Saints Row: The Third (rewrite)

Foreword: Hello, my readers. I want to talk about what I am about to do. So recently, I had bought the remastered version of Saints Row: The Third. It made me remember all the fun I had when I played it back in the early-2010s. But I will note that there were issues with the story. I had also read that there were elements in rough drafts for the script that were changed.

So in this one, I am doing a rewrite of the game. Now I am not going to change it completely. There will be changes, such as returning characters from 1 and 2, as well as some story elements changing up a bit. I am not going to spoil it. I will leave you guys to see what will happen. But a lot of story elements will remain the same.

Like I said, certain elements will stay and others will be changed up as well. As for the portrayal of The Boss/Playa, I will have that character be a male and I am going to use the dialogue from Male Voice 1 (Troy Baker) and visually, I am going with the main default model that was used. You know, the one with the suit, brown hair and sunglasses on top of his head. That one. Why? Because I feel that the look can work. If I was using the female version, I could use the default female model and use Laura Bailey's voice dialogue.

Also, regarding missions involving activities, I will see what I will do for those.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask them in a review or PM me. That's about all I can say. Enjoy!

Conquest.

The story of human history.

Since time immemorial, great leaders have risen from humble beginnings to…

Do shit.

And so it was with the THIRD STREET SAINTS.

Since conquering Stilwater, the once small-time street gang has evolved into a media empire.

A Saints Movie is in development. JOHNNY GAT and SHAUNDI are pop-culture icons. And PIERCE…

Well, who gives a fuck about Pierce?

The point is, the Saints are on the world stage and every criminal organization wants their crown.

It was only a matter of time before one of them took the fight to the Saints.

Two men and a woman stood inside an elevator. One man was of Asian descent and wore a jacket, jeans, and sunglasses. The man was none other than Johnny Gat, one of the mainstays of the Saints for many years. The woman was Shaundi, who wore a purple jacket over a low-cut crop top and tight purple pants, which was a far cry to how she was when she started with the Saints.

The other man was Josh Birk, a well-known actor who starred in a popular vampire superhero show called "Nyte Blayde." Josh looked at his cellphone and was watching a Japanese commercial for Saints Flow, a Saints-endorsed energy drink.

The commercial had the Saints' own Pierce Washington on a basketball court getting jumped by some random street toughs, such as bikers and other thugs. It even led to him getting beaten to the ground, until he saw the Saints Flow mascot, a can of the drink with arms and legs flying in the air and glowing right over him. Pierce made eye contact with it and as the mascot got closer, the mascot put its left arm out and pointed its index finger, causing Pierce to do the same, a la the movie "E.T.: The Extraterrestrial."

The fingers touched, causing a can of Saints Flow to appear out of thin air. Pierce took one swig and BAM! Pierce gained a lot of powers and beat down the street toughs with a lot of ease. He used a lot of martial arts moves and sent one of the thugs flying, literally, and even made a fireball that sent another thug flying out of the basketball court before exploding to kingdom come. Pierce saw a basketball and delivered a slam dunk, with a lot of purple glowing stars flying around him. He yelled "Super excellent!" to the camera holding the can of the energy drink.

Right after the commercial was over, Josh stood there with Johnny and Shaundi, holding his phone with the video feed.

"Japanese commercials, easiest money you'll ever make," Josh said to both Saints.

"Grand larceny is right up thre," Johnny said, taking a couple of pistols out of a big on the floor and spun them to hand them to Josh. "You ready for this?"

"No worries," Josh said, posing with the two guns in his hand, spinning them like a cowboy would. "I do my own stunts."

Shaundi put a little speaker enhancer around her neck to alter her voice. "Hey, you're just a ride-along, man. So don't get all Hong Kong-style in there."

All three people looked like they were prepared for something alright, but what was it? They all had guns in their hands, but what were they about to do?

"Hey, I am a method actor," Josh said. "If I'm going to play a Saint with any degree of emotional truth…" He said as he put on the voice enhancer. "I got to make it real."

BING! The elevator door opened and standing before Johnny, Shaundi, and Josh was someone in a Johnny Gat mascot outfit.

"Trust me, Birk, it'll be real," a distorted voice said through the suit. "Are you guys ready?"

"Wait, who are you?" Josh said.

"Good look, Boss," Johnny said. "And shit, I'm as ready as I've ever been."

