Songs - Do You Remember by Jarryd James, 1995 by Emmit Fenn, and Hallucinations by dvsn

Chapter Sixteen: Absent Without Leave

Hermione waited nervously, her hands shaking as she rehearsed what she was going to say to Draco when he got back from the Ministry.

Draco, I'm pregnant. You're going to be a father.

Over and over again she repeated the words, desperately hoping that if she said them enough while she was alone, it wouldn't be so terrifying to say them to him when he walked back through her front door.

I'm pregnant.

I'm. Pregnant.

You're going to be a father.

Each time that she said them, it got a little easier, a little less daunting to say, and for what felt like the first time in weeks, she relaxed. She had been drowning in her anxiety for so long that she had almost forgotten what was really important, and a sense of calm came over her as she sat on the couch waiting for him to return.

Fuck, I love him.

And suddenly, the thought of telling him, of actually saying it out loud didn't scare her anymore. She wanted to say those words – those damn three words – even if it meant risking his rejection. Honesty, it seemed, had finally won, and so she waited, finally ready to tell him everything.

Hermione wasn't worried when after thirty minutes, Draco still hadn't returned. There was obviously a simple explanation for his tardiness. He probably just got caught up discussing things with Dean. Or maybe, Harry had cornered him to talk about Quidditch. Yes, that had to be it.

When he still hadn't returned after an hour, she tried to tell herself that things at work must have taken him longer to finish than he anticipated. That perhaps he had found something important in one of the young boy's memories. He was definitely going to walk through her door any minute, apologizing profusely for taking so long. Why else would he have forgotten to send her an owl?

But as even more time passed, she found it harder to ignore the feeling deep inside of her that something was wrong. It wasn't like him to not keep to his word, even if something had come up, and she couldn't think of any good reason that he wouldn't be able to contact her.

Soon, worry and fear had crept their way into every corner of her mind. She chewed anxiously on her lower lip as her gut feeling that something wasn't quite right overwhelmed the part of her brain still trying to rationalize his delay. It just didn't make sense; he had told her that he would be right back.

Hermione waited, her eyes glued on the backside of her door, for two more hours before she decided that she couldn't wait anymore, and she hastily Apparated to the Ministry ready to explode.

She found Dean first, who was utterly confused as to why Draco wasn't already with her, and she flew out of his office before he had a chance to ask her what was going on. After nearly sprinting down the hall, she found Harry, who insisted he hadn't heard from him since he left earlier that morning. And that's when she began to panic.

He was supposed to be here. Why wasn't he here? Where would he have gone?

The dread followed quickly. Did he find out and run away?

"He said he had to come back to the Ministry," she tried to explain, pacing back and forth in front of Harry's desk. "He left my flat and came here!"

"Hermione, what are you talking about?" Harry said, putting his work down and walking over to her. "I sent Draco home this morning so he could spend the day with you."

She felt like she was going to throw up. "Harry, he left my flat over three hours ago!" she told him, breathing heavily. "He told me he was coming here. He said he'd be right back. I haven't heard from him."

Harry's eyes narrowed.

Fuck.

That definitely didn't sound like Draco.

"Something happened to him," Hermione insisted, her eyes wide and chaotic. "He wouldn't have just left without telling me. He wouldn't do that – I know he couldn't – he wouldn't…" She paused, trying to catch her breath, "Harry, why would he do that?"

She was frantic, her heart beating so fast she thought it might jump out of her chest, and she knew it wouldn't be long before she started to hyperventilate.

"Did you check his flat before you came here?" Harry asked, his Auror training kicking in despite his own confusion and concern.

"No, he told me he was coming here so I didn't – I should have checked there," she replied, looking desperately at Harry.

"Maybe he got distracted," he offered, grasping for anything that might calm her down. But even as he said the words, he didn't believe them. There was no way Draco would have left Hermione alone for this long if he meant to go right back. It especially didn't make sense after the conversation they had earlier that day.

"I'm worried about her." Draco said as he slumped in the chair across from Harry. "She's hiding something from me."

