood there, she realized that finding out the truth just wasn't as important to her as it used to be. She found herself thinking that Ranma would tell her himself when he was ready.
And that was just fine with her.
"Never mind," she said.
Kuno looked to the ground. "I understand what you are asking," he said.
"Huh?" Akane asked, confused.
"Oh if it were only so easy to set aside your sister!" Kuno lamented. "Alas, I have given my pledge to her, and I cannot break it." He moved to her and took her hands. "But be strong Akane, know that my love is true, know that we will find a way..."
"That's not it!" Akane protested. "I was going to ask what you and Ranma were doing while he was gone!"
Kuno's face got a look of supreme puzzlement. "Say again?" he asked.
"I wanted to know what you and Ranma were doing," Akane repeated. "Forget it, I don't need to know."
"I do not know what you are talking about," Kuno said. "I have no dealings with Saotome."
"Shampoo saw you with him, at Ryuugenzawa," Akane said.
"Shampoo is mistaken," Kuno said. "I had no part in his leaving, though he would have done well to stay away permanently. And I certainly have not been to this Ryuugenzawa."
But this didn't make any sense! Shampoo had been very specific. Kuno had been the one that was with Ranma. Was he lying now to hide something? But what could he possibly be hiding?
Why is it that every time she tried to learn more about what had happened, all she got was more questions?
*****
"Let me out damnit!" Ukyo shouted as she pounded on the door to her room, thoroughly boarded up by Ryoga.
"I'm sorry Ukyo," Ryoga said safely on the other side of the door. "You can't come with us in your condition. It's too much of a risk for the baby."
"Ryoga you jackass!" Ukyo hollered, "you can't leave me behind! You owe me, pig boy, you hear me!"
Ryoga turned his attention to the rather cute girlish ninja hiding in the shadows nearby. "Take good care of her while I'm gone," he said.
Konatsu shot him a dark look, but then he was used to that. "I'll take extra good care of miss Ukyo," he said. "Feel free to not come back, ever."
Ryoga winced. It was safe to say the kunoichi didn't like him, not one bit. At least Konatsu had stopped trying to kill him, mostly.
"I packed a lunch for you," the ninja said, offering Ryoga a bento box.
Ryoga didn't accept it. He wasn't about to gamble with his life any more than he had to.
Locked in her room, Ukyo continued to plead, threaten, and demand that she be let out.
"You can't do this to me, Ryoga!" she yelled. "I'll never have another opportunity like this again! You can't make me miss it like this!"
Shampoo and the elder entered the restaurant.
"Nihao," Shampoo said. "Is all ready to go?"
"RYOGA! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE!"
Even Shampoo shuddered a little at Ukyo's latest outburst.
"Umm..." Ryoga said, "Ukyo isn't coming along. She doesn't need the strain right now."
Shampoo nodded. "Mortal combat is no good for pregnant womens. Shampoo would stay behind also, but must come to help find Great Grandmother. No one knows great grandmother's training places like Shampoo."
"You can't do this to me, Ryoga!" Ukyo pled. "I'm the only one he's going to recognize! You're ruining everything! I'll never forgive you for this!"
Ryoga shook his head. "You'll never forgive me for anything no matter what I do," he said softly, quietly enough so as not to be overheard. "It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters now, the only good I can do in this world now is to make sure that my baby will live a long and happy life. I'll protect you with my life, Ukyo, whether you want me to or not."
"What Ukyo mean, she only one he'll recognize?" Shampoo asked.
"I don't know," Ryoga said. "She hasn't been all that willing to talk to me in a rational manner right now, but it doesn't matter." Whatever he had to do. He'd protect her and her baby. His life, his happiness, he'd give it all up for her child. It was all he had left.
*****
They gathered at the Tendo house soon after. The nine were now eight, but nobody complained. Ukyo wouldn't have been much good in a fight anyway.
There were, however, other issues.
"Why is Kodachi here?" Akane wondered aloud to Nabiki, who, along with the rest of the family, was seeing them off. Kodachi Kuno wasn't exactly Akane's idea of a good traveling companion.
"Why else Akane?" Nabiki said, "to win Ranma of course. You had better be extra careful around her. She's not playing by any rules anymore."
"I'm more interested in why that Pantyhose guy is here," Ryoga said. "Why would he care if Ranma comes home or not?"
"I've heard that he's courting Kodachi," Nabiki said.
Ryoga thought for a moment. "It's a good match," he said finally. "A demon and the devil."
