"OH MY GLOB!" LSP yelled as she tried to float out of the sugary (yet firm) grip of the banana guards restraining her, "LEMME GO YOU NOIDS! WHAT THE FREAKING STUFF THIS IS- THIS IS LUMPING UNACCEPTABLE!"

The Banana guards exchanged a look over her strange word choice but were too busy trying to hold back the wriggling princess to say anything. They dragged her towards the heavy door of the dungeon and forced her through it.

"JESUS CHRIST I JUST CAN'T WITH YOU!" LSP tore one arm loose and brought her elbow down on a guard's head. Hard. She sent chocolate sauce splattering everywhere and finally freed herself.

She shot up like a rocket yelling "HA HA LOSERS- TAKE THE FREAKING L- L FOR LSP!" and raised her hand in what would be a rude gesture if she had more than 4 fingers but as it happens, she merely showed them her ring finger. That had been a close one but now she was fre-

LSP smacked into the ceiling of the Candy Kingdom's top security dungeon. LIke a deflated balloon she slowly floated back down to the floor and groaned. She was so dazed she was seeing stars- and not just the one in her forehead, which the impact had shattered into little pieces.

"Aw come on man!" complained one of the guards, poking the yellow remains of her star strewn over the floor, "what the junk! We're gonna have to sweep all this."

"Ha ha…" LSP said weakly, and then- "HEY WHAT THE!"

The other guard had darted a hand into the star hole she liked to keep handy objects in and retrieved something: the skeleton key Death had given her when she played with him in Marceline's band.

"WHAT GIVES!" She yelled as they pushed her into a cell, "I WAS GONNA USE THAT TO PICK YOUR STUPID LOCK!"

"Yeah we know-" one of the guards stated.

"-That's why we confiscated it dude." The other finished.

LSP rattled the candy cane bars of the dungeon cell in rage. She screamed obscenities at the guards, who merely shrugged and walked away.

"-AND I'LL HAVE YOU FREAKING KNOW-" she yelled after them having stuck her face through the bars as far as she could, "THAT MY MAN IS, LIKE, BEST BUDS WITH THE PRINCESS AND HE WILL BE LUMPING HEARING ABOUT THIS UNACCEPTABLE JUNK!"

"Oh yeah," one guard snickered as they opened the heavy dungeon door, "tell us all about your super powerful boyfriend who tooootally isn't in the cell with you for trying to yoink the Enchiridion."

"Yoink? Don't you mean smash and grab?" asked the other banana.

"Nah nah. That's totally different, I mean more like a swipe job."

"Nah nah that's not what happened, he tried to downright klepto it man."

"No no- the correct term is to light finger, what I mean to say is he fully tried to pilfer it."

"Nah that's not right-"

"When I was still on the streets," said a shadowy figure from one of the cells, muttering in a hushed tone that made everyone fall silent, "we used to call it a gaffle gipple two shoes ring ring banana when you nick something. But that ain't why I'm here… Pete Sassafras is my name an-"

"For glob's sake- just say he tried to steal it!" yelled another inmate. "I have a migraine and I'm trying to sleep!"

The guards hurriedly shut the door, casting the dungeon in shadow while LSP stood in shock at what she'd just heard.

Lemongrab? Stealing? In the cell… with her?

As if on cue an unmistakably high voice shyly came from behind her: "Helloo… Lemongrab here…"

With a pop LSP pulled her head out from in between the bars and tried to act casual in front of the boy she'd practically thrown herself at just a few days ago. Though in her defense everyone had thought the world was gonna end with that giant baby (GOLB or whatever it was called, she didn't care) coming out of the sky. The world had not ended and neither had the cringing embarrassment she felt every time she remembered how she'd practically begged him to smooch her- In front of EVERYONE! Not that she regretted it though, he was pretty handsome for a piece of fruit. Especially now that he was in a cute black and white striped prison uniform with "1270" stamped on it.

LSP was deeply grateful for the dungeon's dim light as she could feel her cheeks burning as she tried to casually lean her hand on one of the bars. "S'up." she managed to squeak.

"Sorry what?" Lemongrab asked and adorably cocked his head in a way that made her just want to give him another kiss. She'd forgotten that he wasn't good with slang stuff.

