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Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard

The Halls of Gefjon

By, Clayton Overstreet

I was sitting in a little café in Boston reading Neil Gaiman's American Gods and listening to a CD of Robin Williams: Dead From Helheim. It turned out that a lot of afterlives, particularly the less paradise-based ones, tended to suffer if its people got too happy, so comedians who could still tell jokes rather than being punished were shuffled around on tour. Give people a little cheerfulness and then move on.

"God damn," I heard the comedian's voice in my ears. "I always thought I'd die on stage. Now I'm playing for people who think my old jokes are relevant again! Man it is dark here. If I'd known the afterlife would be like this, I'd have killed myself in a tanning bed and taken it with me. Could be worse though. I was playing the Egyptian Underworld last month. Apparently their sacred cats think the whole place is a litter box and hey, who is going to argue with Sekhmet? I scrape off my shoe on a pyramid and see her looking at me like 'what are you going to do about it hairy little man'? After the show she and I went out drinking. I'm not sure what happened and being dead means never having to suffer from a hangover, but I still was reminded why I gave up drinking when I was alive when I woke up bent over some guy's chariot with a snake in my ass… Osiris walks by. 'You need some help with that?' and I'm like 'Nah, he'll come out when he gets hungry. In the meantime want to play a few rounds of Yugioh?'"

I had a lot on my mind so I was not paying that much attention. I had been contemplating my place in the universe. As an einherji I was dead, but in a semi-immortal body. As a child of the god Frey I did not fit in as well in Valhalla as well as most of the other honored dead. I had friends, but… well lately I and a lot of those friends had been working in Chase Space, AKA Chaseheim (the Norse really like their naming conventions) a halfway house I set up in my uncle Rudolf's old mansion. Considering my previous lifestyle as a homeless thief one would think that would be an issue, especially without me there to make sure nobody stole everything, but thankfully my uncle had been a fairly decent sorcerer and put protections on most things… which with help from my friend Hearth we had toned down to merely painful rather than instant death.

Personally I would have just donated (okay sold, I'm a modern day Viking warrior, not a saint) most of the artifacts to museums, but since my uncle had collected cursed, blessed, and basically magical artifacts handing them off to mortals to poke at was a bad idea. So is letting teenagers try to steal them. Just ask Hearth's father how stolen Norse artifacts reacted to theft. So if they got zapped by a small lightning bolt they should be grateful if that it the least that happens to them.

I was trying to focus on my angst. We dead were supposed to be pretty sure about our future. Either we would die in Ragnarok or fade into nothing. However nobody was 100% sure and not just because we knew there were other… what was the word? Ah, pantheons out there that were just as much of a threat. Instead of one big doomsday it turns out the whole world was more like Buffy the Vampire Slayer with an apocalypse every year with a few smaller armageddons in between.

Not only that but it was possible ours was just a way for immortals to keep busy. Rumors flew among the feast halls, especially when the mead was flowing. I had even heard rumors that Ragnarok was complete BS. That Odin, the only guy who got the prophecy of doom and destruction, had gotten it from a source nobody else had ever heard of before or since. That Baldur had been his heir apparent (re: eventual replacement) as king of the gods, and that perhaps he had set up Loki to kill him and keep him dead, trapped in Helheim when most Norse gods faded on death. Mistletoe was a sacred plant to him after all.

Failing that, suppose those old soothsayers had gotten a peek at the future and saw a movie or TV series? A thousand years back and in another language? Who knew what Lord of the Rings would look like? Let alone if they saw the old Hercules and Xena TV series. How many versions of Ragnarok were out there and would there be?

I suppose it does not matter though. I had thrown in with them and their lot. It was not like I could just not fight when sent on quests or if I saw some monster attacking people. Loki had once told me good and evil were not Norse concepts. Just winners and losers. I had seen a few Nazis mixed in among everyone else at the feast hall. My friend TJ had learned to pal around with men he had faced during the Civil War. And it was not like I felt sorry enough for Loki, set up or not, to set him free.

Truthfully I was mostly trying to distract myself from my sort of boy/girlfriend Alex. I had, possibly stupidly, filled up a canteen from a recent quest of ours with water. It had held some magic mead that supposedly granted inspiration. It was watered down and all, so I don't know if it really worked, but I took the opportunity to write her/him (Alex is a shape shifting son of Loki whose gender tends to switch at random… something I am perfectly okay with) a love poem. Bragi, god of poetry, had given me a few tips on the art when I got him to write an epic poem about my magical talking sword and I wanted to give it a shot. The worse she could do was… well gut me and put my head on a stick. Valhalla made for interesting and painful ways to express one's feelings.

When I finished Alex had actually been crying. I do not know if that was good or bad. She (she was a girl at the time) had turned and walked out I had not seen her for a week. I liked to think I touched her. It was also possible she/he never intended to speak to me again, either because my poem sucked or because I was right and I had made her feel things. You think dating a guy or girl is complicated? Try both.

Someone yanked my headphones off in the middle of Robin's rant on the Japanese afterlife of Yomi and I looked up into the face of my cousin Annabeth. "I've been trying to get your attention for five minutes."

"Sorry cuz, I was focused." I was glad to see my cousin looked fairly relaxed Demigods never had perfectly calm lives. We were basically monster bait. But since Apollo had, last I heard, defeated the evil emperors threatening the world and resumed his place among the Greek/Roman gods, she had a little less to worry about as she and her boyfriend Percy got on with college. "Is Percy here?"

"No, he's back home studying," she said.

I relaxed a little. I like the guy, but not only is he tough as nails but the last time he and Annabeth had visited they had materialized on the back of a Hellhound. I have a thing about wolves and hellhounds, even Percy's friendly puppy, made even most of the mystical wolves I had faced with the exception of Fenris himself look like Chihuahuas. Fenris was much smaller than even Percy's hellhound, but when it came to that beast size truly did not matter. Though I did wonder if he or Cerberus would win in a fight. Not that I planned to unbind him or release Cerberus before the end of days so we could find out.

Annabeth took a seat across from me. "Percy lent me his Pegasus so I could come here. I hope you appreciate that."

I looked outside where a black winged horse was tethered to a parking meter. Apparently she had taken my advice about how mortals ignored magical things to heart. Apparently she and her friends had tried being inconspicuous before I had pointed out they did not need to be. Honestly I've seen mortals look right through a giant panhandling in Time Square.

"I do. I do. I just try to keep busy between world ending emergencies. At least your pantheon only has to worry about Midgard." I do not know how the worlds of mortals and magic really work. I think I'd have to spend a few hundred years studying quantum physics. It's hard enough maintaining my status as an atheist when my dad is not only part of the Norse setup but the main god of the world of elves.

It could be worse though. Percy and Annabeth had to deal with gods who spanned two separate pantheons, Roman and Greek. My friend Sam is a devout Muslim who was moonlighting as a Valkyrie, actually delivering souls to another afterlife. She confided there are certain similarities. Djinn and ifrits are pretty similar to fire and ice giants and Prometheus. Demigods and nephilim. There are a lot of parallels. Though if Heimdal and Gabriel ever turn out to be different facets of the same being I'm not sure her faith will survive. It was easy to see why most of my compatriots, both gods and dead heroes, stuck to the "hulk smash" philosophy rather than trying to figure out the true nature of reality. So much easier.

Annabeth sniffed. "Well that I can understand. A little."

"You did say you had something important to tell me."

"I do. Actually my dad and Percy's stepfather came up with it. They are a little left out on the whole magical hero thing, so they have been studying." She took a deep breath. "They think they may have found a way for you to rescue Aunt Natalie from Helheim."

I froze, stunned. I felt like my blood had turned to ice. My mom had been snatched up by Hel, Loki's daughter and ruler of a major portion of the Norse afterlife. Not quite Hell. The Norse don't go in for fire as a bad thing. You want torture and pain, check with Ran the sea goddess who collected the souls of people who drowned. Again I'm not sure how most people get separated into what afterlives. Some just vanish. Others go to other places. My cousin and her friends had been the Hades. I had been chosen by Sam my one again off again Valkyrie friend to join Odin's chosen warriors. Other people ended up in the lands of various other gods. There were also ghosts, undead…

Helheim, Hel's realm, was more dreary than tortuous from what I heard. Not a place anyone wanted to go, but barring doing something that seriously pissed off or impressed a god the residents were mostly ignored. It bordered the bottomless Ginnungagap, an endless void of freezing mists and monsters. Hel herself was half beautiful woman half zombie split down the middle. The residents lacked einherjar super abilities, but they outnumbered us a thousand to one. In the end they were destined to beat us in Ragnarok. Then they would take out place in paradise. Which mean they had nothing to lose and everything to gain when/if the war came.

Happy days ahead, huh?

Unfortunately while my mom had died sacrificing herself to save me, she had not been chosen to become one of Odin's warriors. No valkyries had chosen her and Hel, tipped off by her father who sent two wolves to kill her and orphan me, had snatched her soul up before any other gods like my father could lay claim. She had been in Hel's care for that entire time and was one of my greatest weak points when Loki really wanted to mess with me.

"You're serious?" I could hear the edge in my voice, but could not help it. I knew a berserker, but if this turned out to be some kind of joke I would not be happy.