"My my my," Nabiki said. "Someone's gotten rather moody. Engaged life treating you poorly?"
Ryoga smiled grimly. "Let's just say this isn't exactly what I had in mind for my future."
"But weddings are such wonderful events," Kasumi said as she joined the conversation, a large bouquet of roses in her arms.
"Looks like you've gotten quite a bouquet there," Nabiki said. "Where did you get it?"
"It was on the doorstep with a card addressed to me," Kasumi said. "It didn't say who it was from."
"Sounds like you have a secret admirer," Akane said with a grin. She couldn't be sure, but she had an idea who might have done it. It was nice to see that amidst all this mess, some things finally seemed to be working out.
"Oh that can't be," Kasumi said. "Whoever sent them must have just forgotten to sign their name."
Happosai looked up from the deep conversation he was having with the Amazon elder and scowled, but nobody noticed.
Shampoo walked over to Akane. "We need get going," she said. "No want miss train."
Akane nodded. "Your right," she said. "It's time."
Around them the air got strangely... musical. Nobody could explain it, nobody bothered to try, but the air was filled with a rousing tune like something out of London musical theater.
"One day more," Ryoga started to sing, "another day, another destiny, this never ending trail of misery."
Nobody commented as Ryoga kept singing. "I had some drinks and I can tell I've screwed my way straight to hell, one day more."
Akane joined in. "I did not live until that day," she sang. "How could I live if we were parted."
"One day more."
"Ranma could be worlds away," Akane sang, "And yet I know that I will find him."
At Ucchan's Okonomiyaki, Ukyo joined in despite being miles away and locked in her room. "One more day, all on my own."
"Princess Ori gave me hope," Akane sang.
"One more day with pig boy's baby," Ukyo bemoaned in tune
"I was born to be with him," Akane again.
"How did this all go so wrong?"
"And I know he will be true."
"LET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"
The song seemed to build in dramatic tone as Kuno stepped forward.
"One more day before the storm!" he sang.
"Do I follow where she goes?" Ryoga wondered.
"And the end of the vile Saotome!"
"Should I help her fight Colonge?"
"When our ranks begin to form..."
"Nothing will change, she won't care!"
"Will you take your place with me?"
Everyone joined in. "The time is now, the day is here!"
"One day more!" Happosai cried.
"One more day to find Saotome," Taro sang, "one day more to end his life. Then I'll show that damn Kodachi, I'll show her what love means!"
"Watch them run amok," Kodachi sang, "kick her when she's down. Better watch her back if there's a free for all. Here a little trip, there a little push, who can really blame me in an accident?"
"One more day to some new action," Happosai crooned.
"Raise the skirts of ladies high!" his pervert chorus of Chingensai and Lukkosai tossed in.
"Every day will be a dream."
"Every night he'll get some..." the chorus was quickly muzzled and ejected from the song.
"Shampoo says I get a present," Happosai continued, "one I'll love to unwrap. Just imagine what that can mean!"
Ryoga came to his decision. "For better, or worse, I'll fight for her!"
"One day more!"
Now everybody started singing all kinds of different verses at once that I deny anyone to decipher.
"Tomorrow we'll be far away," Akane sang.
"Tomorrow is the judgment day," Kuno sang.
"Tomorrow we'll discover what this dumb hack writer has in store!" Everyone sang.
"One more dawn!"
"One more day!"
"One day more!"
Then the song ended, and everyone went about their business as though nothing had happened.
*****
"Look, I don't really need help," Ranma said as they approached a nearby small town. "I can look for pops on my own."
"You're a mess," Cologne pointed out. Ranma had decided to leave her camp to go looking for his father yesterday, and she had graciously offered to guide him to the closest town, and to help him search. "You have a broken arm that you don't even know how you got. It's no big deal, I have nothing better to do. Besides, don't you believe in karma? Helping fellow lost travelers is good for the soul."
"Karma?" Ranma seemed dubious. "What was your name again?"
Cologne winced. Unfortunately she had made one miscalculation in her rushed plan to escape the trap Shampoo had laid for her. In blocking out all of Ranma's memories from Jusenkyo onwards, she had unfortunately caught herself in the backwash. Had the shiatsu worked as it was supposed to, then all her plans for seduction would be for naught. Ranma wouldn't be able to keep her in his mind long enough for her to get anywhere.