"Oh like… what's up?" she clarified.

"It is theeee opposite of down," he explained, "I am surprised you do not know this, but Iiiiii am happy toooo enlighten you."

Oh great. Now he thinks I'm freaking stupid as lump. "Oh uh… I mean, like, how are you and stuff? Like… how've you been since like, the world nearly ended ha ha."

"Oh glob what am I saying?" she thought, "This is soooo embarrassing. I'm actually sweating- my freaking lumps are gonna be all moist!"

Lemongrab daintily sat down on a threadbare blanket lying on the toffee stone floor. He rested his long nose over his knees and looked very, very cute as he did so. "How have Iiii… been doing?"

"Uh, yeah."

"I am… hm… hnnngh… No no I do not know. Emotions make me upset."

"Aw what's wrong," she asked sympathetically, "you got something on your mind, or something?"

"It is all unacceptable…" he said sadly, "But… I suppose… I am a little sweeter inside now that weee are together again."

LSP's blush worsened. "O-oh… ha ha yeah it's, uh, great to see you too. Pretty acceptable, and stuff."

"It is!? I am so pleeeased and gracious!" Lemongrab exclaimed, "Would you like a seat upon theee royal blanket? Alas it is all we have…nngh I screamed for so many hours-"

"Yeah we remember that." Yelled the inmate with a migraine, "yellow freak!"

"OI!" LSP yelled back and shook her fist in their general direction, "YOU TAKE THAT BACK OR I'LL MAKE YOU SO SORRY! YOU'RE LUCKY YOU'RE SAFE IN YOUR GROSS CAGE OR I'D FREAKING BITE YOU! What were you saying babe?"

The combination of having someone stick up for him for the first time in all three of his lives and being called not an experiment gone wrong, or a monster, or unacceptable, or weird, or even the earl but babe by a princess had made Lemongrab so flustered he couldn't say anything beyond "Huh?"

"What were you saying," she repeated, "before you got rudely interrupted by some ugly skank?"

"I was simplyy… informing thee of the blanket. I did demand better arrangements for my royal cell but the guards refused. It is an ungood blanket, but you may be seated if you wish-" Lemongrab nervously tapped his yellow fingers, "-b-baaabe…"

LSP looked away, too flustered to meet his eyes after hearing him shyly say that to her. She focused on the corner of the cell and then looked around the rest of the enclosure. It was completely empty.

"Wait is this blanket all we have in here?" LSP asked, "Do you not have any like… music or?"

"Mmmm no… only thee… crying inmates. Sometimes."

"And we have no… TV?"

"No there is nooo television…"

"So what are we gonna do then? I'm gonna be bored out of my mind-" She plopped herself down next to him on the blanket.

"Hmmm…" Lemongrab muttered and looked thoughtful. He couldn't let a princess be bored. Especially not his princess. He had to think of some way to entertain her.

He turned to say this to her but she was already busy on a small pink machine he knew was called a "cellular telephone". "Look at this lol." she said and showed him the screen.

Lemongrab put on his reading glasses and squinted at her phone screen. It was a picture of Muscle Princess with her body edited into a huge mussel fish captioned "Mussel Princess".

"Is this your friend?" he asked.

"What? No. It's just some… picture I-"

"Did yoouu…. Make this?"

"...No." said LSP, immensely regretting ever showing a meme to Lemongrab.

Lemongrab carried on trying to decipher this strange image. "Did your friend make this?"

"No Lemongrab. It's just a meme." LSP explained, "I found it online. On the internet."

"Ah yes, the internet." Lemongrab said quickly. He could tell he'd said something wrong though he didn't know what and he really didn't want to look like a fool in front of LSP. "I take it then, that yoouu have an, nghh, internet account?"

"Well… yeah I mean… huh?" LSP tried to wrap her head around his question, "I'm on some sites yeah."

"Yes. Yes of course. Doo yoouu have maany… mmm pictures then?"

"Uh yeah… I have quite a lotta pics- lemme try find something you might find funnier." LSP started scrolling through her saved photos.