Johnny and Shaundi got out the masks, which were the heads of the Johnny Gat mascot costume. Josh looked around. Both Shaundi and Johnny had put on the masks already, much to his confusion.

"You're robbing a bank dressed like yourselves?" Josh said.

Johnny said, "Hell yeah, who doesn't want to be Johnny Gat?"

"Ultra-post-modernism, I love it," Josh said and put on the Johnny Gat head as well.

The quartet walked into the bank. It was no bank like they had not seen before. It must have sprung over night, even in a city like Stilwater. The bank looked like it had a lot of open space, two gigantic Roman statues with Spartans on horses looking like they were about to throw spears. There was also a lot of red walls, as well as a cardboard cutout of famous professional wrestler, Killbane. On one end of that floor, there was a huge pink star. What did that symbolize?

"I'm cool with the Saints movie, but do we really got to drag this asshole actor around?" Shaundi said.

"Cut Josh some slack, he's just researching his part," Boss said.

"I hope he signed a waiver," Shaundi said.

"Alright, people," Boss said firing a warning shot into the ceiling above. Josh quickly jumped onto a desk that was right in front of him.

"NOBODY MOVES, NOBODY DIES!" Josh said, pointing his pistols right at a person sitting at the front desk.

"Birk!" Johnny yelled.

Josh turned towards Johnny and said, "Sorry, jumped his line. Can we go again?"

However, Boss had a lot more professional skills as he drew his machine gun.

"You all know the drill," Boss said.

But what was puzzling was that bank patrons used this as an opportunity to get some photo ops with the Boss and other members of the Saints. One man got a picture with the Boss, in front of a Killbane cardboard cutout, no less.

"Get in line, bitch!" Josh pointed one of his pistols at a bank teller, much to Shaundi's annoyance.

"Hey, don't be a dick," Shaundi said.

"You call yourself gang-bangers?" Josh said. "You're a bunch of pussies! We should be all in their shit, like—"

But the teller wasn't going to have any of it, as she drew a .45 Shepherd and pointed it right at Josh and let out a shot. Lucky for Josh, he was able to jump out of the way before a slug went right for him, rather than blowing off the head of the Killbane cardboard cutout.

But that wasn't it. More of the tellers quickly draw their .45 Shepherds and through a window upstairs, several people were seen running. Security? Maybe.

"Well, that's different," Boss said as each of the tellers were letting out gunfire. But lucky for the Saints, they managed to get some cover behind a desk.

"You got a plan, or do we shoot all these motherfuckers?" Johnny said.

"That is my plan," Boss said.

"Works for me," Johnny said as he quickly ran off to do what he loves best: shoot people. But not before pistol-whipping a security guard and holding him like a human shield.

"Where's the vault?" Johnny said pointing his submachine gun at the security guard.

"Go to hell," the security guard said.

"You want to play, motherfucker?" Johnny said. Rather than shoot the man, he just threw him to the other side of the room. The security guard landed right onto the statue on the left side of the room and oddly enough, part of it broke off.

Gunfire erupted, with more security guards coming out with firearms.

"Oh my god, you couldn't wait to kill him until we found out who these guys are?" Josh said.

"Eh," Johnny said.

"We're going to die," Josh said.

"What happened to 'I do my own stunts'?" Johnny said.

"Hey, do these look like squibs to you?" Josh said.

But the Boss wanted to remain professional. All he wanted was to get the job done.

"Alright people, let's find that vault," Boss said.

Josh, who wanted to conduct research for his role, stood right in front of a red door with a star on it.

"That's right, you fuckers!" Josh yelled. "We're comin' for you!"

Josh let out a kick to try to bust open the doors, but he positioned the foot in an awkward way that he fell backwards and hurt his foot in the process. Johnny, however, was more successful and the security guards stood right before them with weapons drawn. But Johnny quickly opened fire at one of the guards when the door opened. The Boss went in and started spraying more security guards with lead. Boss and Johnny dropped each of them until the blood blended in with the red carpeting.

"I can't believe you launched that guy into a statue," Josh yelled to Johnny.

"I can't believe you're still thinking about it," Johnny said.

"Do you want to know who these people are?" Josh yelled.

But Boss cut in and said, "Listen, all that matters is the vault. Let's find that and get the hell out of here."