Fortunately, the problems the blocks were having on keeping Ranma's memories buried were actually serving to counteract that problem. Since Cologne had targeted so much of his memories, not just the last year of his life, but his memories of everyone he encountered during that time, the blocks she put into place weren't as strong as they would normally be. Ranma could keep Cologne in his mind, however try as he might he couldn't remember her name. Oh well, names weren't really necessary for what she had in mind.
"Don't worry about it," she said. "Look, I just want to help you. I don't have anywhere to go back too. Helping you will give me something to do with my life again."
Ranma seemed to accept that, but he still seemed dubious. No matter. Time would eventually take care of that. They would be traveling together for a long time searching for a dead man. A young man and young woman traveling, working, even fighting side by side for so long... why the end result was a foregone conclusion!
The only wildcard was apparently Akane. Ranma had had another dream about her last night. Unlike the first one, this was a rather pleasant dream (Cologne didn't know the details, but she had heard him mumbling rather contentedly in his sleep). Nevertheless, when he had woken up the dream was just as disturbing as the first one. It didn't matter if the girl was so important to him in his dreams, he still didn't know who she was or why she was haunting his sleep.
But Cologne knew what it meant. The imperfect blocks on his memory were starting to crumble. In his dreams they were practically nonexistent. How much time did she have before they fell completely?
She shrugged off the concern as they passed by the train station, where passengers disembarked from a recently arrived train. They should hold long enough provided Ranma doesn't run into...
"RANMA!" a young woman cried. Both Cologne and Ranma turned to see who had called his name, Cologne recognizing the voice from the first and hoping that she had misheard.
Akane stood on the platform of the train station, with the whole gang from Nerima there with her.
"Oh for goodness sakes!"
*****
It was incredible, almost unbelievable. They'd gotten off of the train, expecting a long and fruitless search, and instead, there he was! Akane thought her heart might burst as she called to him and he turned to her.
But...
Akane was surprised to see a flash of fear in Ranma's eyes when he caught sight of her. She was even more surprised when he spoke.
"Who are you?" he demanded. "What do you want with me?"
For a brief moment Akane couldn't find her voice. Ranma didn't... he didn't remember her?
"Ranma," she said desperately, "It's me. It's Akane..."
"Bad Great Grandmother!" Shampoo snapped. "You use Xi Fa Xiang Gao Shiatsu on Ranma!"
"Zi fa shang... what?" Ranma asked.
"Don't worry about it, Ranma," Cologne said. "Don't believe a word these interlopers say."
"She stole your memories, Ranma!" Akane yelled.
"Don't listen to her," Cologne said. "She's been haunting you."
"I've been what?" Akane demanded. "What are you talking about?"
"Ranma," Shampoo said in an earnest voice, "great grandmother use amazon technique for memory manipulation to steal memories of Akane."
"What are you talking about?" Ranma demanded. "Who are you people? What is going on here?!"
"He no remember any of us," Shampoo realized. "Great grandmother very thorough. This what Ukyo meant maybe?"
"Enough of this!" Kuno declared, charging at Ranma with sword drawn. "We end this now!" Ryoga followed behind him.
"What are you doing?!" Akane demanded. "Don't hurt him!"
Neither Ryoga nor Kuno paid Akane any heed. Kuno had his own motives for going on the attack, but Ryoga knew that if Ranma didn't know any of them, he might very well turn on them. It was better to take him out of the fight now while he was still somewhat distracted.
Ranma got into a fighting stance, ready to face his attackers, but Colonge stepped in front of him.
"I'm afraid I'm not going to let you hurt the boy," she said.
"Hey," Ranma protested, "I can handle this myself."
"No you can't," Cologne said. "Not in your condition."
"Stay out of my fights, lady," Ranma snapped.
Some kind of blur flashed between them, apparently just brushing Cologne's shoulder. Both Ryoga and Kuno stopped their charge, wondering what it was.
Cologne looked down at her chest, feeling strangely... unsupported. Her eyes widened in shock as she looked to her left, seeing Happosai nuzzling her bra in triumph.
"Happosai!" she cried. "How did you..."
Happosai grinned a lecherous grin as he stashed the bra... somewhere... and cracked his knuckles. "Don't worry my dear lil Cologne," he said in a positively evil voice, "you're going to become well acquainted with what my magic little hands can do."
Cologne smiled grimly. "So Shampoo told you, did she?"
Happosai nodded. "You boys handle Ranma," he told Ryoga and Kuno, "and leave this one to me."
Happosai and Cologne both lunged into combat, their battle quickly carrying them away from the rest.
"You with me Kuno?" Ryoga asked.