Most of her pictures were nail art and things to do with makeup as well as her endless supply of selfies, but occasionally she'd find a funny picture of a cat and she'd show it to Lemongrab, who would pretend to be happy and not incredibly confused.

Then there was a picture of Lemongrab. LSP tried to quickly scroll away but then there was another one. And another. Sweating, LSP moved her finger at rapid speed but they just kept coming. She stole a glance at the real thing to see his reaction and he gave her a sharp toothed smile. "Um…" she said, "please ignore this…"

"There iiis no need tooo beee... embarrassed… babe…" Lemongrab said pleasantly and started rummaging in his pockets, "I carry a nOoospaper clipping of you with me everywhere. See."

He showed her an article taken from the Candy Kingdom nOoos titled 'flames of passion'. It said 'yesterday a purple girl eyewitnesses have confirmed as the princess of Lumpy Space threw a molotov cocktail at the candy kingdom castle- which at the time had our precious princess in it! LSP then dismantled the brakes on a 1966-1967 Mitsubishi Fuso T-800 F Tanker, and sent it flying into the castle's doors, causing immense property damage. The king and queen of Lumpy Space have issued a royal apology for their daughter's actions and want to reassure the public that this act was not political and there is no need for our nations to go to war. The Princess of our wonderful kingdom has graciously issued a royal pardon saying that LSP did what she did "out of love for Johnnie, and cannot be held accountable for her actions." Bubblegum is the best Princess eva!'

To top it all off there was a very unflattering picture of LSP about to throw a rock at the reporter photographing her. LSP was horrified. This was not the sort of thing she wanted Lemongrab to see, let alone carry around with him everywhere he went.

Lemongrab misinterpreted LSP's shocked silence as her being weirded out. He supposed it was a bit weird. She had her modern cellular phone and here he was with newspaper clippings like some sort of retro conspiracy theorist. "It is aaa little old fashioned," he admitted self consciously, "but… not unacceptable hopefully."

"No I think it's sweet." LSP said quickly.

"I am sour."

"Then it's… sour. But this uh… happened a long time ago and like my wild child days are over- I'm chill and stuff now." LSP explained nervously, "Sorry I um, tried to jack your mom up. There's no like… hard feelings or anything right ha ha? Really I am so lumping sorry..."

"The Princess has issued a royal pardon for your crimes so Iiiii have no… hard feelings towards you. Sheeeee claims your actions were committed out of love for this mmmmmm…. Johnnie person-" Lemongrab's tone turned bitter as he said her ex boyfriend's name, "and Iiii have a few mm questions about him, if I may."

LSP frowned and then had to stop herself from grinning. He was jealous! LSP turned away smugly. "Yeah sure, go ahead. Though I don't actually like, remember him, so he probably wasn't special or anything."

"Was this… Johnnie creature… was he mmmm handsome?"

"Oh is that what you're worried about?" she said gloatingly, "I mean like I said I can't remember lump about him so he was probably like, super boring looking. Or maybe he was ugly. So ugly I wiped him from my memory to protect myself. That's probably what happened, yeah."

"So if heee was so veryyy…. Repulsive, does this mean… I am… more acceptable looking than he is?"

"Definitely. You're like, so hawt. Everyone's gonna be sooooo jelly of me when they see you…"

"Goodness you-you think so?"

"Oh yeah definitely everyone's gonna be like, soooooo jealous of us because we're so hawt together. Actually…" LSP thought about Breakfast Princess and all the other stupid stuck up princesses that made fun of her, and how they were probably gonna laugh at her when they found out she was in prison. Well they weren't gonna be laughing if she rubbed how ugly and single they were in their faces! And she knew just the way to do that…

"Heeeeeey Lemongrab~" she crooned, "would you like me, the beautiful princess of lumpy space, to graciously show you how my phone works? I mean you like, tech and nerd stuff right? Your profile said you liked music and engineering."

"I find that proposal… acceptable…"

"Okaaaayyyy soooo…" LSP opened her camera, "this is the camera thingy. It's pretty lame and busted but it's like, less lame than Breakfast Princess' stupid phone camera that's probably made out of stinky bacon or something-"

Lemongrab giggled. "It is true! She does use stinky bacon fooor all her thiiings! How embarrassing!"