But right above them over a staircase was something that they didn't expect. The security guards were packing, but these people didn't look like security guards. There were men in black jackets and pants with a red shirt with a pink star on it. There were women in trench coats but looked like they were wearing some type of lingerie.

Boss stood there and looked around, as Josh, Johnny, and Shaundi ran towards the staircase. However, Josh ran frantically.

"Is this what it's normally like?" Josh said.

"Well, normally the tellers don't use fucking shotguns," Johnny said.

"Yeah, normally banks don't look like a palace, either," Josh said. "You see those statues before you blew them up?"

"Will you forget the horses?" Johnny said. "These guards are packing military grade hardware!"

More of those people came out with the colors red and black. Both men and women. Even some women wore some sort of presentable clothing, but not without midriffs and cleavages showing. Some of the men even had red suits with black shirts with pink stars, as well black suits with red shirts and ties. Were they some sort of criminal organization? Did they have some kind of influence in Stilwater as well?

"Who the hell are we robbing?" Boss said.

More of them came out of the woodwork in an area with a bridge and another desk. The same color scheme was present. Who owned this bank?

Boss dropped a few men and women and ran up another flight of stairs. Right before his very eyes, Shaundi looked like she was caught by one of those mysterious soldiers and was ready to shoot her. But Shaundi quickly thought ahead and switched around and put the man right against the wall and sprayed the man with bullets.

"Hey, Shaundi," Boss said. "The vault's open, let's go."

"Right, Boss," Shaundi said and followed him inside.

Josh knelt on the ground.

"I…I can't breathe," Josh said.

Shaundi, annoyed at this, begrudgingly helped get the Gat head off of him so that he could breathe better. Shaundi took off her mask as well.

Meanwhile, Boss and Johnny were trying to open the safe but it had a special code to open it.

"No way we're cracking this thing," Johnny said. "Ready for Plan B?"

"Yup," Boss said. "Josh, get over here."

Josh ran right towards the Saints with the bag.

"Got the tools right here, homes," Josh said and turned around. Boss unzipped the bag, which contained explosives.

"So what's Plan B? We drill it?" Josh said.

"Fuck no," Johnny said. "We blow it."

"WHAT?!" Josh said. He knew that he was not only in over his head doing this sort of thing, but he was the only one of the crew who knew who the Saints were robbing.

"Not cool, man!" Josh said.

Boss held a bomb right in his hands. He was the only one of the crew who still had his disguise on.

"Time to get to work," Boss said.

But he wanted to do it a different way. "Come on, I know where we can set them. We can set them above the vault. Let's go."

Boss led the other three up another floor of the bank.

"Hey, I think we've got company," Josh said as he heard some chatter from below and in other areas.

Shaundi looked through the window right in front of her. "Looks like they're coming in from the lobby."

Below, more guys with similar getups from the bodies that were dropped before came in packing some serious heat. The three Saints blasted the window and started opening fire while Josh cowered in fear.

"Shaundi," Josh said.

"What?" Shaundi said.

"We need to talk," Josh said.

"We really don't," Shaundi said in an annoyed tone as she continued to fire at the ground below.

"It's just…if I die here, I don't want things to go unsaid," Josh said.

"I should be so lucky," Shaundi said with that same annoyed tone. She knew that Josh had it bad for her, but she didn't feel the same way.

Boss went into the floor where there were cubicles around. Seemed like the area for other employees for that bank.

A young woman, presumably a customer or employee, with a purple hoodie saw the Boss coming.

"Oh my god, you're the Saints!" the woman said. "You HAVE to sign this for me!"

She got out a little notebook. Lucky for her, the Boss was nice enough to sign it and also let her live.

"Hey, anything for a fan," Boss said.

Josh approached the young starstruck woman and posed for her. "Hey, Josh Birk. Don't be starstruck, I'm very approachable. Want me to sign your breasts?"

"Um, no, that's alright," the young woman said.

"Yeah, well, you know, buy 'Nyte Blayde' on DVD," Josh said.

Boss, however, was focused on the task at hand. He found an open spot to set the bomb.

"Alright, everyone!" Boss said. "Move out of the way! Hey, young lady, get out of here."

The young woman had left the area as the timer started. Everyone jumped out of the way before the timer would go off.

BOOM! The floor was not the only thing blown open, but also the walls and ceiling, as the wall that faced the Stilwater Hotel was blown off. Boss, Shaundi, and Johnny all regrouped and saw the big gap in the wall that the explosion left.