"She definitely hasn't been herself the last couple of weeks," Harry agreed, breathing deeply. "I'm worried about her too."

"I shouldn't have let her talk me out of taking her to see a healer," Draco said quietly.

"You couldn't force her to go," Harry replied, his fingers drumming on the desk in front of him. "She would have been furious if you hadn't dropped it when you did."

"Maybe," Draco replied. "But I shouldn't have given up so easily."

"You didn't give up," Harry told him, leaning back slightly in his chair. "You got her to take some time off work. No one has ever accomplished that before."

"I just don't know what to do," Draco admitted, his eyes filled with anguish as he spoke. "She's distant. She won't talk to me." He paused, brushing his fingers through his hair. "Sometimes I catch her just staring off into space – like she's so caught up in her own thoughts that reality is too much for her to handle."

Harry sighed. "Hermione is the most logical person I know, but sometimes I think her stubborn side keeps her from reaching out when she needs help," he tried to explain. "She thinks she can solve everything on her own," he continued, pausing to readjust his glasses. "Look at what happened with Ron. She hid his behavior from everyone. She didn't even tell me what was happening until it was over."

"You think it's that bad?" Draco asked nervously, his voice so quiet that Harry could barely hear the words as they left his mouth.

"I think that if she is hiding something, she's doing it because she thinks she can fix it on her own," Harry responded quickly, realizing that mentioning Ron probably hadn't been the smartest thing to do. "It's her way of protecting the people that she loves."

Something flashed across Draco's eyes as Harry finished his sentence.

"And in case you haven't notice," Harry began, the corner of his mouth twitching into a smirk, "she definitely fucking loves you."

Draco's inhaled sharply. "You really think she loves me?" he asked, locking eyes with Harry.

"Yes, I do," Harry affirmed. He didn't doubt it for a second. And honestly, he was sick of both Draco and Hermione pretending any differently.

"I love her, Harry. I can't lose her," Draco confessed suddenly, throwing his head into his hands. "I can't fuck this up."

"Go home and talk to her," Harry said softly. "Dean can finish going through the last few memories on his own."

"Harry, I can't just leave in the middle of all this," Draco protested, lifting his head out of his hands. "We're already short-handed as it is."

"Go," Harry commanded, waving his friend off with a smile. "Go tell her that you love her."

No, it definitely didn't make sense that Draco would leave after that.

Hermione seemed to sense Harry's own concern and had to reach out a hand to steady herself against his desk as she began to hyperventilate. Closing her eyes, she tried to take in a deep breath, but when the image of the smile Draco had given her before he'd left her flat flashed behind her eyes, she nearly crumpled to the ground.

And she would have, if Harry hadn't anticipated her response and rushed to her side. Wrapping an arm around her, he guided her to his chair and set her down softly.

"Breathe, Hermione," he said sweetly, kneeling down in front of her. "Just breathe."

Harry inhaled deeply, gesturing for her to follow his lead before exhaling slowly. He repeated the motion, moving a hand up and down with his breath as he stared at her worriedly.

"Breathe," he said again.

Nodding in understanding, Hermione began to mimic the motions of his chest, and slowly began to regain control of her breathing.

"I need to find Draco," she managed after a few minutes.

"I know," Harry said, pushing himself off the floor. "Dean and I will go check his flat."

"I'm coming with you," Hermione told him, her hands gripping the edge of his seat so tightly that her nails began to the rip the fabric.

"Hermione, I don't think that's a good idea," he responded quickly, looking down at her dejectedly.

"Why?" she nearly shouted. "Because you're afraid that you're going to find his body?"

"No that's not – "

"I'm coming with you," Hermione repeated, her voice shaking as she glared at her oldest friend. "You can't make me stay here while you and Dean go looking for him."

I could, Harry thought, inhaling deeply as he closed his eyes for a moment.

But I won't, he conceded when he opened them again and saw tears streaming down her face.

Without a word, he grabbed a piece of parchment and quickly scribbled a note for Dean. He watched as the paper flew out of his office and down the hall before turning his attention back to Hermione.