Annabeth did not flinch. "Oh yes. At least there's a chance. Tell me, are you familiar with the goddess Gefjon?" I shook my head. "Well I can't blame you. We've been building cabins in both camps for all the gods in our pantheons and there are hundreds."

Thanks to Christianity most of the old gods have been forgotten. The average book of mythology gets the main characters from the big myths, but lesser gods… not to mention more adult themed stories… tended to get left out. My own aunt Freya for example had once agreed to a gang bang by multiple dwarfs in exchange for a necklace. It was a great necklace and considering gods have offered her virtue up for everything from architecture to retrieving lost weapons it probably seemed like a bargain, but tends to get left out of the thinner and more kid oriented books. Sam actually has a complete copy of the 1001 Arabian Nights at home and it's a bit thicker than the version I picked up from Barnes and Noble to say the least.

"Our dads put in a lot of hours researching. I think mostly because they know Percy's mom got trapped in the underworld once, so we all know how you feel." That was the joy of being an immortal undead warrior. I probably knew someone somewhere who had been through any problems I might have. Been there, done that, got the chain mail t-shirt. "You said Hel admitted your mother's status was in flux right?"

"Something like that," I said. It had been a while. "Who is Gefjon?"

"From what they were able to find out she was a giantess. You know how kids want to grow up to be astronauts or doctors or explorers? Well she wanted to be a god."

"Aim big," I said, though that was not as far out a dream as you would think. Lots of giants, especially the women, had become gods, usually because they were forced to marry in. Loki was a giant. My grandfather's ex-wife was a frost giant. Ran's whole family were Jotun. Honestly there was little difference between Aesir and giants just as there was between the Greek gods and the Titans.

Annabeth went on to explain that Gefjon however wanted to be a god and wanted to do it on her own, rather than being hijacked into the position. So after years of studying magic and training she presented herself to the gods. They of course, being the stand up guys they were, ridiculed her. Except Odin who admitted when Loki ridiculed her that she was as knowledgeable as he was and that even he feared her anger. When she applied for godhood they set her a bunch of impossible tasks. Plow a huge area? Make a lake? Fine. She gave birth (by herself) to four oxen and got to work. Not the weirdest godly birth. Heimdal had nine mothers (don't ask) and Annabeth says her mother Athena gave birth to her out of her skull just as Zeus did to her… though personally I think this may have been a "stork" thing told to kids. But who is going to question "virgin" goddesses' claims to their faces? Celibate or gay, either way they were not going to be sleeping with me. Besides I once drank the blood of a guy born from god spit. Divine reproduction was a weird branch of study to say the least.

She did everything they asked and came for her reward. The gods were not impressed, but the goddesses were. While the guys hemmed and hawed Frigg, the queen of the gods, made Gefjon one of her handmaidens (the female equivalent of a knighthood). Idun handed over an apple of immortality. Freya and Hel rewarded Gefjon by giving her the pick of any unmarried women in the afterlife to be her chosen. Virgins, widows, and any women who never got married. Possibly just any women she chose.

"Like lesbians?" I asked, feeling stupid as I said it.

"From what dad says the Norse were seriously homophobic. I don't mean like they hated gay people or thought they were gross. I mean they were actually afraid of them. There were priests or witches or something who were men who dressed up as women and everyone was completely terrified of them. The records are sketchy though because eventually they were wiped out and nobody wanted anything written down about them. Though some say that when Freya taught Odin some of the secrets of female magic, he had to spend his apprenticeship in women's clothes too. With the exception of Alfhild and Groa and a few other female warriors most of the surviving records do not mention female on female love. They had it, but it's like saying nuns do it. Deny-deny-deny." She shrugged. "There is even some evidence they made up stories about Gefjon marrying some king just to stop rumors like that. It was debunked but… to the Norse gender roles were pretty iron clad and they were not happy when someone broke them."

I knew that much. Though if those guys had been anything like Alex, then the rest of the world had every right to be afraid. The closest word they had for homosexuals back then had translated to "unmanly". A big reason Loki was looked down on by a lot of the Norsemen was because he tended to chance gender and had even given birth. "Women were in general considered livestock back in those days." There were a few exceptions, but they were few and far between.

"I know," Annabeth said. "And the gods did not make it easy for her. That is why the goddesses sided so heavily with Gefjon."

"You should never meet your heroes." Leif Eriksson throws a hissy fit whenever I beat him at Battleship and William Shakespeare (a resident of Freya's hall) totally cheats at Scrabble. "So Hel gave this Gefjon lady the right to just snatch any unmarried woman she wants from Helheim?"

"Helheim, Freya's halls… anything short of Valhalla itself and truthfully I'm not sure Odin would make a big deal out of it if she did. Your mom never got married, right?"

I shook my head. "Not really. She always had a thing for my father, though I didn't understand it when I was younger. She dated, but nothing too serious." I thought it through. "So if she wants this Gefjon could claim my mom as one of hers?"

"It's not ideal, but it would get her out of Hel," Annabeth said. I started to stand up, ready to sprint to Asgard. She waved me down. "There are some problems though."

I sighed. In a good imitation of the parrot from Aladdin I said, "Why am I not surprised?" I nodded. "Okay, give me the bad news."

"First of all, men aren't allowed in her halls. I don't know how she feels about them, there's not enough information surviving about her, but she seems like a goddess of female empowerment. I can guess how she feels about men in general."

So could I. I mean we did not talk about it much these days, but Vikings were known for rape, pillaging, and burning. Women were killed or kidnapped. If they were liked the warriors would keep them. As wives or thralls AKA slaves. Otherwise they were sold to someone else or at best ransomed back to the people they were stolen from. Also did I mention the rape?

I could tell Annabeth knew all about it. Most of the gods were married to goddesses they had forced or tricked into marrying them. The Greeks and Romans had not been any better. Nobody was. I totally understood why women would hold a grudge.

"Okay, what else?"

"Well she and Hel are friends. I can guess if she wants to keep Natalie it would take something major to get Gefjon to force the issue." She shrugged. "I don't know anything for sure, but I can't imagine it will be easy getting her to help if at all. But it's a chance and I knew you would want to know."

I nodded. "I do and thanks. I suppose it can't make things any worse to try. I'm going to have to think things through." I cursed. "Darn it. Why can't I ever solve these problems by just hitting a small weak person over the head?" The closest I had come was when we stole a dwarf's treasure to save my friend Hearth from his evil father and even then it had lead to a curse and having to kill a cursed dragon. Thanks to that I couldn't go to the zoo without hearing what all the animals thought of the tourists. "Thanks cousin."

"De nada," she said with a smile. We both got up and hugged. "Take your time. I'm sure Aunt Natalie would want you to think carefully. It's been a few years. Give it a week at least. And if you need any help…"

"I'll call," I promised.

"You know one of these days you need to swing by our place," she said. "Bring your mom for dinner or something once you rescue her soul."

"Do my best," I promised. "Can't stick around?"

"Percy's Pegasus doesn't like sticking around too much. He's nice enough, but…" There was an annoyed whinny from outside.

I nodded. I knew how it was. One of these days I would have to introduce Annabeth to my eight legged horse friend Stanley. "Well then you had better get going." One more hug and I watched her walk away.

Now I just had to head home and do some actual research.

000

It turns out that it is so much easier to research ancient Norse deities when you know people who knew them. Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon has nothing on Valhalla. Actually I was a little curious why none of my friends had thought of Gefjon as a way to get my mother back before.

Halfborn said, "I honestly never gave her that much thought when alive or dead. Not exactly a man's goddess if you know what I mean."

"I know about her," Mallory said. "My first year here a group of einherjar did a panty raid on her halls. None of them ever returned and their rooms were cleared out the next day."

I winced. "Yikes." We only regenerated while in the bounds of Odin's halls. I suppose it worked the same in the others. "But do you think it will work?"

"Oh she has the right," Halfborn told me. "There's no doubt about that. But like your cousin said, I don't know enough about her personally to even guess at how you would convince her to help you. I doubt there are many einherjar who would either. She and hers are not exactly seen around the feast halls. Men are forbidden from her halls and female warriors do not seek her out."

Suddenly a voice said from the doorway behind me, "I have one idea." I felt a shiver down my spine and turned to smile at Alex as … yep, she… stood there smirking. "You could ask a woman to go for you and ask."

"You'd do something like that for me?"

She waved it off. "From what you say your mom seems cool. Better than my so called family."

"Thanks I…"

Halfborn interrupted and said, "I wouldn't recommend you. Loki was one of the chief insulters when Gefjon came to ask to join the gods."

"So? I did help defeat him," she said.

"It's okay Alex," I said. "I appreciate the offer, but it's my mom. I can't ask someone else to do this even if it gives me an edge." He looked at Halfborn. "Did my dad insult her?"

He considered. "I'm not sure. I doubt it. I'm sure Freya didn't."

Alex stepped in side and to my surprise put a hand on my shoulder. 'Isn't there anything we can do to help?" In other circumstances I would have been over the moon. I was just too worried about my mother to worry about my love life.

T.J. had been pretty quiet up until now. So we were all a little surprised when he spoke up. "Why don't you just turn yourself into a woman?"

I blinked. "What?"