"-and if you like press here," she pointed at the switch camera button, "we can like, take an epic pic of ourselves." She pressed the button and Lemongrab let out an impressed "Oooooh!" as their faces suddenly appeared on the screen.

LSP puckered up her lips and made a peace sign while Lemongrab just stared at the screen and nervously smiled. LSP took the photo and uploaded it to Ooostagram having tagged Breakfast Princess in it 10 times and captioned their selfie "Where's your hunk BP? Oh wait- YOU DON'T HAVE A MAN BCOS UR LUMPING UGLYYYYY!"

"May I have aaa copy of our quaint photograph after we are freeee?" asked Lemongrab, still looking over her shoulder at the phone.

"Yeah sure. Like, we can take more if you- Oh come on!"

Just then her phone ran out of battery. LSP crossly slapped the screen a few times but her phone couldn't be persuaded to turn back on. She angrily stuffed it in between her lumps and folded her arms "What am I supposed to lumping do now?"

"We can… entertain ourselves with conversation?" Lemongrab suggested.

"Yeah I guess." LSP said, "So like… why are you here anyway?"

"None of your business." he replied coldly.

LSP shot him a look. "Come on, the banana stupids said you tried to nab that nerd book Finn likes- what's up with that?"

"I only required one! One pageee! Onlllyyyy Oneee!" Lemongrab muttered angrily, "But now I have been sentenced- sentenced instead of being given the sentences that I require- sentenced to ten million seconds in the dungeon! Unacceptable…"

Lemongrab continued to mutter under his breath while LSP thought about that, "ten million seconds huh?"

"Damn." she said eventually, "That's like a whole lot of seconds… I wonder how long I'm gonna be here for..."

"My tiiiime iiiis nearly over. Mmmmm My dungeon time. When the guards return for my sour self you may ask them."

"Yeah no way am I asking those chumps for nothing! Hey I have a better idea-" LSP leant over and Lemongrab blushed green as he felt her gentle breath on his face and her whisper in his ear, "-when their stupid stupidness opens the door, you get em in their stupid faces and we both make a float for it."

"Make- Make a float for it?" He asked, still flustered.

"Make a run for it. You can't fly which is kinda annoying but I guess I could carry you. I think it's a good plan."

"I ammm…. unsure of that, your babeness." he muttered.

"Whaddaya mean?"

"What will happen if it goes unacceptably wrong?"

"Then I'll come up with a new plan, dummy." she said mockingly, "Do you have any better ideas? Or are you just gonna leave me here in this boring boringness for forever?"

"No… no I do not wish to abandon you in this dungeon. Very well. I shall assist you in theeee prison break… at my own peril..."

LSP smiled at him being willing to put himself in danger for her. "Nice. Oh yeah did you get your page?"

"My page?" Lemongrab said with mock innocence, "Iiii know nothing of a page? Page what page?

"oH I GET IT! It's something weird isn't it? Lemme see."

"No. It is… Princesses are not allowed tooo look at it." Lemongrab muttered, turning away from her.

"Oh rlly now?" LSP floated around to be face to face with him, "What's gonna happen to me? Are my eyes gonna explode or something?"

"Maybe… maybe even your whole body will explode." Lemongrab said ominously, "I had that happen, it was not a… nice experience. I do not reccommend. Do not look at the page. I am warning you."

"Okay okay I won't look at your dumb little boy page thing. Sure would be a huge freaking shame if I saw it. You'd better tell me where it is so I don't accidentally end up looking at it by accident... accidentally."

"Oh my gob yooouuu are right! I had better take it out and hide it so yoouuu will not accidentally-" Lemongrab slipped the page out of his pocket.

"AHA!" LSP snatched it out of his hand. It was like taking candy from a baby, "Gotcha!

"NGGGHHAAAAAA NOOOOOOOO! NO NO NO! NOT MY SECRET SECRETS!" Lemongrab jumped up and chased her around the cell in a panic.

She floated tantalisingly out of reach. "I'm gonna look at it. Let's see… so the page you really wanted is… Chapter 5 - How to… kiss a princess?"

Lemongrab covered his face in humiliation and the other inmates "OOOOOHH!"ed at him mockingly.