"Alright," he acquiesced. "Tell me exactly what happened?"

Relieved that he hadn't put up a fight, Hermione quickly walked him through the details of the morning, leaving out the fact that she had been at the doctor's office, instead telling Harry the same lie she'd told Draco, that she'd just stepped out for some fresh air and found him at home when she returned. As she told him how Draco said he needed to come back to the office to speak with Dean, Harry had to fight to hide the surprise on his face.

Why would he lie about coming back to the Ministry? he thought.

Moments later, Dean came jogging into Harry's office, his dark brown eyes narrowing when he noticed the distress painted across Hermione's face.

"What – ?"

"Draco's missing," Harry interrupted, his eyes lingering on Hermione as she began chewing nervously at her lip again. "Before I alert Kingsley, I want to be sure we've checked all the places that he could possibly be. I know you're trying to wrap up the work with the boy's memories, but I'm afraid this is more pressing."

Dean's eyes traveled worriedly over to Hermione. "Of course," he said, looking back at Harry. "What do you need me to do?"

Hermione sat quietly as Harry summarized the events of the morning, trying her best to hold back the tears that were once again threatening to escape down her cheeks.

"Hermione will Apparate with us to Draco's building, but she will wait in the hallway while we make sure it's safe for anyone else to enter," Harry finished, his eyes locking with Hermione's as he placed particular emphasis on the second half of his statement. A part of him was terrified at what they might find, and there was no way he was going to let her walk into the flat before he knew what was behind the front door. He certainly wasn't going to let her walk into a potentially dangerous situation. Draco would never forgive him (and he would never forgive himself) if he put her in harm's way.

The trio left Harry's office quickly, not one of them acknowledging the hello's they received as they rushed down the crowded hallway. Hermione trailed behind the men slightly as they walked, trying to shield her face from view. She could hear Harry and Dean muttering to each other under their breaths but was so lost in her own thoughts that their words barely registered with her. All she could think about was the look on Harry's face when she had explained that Draco told her he was coming back to the Ministry. Either Harry knew something that she didn't, or he had riddled out where Draco had really gone and didn't like it. Neither scenario helped calm her nerves, but she was too distraught to push the matter. Even as they reached the Ministry's Apparition point, she was still trying to hold back her tears, her thoughts focused on a single pair of perfectly silver eyes.

She just needed to find the man that she loved.

When they finally arrived in the hallway outside of Draco's flat, Harry turned to face Hermione. "Wait here," he instructed sternly. "Do not open this door until one of us gives you the okay. Do you understand?"

Despite wanting to refuse, she nodded quickly, her stomach twisting with nerves.

Dean placed a hand on her shoulder, his eyes studying her with concern. "If something seems off," he whispered, his eyes flickering over to Harry, "if it seems like we're taking too long, you need to Apparate to Harry's and alert Kingsley."

Once again, Hermione wanted to protest, but the seriousness in Dean's voice made her tremble, and so, like she did in response to Harry's instructions, she simply nodded in understanding.

Satisfied that she had heard them – even though he knew she may not listen to them when the time came – Harry cast a silent Alohomora. He motioned for Dean to follow him and they entered the flat with their wands drawn, hoping that they wouldn't need to use them and praying that they weren't about to walk into something worse. It was quiet, and Dean cast a quick spell to confirm they were alone before closing the door behind him. When they were sure that no one else was present, the two men nodded at each other and moved to separate ends of the flat, Dean toward the kitchen and living room and Harry toward the bedroom.

As Harry walked down the hallway, it appeared as if there was nothing out of the ordinary, but when he moved into the bedroom, he dropped his wand wistfully. The drawers in the wardrobe had been pulled out and emptied, and the closet similarly had been cleared of all belongings. Draco, it seemed, had packed in a hurry.

He stood there solemnly, unable to rationalize why Draco would leave so suddenly (and without warning), when he began to notice just how strange the room actually looked. The drawers and closet were empty, true, but they were the only things out of place in an otherwise extremely tidy room. Not even the bed appeared to be disturbed. Wouldn't he have thrown things on the bed to pack? Wouldn't other things be out of place? In fact, everything seemed a little too spotless, as if someone had scrubbed the room clean before removing Draco's belongings.