"Seems the thing to do. I mean, it's not unheard of right?" He looked at Alex. "Seems I remember a story where Odin wanted to seduce some princess or giantess named Rindr. Their son Váli was supposed to avenge Baldur's death. Only problem was he showed up as some handsome bard and played her beautiful music. Got turned down flat. Then he showed up as a big muscular blacksmith and likewise was told to go to Helheim. Finally he turns up dressed as a leech woman… that's what they called a medicine woman back in those days."

"I've heard of Váli, so I assume it worked," I said.

"Well some say he seduced her. Others that he used runes and made her delirious and had them tie her down to a bed so he could have his way with her. In the end he got what he wanted though."

I frowned. "Not a lot of respect for women back then."

"There's barely enough today and a lot less than there should be in a lot of places." As a former slave himself T.J. was very sensitive about that sort of thing. I could relate. As a former runway I had turned my family mansion into a halfway house. I also remembered the way Thor had once eyed me speculatively while wistfully talking about how he needed a new thrall. Then there was my friend Hunding, the eternal doorman at the hotel Valhalla and Helgi's eternal slave. He had to clean out dragon teeth by hand and still had it a lot better than women did back in the old days… or in some countries today. My own mother was being treated as property/a hostage by Hel. T.J.'s mother had never even been free.

Halfborn said, "It was a different time. I've evolved."

"From Neanderthal to Cro-Magnon," Mallory muttered.

"Would you be willing to do that Magnus?" Alex asked.

I did not hesitate. "For my mom? Sure. Besides it's not like I haven't had it cut off before." I glared at Mallory. "Some people don't understand the concept of a low blow." She grinned wickedly back, her hand on the hilt of one of the wickedly sharp knives her mother Frigg had given her. "Is there any way to do it?" I saw Alex staring at me and could not recognize the look in her eyes. "What?"

She leaned in and kissed me. While I was still stunned she pulled away and said, "I'll see what I can find. Meanwhile see if the redhead can get her mother to set up a meeting." She turned and hurried out of the room.

"You are a brave man Magnus Chase," Halfborn said.

"Why?" Mallory asked him a bit waspishly. "Because he's contemplating a magical sex change, because he's dating an argr?"

He glared at her. "Alex is a terror whatever form he or she takes. And I suppose you would have simply offered to be growing a beard and manly bits yourself?"

She hesitated. Mallory was not as old as the young Viking. Still I could see her struggling with the concept. I was pretty sure she had been Catholic. Maybe not practicing, but finding out about the Aesir had been a shock to be sure. She knew more about Celts then the Norse.

I put an arm around her shoulder and pinched her cheek. "Oh I think she would look good in a beard." Both of them looked at me with shock. Not the least because doing such a thing to this particular girl was the same as sticking my own leg into a rusty bear trap to see if it worked. I decided to throw Halfborn to the sea serpents them to save myself and said, "If she did would you still love her?" I slipped away while they were still looking at each other in shock and deciding if this was going to be an argument. On the way out I said, "Mack, remember to check with your mom about setting up a meeting with Gefjon." That earned me a glare. Mallory and her mother had… issues. They had only met twice and the first time she had arranged for Mallory to get killed and sent to Valhalla in such a way that she had been convinced it was Loki and had plans to shove her magical knives into the woman's throat for several decades.

I left quickly hoping they would not break too much the stuff in my room.

000

I think there must be some aspect of Valhalla that prevents PTSD. Like when I used my healing powers on my friend Amir to keep his brain from snapping when Sam proved to him that she was a real valkyrie and in the service of real Nordic gods. A hard enough concept to understand when you find yourself dead from having fought the king of the fire giants, let alone when you were a devout Muslim. You would think getting killed several times a day would leave a lot more people gibbering messes or at least like post war vets.

I had barely made it halfway through lunch when everything went black. Thankfully since returning him to his imprisonment Loki had been giving me the silent treatment. No recent visions of the trickster god haunted my dreams when I was really dead and not just immortal warrior dead.

I woke up in my bed and to my shock I saw Alex leaning over me with a smirk on his face. I couldn't resist. "Am I in Heaven?"

He laughed. "Actually yeah." He backed up and I sat up on my bed. Either my friends had refrained from tearing up my room or the cleaning ravens had put everything back where it belonged. I looked over at Alex and saw that he was holding something. "What's that?"

"A wedding dress. A trousseau." My eyes must have bulged like a cartoon character. He saw it and laughed. "Don't get any bright ideas Romeo. It's Thor's wedding dress." I am not sure my expression could be more shocked, but I managed. If I was not immortal I am pretty sure I would have had a stroke.

When I could speak I said, "Thor wears wedding dresses?"

"Once. At least officially. I opted not to ask why he still had it in his closet." She unfolded the dress. It was really white and even had a veil. "The first time Thor's hammer got stolen by a giant, the giants demanded Freya's hand in marriage to get it back. Odin and the others were fine with that." I nodded. It had gotten to the point where when Freya went shopping in the world of dwarves that they expected her to pay with sex. Need a wall built? Someone steals a mystical artifact? Offer up Freya. "This time though she put her foot down. Absolutely refused to prostitute herself for Thor's hammer. Instead she told them to get it themselves. So Thor had to dress up as her and take her place at the wedding."

I had heard some of this before. Alex and Sam had been in a similar situation. Still looking at the slinky dress I found it hard to picture Thor fitting in it, let alone fooling a bunch of giants. "It looks a bit small for him."

Alex laughed. "Yeah. I have seen giants without eyes who would not have fallen for that. The thing is my mom made this dress."

"Loki?"

"No, the wife of the ceramics king," he said rolling his eyes. "It had to be the Norse afterlife. I couldn't have ended up someplace with fewer dumb blonds. A happy hunting ground or something." I ignored this bit of sarcasm. "This was back when Loki and the other gods were on better terms. Loki even acted as Thor's maid along with his old thrall."

Considering how their relationship went these days, it was always hard to picture what it was like when Loki and the other gods used to pal around. But I was assured Loki was the one who actually acquired most of their serious mystical items. Then again the Greek gods had basically screwed over everyone who made things like Poseidon's trident, Zeus' thunderbolt, Hades' helmet and a lot of their other mystical doodads. I personally wondered if Hephaestus was a hold over from Viking raiders. Most Greek deities were physically perfect, but the gods' scarred and crippled weapon smith would have fit right in among the Aesir. Nearly all of them had some serious permanent disfigurement. My dad and his sister were exceptions because they were from another world.

"Loki made the dress so that Thor could pass for Freya," he went on. "It is actually pretty powerful magic. I hear Odin borrowed it once to seduce Rindr. Giants are good at seeing through illusion so they could not just fake it." I had been to their bowling alley and been tricked into trying to throw a bowling ball at mountains. I had also had them sniff me out. Loki was actually one of them. "It actually swaps the gender of whoever wears it. The dress itself even changes."

"You tried it on?"

He nodded. "It's why I changed in the middle of the day. Normally it's pretty random but once I was a guy again I decided to see if I could overpower the dress and keep it that way when I took it off." Since Alex had been female earlier, I assumed she had succeeded. Somehow even though both forms were fairly identical I could always tell what gender Alex was. Personally I thought Alex would look great in the dress regardless.

"But I'll change back if I take it off?" I asked.

He nodded. Then smirked. "Afraid of getting stuck?"

I frowned at her. "Aren't you?" On her first day in Valhalla Alex had punched Sam and freaked out thinking being an einherji would mean she would be trapped in one form too. I smiled and raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you stayed male when you took off the dress because you wanted to?"

He glared at me, but looked nervous. With a grunt he threw the dress at me and stormed out. I was in the doghouse, but it was totally worth it. Suddenly I understood a lot more about Loki and why he did the things he did. I was also grateful because if I had not driven her off I was pretty sure Alex would have insisted on sticking around while I tried on the dress. I think my head might have exploded.

I took the dress in my hands and could feel the power of it, just like Alex said. I knew a lot of shape shifters. You could not help but wonder at the kind of power that remade a person like that. It was not like ancient people, or for that matter the average person today, knew that much about anatomy, DNA, and all that. Yet giants, gods, demigods, and sorcerers of all types could apparently reshape their bodies into wolves, bugs, birds, other genders, and different sizes. All with relative ease.

Probably best not to think too hard on the details.

With a sigh I set it aside and stood up to make sure my door was mystically locked and then began taking off my clothes. The dress looked more like a full body tube top. Tight on me with a gold rope for a belt. I supposed if Thor could fit into it I should be able too as well. I won't say I was not a little worried about changing into a girl, but I had two things going for me. A: I was set on saving my mother and there was nothing that would stop me. B: Einherji women are dead and immortal so I probably would not have to deal with lady problems. Dear gods, don't let me have to deal with lady problems.

000

I probably should have checked myself in a mirror before stepping into the hallway but I was both nervous and a little shell shocked. From what I could see of myself the dress definitely worked. I had expected it to be a lot more like Alex's transformation. Mostly the same with a few differences. Nuh-uh. I got the full overhaul. At least I assumed so. I could not really see much past by chest and was afraid to bend over incase I fell. It was like looking down into the Grand Canyon! Only instead of dried weeds it was framed in long golden curls. Apparently the female version of me was an anime character.

