Oh gosh! I am posting this a week earlier than I had planned! So many have commented about Camila! I didn't want to leave you guys in too much suspense! I HOPE you enjoy!

Jay woke up the next morning in a hungover haze in an apartment he didn't instantly recognize. He sat up from the couch and looked around at the beer bottles covering the coffee table. When his eyes drifted up to the wall, he saw a photo on the wall that made the memories come flooding back.

Jay had come to Camila's house the previous night to apologize to her. He knew she had been informed of Luis' death, but she still had no idea what his role in it was. As Jay approached her door, he tried to brace himself for the anger he knew would come. He had, after all, lied to her and her brother. Not only that, but she had been the one to tell him where to find Luis on the day he was killed. If she had known he was a cop, she never would've told Jay, and Luis might still be alive.

The door flew open seconds after Jay knocked. Seeing Camila in front of him, eyes swollen and red, tears streaming down her face, made him forget everything he had planned to say. Instead, before he could even cross the threshold, Camila had thrown herself into his arms. He held her for a few minutes in the doorway as she sobbed and asked him what happened.

Jay spent the next few hours consoling Camila as she mourned the loss of her brother. The more time he spent holding her on her couch, the more his resolve to tell her the truth faded. As he listened to her talk about Luis' dreams to overcome his demons and get his life back on track, the weight of Jay's guilt got heavier, and his drinking picked up. The more Jay's drinking picked up, the closer Camila drifted toward Jay. This time though when Camila tried to kiss him, he was able to stay firm in his resolve.

When Camila tried to kiss him this time, he was able to be firm. As much as it felt like rubbing salt in a wound, he told Camila Luis wanted more for her, better than a soldier with PTSD. Out of respect for Luis, he could not pursue a relationship with her. Camila was understandably disappointed and embarrassed, but Jay tried to assure her it had nothing to do with her. He looked at his watch and cringed when he saw the time. As he got up to leave, Camila stopped Jay and offered him the couch. As much as he wanted to leave, he knew it wasn't the best idea to drive.

Jay shook his head in an effort to clear his thoughts. A quick look at his watch told him he had been asleep for only 4 hours and still had plenty of time before he had to go in. Not wanting to wake Camila, Jay quietly gathered his things and snuck out of the apartment.

The drive home was graciously quick for Jay. All he wanted to do was take a hot shower and wash the guilt from the previous day off of him. As he stood under the steaming hot water, he thought of Camila. The pain she was in and his role in it. He knew from experience how hard it was to navigate the bureaucracy of the VA and wanted to help walk her through it. Even though deep down he knew he was playing with fire, Jay resolved himself to help Camila through the process and Luis' burial.

After Jay dried off and got dressed, he checked his phone to make sure he hadn't missed any calls. He scrolled through the texts from his team checking in and one from Will asking what his plans for Thursday night were. Not present in his phone check: missed calls or tests from Hailey. He hadn't heard from Hailey since their encounter in the equipment room a few days earlier, and he found this disappointing.

Jay thought back to that night in the equipment room and sighed. He had been harsh with Hailey when she was trying to make sure he was ok. Before he can travel too far down that memory, he realized he had a voicemail from an unknown number. A quick check of the message had his stomach tied in knots. The voicemail was from IAD.

"Detective Halstead, this is Detective Stanton from IAD. I was hoping you could come in sometime tomorrow and answer a few question about an excessive use of force complaint that occurred in Veil nightclub. Please give me a call back at this number so we can set something up."

Jay sat on his bed and dropped his head into his hands. He couldn't help but chuckle at the shit show his year was turning into. He wasn't sure if Hank knew yet, but he knew it was only a matter of time before he found out. He let out a deep breath and decided the sooner he got it over with the better.

"Voight." Hank said as he answered his call.

"Hank. I uh- I didn't want to bother you with this, but I'm giving you a heads up. I just got a call from IAD." Jay said in resigned tone.

"About what?" Hank asked, confused.

"That fight in the bar when I was undercover."

