Copyright Infringement
Invisobillboard - Danny
PoisonIvyWasRight - Sam
technus but cooler - Tucker
Shiny Rapidash - Ember
Bearbert Einstein - Jazz
PoisonIvyWasRight
Danny, your cult's acting up again.
technus but cooler
r/brandnewsentence
Invisobillboard
Ugh.
Invisobillboard
Is it the main one or the offshoot?
Shiny Rapidash
There's an offshoot to your ridiculous cult?
Shiny Rapidash
Which I still have trouble believing exists, by the way.
Invisobillboard
Yeah, they had a big schism about a week back.
Invisobillboard
I think it was over the symbolism of my shade of green.
Invisobillboard
One side thought it meant rebirth, the other that radioactivity was the future.
Shiny Rapidash
… What?!
PoisonIvyWasRight
#SupportRebirthDannyTheology
Invisobillboard
If you join the cult, I'm disowning you.
PoisonIvyWasRight
You can't restrict my religious freedom, mom.
technus but cooler
What're they doing this time? I've not had any complaints come through.
PoisonIvyWasRight
They're in the park doing the summoning ritual again. I wouldn't bother you, but they've got a goat on a string this time.
Invisobillboard
I was very clear on the 'no sacrifices if you don't want me to come down hard on this' stipulation. On my way.
Shiny Rapidash
Come down hard anyway. It's a cult. It will not end well!
Invisobillboard
They're pests at worst! Literally all they do most of the time is wander down the street in black and white robes chanting "He's a phantom"!
PoisonIvyWasRight
And now a goat pays for your complacency. For shame, Danny. For shame.
Invisobillboard
A very confused goat now amidst a bunch of frozen cultists.
Invisobillboard
It's the offshoot, by the by. Seems like radioactivity isn't the only thing they decided to ignore my saying was a bad idea.
Invisobillboard
They'll thaw in an hour or so, reckon you can get the cops there, Tuck? Animal sacrifice has to be illegal.
technus but cooler
Probably. I'll text them.
technus but cooler
You know this is going to look like you're picking sides in a religious squabble, right?
Invisobillboard
Probably, but I think I'd rather be seen endorsing the peaceful chanting ones than leaving them to just start sacrificing things to me.
technus but cooler
Fair. In more important news, it's old school patrol night! You three ready?
Shiny Rapidash
Three?
Bearbert Einstein
He means me!
Shiny Rapidash
… Who?
technus but cooler
Whomst
technus but cooler
We need to work on proper group chatese, young lady.
Shiny Rapidash
Well, thanks, I needed that flashback to elementary school, dipstick.
Bearbert Einstein
It's Jazz! Danny's sister? I mostly just lurk around here.
Shiny Rapidash
Oh yeah, I remember! Penny still hates you, by the by.
Bearbert Einstein
Good, tell her from me it's mutual and she's a hack of a psychologist!
Shiny Rapidash
You tell her, I don't wanna start a fight.
Shiny Rapidash
The only thing more likely to get her mad than a good solid thwarting by baby pop is having her professional cred questioned.
Invisobillboard
Phrasing.
PoisonIvyWasRight
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
technus but cooler
That's going up on urban dictionary before patrol.
PoisonIvyWasRight
Speaking of patrol tonight.
Invisobillboard
Here we go.
PoisonIvyWasRight
I was wondering if you could ask your mom if I could use it this time.
Invisobillboard
I can ask, like I've done hundreds of times before, and the answer will be the same.
Invisobillboard
"Danny, I know you and your friends have been hunting ghosts for two years now, and we're very impressed, but I can't let anyone use that outside of emergency situations, it's too dangerous"
PoisonIvyWasRight
OH COME ON
PoisonIvyWasRight
I've clocked more hours in the ghost zone than her at this point and helped catch hundreds of ghosts! I can handle it! I just want to use it once before Disney sues you guys.
Invisobillboard
You have, but that doesn't mean mom isn't right. It's an absolute geeks dream, but actually swinging around a lightsaber is a recipe for limb removal, yours included.
Shiny Rapidash
Lightsaber?! Like Star Wars?!
Invisobillboard
Yup. My mom made it to prove she could, and only afterwards realised the thing didn't just work on ghosts.
Bearbert Einstein
Dad makes things badly; mom makes things too well.
PoisonIvyWasRight
And it's so cool and I want one.
Shiny Rapidash
Me too! I loved that movie! Spooks, we're having a sword fight!
Invisobillboard
Definitely no, I can guarantee it.
Invisobillboard
And no, I'm not sneaking it out.
PoisonIvyWasRight
Couldn't you just
PoisonIvyWasRight
Darn it.
technus but cooler
Aha, but now I spy another fan. One who may bring balance to the Force.
technus but cooler
Finally, Ember can break the deadlock between me and Danny.