"Harry, you're going to want to see this," Dean called from somewhere outside the bedroom.

Harry shook his head as he backed out of the room. Something definitely doesn't seem right about this, he thought.

He found Dean in the kitchen where he was busy inspecting a piece of parchment attached to the top of a small velvet bag. Dean untied the note and handed it to Harry with a sigh.

"Fuck," Harry said after reading it. "Can you tell if this is his handwriting?"

"I'm not positive, but it definitely looks like it," Dean replied before clenching his jaw tightly.

"Fucking hell," Harry mumbled, his free hand nervously traveling through hair. "I'm going to have to show her this," he added, placing the note and bag back on the table and dropping his head. "Fuck," he said again.

This was not what he expected to find.

"What's in the bag?" he asked after a moment, lifting his head slowly to look at Dean.

"I think it's a piece of jewelry, but I didn't pull it out," Dean responded, the shocked look on his face betraying his own feelings of confusion. "I haven't checked to make sure it's safe to handle yet."

Harry placed his hands on the side of his face and slowly drew them down to his neck. "Let's leave it in the bag until we can get a curse breaker to take a look at it," he decided despite the itch he felt to tear the bag open and look inside. "Right now, I'm more concerned about the note."

"Do you really think he'd leave without telling anyone?" Dean asked, his arms crossed across his chest.

Harry sighed. "No, but all of his things are gone from the bedroom. And if that's really his handwriting…" he paused, unable to finish his thought. He felt guilty even thinking that Draco was capable of taking off without telling anyone. Despite the ease at which he had disappeared after the war, Harry couldn't believe he would pull a stunt like that again, especially not now that he was with Hermione, especially not after their conversation earlier in the day.

"He could have been coerced," Dean offered quickly. "His position at the Ministry isn't a secret, and his father's testimony certainly put a lot of Death Eaters in Azkaban. He could have been a target."

"Rodolphus," Harry whispered, suddenly irritated with himself for not seeing it before.

Dean's eyes widened. "You think this could be him?"

"I don't know, but something seems off to me in the bedroom," Harry replied, the color suddenly drained from his face. "How quickly can you get me a copy of his handwriting?"

"I have some of his notes in my office. I could be back in 10 minutes," Dean responded.

"Do it," Harry instructed. "And check my office to make sure Draco hasn't sent anything to me in the meantime."

Dean nodded before quickly Disapparating, the ensuing crack echoing across the empty flat. Harry stood there for a moment, not entirely sure he was prepared for what he was going to have to do next, before picking up the note and turning to face the closed front door.

Hermione was pacing nervously in the hallway when Harry finally opened the door. He didn't have to speak for her to know something was wrong; the tormented look on his face said enough.

"What happened?" she demanded as her eyes traveling to the note in Harry's hand. "Where is he?" she asked, her voice trembling.

"We found this," Harry told her sadly, handing her the note that Dean had found.

Hermione's hands shook as she slowly unfolded the piece of parchment in her hands.

Hermione, I'm sorry. I can't.

Her breath left her as if she had just been kicked in the chest, and she let the parchment fall to the ground as fresh tears began cascading down her cheeks.

"No – this can't – he wouldn't just leave," she whimpered.

"Hermione," Harry said, his voice almost startingly calm as he bent over to pick the note off the ground, "does this look like Draco's handwriting?" he paused, motioning for her to look at the note again. "This is important," he told her, pointing to the words, "I need you to focus."

Startled by his question, she wiped the tears from her eyes and looked back at the note, studying the letters more closely than she had the first time. It was true, the script looked like Draco's, but…

"No," she said finally, looking back at Harry with confusion. "No, it's really similar but – you don't think – ?"

"Are you sure?" Harry asked frantically, his heart now beating furiously under his chest.

"Ye – yes, I'm sure. The H is different. Draco doesn't cross his in the same way," she replied as her whole body began to shake in fear. "Harry what is – ?"