"The kidnapping case?" Hank asked surprised. "Who knew about that?"

"Upton, Atwater, 2 narcotics cops we used and Ruzek." Jay said as he rubbed his forehead.

"Ok. Keep it simple." Hank replied matter of factly. "You were undercover, fight broke out, guy rushed at you with a beer bottle. You defended yourself."

Jay couldn't help the chuckle that came out of him.

"It's scary how quickly you had that story ready." Jay said to Hank.

"It's what Upton put in her report."

"Copy that." Jay said with a grin. He hadn't read any of the reports on the op in Veil and since Hank never brought up the fight, Jay had completely brushed the event aside.

"Try to go in this morning. We'll see you when you're done." Hank ordered before hanging up.

(Story Break)

Jay was grateful he was able to set up an appointment with IAD early that morning. Upon realizing he needed to go to Area Central for the meeting, he decided he'd pop in to see Hailey. Knowing he owed her an apology, he stopped at a bakery to grab a cup of coffee and a pastry as a peace offering.

It was Jay's first time in Robbery/Homicide since he met Hailey. He shook his head as he looked out at the cubicles arranged in the room and wondered how he'd find her. The sight of a swishing ponytail instantly alerted him to which desk he was looking for.

"Hey." Jay said as he walked up to the side of Hailey's desk.

"Jay!" Hailey said with a surprised tone. Her smile faded instantly from her face when she got a good look at Jay. Even with a smile on his face, she could easily see the sadness he was trying to hide.

Jay extended his arms to hand Hailey the coffee and pastry he had grabbed for her.

"I wanted to say sorry." Jay said sheepishly. "For snapping at you the other night. You were just looking out for me. And I do appreciate it." He said.

Hailey smiles warmly at Jay as she took the treats he brought her.

"Thank you, Jay." Hailey said with a soft tone. "Did you guys wrap up the case?" She said as she peeked into the pastry bag.

"Ya. We got the kid." Jay responded before pausing. "Luis got caught in a crossfire."

Hailey looked up from her muffin wide eyed at Jay's comment.

"He didn't make it." Jay said trying to sound casual.

"Jay, I'm sorry." Hailey said softly as she reached out to Jay. She placed a hand on his arm and gave it a little squeeze. She wanted to say so much more. Ask if he was ok, ask if Luis dying had triggered him, ask if he's tried therapy, ask about drinks at Molly's, but in the end, all she could do was look at the ground.

"Anyway." Jay said hoping to change the topic. "I gotta go. I have an appointment I gotta get to." He said as he motioned towards the exit.

"Ya. Thanks for this." Hailey said as she held up her muffin and coffee. "And I'm sorry. About Luis."

Jay nodded in thanks and turned to leave. He had just made it into the hallway when he heard Hailey calling out his name.

"Jay!" Hailey called out as she walked briskly towards him. "Look." She paused to take a breath. The intensity in Jay's eyes had momentarily made her forget what she wanted to say. "I know you don't want to talk. And I'm sorry to keep bringing it up." She said as she tilted her head and smiled sheepishly at Jay. "But seriously, if it ever gets to be too much, please, talk to someone."

Jay smiled sadly at Hailey while he muttered a thanks and left. Hailey ran a hand over her hair as she walked back to her desk. She knew Jay wouldn't ask for help until he was ready, she just hoped it would happen before he fell too deep down the rabbit hole.

(Story Break)

Jay was able to get in and out of IAD quickly with relatively little stress. It seemed the report Hailey had submitted, combined with no complaint from the undercover officers or the civilian involved, was enough to make IAD dismiss the complaint. Jay was still confused of where it came from, but he wasn't too concerned about finding out. Right now, he was focused on getting back into the district and hopefully putting some of his guilt of Luis behind him. Just as he was walking up the stairs to the bullpen, he felt his undercover phone vibrating.

Sorry if I made you uncomfortable last night. I appreciate you being here.

Jay instantly felt tension in his shoulders as he read the text. Camila was the last person Jay wanted apologizing to him or thanking him. If only she knew the extent of his role in her brother's death.