Josh cowered near a desk but saw a red button under it.

"Hey, let's get the chopper and lift this baby out of here," Boss said.

Josh got up and saw the three standing there. "Hey, guys, you can call off the helicopter. I found the way to open the vault."

But Johnny figured that Josh wasn't too bright and also figured what the actor meant.

"Don't touch it!" Johnny yelled. But it was too late. Josh had pushed the red button, letting off an alarm.

The alarm blared, much to the anger of the three Saints.

"Josh!" Shaundi said, pointing at him. "Are you trying to get us all jail time?"

"What?" Josh said. "I don't want to be some dude's bitch!"

For that, Josh ran away like a coward and left the three Saints by themselves to deal with the cops on their own.

"Do I have to go after him?" Shaundi said.

"Forget about it, he'll be fine," Johnny said.

The whole floor was in shambles, with flames burning some debris, as well as sparks flying from electrical units. To say that the bank was in bad shape would be an understatement.

"How long until the chopper gets here?" Shaundi said.

"I don't know, probably like two waves of SWAT guys?" Boss said.

"Sounds about right," Shaundi said.

The Boss, Johnny, and Shaundi stood there and awaited the inevitable, as they looked right towards the window, with rappels dropped from higher ground and SWAT members rappelling down.

"Here they come!" Johnny said.

But Shaundi came prepared, as she yelled "Flashbang!" to throw a flashbang grenade with a huge flash taking up the entire floor.

"I haven't had this much fun in years!" Johnny said.

Several SWAT guys came in through the windows with Johnny opening fire at each and every one of them. More came up through a walkway above and were met with bullets from the three Saints.

"I'm going to kill Birk if I see him again," Shaundi said. Even in the midst of a gunfight, she picked this time to make a comment, no matter if she were to get shot in the process.

"Ah, I thought you two really had something there," Boss said, while shooting more of Stilwater PD SWAT members.

"Oh, don't even go there," Shaundi said.

"Hey, just sayin'," Boss said.

The Boss didn't hold back on the gunfire as more SWAT guys came in but were met with their own deaths before they could even draw their weapons.

"The chopper should be here soon," Johnny said. "We just got to hold out a little longer."

But some SWAT guys came in with some protection. It was going to be hard to take them down now.

"They busted out the riot shields," Shaundi said.

One of the SWAT guys rushed towards the Boss with a riot shield. But he clearly didn't know the leader of the Saints, as he let out a swift kick and knocked the SWAT guy down and pumped him full of lead, no matter how armored this man was. He was able to keep him down.

Shaundi heard a propeller coming from the outside. Could it be their support to take the vault? Well, no. It was something else.

"Really, a fucking attack chopper?" Shaundi said.

"Who the hell are these guys?" Boss said.

"A bunch of assholes," Johnny said.

But there were only two things they could do. It was either run for cover or try to fight it off. While it would be safer to run for cover, Shaundi suggested shooting the helicopter. The chopper fired a lot of rounds through its chain gun, as well as a missile. It was a miracle that the missile missed the three Saints, who sprayed at the helicopter with everything they had. It wasn't long until Shaundi saw another helicopter with a hook of some sort. She was sure that it was their ride.

The helicopter closed in and went to a halt to lower the hook. The Boss went ahead and hooked the latch onto the vault and signaled to the pilot that they should go now.

"You two go out the back," Boss said to Johnny and Shaundi.

"And you?" Shaundi said.

"I'm staying with the vault," Boss said.

"We'll see you when we touch down," Shaundi said.

After Shaundi and Johnny left, Boss yelled to the pilot to get going.

"Where'd all this security come from?" the pilot said.

"Stay calm and stick to the plan," Boss said.

There were countless SWAT guys out on the roof. Boss saw this as the vault ascended via the helicopter. It wasn't just them that were a concern. He saw the same attack chopper from before.

"I thought I shot that thing down," Boss said.

Through a speaker, the pilot of the attack chopper yelled, "Troy can't bail you out of this one! Make this easy on the squad for once. Please autograph and put down your gun."

For some reason, that pilot was right. Troy Bradshaw, the chief of the Stilwater Police Department, still had ties to the Saints as he was their contact, despite working undercover with them years prior. However, he and the Boss had an understanding and bailed them out multiple times. But he was unable to do it this time.

The helicopter with the vault moved slowly.

