Apricity (n)

The warmth of the sun in winter

Sun poured in through the open curtains, gentle golden light casting kaleidoscopic shimmers across the small bedroom. It splashed across the walls, not quite reaching the bed where Sam lay. Even so, it was the first true sign of summer, made even better by the soft chirps of birds from outside.

Rolling over, Sam blinked as her eyes adjusted to the light. Then her gaze landed on Josh, curled up into a ball in the space beside her, and she smiled. He looked so peaceful when he slept - eyes closed, features relaxed. Even the taught pull of his lips from the torn side - now mostly scar tissue - somehow looked gentler. His nose twitched in his sleep, slender hands tugging the covers closer, and he let out a little huff.

He looked so different now, to the Josh from before. After she found him in the lodge almost a year ago, the wendigo had changed him. The effects still lingered; the harsh scarring across his cheek, where his torn skin had been stitched back together and those lethal teeth shaved down. His skin was paler, sickly even, and his limbs too long for his body. His movements were still jumpy, skittish, the sounds he made slipping into something inhuman - and Sam knew it wasn't from trauma like his parents insisted.

But lying there, tucked into the covers with his nose buried in the pillows, he looked like the Josh she remembered. He would never be that Josh again, but the sight of him so content made her stomach flip. His differences didn't make her love him any less.

Absently, Sam brushed a hand through his hair. It was fluffy and soft, though she didn't think he grew it out intentionally. The curly strands coiled around her fingers, and Josh sighed as he nuzzled into her. She loved these rare moments - moments alone, without the outside world interfering. Josh slept at hers more and more over the months - first in her spare bedroom, then on the fold out sofa in the corner of her room, then finally in her own bed. With her. It gave her the chance to do this, to watch him without him shying away from her attentions.

Outside, somewhere far away, a dog barked. Someone called after it, a distant and muffled cry. It wasn't much; but these days anything was enough to wake Josh. Once, noise would have sent him flying into a panic - now he simply blinked open wide eyes, giving Sam a sleepy grin that stretched the scarred side of his lips.

"Hey," she murmured, pressing a kiss to his forehead. He ran hot, but that was just an excuse for extra cuddles. Despite how Chris teased, they had never done any more than that.

Josh's lips parted in a yawn - he still tried to hide it from her, knowing how it twisted his features. Then with a sleepy grunt he replied, "morning."

"Do you know what time it is?"

"Don't care," he rumbled.

"You're dad's going to flip if you don't go home soon."

Josh's response was to shrug - and then wrap too-long arms around Sam's waist to tug her closer. Biting back a burst of laughter, Sam allowed him to pull her flush against his chest. Too bad it was covered by ridiculous dinosaur pyjamas. Her own weren't much better; sweatpants and an ancient X-Men t-shirt loaned from Chris. Well, stolen.

Head resting on Josh's solid chest, she soaked up his warmth. A delicate hand trailed along his bare arm, short nails skimming across his skin. He shivered under her touch, and Sam smiled. Before long her hand reached his, and she twined her fingers around his. He had started filing down his nails, she noticed, but they grew so fast they still ended up more like claws by the weekend.

She had gotten used to his wendigo traits, she supposed. Not so much that she didn't notice them - it was impossible not to notice the thick scars, the way his limbs look stretched, how he still fought down the urge to mimic others with a flush of shame.

Sam hadn't noticed she had been wriggling closer, not until she felt her leg press against the inside of Josh's thigh. He was thinner than he used to be, but the softness of his thighs still sent a delighted shudder down her spine. But Josh lay stiffly beneath her, wide eyes reflecting in the dim room, and she knew this was too much. "Sorry," she murmured, moving to slide away-

Usually Josh flinched at too much closeness - for reasons she couldn't fathom. Or perhaps she could. Yet this time he caught her by the hips, nervous smile playing on his lips. His eyes shone in the weak light, white and reflective like a cat. Thick, dark lashes cast shadows across his face, fluttering with every blink.

"I love you," Sam murmured, and she reached up to cover his lips with her own. Slow, gentle, giving Josh plenty of time to move away. He didn't. His hand clamped tighter around her hip and Sam hummed against his lips. They moved together perfectly in sync, limbs entwining as they moved against each other. Sam's heart still flipped no matter how many times they kissed, and heat simmered under her skin.

