05/ Garden: 사랑한다는 흔한 말 A Common Phrase Like I Love You

심장이 멎을듯 아파

My heart hurts as if it was going to stop

너 없이 난 살수 없을거 같아

I don't think I can live without you

정말 미안해 내가 더 잘할께

I'm really sorry I will do better

- A Common Phrase Like I Love You, Kim Yeonwoo

Translation: gyeoulsjeongwon (can't find a suitable translation online)

Jeongwon looked at his watch, realising that it was already time for the meeting with the rest of the surgeons. He picked up his coat and headed towards the staff room grudgingly, torn between wanting to see Gyeoul because she had been so busy these days and also not wanting to see Gyeoul because of all the conflicting feelings that she caused him to have - even to the point of questioning God.

I must be going crazy, I need to compose myself, Jeongwon thought to himself as he approached the staff meeting room. He stopped himself just outside the door and breathed out deeply before heading into the staff room as if it was nothing.

As soon as Jeongwon opened the door, he could hear the commotion and sense the jubilant atmosphere among the surgeons.

"Jeongwon-ah, ppali wa (come here quickly!)" Ikjun called out to him, his face filled with happiness. "Come and celebrate with us! Gyeoul's boyfriend proposed to her today!"

Jeongwon immediately looked at Gyeoul, feeling a bit lightheaded - propose? Gyeoul looked away immediately, maybe out of guilt or out of embarrassment - he wasn't really sure. He took a glance at the table, noticing the giant bouquet of roses.

"Oh." Jeongwon heard himself saying as he walked towards his workstation, not really registering what was going on in the staff room. All he could think of was - propose? PROPOSE?!

Meanwhile, he heard Ikjun shout out "Cheers everyone!" as everyone cheered back. Jeongwon felt like his soul had left his body - was this something to celebrate? However, he maintained his position at his workstation, pretending that he was busy checking some files.

"Hey Jang Gyeoul," Jeongwon's ears perked up as he heard the chief surgeon call out Gyeoul's name. "So what's the verdict? Which surgery will you assist with? Have you decided?"

"Yes, I…" Jeongwon stopped in his tracks, forgetting to act normal, "I will assist with the thoracoscopic EA repair." Groans and sighs came from around the table as Jeongwon felt his heart skip a beat. He turned around and looked at Gyeoul, his mind wandering in all places - Did she really just choose my operation? She's not angry at me anymore for lying about Yangpyeong?

"I've only assisted with esophageal atresia surgery once, so I want to observe the procedure one more time." Jeongwon heard her explanation and felt like his heart sank a little - somehow he thought that she chose his surgery because of some other reason but Gyeoul has always been clear about work and personal life.

"Hey, how could you do this to me? After everything I've done…" Jeongwon heard Ikjun's sad and accusatory voice towards Gyeoul. "Miwoh (I hate you)" He heard Ikjun walk out of the room and thought to himself - childish.

Jeongwon turned to face Gyeoul, his eyes catching a glimpse of the flowers again and said in a flat tone, "Thank you." Who on earth gave her those flowers? I refuse to believe it is a proposal.

"No problem." He heard Gyeoul reply with a slightly harsher tone as usual as he thought to himself, she never said it was a proposal. It's not a proposal.

/

After checking on his patient Yeongji, Jeongwon walked out of the hospital room to see Ikjun looking at him with a smile on his face. He made a smoking gesture with his hand and Jeongwon nodded, following him down to the hospital smoking corner.

"Kids don't lie." Ikjun commented while putting an unlit cigarette in his mouth.

"Of course not. They are not like us adults." Jeongwon responded, speaking from his many years of pediatric experience. "When it hurts, they say so. When they are fine, they say so. They are always honest." He smiled, thinking of his cute patients. "But adults pretend they are not sick when they are. Even when they are fine, they fake their sickness so they can stay a little longer."

Ikjun took out the unlit cigarette from his mouth, "What about you?" Jeongwon turned, perplexed, "Eung?" What about me?

"So you don't lie?"

"I'm not sure. Sometimes, I lie. Sometimes, I don't. What is it?" Jeongwon looked up at Ikjun, unsure about what he was getting at. However, Ikjun just looked at him silently as he laughed defeatedly, "Mwoya… (what is it?)"