PoisonIvyWasRight
Tucker, no. You are not dragging an innocent bystander into your nerd fight.
technus but cooler
Nerd fight?! This is the shadow that has hung over our friendship for years!
PoisonIvyWasRight
Danny, I'm begging you, talk him out of this.
Invisobillboard
No, Tuck actually has a point. Ember can be the arbiter we need.
Shiny Rapidash
Heck no. It's been decades since I've seen the film. I'm still freaking out over it surviving all this time.
Invisobillboard
Wait, film? Singular?
Shiny Rapidash
Yeah. Why, they make a sequel?
technus but cooler
Aw, nuts. She hasn't
technus but cooler
She doesn't know.
Invisobillboard
What?
technus but cooler
Danny. Empire. She doesn't know.
Invisobillboard
Oh my god, she doesn't know.
Shiny Rapidash
Explain before I set you on fire, cryptic dipsticks.
Invisobillboard
Sam! Get back here, we need you! This isn't a nerd fight, it's a nerd intervention!
PoisonIvyWasRight
Already running to the projection room.
Invisobillboard
We've got time for Empire before patrol, right Jazz?
Bearbert Einstein
Yep, and just to make sure I'm coming too.
Bearbert Einstein
I get to witness a ghost's reaction to [TEXT REDACTED FOR EXPERIMENT INTEGRITY]. You're advancing the cause of science today, Ember!
Invisobillboard
Ah yes. The only reason you might want to hang around.
Bearbert Einstein
Danny. Shush.
Invisobillboard
I still have pictures of you in your Ember outfit. Pictures cannot be shushed.
Bearbert Einstein
Baby pics. In the chat. Danny. Shush.
Shiny Rapidash
I am officially weirded out.
PoisonIvyWasRight
By Star Wars still existing, science or Jazz?
Shiny Rapidash
Yes.
Invisobillboard
There're 10 Star Wars films now.
Shiny Rapidash
There's what.
Invisobillboard
10 films. That one film you loved? Yeah, it kinda blew up in a big way.
technus but cooler
Hundreds of books, dozens of games, 4 or so TV shows
technus but cooler
Wait, Danny, there's 11 films.
Invisobillboard
No, I'm pretty sure there's only 10
technus but cooler
Danny…
Invisobillboard
OH WHAT A SHAME IT IS THEY NEVER MADE EPISODE 9. I GUESS WE'LL NEVER GET A RESOLUTION TO ALL THAT.
technus but cooler
It happened! I don't like episode 8, but you don't see me denying it exists!
PoisonIvyWasRight
Nerd fight later. Get to my house as soon as. Bring a camera!
Invisobillboard
Oh, nearly forgot.
Invisobillboard
Ember, do you actually want to see the sequel to the first Star Wars right now?
PoisonIvyWasRight
Oh. Yeah. Consent. Kind of important.
Shiny Rapidash
I mean, yes, but that's just because you had me at 'sequel to Star Wars'
Shiny Rapidash
If I get straightjacketed and tied to a chair by your sister though, I am coming for you.
Invisobillboard
Fair. I'll send you a teleport picture!
Invisobillboard
OK. Standard procedure, phones on silent, any comments you want to make, make 'em on here.
Shiny Rapidash
Aaaaaa, this music takes me baaaaaaaack.
Shiny Rapidash
And they kept the opening title crawl thing!
technus but cooler
I miss being this easily pleased by Star Wars.
Invisobillboard
I cannot look at the wampa and not think Frostbite these days.
Invisobillboard
No Luke, stay, he'll teach you how to shoot ice from your eyes!
PoisonIvyWasRight
Who wins in a fight, Danny or a Jedi?
technus but cooler
Nope. Not touching that. Not touching that.
technus but cooler
OK but can the Force affect ghosts
Invisobillboard
… It IS only felt by the living.
technus but cooler
I'mma e-mail Death Battle.
Shiny Rapidash
Why is everyone cringing at the spite kiss by Leia.
PoisonIvyWasRight
Reasons. Very good reasons.
PoisonIvyWasRight
Jazz why is that worthy of going in your notes
PoisonIvyWasRight
Answer me
PoisonIvyWasRight
Jazz
technus but cooler
IMPERIAL MARCH TIME
Shiny Rapidash
Oh hey, the evil samurai dude is back as well!
Invisobillboard
Evil samurai dude.
Invisobillboard
That is his name now and forever.
Bearbert Einstein
And I thought some of mom and dad's inventions were impractical. Who designed elephant robots.
Shiny Rapidash
Shut, they're cool.
technus but cooler
You get it.
