"Hailey! Oh God, Hailey!"

She looked at Vanessa's face whiten staring at her. Followed her gaze as she noticed a large patch of blood spread over her jeans. It was only at that moment that she felt shooting pain in her thigh and her leg gave way. She crashed into the car they were repairing behind.

"50-21 Frank. Shots fired 10-01 10-01. Homan Ave corner with Augusta Blvd. Send an ambo, officer down."

She heard Vanessa's voice from far away, her gaze was stuck on her leg. She clasped her hands around the thigh but was hypnotized by the trail of blood flowing out of the jeans.

The puddle next to her reflected the lightning flashes of the storm that was preparing to fall apart. Her field of vision was then suddenly occupied by Vanessa's hands pressing hard on the wound.

"Hailey!", she looked up noticing her terrified face.

She stared at her absently, her mind slowly processing what was going on. Why was she screaming? Had they arrested Mitchell?

"They were my favorite jeans…", she whispered staring at the now ruined jeans.

"You are in shock. Can you hear me? Hailey!"

Vanessa's voice grew weaker, her face blurred.

"Hailey!"

She slowly reopened her eyes hearing Jay's voice scream her name. He clasped his hands around her thigh and she couldn't take her eyes off the blood that passed between his fingers.

"I really liked these jeans…", she jumped in pain, "Jay…"

"We're going to look for an another one, okay? Stay awake, Hailey, stay awake. Can you hear me? Hailey, listen to my voice!"

She blinked as he unfastened his tie and tightened it around her thigh. Looking up at his face was the last thing she did before she was swallowed by the darkness.

...

The night before

Hailey walked through the door of a crowded Molly looking around until she spotted Kevin near a window.

"Hey Detective!", Herman smiled at her from the other side of the counter and she replied with a quick hand gesture.

"Hey guys. Vanessa's out with friends, maybe she'll catch up with us later", she slipped into a free stool, taking off her jacket.

Only when she looked up did she realize she was looking at a pair of blue eyes she didn't know. She looked around slightly confused noticing the joy that pervaded Jay. It was strange to see him so openly happy.

"I'm Greg and you have to be…", he offered his hand with a gentle smile on the face.

"Hailey. But Greg as…"

"Mouse! Oh man, how nice to see you!"

Adam crashed into him placing a series of beers on the table.

So this is the famous Mouse, she thought, studying him carefully. Now she understood Jay's joy perfectly. The boy in front of her was young, about the same age as Jay, she reasoned quickly. She saw him calm and happy, but she knew he had returned to Afghanistan years ago.

Kim pulled her out of her thoughts when she caught Mouse's attention by asking him what he had been up to over the years.

Hailey listened to him speak, noting how, from time to time, he kept glancing at her.

"I returned to America a year and a half ago. Went to live with my sister in Texas, she helped me with some stuff…", he said the last words staring at Jay who nodded knowingly.

She could imagine the stuff he was talking about. The demons and nightmares that plagued him as they still plagued Jay. Maybe Mouse had understood before him that he needed help to move forward.

"Tell me about all of you though! How's unity going?"

"You should come to the district tomorrow! I guess Platt's face!", Kim laughed shaking her head.

The conversation went on and Hailey found herself watching amused but something, in everything they said, made her feel excluded. It was normal, she told herself, she was not yet there when Mouse worked with them.

"I heard about Al…"

"Yeah, it was difficult…", Adam was the first to break the silence that had fallen between them.

"The others? Voight, Antonio, Erin?"

"Voight, you know, you never know where he is", Kevin shook his head, "Antonio went away about a year ago and Erin went in New York three years ago."

"Erin in New York?", Mouse's head snapped at Jay who took a sip of beer, nodding slowly, "And did you take her place?"

"No, I…", Hailey stared at him without words. Take her place? But who wanted to take Erin Lindsay's place?

"I'm just Hailey."

An embarrassed silence fell that no one seemed to have the courage to break.

Hailey glanced at her phone hoping for some emergency to escape from that evening. If she had known, she would have stayed home.

But knew what? It was normal for them to dig up old memories, right? And yet…yet she didn't want to hear about Erin. She didn't want to know what Erin was like, how the unit was with Erin. She knew she was like a daughter to Voight and a sister to Kim, and yet…and yet she had always had had this feeling that the others thought she had taken her place. But she hadn't wanted to take anyone's place. She didn't want to embody her ghost.

"But in the meantime, this girl has come, kicking his ass really badly!", Kevin squeezed her shoulder pointing at Jay.

"Yeah, no, it's not like that!", she laughed staring at him badly.

"So tell me about yourself", Mouse stretched out on the table staring intently.

"I'm sorry man, I don't know you enough to tell you my dirtiest secrets."