The dress had changed to a forest green (I was vaguely glad it was not rubber duck yellow like the magic boat my father had given me) thing that would have looked good in a Robin Hood movie. The veil had become a little pink pearl tiara. Probably because my grandfather was a sea god. I also felt like I was wearing some sort of footwear. Good thing the ancient Vikings never discovered high heels. I was unbalanced enough as it was.

Suddenly a door opened and I saw Thomas Jefferson Jr. step out into the hall. He took a second to see me, but you reacted fast in Valhalla or spent a lot more time dead than alive.

I could have killed him easily once he caught a look at me. Except I did not have to. His jaw dropped open. Then he sort of fainted. Not a good move when you are holding a bayonet. I do not think he even noticed when it pierced his guts and he tumbled to the floor.

I heard another door open and I was reminded that I was in a 500+ floor building full of Viking warriors (re: inveterate multiple rapists from a culture that encouraged that sort of thing). Normally I could handle myself. Of course normally I was in my own body and had very little they were interested in besides my life. I knew what happened to girls on the street. I knew how they treated my aunt and she was a literal goddess.

I quickly turned and hurried back to my room.

An hour later I had Alex, T.J., Halfborn, and Mallory in my room. All looking at me in shock. None of them hid how they were feeling. They were too stunned. I was really uncomfortable with the way their tongues hung out and admittedly a little flattered. Finally I asked, "So… how do I look?" They made various inarticulate noises.

I had looked at myself by then. Thankfully I had a little time to get used to it. I was, not to put too fine a point on it, a knockout. I had also taken the dress off a couple times, just to make sure it all worked. Interesting sensation. As a woman I had thought I might look like Freya. Instead I looked more like a blond Jessica Rabbit. My proportions were ridiculously large and impossible. Wasp waist in a literal hourglass figure so that I was a little afraid I would snap in half. Big round firm butt. Bigger round and jiggling boobs. Full pink lips, Sparkling eyes.

I was pretty sure the average mortal could not look like this. But I had two things going for me. One: as an einherji I was gifted with a certain amount of physical perfection. When I arrived I had gone from a half starved street kid to a six-pack over night. Odin wanted his warriors in top physical shape and immortality and constant regeneration made it hard to get muscle by weightlifting and exercise. Considering the great food we should by mortal standards probably be spherical balls of fat by the first month let alone after hundreds of years.

Two: I was the child of a god. A god of healing and, more importantly, fertility. Frey and Freya were considered the two hottest gods around. Elves, who were largely racist and narcissistic, unlike Vikings did not like worshipping beings who were less than perfect. I was usually self depreciating in my looks even though I knew I had the blond surfer dude thing, but even I had to admit the new me could probably have ousted my dad in the hearts of his people. You know if you like boobs that could literally eclipse the Swedish bikini team.

Let's assume in the time I was waiting for my friends to show up, I was practicing walking. Not… anything else. That way you can still respect me in the morning.

I reached over and pointedly closed Alex's mouth. "Careful dear, you're drooling on my floor." My voice had a purring quality to it that made even my spine tingle. She tried to make a sarcastic comment, just on instinct. It came out sounding like "humina". I expected Mallory to at least elbow Halfborn for drooling over me but she was too busy staring too. T.J. was more stunned than the time he got a piece of giant heart stuck in his skull.

Deciding they needed time to adjust I sat on my bed and crossed my legs. Alex's eyes rolled up into her head and she fainted.

While I waited for them to recover, I played with the dress. If I focused it would take on different forms. I went through more modern dresses, some stuff from Disney princesses, and even some men's clothes. I could not change my actual looks, but my hair was flexible. I got it into a braid for a while and started humming "Let It Go". That at least got through Mallory's shock. She hates those movies. Vikings did tend to like the How to Train Your Dragon franchise… well except the third movie. That was just awful.

"Magnus, you look… wow…" Then she went back to dealing with her sudden discovery of her latent homosexual tendencies.

"Yeah, wow about covers it," Alex said at last and the two guys just nodded. He paused. "Wait if this is the opposite gender version of you…" She looked at me speculatively.

I smiled confidently. "Let's just say I'm equally well endowed in either form. I assume that's why a lot of Vikings are jealous of Frey's kids." Halfborn snorted. T.J. just grinned with equal confidence. I looked at Mallory. "So Mack, did you talk to your mother?"

"Huh?"

"Hey, my eyes are up here."

"Right. Sorry. Yes I talked to Frigg. She agreed to ask. That was all I could get out of her. I got the feeling that showing up at Gefjon's hall uninvited would not end well."

000

Norse Demigods: masters of understatement. Maybe it's because Nordic magic relies so much on symbolism.

I received a message via raven the following day. "Magnus Chase, if you arrive in my halls alone and in the form of a woman I will hear your pleas. But you must come in via the stable door and face the gauntlet." No explanation on what the gauntlet was. Unfortunately knowing Norse gods it would be extremely dangerous and outside Valhalla I would not reappear if I died. Of course back in their time I would have beaten long odds living to be twelve, let alone sixteen, so death was probably not as big a deal back then.

I assume people live longer today at least partly because the gods of death just got sick of all the whining.

"You can't go alone," Sam said when I told her in a phone call from Chaseheim.

"No choice."

"Magnus you know how giants tend to honor their guest rights."

"Which is why I have a will on file," I said. "Look I can't get in touch with Blitz and Hearth. I just want someone in the living world to know incase this blows up in my face. I'm not leaving my mother in Hel's clutches."

I could tell she wanted to argue but also understood. Sam had, I learned, gone to the oracles to find out the disposition of her own mother's soul. She had learned that it was not in any Norse afterlife. She took it on faith the woman ended up in paradise.

Me, I was an atheist. I was with Sam on the gods being powerful beings. I could just be a copy of Magnus Chase. Or maybe my soul got temporarily waylaid until Ragnarok or whatever. I did not know enough about science or magic to be sure. I took what was in front of me and did my best with it. All the same I was not going to take the chance that my mom's spirit in whatever form was doomed to some terrible underworld forever while I lounged around the Hotel Valhalla. It was bad enough knowing she had been literally torn apart by wolves because of me.

"Good luck Magnus," was her final word on the whole thing. I thanked her. There was nothing else to say. "By the way Alex says if you die she's sending me a picture of you in Thor's wedding dress. I will post it online." The phone clicked.

Well there was a good reason to come back from this. I hung up and sniffed. "She's just jealous because I look better in a wedding dress."

"You really do," the floating sword next to me said. "I don't see why I can't come along."

"The invitation said to come alone Jack." I smiled at him. "Not only do you see yourself as a male, but you talk. If you did not want to be considered a person then you never should have spoken in the first place." He grumbled. "I need to honor the spirit of the agreement too Jack. Even if I end up getting screwed over in the deal. It's my mom. If I don't do my very best, win or lose, then I'll be kicking myself forever." I smiled. "I'd hardly be worthy of a sword who has a poem by Bragi if I didn't, would I?"

"Ha-ha! Nice try buddy, but I'm not letting you guilt trip me on this one. For one thing if your mother hears you died trying to bring her back from Helheim, how will she react?"

I shrugged. "Probably how I did when she sacrificed herself to save me." At least she would know what happened. I spent two years convincing myself that two glowing blue wolves did not in fact show up to murder us. "Jack I'd happily swap places with her."

"Except you can't," he said. "Once you are chosen you stay chosen. Not that you would really want to."

I knew that on day one. I knew people in Valhalla who were slaves and would not prefer to be in Helheim. They had also been a little uncertain about my inclusion among the ranks of honored dead, which had gotten Sam fired as a valkyrie and me placed on the same floor they had put a half-troll. Of course later when it turned out X was Odin and had directed Sam to choose me if I died things had changed, but it had been made clear they thought Sam made a mistake picking me and if they could have they would have booted me out of Valhalla. It had not helped that Gunilla (AKA Gorilla) the head of the valkyries at the time had altered the footage of my death to make Sam look bad.

"What if this doesn't work?"

"Then I'll try something else." I reached over and patted the hilt of my sword. I had the dress folded over my shoulder. "Don't worry Jack, I won't trade you in."

"I wouldn't hold it against you if you did," he said.

That was big of him, since he had held my dad's trading him for a girl against him for thousands of years. I decided not to say the main reason I would not trade him in was that he could be used to free Fenris or Loki or any of the other big bads who would end the world, making my sacrifice kind of moot. Mom would probably use the time until Ragnarok kicking my butt.

By comparison convincing a goddess to free my mom by risking my life was a great plan. "When I get back I was thinking we could swing by Blitzen's shop and maybe pick you up a new sheath."

"Something sporty in red," he muttered. "With a skull on it. Chicks dig skulls." I nodded pointedly ignoring my sword's midlife crisis and how I was going to look with a big red phallic symbol strapped to my waist. Maybe I could convince him to save it for dates.

I left the dress off as I walked through Valhalla. No reason to tempt fate by wiggling around in front of all those Viking warriors. I waited until I was in Asgard proper and found a little alley to change. Leaving my man clothes and gender behind I headed towards Gefjon's home.

The buildings were huge. Like "I apparently live in a dollhouse" huge. Not too surprising since most of the gods were either descended from or born giants. Even the ones who could not shape shift could make themselves bigger or smaller and presumably they liked to stretch out on the couch like anyone else. I had never realized just how big a house they would need for that, usually seeing it from above. Mentally I practiced assuring people I was not there to steal any geese or magic harps.

