Thank you to the beta of this chapter- Born-of-Elven-Blood

Chapter Eleven - A Change of Heart

Harry propped his legs up on the coffee table, sipping a cup of hot cocoa as he enjoyed the fire that Cinsy had built in the grate. He had just finished writing a letter to his friends, telling them that he was fine but that he wasn't ready to see them yet or explain what was happening.

Harry hoped that they understood. He didn't want another repeat of what happened before. He was still trying to figure out what he should say. He'd spent the past hour trying to come up with a believable lie, but finally decided he should tell them the truth. He just didn't know how he was going to put it into words.

How could he tell his friends what had been done to him when he couldn't even admit it to himself. He just wanted to disappear.

He had even considered using the Time Turner that Hermione had used in their Third year to tell his younger self not to accept Lockhart's tea but he knew it wasn't possible. Even if he could find a way to travel that far back, messing with time was dangerous and for all he knew Lockhart would still have forced himself on him, even if he could fight back.

He was pulled from his thoughts as his professor took the seat across from him, a cup of tea in hand.

"We need to talk," Snape said, breaking the silence that had filled the chambers for the past few hours.

Harry didn't say anything, looking down into his mug, watching the small marshmallows melt into his drink.

"You need to talk to someone about what happened," Snape started seeing that Harry wasn't going to respond. "I believe you already understand why you cannot see a professional at St. Mungo's, but you can talk to either myself or Madam Pomfrey...unless there's someone else you want to talk to. Depending on who it is, we may be able to arrange it."

"I don't want to talk to anyone," Harry muttered after a few moments of silence.

"I wasn't making it a choice, " Snape replied, taking a sip of his tea.

"What am I supposed to talk about?" Harry mumbled, looking over at his professor. "I don't want to think about it, much less talk about it. It's not going to help, it's not going to change what happened. It's all going to stay the same.''

"How do you know it won't help?" Snape questioned.

Harry glared down into his mug and didn't reply.

"Harry...Lockhart raped you," Snape said, watching as Harry twitched violently, almost spilling his drink. "Lockhart raped you," he said once more, realizing that Harry had yet to admit it to himself.

"Stop it!" Harry cried.

"Say it, Harry" Snape commanded in his usual cold tone. "Lockhart drugged you and raped you...over and over again."

"Stop it!" Harry screamed. A glass shattered as his magic surged with his emotions. "I don't want to," he cried.

"And why not?"

"...because if I say it… it means that it's true." Tears rolled down Harry's face. "I still expect Ron to wake me up for breakfast...to wake up in my dorms to find out that it was nothing but a nightmare. If I say it, it will mean that I won't be waking up."

"Harry," Snape spoke more gently, "it's not a dream. What Lockhart did was inexcusable and it should have never have happened. But it did and it's something that you need to come to terms with. Otherwise you won't like where you will end up. It will take time, but you must begin to take the first steps… so I want you to see your friends. They can even come here if you want," he offered.

He didn't like the idea of two Gryffindors, especially a Weasley in his chamber but he could see that Harry was cutting himself off, retreating inside himself, and he didn't want that for the boy. He knew all too well that if Harry kept this up he would become cold and bitter, hating everyone around him. It was a lonely way to live, he should know, and he didn't want Harry's life to turn out the way his had.

Harry should be out, enjoying life with his friends. Not stuck in the Dungeon Bat's chambers watching marshmallows melt.

"I can't, " Harry muttered.

"I'm not saying that you have to tell them anything. Talk about Quidditch or the latest gossip that's going around the school, play a game of Wizard chess. You don't have to let them in, but you can't cut your friends out. All I'm asking from you is to have them over. Fifteen minutes, that's it… please."

Snape had never said please in his life, but he needed Harry to do this. He needed Harry not to turn out the way he did.

Message delivered, he left Harry to ponder his words, instructing Cinsy to keep an eye on him while he escaped into his potions lab.

Harry spent the next hour going over what Snape had said. He eventually came to the conclusion that if they came here, and Snape was present, having his friends over wouldn't be that bad. If things got out of hand, Snape could always throw them out.

He got up and wrote another letter to them, asking that they come by tomorrow night if they wanted, before giving it to Cinsy to take to the owlery.

He spent the rest of the night coming up with new lesson plans for the DA to give to Hermione. He still cared about everyone and he didn't want them to fall behind in their training. Once he was done that he decided he had better catch up on his school work. He read chapter five to seven in his transfiguration textbook before he moved onto charms for the night.

Hermione and Ron were sitting on the floor of the common room playing Wizard's chess when they heard a tapping noise on one of the windows.

"I'll get it," Hermione said. The owl on the sill had a letter for someone. "Who are you here to see?" she asked rhetorically as she opened the window and allowed the owl inside. "It's from Harry!" she exclaimed a moment later, shocked. They had already received a letter earlier saying that Harry wasn't ready to see them, so she couldn't help but be surprised. She quickly broke the seal, making her way back over to Ron as she read.

"Well?" Ron asked impatiently.

A smile split Hermione's face ear to ear. "Harry says we can come over tomorrow night after dinner!"

She passed the letter to Ron, who read it over himself before letting out a whoop of excitement and sharing a broad grin with Hermione. At last, after two excruciating days of worry and effort, they would finally get to see their friend.