Secret diary
By, Arashi
Disclaimer: I will own it someday… *cackles* I highly doubt it, but nothing can stop me from trying! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH AH AH AH AH AH!!! Okay, I was joking there… *cough*
Rating: PG-13 for some swearing and some… perverted thoughts…
Very secret diary of Voldemort
Day 1
Interesting… I lost this diary a long long time ago. Found it again. Go me!
Been sitting on this bloody chair all day, bum extremely sore. Reminder: Blow up this chair whenever I feel like getting up.
Day 2
Blew up that friggin' chair. It wasn't worthy enough for me to sit on it.
Lucius came and visited me today. Just noticed he had a fine ass. He does not really love Narcissa does he? Who could love that twisted bitch? I doubt she wouldn't mind if I tried something new with my wand… heh…
Still haven't destroyed the world!
Day 3
Woke up, found my breakfast was NOT on the table.
Someone will pay…
*later*
Threw Lucius out the window, when I don't get breakfast, I get cranky.
Must add he looked quite cute when he was flying out the window, he screams quite nicely.
World is still here.
Day 4
Finally got alone with *Lucious* oops…. Uh… spelling error there. *cough* yeah right *cough* He forgave me for throwing him out the window.
Narcissa cooked me dinner. Chipped my bloody tooth! That bitch will pay… After I go visit the dentist that is…
World still not destoyed…
Day 5
Took a trip to the dentist. He told me I should floss more and pulled out my tooth. He said it will grow back in a while.
I wonder if his head will grow back…?
Came back, and was in to much pain…
Ow….
Day 6
Ohhhh pretty pretty quarter! Shoved my tooth under my pillow, tooth fairy came. She is real!
Well… was…
Blasted her up 'cause she woke me up. Stupid stupid fairy…
Day 7
Took a field trip to the Potters house! James was actually turned me on. Quick snog, and told him that I had to kill him. So I did. Then went for his son, stupid red headed lady blocked me. Killed her too. Then tried to kill the baby. Didn't work, gave him a spiffy scar though. Go the baby!
Now, the baby is not dead!
Day 8
Relized I shouldn't have killed James. Far to sexy to be dead.
Will get over it.
Still not over killing James.
Day 9
Bored. Bored. Bored.
Where's that monkey Wormtail? I want him to entertain me like juggle, blow fire out of his nose or something.
Day… no clue. 10 years later.
Lost journal. Found it again. This journal tries to run away from me.
I wanna blow it up.
But won't…
Looked at a pic of the Potter baby boy… thing… Looks a lot like his father… maybe when he is older…
But something about him wants me to kill him…
Why don't I have a spiffy scar!?
Oh right, I still have my baldness… Stupid spell… I wanted to become more powerful but something went wrong…
I'M BLOODY BALD!
AND ROGAN WON'T WORK!!
Stupid muggles…
2nd day after ten years of finding my journal
*whimpers* I'm bald… Excuse me while I crawl in a corner and bathe in my misery…
3rd day after ten years of finding my journal
Now whats starts with da letter c?
Cookie starts with the letter c!
Let's think of other things that start with C!
Ah who cares about that…
C is for cookie… that's good enough for me! C is for cookie that's good enough for me… C is for cookie that's good enough for me!
Oh cookie cookie cookie starts with c!
Ha ha… that cookie monster cracks me up…. He has a lot of hair… maybe he can heal my baldness…
4th day after ten years of finding my journal
Ah my fellow death eaters made a spiffy little club… the PEN15 club!
But for some reason they were giggling…
Wonder whatsup?
5th day after ten years of finding my journal
Found out what pen15 club is… a cleaver way of saying the penis club!
They will all get…
A REWARD!
Clever bunch of bitches they are...
6th day after ten years of finding my journal
At the moment I'm stuck on a ugly guys head. Can I say wee?
No…
My bod is much more better than his!
Plus this cloth thingie is itchy!
7th day after ten years of finding my journal
Hm… I finally saw Snape after… a long long time. I got a lil' sneak peek. Grown mighty hot over the years, and no his hair isn't oily, its just from all those potions.
Yumm…
8th day after ten years of finding my journal
Saw Potter *twitch* His scar is so cool!
Had to listen to that guy I'm stuck to, talk to the class. His voice is so annoying. I really... Really... want to strangle him. But... Hark! I have no hands! I'm a FRIGGIN' BALD HEAD!
Potter boy not dead.
9th day after ten years of finding my journal
Snape has a funny feeling about Quirrel, he thinks something is up.
I wonder why?
BECAUSE SOMETHING IS! Heh heh...
Doom will fall ontop of that Potters filthy head.
I... want... that... scar...
Potter still has not faced my wrath.
10th day after ten years of finding my journal
I just realized how could I write in this when I have no hands at the moment...?
Random thought.
11th day after ten years of finding my journal
HA HA HA! I AM GOING TO GET THE STONE! UGLY UGLY STONE!
It could be the cure of my baldness!
Screw destroying everything! I want my hair!
12th day after ten years of finding my journal
Damn, damn, damn potter cool-scar boy. ;_; he killed my BITCH! How dare he...
And took the bloody stone with him.
Run Potter Run! Go to that wench Dumbledor!
...I hate my life....
13th day after ten years of finding my journal
Stupid bloody wench Dumbledor! I WILL RISE! AND WITH HAIR! YOU HEAR!? HAIR!!!!
--The next day, Voldemort lost his journal.--