No worries. Had an early morning, didn't want to wake you.

I have an appointment with the VA this afternoon. Do you think you can stop by later?

Jay let out a deep breath as he sat at his desk. The VA is a hard system to navigate, especially if you have no experience dealing with them. He knew the possibility of a funeral with full military honors was out of the question due to the nature of his death, but the VA's life insurance policy would at least cover burial expenses. He told himself he could help Camila make arrangements without crossing over any lines. After that, Ryan would slowly and quietly bow out of her life.

What time is your appointment?

(Story Break)

It took a couple of very long days filled with endless paperwork and lot's of help from Jay, but Camila was finally able to bury her brother after a week. Jay-or Ryan as Camila still knew him- had been by her side the entire time and she was sure she wouldn't have been able to do it without him.

Jay, for his part, found the more time he spent with Camila, the heavier the weight of Luis' death felt. Camila's grief was taking her on a rollercoaster of emotions and Jay couldn't bring himself to walk away like he had planned. They spent some nights in her apartment, drinking or watching tv. Some nights were spent at Veil with her working behind the bar and Jay keeping her company at the counter.

There were even a few times Jay received calls or texts from Camila asking for help because she was too drunk-or high- to drive. He didn't enjoy this new role he had taken in her life, but he accepted it as part of his penance for his guilt. After the first few times he picked her up, she started inviting him along at the start of the evening.

Jay figured there was little harm in going with her. He thought maybe he could slow down her drinking, possibly even keep her from getting high. However, instead Jay found himself drinking with them and enjoying the anonymity of hanging out with her friends. No one asked difficult questions, and no one expected anything from him. They were just there for drinks and company, maybe the occasional bump of cocaine.

About three weeks in, Camila invited Jay to a party at a warehouse. Jay groaned at the offer, parties in warehouses really wasn't his scene, but at the same time he nothing better to do. He had thought about calling Hailey a few times, but every time he tried, he would chicken out. He was ashamed of the life he was living. The excessive drinking plus hanging out with people while they were getting high was stuff that could get him into serious trouble. He had gotten really good at hiding from his unit, but he knew Hailey would see through him. So, he reluctantly agreed and found himself picking Camila up at midnight to head to the party.

Jay recognized a few of the faces at the party from Veil and nights when he had to pick up an inebriated Camila. But her core group of friends, Jay had gotten to know. They sat for a few hours talking and drinking. With each drink, Camila became more flirtatious with Jay and he found it harder to resist. At some point, Jay really isn't sure when, Camila ended up on his lap while they listened to her friend Alex telling a story about a drug score gone hilariously wrong. It was during this story when Jay realized he was exhausted. A quick look at his watch let him know it was time to leave.

"I should get going." Jay said softly into Camila's ear as he tried to maneuver her off his lap. In response, Camila turned in his lap and leaned in to whisper into his ear.

"Come on, stay." Camila said in a sultry voice. The look in her eyes coupled with the way she had moved in his lap was almost enough to make Jay change his mind.

"It's 2:30 in the morning." Jay said apologetically. "I gotta be up early."

Camila pouted her lips and leaned in again.

"Let me show you something." She whispered as she stood up and pulled to his feet. She gave him a pleading look as she extended her hand out to him.

Jay knew in his gut taking her hand is a bad idea, but he's too tired to fight. He grabs her hand as she led him towards the back of the warehouse into an empty room. Before he can say anything, Camila grabbed his neck and pulled him down to her. Jay was caught off guard by the move and found himself getting lost in the moment. Suddenly, Jay realized there was a powdery substance on his lips. He stopped and pulled away.

"Wait. What is that?" He says as he ran his tongue across his lips. "Is that coke?"

"I'm sorry." Camila giggled as she ran a finger across her teeth. "It's on my gums."

Jay let out an irritated huff as he shook his head.

"I really gotta go." He said again with less insistence than the first time.

"Mm fine." Camila said with an understanding smile. "It's just." She grabbed his hands and looked up into his eyes. "Things are always better when you're here with me."