When fangs pricked her bottom lip Sam groaned; and Josh, encouraged by her appreciation, let out a low growl of his own. His hands began to wander, inching across her bare skin and underneath the hem of her t-shirt.

Grinning against his lips, Sam couldn't help but explore too. There was heat coiling in her gut, desperate hands itching to touch him, and it was so rare for him to let her. Even after all this time. Deepening the kiss, nibbling at his bottom lip, Sam gave into temptation and flung a leg across his hips. Oh so delicately she tugged at his t-shirt and let her hands roam.

His chest was firm, but she traced the outline of ribs that had never been visible before. Gentle fingers traced callouses and scars from his time in the mines, and he shivered delightfully beneath her touch. He responded in kind, too, nails gently skimming across the curve of her waist in a way that drew a gasp from her lips.

"Let's get you out of this shirt," she mumbled against his lips. Gentle hands tugged at his t-shirt, eager to see it tossed to the floor.

Josh had other ideas. He froze solid, lidded eyes snapping wide with... fear? He let out a nervous chirp, another remnant of his wendigo days - and before Sam had time to think he had put as much room between them as the double bed allowed.

"Josh-"

"Don't," he mumbled, "you don't... you don't want that."

"Want what?" Sam urged, already knowing the answer. On the rare occasions Josh let her touch him, it was always fully clothed. It was a far cry from the flirting she was used to, from the boy who walked around shirtless just to make Chris jealous.

The sun was up now, the golden-pink tones of sunrise making way for bright streaks of sunlight through the curtains. Josh couldn't hide his pained expression, or the way he refused to meet her eyes.

"Babe." Sam inched forward - and it hurt, the way she shuffled away. There was no space for him to move back any further, so Sam stayed put. Rising to rest on her elbow, she cast him a soft look. "Talk to me."

His eyelids fluttered, lips forming a scowl that twisted the right side of his face. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere else in that moment, and Sam's heart hurt for him. Reaching out she brushed a hand across his cheek, and this time he didn't flinch away. Instead he nuzzled closer, frown melting into a smile. "I'm sorry," he muttered, "it's just... hard. I don't look like I used to, Sammy."

"I know; but I still love you, don't I?"

"Can't imagine why."

That wasn't the Josh she knew. Scowling, Sam brushed a strand of curls from his forehead and placed a kiss there. He shivered beneath her. "Joshua Washington," she said, mock-stern but smiling, "I love you, and while I'd never pressure you into anything, I'm also not going to freak out. Don't you think we've been through enough to be past that?"

A shrug, awkward with one shoulder smushed into the mattress. He didn't meet her eyes, instead watching a space just over her shoulder.

Heaving out a breath, Sam took his hand in hers. Her hand was so tiny in comparison, like a child's, and it brought a smile to her lips. "You know you're gorgeous, right?" she offered quietly, "almost all of our friends have crushed on you at some point. Even Matt, and he's hard to impress."

Josh simply blinked, eyes owlish.

"My point is," she continued, "if you're worried about how you look, you don't need to be. Just because you've changed, it doesn't make you any less. Got it?"

Another non-committal shrug - but at least a smirk quirked his lopsided mouth. "Really. Matt had a crush on me?"

Laughter burst from her lips, and Sam fought down the urge to throw a pillow at his face. "That's what you take from this? Honestly."

He grinned, filed down fangs peeking through, and muffled a laugh into the pillow. "It's just - Matt's as straight as they come."

"Yeah," Sam shot back, "but who could resist you?"

Josh rolled his eyes, an odd little chitter forced from his throat. "Looking like this, I doubt it'd be too hard."

With the light shining across his face, highlighting those sharp cheekbones and the dark curls of his hair, he was beautiful. Sam just wished he saw himself the way she did. So what if his face was scarred? So what if he wasn't as model-perfect as he had been. With everything he had been through it would have been a miracle to come out the other end unharmed. Besides, the point of his teeth and the paleness of his eyes added charm.

When she told him as much, Josh only gaped. "You really mean it, don't you?"