Gefjon's hall from the outside had the same medieval look as the others buildings. Two stories and mostly empty from the outside. The gods had Dr. Who magic. Plus many of them had apparently gone off to do their own thing in the two years Odin was missing and most of them did not have dead people to care for. So the streets were empty too. This was a good thing. There were a lot more gods than the main ones and if they had all been home I might have been trampled.

I walked around the place until I found a stable with a straw roof and four stalls. In each one was a huge ox. And by huge I mean I mistook one's hoof for a wall until it moved and I looked up. These were the children of a giant after all. A lot of them were born this way and I guess liked being animals more than humans. I could see why. Who did not imagine leading the simple life? I knew plenty of similar creatures. The Midgard serpent, Fenris, my friend Stanley the flying eight legged horse, not to mention a giant king or two who seemed to prefer spending time as eagles and such. My sidekick was a talking sword.

"Uh, I was invited to swing by," I said.

They were trapped in their stalls but aside from that the oxen were free to move. They stomped their feet and shook the ground like earthquakes. According to the stories these four had managed to plow an entire country and dig up a lake in only a few days or hours or something. Personally I believed it. They mooed and snorted at me, bumping the huge timbers of their stalls. I got the message. They had not invited me.

Behind them I could see a huge door. One I was not even close enough to open. On it written in Norse Runes was a message: Knock loudly three times. "Okay." I flexed, glad I had taken the time to get used to my new body, and quoted one of my favorite immortal warriors. "Maximum effort."

I ran forward, ducking hooves the size of public swimming pools. The ground shook and the cobbles that made up the floor cracked. The bulls tried to smash me like anything. I really wished I had Jack with me, but I suppose killing someone's kids was not a great way to ask for a favor. So instead I used my immortal reflexes and did my best to dodge them.

I almost got crushed by in the end I was small and fast and they were in a small (for them) area. I made it to the door and knocked three times as hard as I could.

Nothing happened. In fat the thing was so thick and petrified with age I could barely hear my own knock, like trying to knock on a boulder. Then I saw movement and I barely dodged as a hoof hit the door in the spot I had been. This made a sound.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me." I looked up at a giant cow butt. A bovine eye was looking at me myopically over a furry brown shoulder. I was pretty sure cows were like rhinos and things and saw movement. I changed my dress from green to red (I know it's a myth, but I do work for Odin) and began bouncing around. "Over here! You almost got me that time!" I ducked under the hoof this time It moved a lot faster than a cow should have, brushing my hair as it passed and hit the door. When it pulled back I jumped up and sat in the divot left in the wood. "So close! One more try?" This time I saw muscles flexed as the other three urged him on. He put his full weight on his front hooves and lifted the back ones off the ground.

BANG! An avalanche would have been more subtle. I jumped up and over this time. A good thing too as the hooves scraped down after hitting and would have smashed me like a grape if I had gone down. The door opened a crack and when I landed I hurried inside. It slammed shut behind me and with a gasp I sank against the inside.

That was when I saw what could only be "the gauntlet". The room I was in was big enough to give the oxen outside plenty of room to run. I looked up at the ceiling and saw clouds. Trees grew around just like in Valhalla. I saw actual forests in the distance and sunlight pouring in from open skylights. I was also pretty sure I saw a chariot pulling the sun, but I had to look away.

In front of me were two rows of women. In different outfits, each one unique except for some twins. They were lined up like a road. It must have stretched for miles. In the distance I saw a large throne. On it saw a female ice giant, very beautiful, wearing a man's suit, her hair pulled back in a loose ponytail. The suit was black with snow white pinstripes. Nearby were some other giantesses. Including one pair that were naked except for a set of manacles, encrusted with rust and barnacles that attached them to each other. They lounged by two huge round stones.

Gefjon's voice boomed across the room. "Welcome Magnus Chase. I believe you wanted to ask me something. Please, approach and do so."

The road of women all smiled and a few cracked their knuckles. I could see what was coming. I could probably have run through really quickly, but I suppose that would defeat the purpose. So I stood up and grabbed my skirt and executed a curtsy before stepped forward, walking as an average pace. Unsurprisingly as I passed by the first two women they both lashed out, one with a fist and the other with an open hand, hitting me as hard as they could.

I almost flinched, but managed to hold it in. A good thin too since I would have felt silly. The noise was loud but the hits did not sting. I was still one of Odin's warriors with my enhanced superhuman strength and my demigod powers too. It was like being slapped by a baby.

I took a step forward and got another pair of punches. Again and again. They were putting a lot of effort into it too. Some of them looked like they were having fun. Others looked like they were crying. I saw young kids (a little girl kicked me in the shin and that stung a bit), older women, and a few I think I recognized from old movies I used to watch with my mom. Outside the road were other women. Some watching. Others doing other things. Unlike Valhalla it seemed this hall was just as big but set up more like a public park with piles of cushions and pillows and TV sets and things. A lot more relaxed than the hotel.

"I hope you don't mind," Gefjon's loud voice boomed again. "We don't get many male visitors even if you are a rather fetching young lady at the moment." I could hear her leering. Shockingly the woman who controlled the fates of unmarried women and refused to have anything to do with men liked girls. Who would have guessed? "A lot of my girls were sorely used by the men in their lives. Many of them just see it as part of the world and moved on, but a few like getting their licks in whenever possible."

Putting a point on it I was suddenly socked in the gut by a fist that felt like rock. I had the wind knocked out of me and looking up through some tears I saw a familiar face. "Gunilla? Long time no see."

The valkyrie smiled at me. "It is good to see you as well Magnus Chase." She shrugged. "Sorry about the punch in the gut, but if I did not participate in the gauntlet I would have had to watch from the cheap seats."

I stood up and waved it off. "I was impaled through the skull yesterday. I'll deal." She patted me on the back and I kept walking.

It was a long day. I was almost to the throne when a mace hit me in the shoulder. It did not hurt the dress or break my skin, but I cried out as it popped my shoulder out of its socket. I turned and glared at a smirking redhead. She was cute, but the look in her eyes was pure evil. Gefjon said, "Now Boudica! You know weapons are cheating!" It was not an angry rebuke. More like the kind when a young kid wedgies someone.

"Aye and it were cheating when the Romans invaded the lands of Eire to rape and kill everyone I loved!"

"I'm not a Roman," I snarled.

She glared. "Your cousin is."

"Actually she's Greek," I muttered. "Anyway what's the big deal?" I winced as I popped my shoulder back in. "If your people had the weapons and the boats first, you'd have invaded Greece. If the Aztecs had guns and galleons before the Europeans they would have sailed over here and cut our pasty white ancestor's hearts out. Hating individuals is one thing, I totally get that, but you can't go judging whole races by what they do or did. That's like saying everyone from the top of Europe was a Viking Raider."

"You weren't under their thumb," she snarled and raised her mace. Several women cheered her on.

I grabbed it and yanked it out of her hand. "And I didn't freaking do it either. So I'm not taking flack for it. I'm here because my mom got eaten and her soul got hijacked to Helheim." I threw the mace away, making sure it did not hit anyone else. "My mom did not do anything to deserve that. She was a good woman who put a lot of effort into raising me on her own. She should have come here and been treated like a queen or gone off to some other pleasant afterlife after a long and happy life, but because her son was Frey's kid Loki attacked us and tried to use me to end the world. Well that failed and I will not stand by so his daughter can either keep her in some dark place away from nature or use her to continually try to blackmail me."

"Then maybe if you truly loved her you should have let Loki have his way," she replied.

I rolled my eyes. "I think my mom would have had serious problems with me letting the world burn and freeze for her. She did sacrifice herself to keep me alive. If she had not gone bare handed against magic evil wolves she probably would have been in Valhalla with me. At the very least she should be here. She never got married after all."

Gefjon spoke. She was a lot closer now, but her voice boomed less. "There are many in Helheim who would be grand additions to the realm of the gods boy. Those whose weapons fell. Some who died before or after their battles. The sick and injured and more. For every warrior in Odin's halls a thousand languish in the underworld." She leaned forward. "I have women here who stay in their rooms and do nothing but cry. Many. You live in a wonderful time, no doubt. Even the worst places are kinder to women than many places in history. Even those who still actually have slaves treat them better than they did less than two hundred years ago."

I had noticed a lot of black women among the group. Not just African American. A few with those neck rings you see in National Geographic. On the walk I had figured it out. The Dutch, another Norse culture back in the day, had gotten everywhere and still held a rather evil grip on large parts of Africa. She had a point. Slavery was illegal pretty much everywhere. People still did it, but it was difficult and attracted attention from pissed off guys with guns. In the old days slaves could be disposed of and harmed at a whim. T.J. had stories that would make hardened marines these days flinch. When it was legal slaves were not people they were livestock.

Women had it worse in a lot of cases. Today the average American was shocked by how Mulan was treated in the Disney movie when it was found she was a woman. I know I was. Imagine living in a time or place where a man could beat his wife or daughter, break her bones, and even kill her and the neighbors would not even ask why he did it. No authority would step in. Not to mention they could be married off to a strange with no warning at ten and expected to give birth, possibly dying in the process, by the age of twelve.

