Mary felt a dull ache in her feet and between her shoulders but restrained herself from showing so. Her journey back from London had tired her and she would have gladly fallen into bed to rest for a moment, if it hadn't been for the bothersome concert her family insisted she attend. But Mary dear, it is helping our boys at the front, her Mama had said. At that her heart had skipped a beat. Not, of course, for a certain person fighting on the front. Not for him. Just at the subtle reminder of the war going on around them, that was all.

Anna busied herself with tucking her brown locks into a suitable style, not a strand out of place. Dear Anna, she wasn't sure what she would have done without her- both as a maid and a friend for the blonde was an honest voice she could rely on in the midst of the lies and gossip she lived in. She was a good, trustworthy person who knew Mary better than most people. She didn't have to pretend around Anna, she could drop all the airs and graces and the lies and charm. It was a blessed relief. Mary had chosen to wear a black dress tonight, one of her favourites as it happened. She had lost count of the nights she had spent in this dress, laughing and talking with various people. She ignored the thoughts of one person in particular, one person with blonde hair and blue eyes and-

"Glad to be back?" The sweet voice of her darling sister asked. Sybil sat on the bed, looking as innocent and angelic as a little child, a small smile on her face. Sybil was an absolute dear and there wasn't a person who didn't care for her.

"I'm never sure. When I'm in London, I ache for Yorkshire and when I'm here, I ache to hear my heels clicking on the pavement." She answered truthfully. Her heart never seemed to be quite content, especially as of late. "I'd forgotten about this nightmare concert. Why didn't you warn me? I'd have come back tomorrow." She said, dabbing a few drops of the newest perfume from London on the pale skin of her neck. She inhaled the sweet aroma, allowing the scent to calm her beating heart.

"But you'd have missed Mathew." Edith quipped.

For a short moment, Mary's feelings flickered in her eyes and shimmered on her face. It had been so long since she heard his name, her siblings and parents being careful to refer to him as a pronoun when he occurred in conversation. He had been in her thoughts of course. Every day. But she refused to acknowledge it and only thought of her cousin as a 'him' or a 'he'. Her heart trembled at the sound of the name that had once been the source of her happiness. Mary had been so careful these last few months, allowing her heart time to heal without thoughts of him. But here he was, back in her life within a few moments, without time to prepare. "I was going to tell you," Her Mama leant forwards, anxiousness evident in her eyes. "Mathew's on leave and he's in the village so Papa and I thought it would be a good time to mend our fences. He's coming tonight with Isobel." Her heart shuddered again at the sound of his name and she felt a stronger force from Anna as her maid combed her hair, as if reassuring her that it was alright.

She attempted to smooth her features into a neutral expression and busied her hands to stop them from trembling. She moved perfume bottles and fiddled with brooches, gentle clicks and clanks echoed around the room as Mary nodded. She could feel the sadness clinging onto her heart, slowly creeping over her. She kept her head down, avoiding looking anyone in the eye. Mary had been off-guard and her eyes were the hardest thing to hide. She tried to bring a gentle smile to her face, as if she were looking forward to seeing her cousin.

"And his fiancée" Edith smirked.

The calm she desperately clung to gave way. Her heart crumbled. Her smile faded. She looked up at her Mama for an explanation, something to glue the fraying edges of her soul together. Her eyes were wide and the gold flecks in them were luminous. She stared at her Mother, begging, imploring her to scold Edith for fibbing or to reassure her eldest that he had not courted anyone since he had left her life. When the silence echoed around the room, she felt her heart stop.

"What?" She managed to get out, her voice sounding pathetic even to her own ears. She could hear the unspilt tears in that quavering word, the hopelessness and the pain. Or maybe it was only her.

"Edith, I don't exactly know how helpful you're being" Her mother scolded dismissively, an awkward laugh escaping her lips. Mary didn't know how to react. After so many months with no mention of him, her own thoughts erasing his name and face to save her heart the pain, all this unwanted news felt like a huge burden on her shoulders. Her youngest sister perked up from her place on the bed. "Mathew's engaged. He's bought her to Downton to meet his mother." She explained gently, hesitant of Mary's reaction.

She let the words sit in the air for a minute, gave time for her heart to catch up with the fast-developing news. "Well, how marvellous." She fixed on a smile but it didn't quite reach her eyes. She picked up her gloves and brushed a few pieces of dust off them, her fingers moving quickly.

Sybil gave her a look, a look of disbelief. "You don't mind?" She asked.

Mary stood up, although her legs felt they were going to collapse from beneath her, and she faced the floor-length mirror. "Why should I?" She laughed softly, pulling on her gloves. "We're not going to marry but I don't want him to spend the rest of his life in a cave." She put on an incredulous look, a scoff escaping her lips.

"Exactly what Papa and I feel." Mama said, a touch of surprise in her voice which she unsuccessfully tried to hide. Then, after a pause, she spoke again. "Please try to be happy for him." Her voice was soft.

"Of course I'm happy. Good luck to him." She threw the words out, her voice uncharacteristically high. What was the matter with her? Hiding things wasn't a foreign thing in Mary's life. She could lie to her hearts content, so why was it suddenly so hard to sound happy for him? She saw Edith smirk from her seat in a corner and took a steady breath. "Anyway there's someone I want you all to meet. Have you ever come across Richard Carlisle?"

"Sir Richard Carlisle?" Edith asked, "The one with all those horrid newspapers?"

Mary restrained herself from rolling her eyes. As if Edith could court anyone better than a farmer. "We met at Clifton." She held her arms out as Anna buttoned her gloves, smoothing them out using her nimble fingers. Oh she would be lost without her.

"Well, how old is he?" Her annoying sister asked, laughter bubbling in her throat.

"Old enough not to ask stupid questions" She snapped, "Anyway I can't wait for you all to meet him. If only Papa hadn't closed down the shoot." She walked back towards her velvet-clad stool and sat down, more abruptly than she would've liked.

"Most people have stopped shooting now the wars on- but I'm sure Papa will be happy to have Sir Richard come and stay." Mama sighed, sadness heavy in her words, as she stood up. After all, Mary wasn't the only one who wanted Mathew in the family, she thought pushing his name away as tears prickled in her eyes.

"Are you? I shouldn't have thought he was Papa's type at all." Edith drawled, heading towards the door and leaving, Sybil close behind her.

"You coming?" Her Mother asked, smiling at her.

"I'll be down in a minute." Mary opened her jewellery box and peered inside, rolling a pearl earring between her fingers.

She heard the door shut softly and her face fell, her heart started racing. He was engaged? After all these months of heartbreak and misery, he was engaged? Her lip trembled and her hands started shaking. "Are you alright milady?" Anna asked gently, hesitating behind her. She thought her heart was going to physically break with the hurt it was causing her. White-hot pain scorched her beating organ and then she felt it in her eyes as tears gathered in them. How could he be engaged? How could her Mathew- "Oh Anna" She sobbed, tears flying down her cheeks. She let her face fall to her hands, the rings prodding uncomfortably in her face but she didn't take heed. There was no pain worse than the one she suffered this very moment, no pain worse than the one that was already breaking her dangerously-fragile heart.