"You like Jang Gyeoul, don't you?" Ikjun asked as Jeongwon's smile faltered, "To the point it is making you question about becoming a priest." Jeongwon turned to look at him and looked away, how did he know? Jang Gyeoul was someone special to him but he wasn't sure if she was worth giving up being a priest when it was all he strived for all these years.

Ikjun inched closer and whispered, "If you like her, just say so. I'll keep it a secret." This guy-

"It's not that. What are you talking about?" Jeongwon was obviously rattled by Ik-jun's words, feeling that his little secret was let out of the bag. He sat down on the chair and looked up at Ikjun, "Are you Jang Gyeoul's spokesperson?"

"Yes, I'm Gyeoul's manager." Ikjun said a little too proudly as Jeongwon laughed weakly, "She's been handling all the tasks, including the chief resident's, since her first year. But she never shows how hard it is." Jeongwon sighed, concerned for Gyeoul's health.

"We would understand if she complains or gets annoyed. Gyeoul-ie might sulk but she doesn't give up or complain." Ikjun continued, as Jeongwon thought of Gyeoul's working standards and attitude. She was really a gem to the surgeons - that's why they fawn over her so much. "It's just that she has a hard time sympathizing with people, but it seems that she's trying to correct it these days." Jeongwon stayed silent - I know, I can see the difference she is trying to make.

"Anyway, even in the OR, I have never seen a resident in her year tie as well as she does. She's been practicing that by herself. She cares about the patients and tries to learn. I love her mindset as a surgeon. It's impressive." Each word that Ikjun says made Jeongwon falter a bit - the girl he loves is someone amazing.

"I know that too." Jeongwon heard himself saying as Ikjun cut him off, "I'm not done. That's why I want Gyeoul to be happy…" Jeongwon nodded - he wanted her to be happy too.

"With my friend, Jeongwon." Jeongwon looked up at Ikjun to see him nodding at him as if reassuring him, you deserve to be happy too - not as a priest. Ikjun then ran over and sat beside Jeongwon, leaning his head on Jeongwon's shoulder, cooing "I want her to be happy with my friend, Jeongwon."

Jeongwon used his shoulder to push Ikjun away, "Gosh, get away from me. What's wrong with you?"- this michinom (crazy guy). Just as Ikjun stood up from the fall, his phone rang.

"Oh, Gyeoul-ah, is he ok? That's great news, I'll be there. Okay." Ikjun hung up the phone, "I'll get going uri Gyeoul-ie is looking for me." He turned to leave.

Uri? "Got it. Get lost." Jeongwon put a cigarette in his mouth, ready to light it up but remembered a passing remark that Gyeoul said about smoking being bad for health.

Ikjun, however, turned back. "Jeongwon-ah, I'm sure that Haneul-nim (Father in Heaven) will understand. Besides, when your head and heart are saying two different things," Ikjun placed a palm on his chest, "your heart is right."

Ikjun's words resounded in Jeongwon's mind as he looked down at Ikjun's hand, your heart is right - that is until Ikjun started groping and squeezing his chest. This michinom - Jeongwon pushed his hand away, "Hey, come on!"

"Just follow your heart, then you won't regret it. Don't make your decisions rashly and end up like me. Think carefully. Thinking that you'll be fine is like asking for luck and that kind of luck just doesn't happen. I'll stop nagging for today. I'm really leaving now, bye." After a whole string of advice, Ikjun left, leaving Jeongwon alone with his thoughts and an unlit cigarette.

Looking at Ikjun's silhouette disappearing down the corridor, Jeongwon smiled to himself and put a cigarette in his mouth, ready to light it up. "I don't understand why people smoke," he thought of Gyeoul's remarks again as he took the cigarette out of his mouth and crushed it up.

Jeongwon sighed and leaned back, looking up to the sky. When your head and heart are saying two different things, your heart is right. He thought of the flowers that Gyeoul received today and crushed the cigarette even harder, feeling like his heart was about to stop - You fool, your heart was right all along.

Author's Note: Slightly longer update so I hope yall will like it! I chose this song as it was one of the songs Yeonseok recommended in an interview and I am really in love with it!