"He wants to kiss a priiincess!" Hollered the inmate with a migraine.

"Look at the casanova go!"

"What the hell is casa nova? Some kinda house?" asked an inmate, "And what the heck does it have to do with Mr. Lippy over here?"

"Mr. Lippy? Please my GRANDMA could come up with a better insult- watch this-" The inmate named Pete Sassafras leaned his head though the bars, "hey there lover boy, what Princess do you wanna kiss?"

"None of your business. How dare you." Lemongrab snarled.

"I bet it's some ugly princess like… like Raggedy Princess or whatever the heck Princess Princess has going on because only an ugly princess would wanna smooch a disgusting looking guy like you!"

The inmates Oooohed again "Whatcha gonna say to that womanizer?"

"OMG SH-SHUT UP! A-Anyway you can… you can have your, uh, reading material back."

The inmates snickered again. "Reading material…"

"Mmm…" Lemongrab made a pitiful noise.

"Don't listen to those dummies; I think you're pretty." LSP told him.

"Oh… you are so sour!"

"Yeah I know. Anyway you're yellow and you have long legs and you're tall and you have pretty big eyes..."

Lemongrab smiled and hid his face, "O-oh… oh my…"

"Ha ha yeah." LSP's tone changed, "Also I'm not handing compliments out for free- you gotta tell me something nice now."

Lemongrab thought for a moment and then motioned for her to float down to his level and lean forwards so he could whisper in her ear.

"The… the princess that I want to kiss… it is you."

LSP felt like her soul had left her body and ascended to heaven. He wanted to kiss her! "W-Well obviously I'm like, hot and stuff. But you don't need a book for that-"

"But your highness, the last time we went lip on lip you were disgusted! Your face went all-" Lemongrab scrunched his face up to look like someone who'd just eaten a raw lemon, "like this with displeasure!"

"Nah you got it all wrong I liked the kiss, it's just that you're kinda sour. Like, no offense or anything." She said quickly.

"I see. You cannot understand my lemon ways."

"I'm not saying there's anything wrong with you like- who cares if you're a lil bit sour? We like each other a whole lot and that's what matters."

"Nnngh…" Lemongrab muttered, still clutching his stupid page, "Iiii believe myyyy kissing skills to be lacking… The page says Iiii need to practice on a lip monster first."

"Wha?"

Lemongrab jabbed a yellow finger at a passage on the page, "Right here."

LSP skim read it and rolled her eyes- boys really had no clue about anything, practicing on a lip monster…? What the hell did that even mean? "It says a lip monster can kiss you to death and I don't want my bf getting murdered by some nerd."

"But… I want to give yoouu kisses deserving of a princess…" Lemongrab was already embarrassed enough that it had taken him three lifetimes to get a girlfriend- not being able to kiss her properly on top of that was even worse, "and theee book says I have to nngh practiiice!"

LSP was about to make some rude remark about her boyfriend's taste in literature when she was struck by a genius idea. "Yeah but there's other ways you can practice, if you get what I mean~"

Lemongrab's eyes widened to be the size of two huge embarrassed plates and his remaining face flushed bright green, "You mean. That we may…" he squeaked.

"Yeah but let's go under the blanket." she gestured at the other inmates, "I don't like it when they laugh at you."

"Yes. oh. Yes yes of course. Theee royal blanket."

She draped the fabric over the two of them and felt Lemongrab's awkward hands fumbling for her in the soft darkness. He accidentally poked a finger up her nose trying to find her, but somehow he managed to cup her face in his soft hands. Shyly, he stroked his thumbs over her cheeks. "Acceptable?"

"Yeah," she breathed, "really acceptable."

"I see…" so this is what practicing was. Finding out what was and wasn't acceptable. Like performing experiments in a lab to see what did and didn't work- but he liked these experiments much much more. He thought about what he could test next. And as thinking about kissing LSP was how he'd been spending most of his spare time recently he could come up with lots of things.

He put one hand on the back of her head and scratched at the sensitive spot with his fingers. "And… this?"

"That's nice… but you know what I'd really like."

"WHAT!?"