But Harry was already conjuring his Patronus. "Kingsley, we have a problem. Smaug's been taken."

"Smaug? Are you talking about Draco?" Hermione asked, her voice panicked as she watched Harry's silver stag disappear down the hall.

"Hermione listen to me," he said, grabbing her shoulders and fixing his eyes on hers. "I need you to Apparate to my house and stay with Ginny. The wards will protect you there. Do not, under any circumstance, go back to your flat."

Hermione couldn't speak, she could barely move.

Oh god, Draco.

"Hermione, did you hear me?" Harry asked when she didn't respond, shaking her slightly to get her attention.

The urgency in Harry's voice snapped her out of her trance, and she nodded slowly, her whole body numb.

"I will be there as soon as I can," he promised. "Go!"

The next few hours were a blur. Ginny sat with Hermione, their hands intertwined tightly, as they waited desperately for any news. Molly and Arthur arrived shortly after Hermione, and acting on orders from Harry, took James and Albus by Floo back to the Burrow so that Ginny could focus keeping Hermione calm (and, as Arthur had whispered in Ginny's ear before leaving, to keep Hermione from sneaking out and doing anything rash). Without the boys, the house was eerily quiet, but Hermione couldn't bring herself to speak. She could barely bring herself to think about anything other than Draco.

I didn't tell him. What if I never get to tell him?

A couple of hours after Harry sent her away, Dean appeared at the front door and spoke quietly with Ginny. Hermione, who had been sitting on the couch staring out into the backyard, strained to hear their conversation, but caught only bits and pieces.

" – not his handwriting – "

" – left a necklace – checking for curses – "

" – traces of dark magic – "

" – don't let her leave – "

Dean left quickly, and Ginny returned to hold her friend's hand. She summarized their conversation and promised her that the Aurors were doing everything they could to find Draco. She told her that Kingsley had brought in all the remaining members of the Order and had cancelled all of his other Ministry duties to help. Tears tumbled down Hermione's face as Ginny spoke. Things were really bad if that many people had been called in.

Oh god, I may never get to tell him, she thought before breaking down again, barely aware of Ginny's arms around her as she cried.

At some point, Ginny moved Hermione to the kitchen table, insisting that she eat something.

"I'm not hungry," Hermione mumbled, her eyes bloodshot and raw from the hours of tears.

"At least let me make you some tea," Ginny replied, fighting back her own despair as she tried to comfort her friend.

Hermione relented, she didn't have the energy to argue, and when Ginny placed a cup of warm tea in front of her, she pretended to enjoy it. Shortly after, she excused herself to the bathroom, where she crumpled to the ground in pain. It felt like someone had kicked her in the chest and ripped her heart out piece by piece, the ache extending all the way to her fingertips. She allowed herself to succumb to her panic for a few minutes, casting a silencing charm so Ginny wouldn't hear her anguished cries, before pulling herself over to the sink and splashing cold water on her face.

Once, she had thought letting Harry leave to face Voldemort in the Forbidden Forest would be the most heartbreaking moment of her life. But now she knew better. Now, nothing compared to the agony she felt at losing the man she loved before she could tell him how she felt, before she could tell him that she was pregnant with his child.

How could she have not told him?

A few hours after the sun went down, Harry finally came home, his face a complicated mess of emotions. The day, it seemed, hadn't gone well, and Hermione began to shake with fear as he walked toward the kitchen table. He sat down heavily in the chair next to her, placing his wand on the table in front of him, and inhaled deeply before turning to face her.

"Harry," she managed, her hands shaking and her voice still rough from crying. "Is Draco – is he – what happened to him?"

"Someone went through a lot of trouble to make it look as if Draco disappeared willingly," Harry began, quietly. "Kingsley's detection spell revealed that someone used dark magic in Draco's flat, and while we weren't able to determine exactly which curse was used, we think it was successful in catching Draco off guard." He paused, placing a hand on top of Hermione's trembling fingers.

I never told him, and now he's gone, she thought as her eyes began to sting again with the onset of more tears.