"I do," Sam replied with a grin. Then she ducked down, capturing his lips, intending to show him just how much she did mean it. Despite how many times he fucked up, despite how much of a mess he thought he was, Sam loved him. She loved his stupid fluffy hair and his teasing grin and the way he scooped her into bone crushing hugs. She loves his raspy laugh and his cute vocal ticks.

He was far from perfect - but he was still everything she needed.

When Sam flung her leg over his, using her foot to hook him close, Josh actually groaned. And it wasn't a human sound either - more wendigo than human, it was deep and raspy and it made her whole body tingle. His long lashes fluttered against her cheeks as he peppered kisses along her jaw, her neck, every inch of skin he could reach. Then he sat up, eyes shimmering with something she couldn't decipher, and reached for is t-shirt.

Wriggling, Sam managed to steady herself - seated between his thighs. "Josh," she huffed, "you don't have to-"

"I want to," he replied, voice rough, "I-I mean I'm not ready to, y'know, but I don't want to hide any more either. Besides," he quipped, and a little of the flirty Josh shone through, "I am perfect, as you keep reminding me."

Sam rolled her eyes, but she couldn't deny the eagerness that burrowed into her chest. Shifting back, she allowed him room to completely shed his t-shirt.

"Could... could you close your eyes?"

"Whatever makes this comfortable," she reassured. Eyes closing, Sam sucked in a breath that left her heart fluttering. She felt Josh move beneath her, and it was so tempting to peak. Just a little. But he trusted her, and this was already so difficult for him, despite he jokes and casual self-depreciation. So with bated breath, she waited.

"You can look now."

When her eyes landed on Josh, she gasped. Her thighs clenched around his as she took him in, stomach somersaulting.

Oh, he was gorgeous. He was all coppery skin and lithe, elegant muscles. Freckles dusted his broad shoulders, almost invisible against the darkness of his skin. He was littered with scars; some tiny, some dark and twisting at his flesh. There was one sliced across his chest, pale white and raised, the scar tissue overgrown. A wendigo must have done that, but Sam couldn't recall when it had happened.

"You're staring."

Her eyes swept up to him, holding his gaze despite the way he flinched under her gaze. Yet he held a teasing smile, and she took that as a good sign. Smiling back she said, "only because you're so hot."

Then he did grin - so wide it stretched the torn corner of his mouth. He laughed, and his cheeks flushed a beautiful crimson. After all this time, Sam still loved how she could get that reaction out of him. The great Josh Washington, blushing because of her.

"I can't believe you were scared to show me this."

"I know, it's hardly worse than the mess I call my face-"

Eyes narrowed, Sam leaned forward until their lips met. It still made her giddy, the way he kissed her back without even thinking. "That isn't what I meant," she murmured against his lips, "I just can't believe you thought I wouldn't adore every inch of you."

Her words made him squirm, a delighted laugh leaving his lips. Relaxing into her, Josh slipped one slender arm around her waist, pulling her flush against his chest. It meant she couldn't look any more - but she supposed maybe that was the point.

Besides, there was no time to complain - not when Josh bit down on her lip and she gasped in surprise, allowing him to flip her onto her side without resistance. He pulled back for a moment to grin wickedly - and then he crashed his lips to hers with such ferocity the breath was stolen from her lungs.

This was a side of Josh she had yet to see - and with a jolt of excitement, she returned in kind. One hand tangled in his hair, tugging on the soft curls as he huffed against her lips. The other travelled the expanse of his chest - exploring every dip, every scar, every notch of muscle, like she was committing it to memory.

"I thought you said you weren't ready," Sam teased, breaking away long enough to gulp in air. Cheeks flushed, she must have looked ridiculous.

Yet with his mussed hair and that wonderful grin, Josh looked pretty unravelled himself. With a laugh he said, "I lied; I just didn't know how you'd react. Now I know it was stupid to worry."

Her hands still traced circles around his waist, soaking up his body heat, and Sam grinned back. "Well my parents are still away, so we have as long as we want..."

With a bark of devilish laughter, Josh was on her once more. If Sam had the capacity to think after that, she would have thanked her parents for taking a trip abroad. As it was, her thoughts quickly dissolved into nothing as Josh's expert hands roved across her body.

Suffice to say, this day was going fantastic. And it seemed, if Josh had his way, it was only going to get better.