Sure a lot of people believed in love. Men valued their wives and daughters. Their mothers and sisters. Their friends and neighbors. But in a lot of cultures the fact was they did not actually have to. Nobody ever questions why the Amazons wanted to live away from men.

I could see the haunted looks in the eyes of the women around me. None of them were broken. I assume they were healed with magic, not just physically but mentally. Though from what Gefjon said, that was not a hundred percent effective. The women in Valhalla at least tended to fight back. If they were there they had a moment where they picked up a weapon and fought back, even if just the one time. It was impossible for me to even imagine what a lifetime of being treated as disposable property with the knowing consent of everyone you ever knew. Because that was the way it was and there was nowhere you could go to escape it. Nowhere but death.

"So you won't help her?" Gefjon sat back and said, "I didn't say that. But Hel is a friend of mine. Just as you did not come here to rescue every woman in Helheim I would need a valid reason to go up against her. This is not just some woman. As you say Hel is using her for a very good reason."

"A good reason?"

"You think everyone in Helheim doesn't want out? They are looking forward to Ragnarok. They get free just like your mom. Those who survive the battle take over up here. Admittedly they get it by tossing the rest of us into the Gap, but up until then we've got it pretty good. So why should I speed things up for you Why should your mother get a seat at the good table rather than wait her turn with everyone else? What makes you worthy of that?"

I paused. This goddess, who I was betting identified more as a god judging by the clothes and her lack of a desire to be traded for shiny jewelry, was supposed to be on par with Odin. Only she knew what it was like to be on the downside too. Female. Taunted by the gods. Forced to prove herself ad earn her place at the table rather than get born into it. Oh the gods had their adventures and did impressive things, but the males if nothing else were still male. There was a reason all the goddesses had supported Gefjon.

Most goddesses were left alone if they had a skill. Frigg was Queen and tended to be in charge when Odin was off playing or saving the world. She put in the work. Idun had the secret to growing the golden apples. Freya had gotten an army, eventually, to protect her from being traded like a playing card. And… I honestly was not sure what happened with the rest of the women. I had never asked. I had completely forgotten about them…

That's when something sparked in my brain. I had been studying and like I said a lot of women in Norse mythology tended to be lost. Two of them though were a big part of a major story and they do teach us things in Valhalla. I recognized those two naked giantesses and their stones. "What if I knew a way to fix the women you are talking about? Here and in Hel?"

Gefjon raised an eyebrow. "You know a way to just wipe away years of mental and physical abuse?"

"Actually, yes," I said. Around me the women were looking on with interest.

"And in exchange you will give me the secret?"

"No."

"No?"

I jerked by thumb at the pissed off redhead. "I know it's a little hypocritical, but I've had bad luck with giants. I might have judged you as an individual, but that flew out the window when you treated me like crap because I'm actually a guy. So here's how it's going to work." I took a deep breath as I tried to sound confident dictating my terms. But I was dating Alex Ferrio. I could pussyfoot around or I could stand my ground and treat these women like true equals. I'm not a counselor. If that was what they needed then presumably Gefjon could get it. She genuinely seemed to care about the women in her charge.

I cared about my mom. Part of me wanted to say I could not save the world. That I was focusing on what I could do. But that part of me was a small human boy who had died over a year ago. The rest of me remembered that I was the son of a god. I had healing powers. And I had in fact personally saved the world on several occasions. I could do it again.

"I swear by my troth that after you save my mother, as in immediately, I will go on a quest to bring you a way to wipe away any wrongs committed against any who chose to use it." There was a collective gasp. An oath like that made by a supernatural creature had to be held to. If I tried to break it I would literally explode and cease to exist.

"Done!" She said with a grin. Standing she waved her hand. The gauntlet broke up and the women all moved away. With a twist of her wrist she opened a hole in the air. Through it I got my first real glimpse of Helheim.

It looked a lot like Brooklyn on the winter. Only if the entire citizenry was homeless. Like Asgard there were buildings. Like any major city. It was dark, like the lands of dwarves, with no sun in the sky. Not surprising since the place was somewhere near the roots of the world tree, near the Gap. No stars either. The only light came from burning fired. Some in trashcans. Others openly on sidewalks. I could see them in the distance. There was snow. The dirty kind you got not from it falling out of the sky but from frozen mist, which also swirled everywhere.

I was tempted to step in. To help them. But I could feel the chill already. Even with my god given talents, I would never be enough. The fires they had I felt magic in them. Loki's. He was the god of the hearth in Norse myths. The gods had eternal burning fires. I heard when valkyries really screwed up Odin had a place he put them behind eternal flames. Another good reason I did not want to piss off my new boss.

Then again…

Gefjon ducked into the hole and rushed out of sight. People in Helheim looked up with sad vacant eyes. I had seen those looks before. They did not even try to crowd towards the rip in reality. They saw no point. They just huddled by their little fires, waiting for either Ragnarok or for their souls to fade like candle flames. Anything else was a pipe dream.

Gefjon returned with a figure in tow. I thought for a moment it was my mother. Then I recognized Hel. My mother was hovering in a bubble over her shoulder like a goldfish. She was naked and I blushed, trying not to look. Other than that she did not look as bad as everyone else in Helheim. I suppose that makes sense. Always take good care of the hostages.

Hel looked at me with cold detachment in her good eye. As you know the other side of her face looked like a frozen zombie. "It seems Magnus Chase that you have prevailed again. I cannot deny Gefjon. Yet I too seem to stand to gain. Either you will bring succor to my tormented people or you will cease to exist. Claimed by the void. Either way, it is worth the price of your mother's soul." She turned and pulled Gefjon into a kiss. I flinched seeing their tongues through a hold in Hel's cheek. Her cold gaze softened and she said, "You I will see at a later date my dear."

Gefjon stepped back, Natalie Chase's bubble following her like a balloon on a strong and the portal to Helheim snapped shut. The bubble then popped and my mom fell to the floor gasping. She was looking pale, but a moment later her skin glowed with health. I also saw a few years melt away, leaving her younger than I remembered. She had never seemed old to me, but now she looked about twenty-five, wrinkles smoothed away. Also clothes appeared; a red negligee and wrap as if she had just woken up from a sleepover.

"Women here are who they are inside," Gefjon said, as if reading my thoughts.

The outfit was still slinky. I was a little embarrassed, but too happy to see her to care. I rushed over. "Mom! Mom!"

She blinked and sat up. "Who are you?" Then she saw my eyes. "Magnus? What…?"

"It's a long story." I sat down next to her and began to explain.

"I know some of it. The dead in Helheim… we see those who are thinking of us," she said. "I've been very proud of you Magnus. I just do not remember the sex change."

"It's the dress," I said.

"I wish I had a dress that made me look half as good."

"Thanks. I do feel pretty." I smiled and hugged her. It was awkward what with the boobs and all, but I really did not care. "I've been trying to find some way to get you out since I got here. A few world ending quests got in the way." I paused. "You didn't want to stay there, did you?"

"To save you, sure, but I was not enjoying hanging out with fifty-fifty shades of gray over there getting glimpses of you living out Marvel movies. So since you are my son, what stupid thing did you have to do to rescue me?"

"I made a promise to go on a quest for something. If I fail then I'll basically just disappear."

She stood up and pulled me to my feet. "Well then, we'd better get going."

"We?" I said.

She shrugged. "Kid I threw myself into the jaws of some evil Chihuahuas for you. Besides now that I'm here I would like to see your dad again if I can."

"Wait, I promised your son I would get him out of Helheim," Gefjon said leaning down to look at her. "I did not say you could leave my halls."

Mom looked around. "Seems like a nice place to hang out… after I make sure my son is not going to go up like a match." She turned and frowned at Gefjon. "So what are you going to do to keep me here? Chain me up? Magically bind me in place? Blind me with pepper spray?"

Gefjon blinked. "What? No! I was just…"

"Yeah, tell it to someone who cares lady." To my shock and everyone else's Natalie Chase reached up and put her hand under the giantess's nose and snapped her fingers. Gefjon fell back onto her ass in surprise. "I'm going with my son. If I feel like it I may come back. Maybe to teach a few female empowerment classes."

The lord of the virgin female dead looked at us and then smiled at me. "Oh I like her."

Mom sniffed and locked her arm with mine. Then led me towards the very obvious front door off in the distance. "Come along Magnus, we have things to do."

000

Back in Valhalla I was able to get mom a pass. Actually it looked like Helgi might argue but one glare from her and he coughed it up. Though he did mutter about me bringing in too many unauthorized visitors. It was a special club after all.

"Don't worry," mom told him. "I'm not staying, just visiting."

"Mom I have so much more to tell—" I started to say. Then a spear exploded from my chest. "Darn it…"

Some time later I woke up in my room. Alex, T.J., Mallory, and Halfborn were there. So was my mom. She was looking at me with worry as Mallory said, "See? He's fine."

My mom was wearing one of Mallory's old shirts and a pair of jeans. They were a little snug, but it was not too bad. I was still wearing the dress. I sat up. "It's okay, I'm fine."

"This happens every day?"

"Sometimes more than once," Alex, currently a woman, said. "Your son isn't exactly a ninja. Honestly with how often he dies here I'm surprised he has survived in the outside world for like, five minutes."