Something about the way she was looking at him broke Jay's resolve. He missed being wanted, being needed. He didn't want to be responsible anymore.

Jay grabbed Camila and pulled her into another deep kiss. Camila didn't miss a beat and quickly matched the intensity of his kiss. Jay began to walk her backwards until she hit a wall. They continued kissing and Jay felt her hands running over him. When he felt her tug on the waistband of his jeans, he was brought back to reality.

Jay broke the kiss and took several steps away from her. Camila took a step towards him and looked up at him with confusion. Jay ran a hand down his face as he tried to catch his breath. He can't believe how close he came to screwing up.

"I'm sorry." Jay said apologetically as he shook his head. "I can't do this."

Camila let out a disappointed sigh and nodded in understanding. She knew it was too good to be true. She smiled sadly at Jay as she reached out for his hand.

"It's ok." Camila said as Jay grabbed her hand. "Give me a minute and I'll head out with you?" She asked. Jay wanted to say no, all he wanted to do was get out of there. But he knew Camila was high and in no condition to get herself home safely. So he reluctantly agreed to wait for her.

As they are walking back to Camila's friends, Jay accidentally bumped into a woman.

"Yo Camila!" The woman said. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

As Camila began talking to the woman, Jay grew even more annoyed. He had been trying to leave for 15 minutes already and didn't want to wait any longer.

"I'm really going this time." Jay said firmly to Camila.

"I know. I'm coming with you. Just let me say goodbye." Camila said as she motioned towards the woman she was talking to.

Jay went outside and tried to catch his breath. He dodged a bullet just then in the back room. 'This has to end' he thought to himself. Ryan must disappear from Camila's life. Jay pulled out his phone and groaned at the time. It was 3 am and he was still waiting on Camila.

Just as Jay was about to call Camila, he heard the sound of tires screeching, followed by a loud crash and then a woman screaming. Jay immediately ran towards the noise. When he got to the street, he saw a man trying to get out of his car.

"I didn't see her. She just ran into the street." The man said as he held his head.

Jay looked around the car and saw a woman lying on the street. He ordered the driver to call 9-1-1 and ran to the woman to help her. When he got a good look at her face, he realized it was the woman Camila was just talking to in the warehouse. He shook off the surprise and started checking her for injuries. To his shock, he realized she had several gunshot wounds to her chest.

Jay took off his jacket and pressed it into her chest to try and slow the bleeding. When he looked up to her face, he saw the look that had haunted his memories for years. He recognized it instantly, he'd seen it too many times in Koregal Valley, too many times in Chicago. She knew she was dying, and she was terrified.

"You're not alone." Jay said desperately as he held her hand. "You're not alone." He watched her lips move as she tried to speak, and her eyes grow wider when she couldn't. "You're not alone." He said to her as he watched the fear in her eyes dull as the life left them.

Jay was still kneeling next to her and holding her hand when he heard someone running toward him.

"Ryan! Ryan! What happened!" Camila said as she ran toward the scene.

"I don't know. I don't know." Jay said in a panic as he realized the situation he was in. "You gotta go! You can't be here!" He said firmly.

"What can I do?" Camila asked in shock.

"No." Jay said holding his hands out to stop Camila. "You're high. The cops are going to be all over the place just get out of here." He said firmly. "Go!" he yelled when Camila still didn't move.

Jay watched as Camila ran away and tried to calm himself down. He still didn't hear any sirens, which meant he still had time to fix this. He called the only person he knew who would understand and know what to do.

"Hank?" Jay said as he heard the receiver pick up on the other end. "I need help."

If you were shaking your head during the warehouse scene and then cheering when Jay left, I accomplished my mission! I never planned to have him, and Camila hook up. Even though I thought it was necessary in the show in order for us to see how far Jay was spiraling, it always bothered me that he catfished her. If you were hoping for him and Camila to carry on the way they did on the show, I'm sorry to disappoint you. I just didn't want Jay to spiral THAT hard. Next update won't be for a week or two! I have to catchup now!