"Why the hell are we still here?" Boss said.

The pilot of the chopper said, "The controls are not responding!"

"Then get it fixed," Boss said. "I'll hold off the cops."

"You can't kill them all," the pilot said.

"I don't appreciate that kind of negativity," Boss said.

Any SWAT guy who tried to shoot at the Boss was met with lead. But the attack chopper wasn't done yet.

"This publicity stunt is over," the police pilot said. "We have to take you in."

The attack chopper fired a missile, while other SWAT guys continued firing at the Boss, even as he ran from one corner of the vault to another. Luckily, he was able to avoid getting shot.

"Get us higher!" Boss said.

"I'm trying not to get shot here!" the pilot said.

The pilot tried to fly away, but not before breaking some more of the bank's roof off with the vault hanging there. Even with that happening, the SWAT guys still stood on the roof, while the Boss hung on for dear life. But that didn't stop him from firing at the SWAT team. Nor did it stop the pilot from hitting the nearby building.

The police pilot kept on telling the Boss and the Saints' pilot to put the vault down. Other helicopters came out. One was to bring in more SWAT guys. Another was a standard Oppressor helicopter with what appeared to be a sniper, except this man didn't look like a cop. This man wore a red suit. Who ran this bank, especially on Saints' turf?

"Turn yourself in," the police pilot said. "My son wants to meet Shaundi."

But the Boss wouldn't have it anymore. He aimed right for the windshield of the attack chopper and fired every round until it was blatant that the helicopter would lose control.

"That's right, don't fuck with the…" Boss said, until he saw that the attack chopper lost enough control that it was headed towards him and the Saints' pilot. The attack chopper spun around until it went head on against the Saints' chopper's tail, breaking it off.

As luck would have it, he was still close to the roof of the bank. It was either jump or fall. He thought forget about the vault and just jump right onto the roof. The hands barely managed to catch onto the edge, but he made it and climbed onto the roof with so much relief…until a the remnants of the Stilwater SWAT team approached him with guns drawn to him lying there.

"Well, shit," Boss said.

"You're under arrest," the main SWAT guy said.

"Yeah, yeah, spare me the rights, I know what my rights are," Boss said.

One SWAT guy moved his leg back and kicked Boss right in the torso, but Boss laughed at that reaction. It wasn't long until they took the mask off to reveal his identity. One guy threw the Johnny Gat head down to the ground.

The SWAT guys got him up to his feet to take him away. Shaundi and Johnny were nowhere to be seen. It was likely that Stilwater PD had caught them.

Hours later

Two uniformed cops had brought in the leader of the Saints, now wearing a dark gray suit with a purple shirt under a dark gray vest. He looked around and his main support, Troy, was nowhere to be seen. He was probably out at that moment, which was likely why he didn't bail them out earlier.

One of the cops opened up a door to a holding cell. He and another cop shoved the Boss right into the cell.

"The fuck is this? We paid up this month," Boss said.

"Someone paid more," one of the cops said before closing the door.

Boss and Johnny stood, while Shaundi sat on the floor.

"What happened?" Johnny said.

"We got arrested," Shaundi said.

"No, to us," Johnny said. "Birk's right. We traded our dicks in for pussies. Seriously, movie deals, commercials? The Saints' name used to mean more than body spray and some ass-tasting energy drink."

"Our brand's worth a shitload of money," Boss said.

"Is that what's all about?" Johnny said.

"It's always about the money, Mr. Gat, which is precisely why our employer wishes to speak with you," a female voice said. In walked two pretty women who happened to be twins. They both had black dresses on and were accompanied by men and women wearing black and red. The men had suits, while the women wore some revealing clothes, but was similar to how Shaundi was dressed. The one who was talking had a pair of white-framed sunglasses on her head.

The other twin, who had a pair of similar sunglasses on her head, except the frames were pink, said, "If you will indulge us, we'll take you to him."

Could this organization be who ran the bank that they tried to rob earlier that day? So many questions were on the minds of the Saints. Who could be running a bank like that in Stilwater?

Another note: I am leaving it right here before it gets to the next one. I also decided that the Syndicate gangs will have more to them than what was seen in the game. I also like to think that any other female Morningstar members wore a little more, if a lot more than what was seen in the game. You'll see.

Hope you all enjoyed this. This will be a tough story to do, but I will manage to do it.