"That's why I need you guys," I said, stretching.

Alex said, "So what is this I hear about you agreeing to another quest? You aren't busy enough?"

"I'm hoping it'll be easy," I said. I explained to them the quest I had agreed to. My friends took it well.

"Are you out of your mind?" My berserker friend Halfborn said. The rest were too shocked to speak.

"No," I said calmly. "I just have connections."

"And how are you planning on getting something that can cure the dead of trauma?" Mallory asked.

"I thought of it because of my cousin."

Mom blinked. "Annabeth? My brother's kid? Is she dead too? I knew Randolph…"

"As far as I know she's alive and well," I said. "She's who I plan to ask for help."

"Why would she be able to help?"

I smiled. "Because she's also the daughter of a god." I explained to my shocked mother that she was not the only one to dally in the divine gene pool.

"Wait, so the Greek gods are real too?"

"Roman. Egyptians. Pretty much all of them as far as I can tell."

She looked around at the walls of Valhalla. At least my small portion of it. Including the mini-bar. "How does that work?"

I shrugged. "I've heard a lot of theories. I try not to over think it."

"Ain't that the truth," Alex said.

Mom glared at her. "Young lady, you have been nothing but negative about my son since I met you. Just who do you think you are? I mean you explained how you're Loki's child and about the whole boy-girl thing, but that hardly gives you the right to constantly bad mouth Magnus."

"I'm dating him," she said.

Mom blinked. "Oh." She looked at me for confirmation.

I smiled and nodded. "True." I looked down. "For the record the whole me being a girl thing is new."

Alex laughed. "I think you should keep the dress. Thor swears he doesn't wear it any more, so unless he shows up and asks for it back you should be good for at least a century."

"Maybe," I said. For now though I would like to change back into my regular clothes and a need for a codpiece. If you don't mind." I stood up and shooed them out the door. "Give me five minutes." A little later they came back in and I was back in pants and my own gender. Alex and my mom gave me some disturbingly identical glares as I was still adjusting a few things when they came back. "So do you want to hear my brilliant plan?"

"Sure. How are you going to try to get us all killed this time?" T.J. asked.

"Well it started to form when I was in Gefjon's hall and saw those two giantesses. I assume she got them from Ran's net because I recognized them."

"You see a lot of naked giants?" My mom asked.

"Thankfully no," I said with a shudder. "I mean at least Hel is half good looking. There are a few good looking giants but believe me most of them… not good by human standards."

"He's right," Mallory said.

"These two giantesses though were not interesting because of their looks. I don't remember their names. They were only in one story and I heard it once. Basically it's how the Norse think the ocean became salty."

"Fengi and Mengi," Halfborn said.

Mallory said, "I know this one. There were two grindstones that would make anything you wanted. And some king had two giantess thralls that he chained up and made turn them because none of his men could do it. And they could make food and stuff. Then they turned on him and made an army for some other king or something. Then that king instead of freeing them made them grind too. So they obeyed and when he said to make salt, which was pretty expensive back then and used for money, they just kept doing it until they covered his kingdom in the stuff, filled up the sea, and they sank into the ocean."

"Where again I'm assuming Ran collected them and then handed them over to Gefjon," I said. "They were there and so were the grindstones."

"That won't work," he said. "If the person grinding doesn't know what it is, the stones won't work. You would need a sample or something at least. And I have never heard of anything in the nine worlds that would do anything like you want."

"That's because it isn't in the nine worlds,' I said. "Since I learned about Annabeth being a Greek demigod I have done a bit of reading. Like Alex said, I'm not the best warrior and to be honest I just enjoy some days alone in my room with the mini-bar and a good book rather than going out and getting skewered."

"We all have days like that," T.J. said.

"Anywho it was when Gefjon old me that some of the girls there are always crying. There's a river in the Greek afterlife called the Styx. It's made from the tears of suicides or something. Only it's not just one river. It's got like tributaries and stuff. And one of them is called Lethy or something."

"Lethe," mom corrected me her eyes widening. "The river of forgetfulness."

"Right. And souls fade when they forget too much," Alex said, seeing where I was going with this. "So either you'll make them forget and they'll get on with things or they'll just fade away."

"Then using the grindstones you can make a limitless amount," Halfborn said.

"Enough for every dead person who wants it," I said.

"Ye gods Chase, you could wipe out half of Helheim and probably a good portion of the dead in Valhalla if they want it," Mallory breathed. "You could even give it to some of the giants or Loki and make them forget any plans they had or have. This could put off Ragnarok for… I don't know how long."

"You just have to think outside the box," I said. "But no, we won't be giving it out like that. It's not a weapon. I think Gefjon will keep it safe and use it wisely. I'm not sure how well it would work on gods and giants anyway, but I suspect it works better on mortals than immortals. If only because our lives are shorter. I'll have to ask Annabeth to be sure. She knows one of Hades' kids so maybe he can just nip in and get some or at least deliver a formal request. If we're polite maybe he'll just give it to us."

"And if he won't?" Alex said. "The Greeks aren't too fond of other pantheons. You bet your soul on this Magnus. It sounds like an okay plan, but if Hades doesn't hand over the goods I don't even know of another amnesia spring." She smiled. "Unless I've forgotten."

"Well we are in the Viking afterlife. I figured we'd try the polite way, but if that doesn't work, I say we… what's the phrase? Go a Viking?"

They were staring again. I was getting that a lot lately. Halfborn said, "You are suggesting that if they refuse to give us what we want, you will raid the Greek underworld? A place of untold dangers populated by monsters, gods, and where they routinely imprison the dead in eternal tortures?"

"You don't have to come with me," I said.

"Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss this," Mallory said, reaching out. I smiled and put my hand over hers. Halfborn was on mine a second later. T.J. would have been next but my mom put her hand in and Alex laughed, adding hers on top of his. "We should keep it a secret though."

"Will we get into trouble?" Mom asked.

Suddenly Jack appeared. I had left him behind in my room. "Nah, we just would have half of Valhalla joining in. We could probably get Thor and Tyr and gods know who else to come with us." He appeared in front of me. "Forget shopping! A raid on Tartarus? I could end up stabbing guys like Oedipus, Ajax, and Jason… I've always wanted to fight a hydra. Do you think we can fight a hydra?"

"You must be Jack," My mom said.

Jack swung to face her. "Speaking of Oedipus, Magnus never mentioned his mom was a hotty! You know, for a human." I blushed and the others laughed.

"Jack she's my mom. And don't get ahead of yourself. I'd really rather do this the diplomatic way before we go facing Medusa or something. Annabeth says she's kind of mean and nasty about the whole turning people to stone thing."

"Would that even work on us?" Alex asked.

I shrugged. "I doubt any Norsemen have tried finding out."

"Don't be too sure," Natalie said. "The Vikings got to America and they have definitely been to Africa and even Asia." I had almost forgotten she was Uncle Randolph's sister. All things considered I felt a little stupid knowing my only real introduction to Norse Mythology… any mythology really… before dying was a children's book. It had not seemed that important. I was reminded of an old Farside cartoon where Colonel Sanders died and when he got to Heaven was dismayed to find two giant chicken statues on either side of the gate. "Which means there's probably a good chance the Greek gods really do not like us."

"We could have traded with them," Halfborn said. "You don't know." We all stared at him. "Okay maybe we raided their villages and stole from their temples."

"I just wonder how we keep this a secret," Alex said.

"Actually I do have an idea on how to keep everyone rather busy," I said. They all looked at me expectantly.

000

It was Sunday. A lot of the einherjar stood on the battlefield. All devoid of weapons. A few gods including Odin were there too. I had billed the new Sunday fighting contest as a test of courage after all. Plus a way to wipe away stains to their honor. Odin had kindly opened a doorway to Gefjon's hallway, only able to be opened from her side.

Come one come all to test your courage and face the women you have wronged. Unarmed on the field of battle. With no intent of fighting back.

Up on the hills figures in armor began to appear. Heavily armed. All female. I had seen a lot of them when I ran the gauntlet. They would not regenerate in Valhalla like we would, but since the einherjar were not allowed to fight back that would not be an issue. Most of them did not even know most of the men present. Only a handful of the dead made it to Valhalla in history and many more were residents of Gefjon's halls. All the same I'd be willing to bet about 90% of the men there had wronged some woman or other and a good portion of Gefjon's girls did not care what guy's head they bashed in. This was about female empowerment and teaching men to respect the fairer sex.

Also payback.

I had even convinced Odin to join in once. There were some goddesses mixed into the group. Rindr in particular. I was assured that Odin too would be fine as long as he was in his halls. He fought and died with us all the time. At least when he felt like it. As X we had gone into battle together a few times.

Thankfully as a fully evolved male I did not feel any need to participate in the bloodbath myself. Mom had raised me right. Plus I was young and barely dead. There were a few giantesses who wanted me dead, but they all tried to kill me first so I did not invite them to join in.

A hunting horn sounded. Then it was like a scene from Lord of the Rings. An army of heavily armed screaming women came at the einherjar in a wave. The ground rumbled like Gefjon's sons were stampeding. I saw looks of pure terror on hardened warriors as they instinctively reached for weapons they did not have. Then they vanished as the wave crashed over them. It was beautiful.