Kuno nodded, tightening his grip on his sword.
"Hey, wait a minute," Ranma said. "You're Ryoga, Ryoga Hibiki."
"Wha?" Ryoga was justifiably surprised. Ranma recognized him? "You remember me?"
"Hey, yeah," Ranma said. "We went to school together. So what's going on here? Who are all these people?"
Of course, Ryoga realized. It all made sense now. Cologne must have erased all of Ranma's memories from his time in Nerima. That's why Ukyo said Ranma'd recognize her, and why Ranma recognized him now. They both knew Ranma from before then. Maybe he could explain everything to Ranma after all.
"It's a long story, Ranma," Ryoga said. "This is going to take a while to explain, and it might sound a bit unbelievable, but you have to trust me..."
Kuno wasn't particularly interested in talking, and instead went right on the attack.
"Kuno, stop," Ryoga yelled. "We don't have to fight him!"
"I will have no part in parlay with the devil Saotome!" Kuno declared. "I will destroy him!"
*****
Akane felt an overwhelming sense of frustration and a bit of fear when Kuno began attacking Ranma. Why had she agreed to let him come along?
When Ranma had recognized Ryoga and the two had started talking, Akane had hoped that this meant that they could resolve this without a fight. But then Kuno had attacked Ranma!
And yes, the fear was there. Was Ranma in any shape to fight? He was still hurt from whatever had happened to him while he was away. What if Ranma's memory loss included the techniques that gave him the advantage against Kuno?
She had to stop this, if she didn't then Ranma might be...
A cyclone suddenly roared into existence, swallowing both Kuno and Ryoga (who was just a little too close) and flinging them well away.
Akane was stunned. "That was the hiryu shoten ha," she said in wonder.
Apparently so was Ranma, who stood in the center of a small crater staring at his fist with a look of total confusion.
"Conditioned reflex?" Shampoo more asked than stated. "Technique is so second nature that Ranma performs it unconsciously."
But that didn't make any sense, Akane decided. "It's too complex," she said. "You have to be consciously aware of too many things to use it..." She saw him drop to his knees, one hand on his temple, and in a flash she understood. She leapt down from the platform and started running towards Ranma.
"What you doing Akane?" Shampoo called after her.
"I can bring his memory back!" Akane declared.
*****
"What's the point of fighting it, lil Colonge?" Happosai asked as he attacked. "You've already lost to me once, and they're your own laws."
"I don't have to marry you if you're dead," Cologne pointed out, fending off most of his strikes. She was fighting with all she had and a little that she normally didn't, and yet she was barely keeping up with him. What gave him his strength? Was his sick perversity really that strong?
"But would it be so bad?" Happosai asked.
"Yes it would!" Colonge declared, snapping a kick at Happosai's head.
He effortlessly dodged the blow. "Well you better get used to it sweet cheeks, 'cause you ain't killing me tonight!"
*****
Akane walked towards Ranma slowly, feeling incredibly nervous and a little afraid. She wanted to be sure this would work, she wanted to know that everything could be made right again. But she couldn't know for sure.
"What do you want?" Ranma demanded, trying to sound tough, but actually sounding a little afraid. Why would he be afraid of her?
"You can feel it," Akane said, "can't you? Like something buried deep in your brain trying to claw its way out." She moved closer to him, within arms reach. "Ranma, I want to help you remember."
"Why?" Ranma asked. "Who are you?"
Akane stepped closer and slipped her arms around him. "I'm your fiancee," she said softly, tenderly, "and I love you."
Then she kissed him.
*****
Cologne was thrown to the ground. Happosai loomed over her.
"So, Colonge," he said as he looked upon her with a laughing, victorious, lecherous eye, "do you want a chapel wedding, or a small civil ceremony?"
"You think you've beaten me?" Cologne wanted to know.
"It's all over, Cologne," Happosai said. "Give up while you still can."
"Not yet," in a flash(so to speak), Cologne had made her move, whiping off her shirt to give Happosai a good look at her ample goods.
"Hot momma!" he cried as he leapt at her, only to receive a kick to the face that dropped him to the ground. Cologne wasted no time in pinning him to the ground by his neck with one hand. She raised the other up...
A moment's hesitation. "Goodbye Happi."
Her fist dropped, slamming down with skull smashing force.
Just beside Happosai's head.
Cologne released the lecher in frustration. She couldn't bring herself to do it. She couldn't bring herself to kill him after everything they'd been through together over the centuries. "Damn it all, I should kill you," she said as she retrieved her shirt and put it back on. "This isn't over yet. I still have Ranma."