Invisobillboard
"Yeah, I know I'm the member of a military organisation, but the ghost of this dead guy I knew for a day and a half told me to go to a swamp planet, so I'm not going to regroup".
Invisobillboard
Luke, you loveable idiot.
PoisonIvyWasRight
You know, the whole asteroid chase still holds up really well. Effects are great.
technus but cooler
Practical effects still have that magic.
Shiny Rapidash
Why does this green guy sound like a Muppet?
technus but cooler
Because he's voiced by Fozzie.
Shiny Rapidash
… he is, what the heck!
Shiny Rapidash
And why is no one cringing when Han kisses Leia?
PoisonIvyWasRight
Also good reasons and Jazz why are you writing that down
Invisobillboard
I have way more sympathy for Luke here than I used to.
Invisobillboard
Yoda was cool and wise! Luke just needed to settle down and listen!
Invisobillboard
And then I got a mentor who relays everything as cryptically as possible.
Invisobillboard
It is not fun, even if it is probably for the best.
PoisonIvyWasRight
How do you spend days in the gut of a giant space worm and not notice. Nature doesn't work like that!
technus but cooler
This is what you take issue with?
PoisonIvyWasRight
Yes, darn it.
Shiny Rapidash
Wait, who was that guy in Vader's helmet?
Invisobillboard
That was Luke. You couldn't tell?
Shiny Rapidash
Nah, a lot of Luke is the hair for me.
Shiny Rapidash
Also please tell me these bounty hunters get their own film or series or whatever. They all look flippin' awesome!
technus but cooler
You're in for a treat, then – bounty hunters in general are a good chunk of the franchise.
Shiny Rapidash
Rock and roll!
Invisobillboard
Just casually lifting a space ship. As you do.
Shiny Rapidash
Suddenly I really want the Force.
PoisonIvyWasRight
Yoda has that effect on people.
technus but cooler
I still really like the "throw out a bit of history known to the characters but not us" method of worldbuilding, like whatever went down with Han and Lando.
Invisobillboard
Even though it leads to literally everything being explained in excruciating detail?
technus but cooler
Death of the author, man.
Bearbert Einstein
Almost certainly not what that means.
Shiny Rapidash
Seeing him at a table makes me think – how does Vader eat?
technus but cooler
He sustains himself on pain and suffering?
Shiny Rapidash
So he's Penny's ideal date, gotcha.
technus but cooler
Oh wow, you don't even know how wrong that is yet.
Shiny Rapidash
"I know"?! Han, you jerk! That's not how you respond to I love you!
PoisonIvyWasRight
Well, what's he supposed to say? He might be about to die, is he gonna confess then and there?
Shiny Rapidash
If that might be your only shot? Yes. Take it immediately! Consequences, schmonsequences! Don't leave things unsaid if you're gonna die!
Shiny Rapidash
I'm not even gonna ask why Jazz is writing that down, it's too obvious.
Shiny Rapidash
Lando's a good guy now! I guess betrayal is just easily forgi
Shiny Rapidash
Wait, I take it back, he's being strangled to death.
Invisobillboard
Leave Lando be. He's got people to look out for, he made the best decision he could under the circumstances.
technus but cooler
Although for a smart man it took him a while to see how terrible a decision partnering up with the obviously evil Empire was.
Invisobillboard
The script makes fools of us all.
PoisonIvyWasRight
Oooo, I can get a good poem out of that line.
technus but cooler
And here we go! Camera's all set up!
Invisobillboard
Oh boy oh boy!
Shiny Rapidash
I mean, this is a cool fight, but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be seeing?
Shiny Rapidash
I don't know much about sword fighting, but I'm pretty sure giving ground is bad?
Shiny Rapidash
I'M ALSO PRETTY SURE LOSING A HAND IS WORSE.
Shiny Rapidash
Does Luke die here? Is that the twist?
Shiny Rapidash
…
Shiny Rapidash
HE'S HIS WHAT?!
PoisonIvyWasRight
Please Tucker, please tell me we got all that on camera.
technus but cooler
Every moment. And it was glorious.
Shiny Rapidash
Back home!
Shiny Rapidash
Yeah. I get why you wanted me to see that. That was amazing.
Invisobillboard
Right?! We can finish up the trilogy another day, patrol time now!
Shiny Rapidash
Try not to die, I need to see how this all finishes.
A/N: Wanted to take a quick break before going straight into the next mini arc of Fire And Ice, mentioned that Ember probably hadn't seen anything other than the first Star Wars, so this seemed like a fun thing to do before getting back to it.
Fair warning –This is canon (insofar as any of this can be "canon") unless it clashes with the main fic, in which case main fic takes precedence.
This'll probably update post-mini arcs in Fire And Ice.
Enjoy!