"Now that's feminism," my mom said from beside me. She was wearing a high class woman's power suit. Retrieved from her own room at Gefjon's place. Apparently the whole thing was like a massive sleepover. She had also been to see my dad a few times.

We still had not heard back from Annabeth yet. I was not sure which I wanted things to go. On the one hand I would like to not go up like flash paper. On the other I was not sure I really wanted to be part of an assault on the basis for most people's version of hell. Everyone borrowed from Hades when it came to eternal torment. The Christians had not been able to top them. Most people barely knew of two of the Norse afterlives.

Researching the whole thing had not been encouraging. I remembered Percy's hellhound, basically a puppy. Eternity rolling boulders or reaching for food you never got. Furies. Undead warriors. Dead demigods. Nymphs. The sphinx. Harpies. Not to mention a lot of other gods. They could not claim us as theirs since Odin had already done that, but if we wandered in there was no rule that said they had to just let us out.

I could be starting a war. I wondered if that would cost me my mini-bar privileges or get me more. It was hard to say.

Mom put a hand on my shoulder, reading my face. "Hey kid, don't worry about it."

"Why not?"

"Because you literally have no choice. I mean you have to get that water for Gefjon. Not just because you promised and will disappear if you don't. You get that, right?"

I thought about the women in Gefjon's halls. The glimpse I had of Helheim and the people there huddled around their eternal flames. The looksin the eyes of the women during the gauntlet as they took turns pummeling me as a substitute for whatever jerk screwed up their lives. Waiting for a war that may never come. Mom was right. Not only would cutting down the strength of the enemy army be good for putting off the end of the world for a long time to come, but it was the right thing to do. Providing the unclaimed dead with either a way out or at least some solace as they washed away the terrible memories they thought death would free them from.

Changing the past was one thing. I doubted the gods could time travel and would not like to see it if they could. Erasing certain things might be something else. I thought of the grudge, the details of which I still never found out, between Helgi and Hunding. Would they both be happier forgetting it? I considered the possibilities as I saw a man's head ride up out of the mass of pissed off women, dripping blood like a comet's tail.

"So they do this every Sunday now?"

"It's an option after the first time," I said. I heard a pained scream. "Seems some of the women are making it last."

"I would." She smiled at me. "Thanks for coming to get me kid."

"No problem old lady." I shared her grin as my peers were slowly but surely cut down to nothing.

Author's Note

I hope I got the feel of the characters right. Riordan's interpretation of mythology isn't always 100% accurate. He's got to consider the story and all. I did the same in "Cosplay of the Gods" and "Dragons" which is based on the cursed ring from Viking myths. Plus his books are published by Disney who couldn't even get Elsa a girlfriend in the sequel to Frozen. A lot of the more adult tales are not going to make it into his books. Plus I don't know his sources, but a lot of the myths have been suppressed, destroyed, or just plain forgotten in 2000 years of time and active attempts to wipe out beliefs in other religions. Gods have been erased from the history books, renamed as saints, and so on.

I spent a lot of time looking for those hard to find myths. I've published a few in my book "The Complete Lesbian Storybook" available now from Amazon, but a lot of the stories in the book I edited and even made up myself in addition to the actual myths so it's probably not a good reference book.

Here are some other famous mythological females similar to Gefjon. The ones less easy to find on say internet encyclopedias, at least if you do not know their names. I tried adding them to wikipedia, but it keeps getting erased since I use a public Internet connection. Maybe you would have better luck.

Agido and Hagesichora: Priestesses of Diana who married each other.

Alfhild: Daughter of King Seward of the Goths turned Viking raider and lover to her shieldmaiden Groa. May be related to a similar pair known as Rusla and Stikla.

Gefjon: The giantess given dominion over the souls of virgins and unmarried women.

Athena's Lovers include: Pallas, Chariclo, Myrmex, and Gaia. Her owls are actually transformed women. Tiresias was blinded when he caught her and his mother together.

Aphrodite's Lovers include: The Graces/Charites and she is the mother of Hermaphrodite and she was worshipped by the bard Sappho.

Aotis: Greek goddess of lesbian love.

Pomona: A Greek goddess of fruit who turned down all suitors until Vertumnus appeared to her as a seductive older woman.

Palaestra goddess of Greek oil wrestling and patron of same sex unions. Fearful of this many of her wrestling schools were later burned.

Diotima: Mentor of Socrates who claimed that while heterosexual love produced children same sex love increased intelligence and promoted spiritual growth.

Amazons: An entire culture of females once thought to be mythological, but recently revealed to have existed. They had two queens, one a warrior and the other a housewife type.

Hera's female lovers include: Flora the goddess of plants and second mother of Ares, Iris the rainbow goddess who lives under her bed, and the nymph Echo. She once turned Tiresias into a woman for seven years.

Artemis' female lovers include: Callisto, Amethyst, Anticleia (Mother of Odysseus), Britomartis, Cyrene, Atalanta, Camilla, Crocale, Daphne (once wooed by a man dressed as a woman and tore him apart when she found out), Dictynna, Polyboea, Iphigenia, Rhodopis, Taygete, and a whole harem of other nymphs. Zeus once turned into her in order to seduce and impregnate Callisto.

Anog Ite/Double Faced Woman: Among the Lakota appears in the dreams of women in various forms who are destined to become two-spirit/lesbians.

Assiniboin(e) Woman: A man's wife fell in love with his sister and eloped. The two conceived a baby, but the man found them and killed them.

La Baleine and La Sirene: Voodoo Loa in the form of a female whale and a mermaid said to be lovers.

Baubo and Iambe: Lovers of Demeter who kept the goddess cheered up with lewd jokes while her daughter was in Hades.

Budur and Lutf: Lady Budurwas found by her husband in passionate embrace with her handmaiden Lutf in the Arabian Nights. In another story a woman recounts how she lost her male lover when he came upon her and another woman. "One New Year's day I had invited the damsels of Bassorah and amongst them a girl belonging to Siran, who had bought her out of Oman for four score thousand dirhams. She loved me and loved me to madness and when she entered she threw herself upon me and well nigh tore me in pieces with bites and pinches. Then we withdrew apart, to drink wine at our ease, till our meat was ready and our delight was complete, and she toyed with me and I with her, and now I was upon her and now she was upon me."

Canidia: Roman witch said to have been mentor and lover of another witch named Sagana.

Pu'uhele: Sister of Pele she is a hill goddess and lover of another goddess named Puuomaiai.

Hi'iaka: A very well known lesbian Polynesian goddess and sister of Pele.

Sister Benedette Carlini (1590-1661): A nun purported to hasve various mystical powers including channeling spirits who was known to have had physical relations with many other nuns until she was convicted of witchcraft and imprisoned in isolation for forty years until her death.

Chai T'ang: A philosophy and dwelling where women in Chinese-Buddhist-Taoist culture in which women emulated Kwan Yin by retreating from society to escape heterosexual marriage. Lesbian relationships known as "sworn sisters" were allowed and even encouraged.

Kwan Yin: A goddess well known to have impregnated several women and being accused of the same even when masquerading as a man.

Kauxuma Nupika (1790-1837): After a brief marriage to an explorer she returned home as a two-spirit woman and shaman. She began acting and dressing as a man and had a string of female lovers before eventually marrying a young woman. She and her wife acted as guides for Alexander Ross and various other explorers. While negotiating a peace treaty between the Blackfeet and Flatheads she was killed, although it was said her wounds kept healing and she only died after her heart was cut out.

Malini: Parvati's lover and one of the mothers to Ganesha after licking the oils and powders from Parvati's body and/or mixing blood from their vaginas with river mud.

Mohini: The form of the most beautiful woman in the world used by Shiva and Vishnu. It is said they once both took her form and were so driven by lust they immediately made love to each other.

Shikhandin: Born female but raised male he/she grew into a great warrior. So great that a great king gave his daughter's hand in marriage to "him". It was only on Shikhandin's wedding night that she learned the truth. Contemplating suicide she walked out to the forest where she met a yaksha who leant her his spirtual genitals. Coming back to the castle she told the king her story and the king ordered one hundred of the female servants of his castle to make love to Shikhandin, promising death if any one of them reported that Shikhandin was not a man. None did and the princess happily continued with her marriage.

Strirajya: Kingdoms of women from Hindu legends resulting in men being killed in war. In the Mahabharata such a kingdom where the women made love to each other was described in graphic detail.

Nemien, Babd, Macha: Three goddesses from Celtic lore known as the Morrigan said to have also been lovers. May have a connection to Morgan le Fay from King Arthur's legend who supposedly retired to Avalon with some other witches.

Nymphs: Female magical creatures who appeared in many forms and often avoided the company of males or actively killed them. When approached by gods many suicided rather than submit to their advances. There seem to be various versions of these mystical and invariably female creatures in every culture under various names often living alone or in groups without the company of men or at most only one male, such as Dionysus and his maenads.

White Whale Woman: An Inuit goddess who married a woman.

Women's Country: In Chinese legend there is a hard to reach mystical island populated entirely by women. Bathing in the waters gets them pregnant and any boys born die by the age of three.

Lilith: Adam's first wife who may have actually seduced Eve before Adam was with her. Some claim she was the serpent.

Feel free to look these up and tell me if I got anything wrong or missed some.