*****
Akane felt Ranma encircle her with his arms and pull her close to him as she kissed him. She felt him respond to her, return her kiss. It was working!
She broke from the kiss and gazed into his eyes. "Ranma..."
Ranma grinned sheepishly. "Who were you again?"
Needless to say, that killed the mood. "YOU JERK!" Akane cried, releasing him from their embrace with a savage slap.
"What was that for?!" Ranma demanded.
"Do you always kiss girls you don't know!?" Akane shot back.
"Hey!" Ranma protested. "You kissed me, Akane! I ain't taking the blame for that!"
"But you weren't exactly fighting to get away, either!" Akane returned, completely missing the one thing she should have been paying attention for.
"Oh yeah?" Ranma asked. "Well how were you so sure that I was who you thought I was, huh? What if I was someone else? Do you just kiss guys you don't know?"
"That's ridiculous Ranma," Akane scoffed. "I know you when I see you. I'm not going to mistake someone else for you."
Ranma was going to respond, but his earlier statement finally clicked in Akane's mind, and she interrupted him.
"You remember me!?" she exclaimed.
"Yeah," Ranma said. "It all came back when you slapped me."
It was supposed to be an expression of displeasure, like maybe you could have found a gentler way to bring my memory back, but that wasn't important to Akane. She flung her arms around him again and just held him close. After a little bit of this, Ranma decided the slap wasn't all that big of a deal.
"Hey, Akane," he said.
"Yes?"
"I was thinkin," he could feel butterflies fluttering around in his stomach, but it was something he felt he had to say. It was something he probably would have said already, if this whole current mess hadn't gotten started. "When we're a little older, like maybe out of school or somethin..."
Akane said nothing, but she could feel her heart racing.
"I was wonderin if... well... would you maybe... marry me some day?"
*****
Cologne watched Ranma and Akane share a second kiss, one that didn't end in an argument or slap. She could feel the warm and fuzzys from where she was.
"So lil Cologne," Happosai said, "you were saying?"
"I guess it's no surprise," Cologne said. She could feel fate closing in on her like the jaws of an angry dog on the throat of it's tormenter.
"Martriarch," a wizened old voice said. Cologne turned to face a long time enemy.
"Hello, Gel," she said.
"What will you do now, Cologne?" The amazon elder asked. "Shall you press your claim for Ranma?"
Cologne shook her head. Honor and position had gotten her into this mess. The Matriarch of the tribe must be held to the highest standard of honor and duty. Claiming rights to a boy that she cannot win was not the behavior of a Matriarch. "No, I have no claim to the boy."
But then, neither was disregarding tribal laws.
"You know what you have to do," the Elder said. "Do it, or step down from your position."
"It was my great granddaughter that told you about the mushrooms," Cologne said. "Correct?"
"Correct," the elder said. "You appear to have angered her greatly over some matter."
"And I suppose you already have the support lined up to replace me should I make the wrong choice," Cologne said. "You've always wanted the Matriarch's position. Are you using Shampoo to get to me, or is Shampoo using you?"
"I require a decision," the elder said.
"Old Ghoul!" Ranma yelled as he approached, Akane following behind him. "I've got something to say to you! Whatdidja think you were doin kidnapping me like that!"
Cologne said nothing. She walked to her backpack, dropped when the fight had begun, and picked it up.
"Will you step down?" the elder asked.
Cologne still said nothing. Instead she opened a pocket on the pack and took out a mushroom.
"Sixteen centimeters," she said quietly, "and still fresh. Just the right size."
"What's going on here?" Ranma asked Akane, totally lost.
"She's actually going to go through with it?" Akane said in shock. "I can't believe it!"
Believe it. Cologne walked over to Happosai and offered him the mushroom. "Here you go, Happi," she said, resigned to her fate. "If we're going to go through with this, you have to eat this first."
Happosai took the mushroom and sniffed it suspiciously. "You aren't trying to poison me, are you?" he asked.
"Not at all," Cologne said. "But at your age, you are currently ill prepared to carry out your husbandly duty. This is going to fix it."
"My husbandly duties?" Happosai asked, sounding hopeful. "You mean..."
"You know exactly what I mean," Cologne said in a low voice.
Ranma had never seen a mushroom consumed quite so quickly. The affects were nearly instantaneous and at the same time entirely unexpected.
The Happosai that they had all known vanished in a wave of sudden growth and tearing and popping cloths, now simply too small for him.