"We also found some blood on the wall next to his bedroom," Harry continued, his voice laden with melancholy. "It was a small amount, easy enough for someone to miss during a hasty clean-up, but we confirmed that it's Draco's. The wall itself appears to have been magically repaired, so we think that's where he was attacked."

Hermione gasped as tears began rolling down her already tear streaked cheeks, and Ginny tightened her hold on her friend's hand, rubbing her thumb slowly over the top of it.

Harry moved to pull something out of his pocket and set a small velvet bag on the table.

"We thought that this might be left as a trap for you, but it's not a portkey and it's not cursed," he told her, his fingers tapping on the top of the bag.

Harry tipped the bag, and Hermione watched as a diamond necklace adorned with a single, large emerald spilled out into his hand, the gems sparkling in the dim kitchen lighting as he moved it closer to her.

"The Malfoy seal is engraved on the back," he explained. "I checked the records at Gringotts, and Draco removed this from his vault last week." He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I think he wanted to give it to you before he was taken," he finished, motioning for her to take it from him, which she finally did after a brief moment of hesitation.

The necklace, probably worth more than her childhood home, sat heavily in her hand. It was beautiful and more than she deserved after she'd spent so long hiding her secret from him. Turning it over, she stared at the familiar M etched into gold behind the emerald, no doubt indicating that it was family heirloom that Draco's parents would be unhappy that she had.

"Who did this?" Hermione asked quietly as she ran a finger delicately over the M.

"It's not entirely clear," Harry admitted.

Hermione looked over at him, the hope now drained from her eyes. "But you have a hunch, don't you?"

Harry sighed. "I think," he began, taking a deep breath before he continued, "and Kingsley agrees with me, that it was Rodolphus."

Another gasp escaped Hermione's lips when the name she had been fearing left Harry's mouth, and Ginny, who had remained silent throughout the entire conversation, swore quietly.

"I had things in his flat," Hermione said simply after a few moments. "That's why you sent me here. He knows about me."

Harry nodded. "We know Draco didn't write the note, which means whoever did write it knew that he wouldn't disappear without leaving something for you," he told her, pausing to swallow heavily. "Your relationship with Draco has been all over the news, but I'm worried that this level of detail means someone's been following him for some time now," he continued sadly. "Your flat won't be safe until we figure this out. Dean already set up new wards and we have a team stationed outside of your building, so we'll know if he tries to come for you. But I am not going to risk letting you go back there."

"Harry." She spoke in a whisper, her eyes filled with tears and her voice breaking. "We have to find him. We have to…"

I still need to tell him.

"I will do everything in my power to find him," Harry promised, his heart breaking as he watched Hermione slump defeated in her chair.

Harry had been through more than most in his twenty-seven years of life but seeing the utter torment in his oldest friend's eye was almost more than he could bear.

She doesn't know, he thought, taking another deep breath.

"He loves you," he said, lowering his voice slightly. "He told me before he left work this morning."

Hermione inhaled sharply, the words almost stopping her heart. Of course, he loved her. How could she have not seen that? How could she have been so stupid?

Harry wasn't sure he should tell her what Draco had admitted to him earlier in the day, it wasn't really his place, but the words left his mouth before he could stop them, and when he saw the look on her face he knew he had done the right thing. She needed to know how he felt, she needed to know because if they never found him, if Rodolphus decided to torture him like he did the boy, Harry wasn't sure Draco would ever be the same. And Hermione deserved to know how much she meant to him before he was torn away from her.

"I should have told him," Hermione mumbled, her eyes staring past Harry. "Why didn't I tell him?"

a/n: Favorite comment on Tuesday's post brought to you by allegedgeek on AO3 "Draco WTF kind of Auror are you?" A very, very distracted one!

I know I may sound like a broken record, but thank you everyone for sticking with this story. I try to message/comment on everyone's reviews but know that if I miss one, I'm still reading every single one. Next week will be the start of my once a week (Tuesday) postings. If I'm productive enough over the coming weeks, I have no issue surprising you with a Friday posting here and there.

*Smaug is the dragon in The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien - I use it here as Draco's codename.