"W-"

"I YELL WHEN I GET EXCITED!" all the other inmates covered their ears and groaned, "A LEMON CARES BYYY YELLING!"

"O-okay do you like… want me to yell too?"

"Oh! Would you?" Lemongrab asked excitedly.

"Um… YES!"

"AAAAAAAAAAA!" Lemongrab screamed ecstatically.

"AAAAAAAAAAA!" Now… I was gonna say that we've never actually like, hugged each other. So, Lemongrab can you hold me?

Lemongrab gave her a hug. LSP was soft and much squishier than he'd imagined her to be. She was like a giant, incredibly soft teddy bear that fitted perfectly in his arms. As if she'd been made to slot into his embrace and he'd been made to hold her. Which was ridiculous. He'd been made to be the heir to the candy kingdom and then remade to be the earl. But even though he knew that he couldn't shake the feeling that he'd been created with an LSP shaped hole inside him, and now that it was full he finally felt a completeness and comfort like he'd never felt before. This was so… right.

He happily stroked his hands over her back. And maybe the darkness had heightened his other senses because he realised for the first time that she was covered in a light coat of fur. So as he stroked her she felt velvety and fluffy. He had always liked soft things and he combed his fingers through her short hairs and wondered if this felt as nice for her as it did for him.

"We can kiss now if you want."

"Iiii do want…"

LSP braced herself for the sourest thing she'd ever tasted and their lips met in a soft, loving kiss. She'd been expecting the overpowering wave of overly sour lemon flavour this time so it didn't shock her like it had their first kiss. She was able to notice other things this time, like how soft Lemongrab's mouth was, and how as they kissed, she felt the corners of his mouth turn upwards in a smile. Eventually the sournesses got too much for her and she had to break away.

Lemongrab kissed her face and hands while she recovered enough for another kiss. And then another. And another. They were so absorbed in their practicing that they didn't hear the cell door open. They could've happily stayed under the blanket hugging and kissing and holding hands and nuzzling when something yanked the fabric away.

Lemongrab detached himself from his girlfriend and turned to face the two banana guards. "Doooo yooouuuu not miiind? This leman…. Is having a MOMENT…?"

"Yeah we can see." One of them said, unimpressed, "Anyway your time is up Mr Liam Grab so we're gonna kick you out."

"My prison stay… finished…" Lemongrab turned to his girlfriend to kiss her goodbye only for LSP to hiss "the plaaaaan!" at him.

Lemongrab nodded and got up. Whistling innocently he walked out of the cell only to pounce on one of the banana guards when he tried to lock the cell door. The key skidded across the floor right into Pete Sassafrazz's cell, who unlocked the cell door and walked out, ready to escape.

At the sight of him leaving LSP froze, no longer launching herself at the other guard. That had been the inmate who told Lemongrab he was disgusting- and there was no way she could let him get away with that! LSP bulldozed into an unsuspecting Pete and punched him in the face, giving the remaining guard ample time to grab her and chuck her back into the cell. She looked up to have Lemongrab thrown on top of her.

"Yeah… you guys can stay in there for another million seconds…" The guards said, re-locked the door, and left.

"Lump!" LSP muttered, "we're stuck here for another million seconds! How long even is that? Ten whole minutes? Freaking unacceptable!"

"Yes," Lemongrab's muffled voice came from where he lay on her stomach, "most unacceptable. I told you t'was not a good plan."

"Okay you can come up with the plan this time genius!" LSP pushed him off her, annoyed.

"I apologise I apologise!" Lemongrab pleaded with her, "It was a- a wunderbar plan! It would have worked perfectly if yoouuu had not...mmmmm… gone to beat up the man I do not like. Whyy did you doo that?"

"Because he was mean to you."

"Really? You were… goodness… no one has ever protected meee before…" Lemongrab curled up around LSP. "Mmm… my babe…"

"Aw geez it-it's not that big a deal… get over yourself… you know that I like, love you and stuff."

"I also love you… aaaand stuff…"

Lemongrab put his arms around her and they lay on the floor, curled up together.

"How shall we spend our… million seconds, your babeness?"

"Since there's nothing else we can do," LSP turned to look at him, so there were only a few centimetres between their faces, "How about we keep practicing?"