Jaws dropped at what had replaced him.
"Well well," he said as he looked over his freshly young body. "I have to say I look good."
"He's a hunk!" Akane exclaimed. The Happosai that stood before them was a tall, dark, dashing, rougish figure. The kind of guy girls almost automatically swooned over should he choose to smile at them.
Ranma looked to his fiancee with an annoyed look. "Oh yeah?" he asked. "So that's what you go for?"
Akane scowled at him in response. "That's not what I meant!" she protested.
"Don't worry about it, boy," the elder said, "It's understandable."
"Well does she have to keep staring?" Ranma asked.
"Oh it's no big deal, Ranma my boy," Happosai said. "I'd forgotten how good I looked when I was younger." He ran a hand through his freshly re-sprouted black hair. "And this is sure an old friend that I've missed."
Cologne grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around to face her. "You have some explaining to do, Happosai!" she declared. "You didn't look anything like this when we were young. What's going on here?"
"Oh," Happosai said sheepishly, "that... Well, I guess there's no point in keeping it a secret anymore. I'm afraid I was less than honest with you back then. You see, I wasn't sure you would like me quite so much if you knew that there was a... few years age difference."
"A few years?" Cologne asked. "Just how many years older than me are you?"
"Oh, not too many," Happosai said nervously, "one or two or..."
"HAPPI!"
"Ninety seven," he quickly admitted.
Cologne's jaw dropped again. "You mean to say that when you told me you were eighteen, you were actually a hundred and fifteen years old?!"
"Hey," Ranma protested, "wait a minute. He can't have been that old."
"That's right!" Akane agreed. "We met him back then. He was just a kid."
"Bah," Happosai scoffed. "My youthful appearance back then was simply thanks to plenty of amazon wrinkle reducing cream. It was enough to take centuries off my face."
This earned him a pair of blank stares from Ranma and Akane.
"It's true," Cologne said. "That stuff works wonders. Gel here has been using it since the Sengoku era, and look how well she's turned out."
The amazon elder, who looked not too unlike how Cologne used to look, scowled at the matriarch.
"Well then," Cologne said, "this changes things quite a bit. It looks like this marriage will be a lot more fun than I thought. How about it Happi? A quickie wedding as soon as we get back?"
Akane and Ranma were stunned.
"But just a while ago you were doing everything you could to get out of it!" Akane protested.
Cologne chuckled. "The Happosai I expected was about a foot tall and really had... lets just say nothing to offer me. This one..." She took a long moment to look him over from head to toe (did I mention he was naked?) "Yes, I really have nothing to complain about."
Happosai slipped an arm around Cologne and pulled her close. "Well, I'm a little out of practice in some areas, but I'm eager to learn."
Cologne smiled in a definitively impure way. "And I'll be happy to teach you... everything."
At this point, Ranma and Akane chose to just walk away.
*****
Among all this bliss, there was one person who was definitely not happy.
"Are you ready to give up now?" Taro asked.
Kodachi said nothing, she just stood there feeling an impotent rage. She'd seen it all, seen the warmth and tenderness that Ranma and Akane were now sharing.
"Why can't you let it go?" Taro asked her.
"She will die," Kodachi said quietly. "I will see to it. The girl will die and I will give Ranma her heart on a plate."
"He'll kill you for it," Taro said.
"I don't care."
*****
TO BE CONTINUED!
*****
Author's notes:
1) Umm... sorry about the whole bursting into song thing. Just needed to vent. It won't happen again.
2) You might be wondering if Akane's dream was really a divine visitation or just a really comforting dream. Well... I'm not telling, ever. Choose whichever answer you find the most appealing.
3) You didn't really think Akane's tender declaration of love would instantly snap Ranma out of it, did you? Silly readers! For memory restoration nothing beats a blow to the head from someone you love.
(...)
4) Has anyone figured out the meaning of Gendo's prediction yet? I've sure given you enough clues to puzzle it out...
5) I'm sure someone isn't going to like the idea of Ranma proposing to Akane. Well tough. It's been heading that way for a while in this story (if you didn't notice). Events were conspiring to force Ranma and Akane to take a long, hard look at their relationship and decide where they wanted it to go. That they finally decided, after a lot of grief, misunderstanding, arguments, distrust, and sex to comit to a life together certainly shouldn't be unexpected.
6) Thought for the day: "Cherish your emotions, all of them. A man feels love and he knows he's alive. He feels pain and he knows he's not dreaming." ~anonymous