"Uh, naughty. I like you!"

She really liked Mouse. She liked it because it was important to Jay. Did it make sense? She really liked him, but she didn't know him. And she was too a closed person to please someone immediately.

The evening was spent telling Mouse the mess of the last four years of the unit.

"Did you really tell him he's a jerk and to get out of your crime scene?"

Mouse stared at her with his mouth open, the beer squeezed in his hands. She didn't even know how they ended up talking about that day, about her.

"Yeah, um… I've been following that case for months."

"And didn't he kill you?"

"I told you she's a badass!", Kevin tapped beer on the table enthusiastically, "Even if …when she gets pissed…"

"Shut up!"

They all burst out laughing, though Hailey noticed a flash in Jay's eyes. She could not grasp what it was, but it was all evening that she noticed him glancing without saying anything. He was cheerful, he couldn't stop laughing and he knew it was thanks to Mouse, as far as they were tied. But those looks, although knowing him well, she just couldn't understand them.

...

She slipped from his stool with the excuse of going to the bathroom but, once she washed her face, instead of going back to the table, she stopped at the counter.

She only felt that this evening was their evening, she really didn't have anything to do with it. She had seen how Kevin tried to put her into the conversation, but it was clear they all wanted to talk about the old days.

And she didn't want to spoil anyone's mood.

"So Hailey, what can I give you besides my fantastic presence?"

She smiled looking up, Herman stared at her, holding out a beer to the boy next to her.

"Your presence is the only reason I come here."

"Flattering Detective are you. How come you're here with me?"

"I'm going home soon, not really in the mood tonight…"

"Excellent whiskey, it's on the house", he handed her a glass full of amber liquid before leaving to take some orders. Hailey looked at her phone to answer some messages, tasting what she then considered a really good whiskey.

"So, a cop, huh…I'm Michael."

She raised her head to meet a pair of blue eyes staring at her from behind a glass of beer. She wasn't in the mood to meet anyone, but the boy's kind expression didn't really deserve a rude answer, so she grabbed his hand out to her, "Hailey."

"Nice to meet you."

They were interrupted by her phone ringing on the counter. She looked at him pretending a pained expression before turning on the stool to turn her back on him.

"Hey."

"You still at Molly?"

"Yes but…"

"Okay, on my way!"

Vanessa ended the call quickly and Hailey sighed in defeat. The idea of having to meet a stranger didn't make her jump for joy. Although perhaps, really, it wouldn't have been bad to meet someone new. Someone who wasn't her partner now too busy remembering his ex.

She turned resigned when, instead of the stranger, she met Adam's confused expression.

"Aren't you coming to the table?", he had one arm resting on the counter and completely blocked Michael's view.

"Um no, I…I'm going home."

She jumped off the stool and passed him. She grabbed her jacket and, after a few brief greetings, literally fled the Molly.

...

With her head sunk in her hands and her gaze fixed on the glass full of whiskey in front of her, she ignored the messages on her phone.

After Jay's first asking her why she had gone away, she had decided to carefully avoid any contact with him. Did he realize her existence only after she left?

She knew she was exaggerating, she knew it was her own problem, yet…

Yet there was this little monster who danced on the table in front of her eyes and who kept telling her that she was right, that it was he who had excluded her.

"Hailey! I'm home!", she heard Vanessa scream from the entrance before her shuffling footsteps reached her in the kitchen.

"I thought I'd find you at Molly but they told me that you left early… Did something happen?"

"Hey, no, just tired."

"But did you discuss with Halstead? He seemed a little…distracted."

"No, really just tired."

Vanessa stared at her intently, obviously she hadn't believed her for even a second. She poured herself a glass of whiskey before sinking into the chair on the other side of the table.

After a few minutes of silence, she began to tell her about her evening. Her cheerful voice was a balm for Hailey's troubled soul.

She knew she was doing it for her and that she really just wanted her to talk. Not because she was curious, but to help her. By now, she knew she could trust her, only that she really didn't know what to say.

Was she angry about what exactly? For Jay who hadn't recognized her presence? For Jay looking at her with regret thinking of Erin? For the thought of Erin?

She realized that Vanessa had remained silent only when she saw her pour another dose of whiskey into both glasses.

With a defeated sigh, she lowered her head running a hand through her hair.

"I could be jealous…"

And only after she said it, did she know that was why she was angry. She was angry at herself.

"Jealous?"

She nibbled her lip avoiding Vanessa's gaze.

"Did you see the guy who was with the others?"

"Yeah, Mouse I think. Nice, cute. He worked in the unit years ago, right?"

"Yeah, he…was Jay's partner in the Rangers, then he worked for a few years in Intelligence, before rejoin the army."

"Okay…", Vanessa dragged the word expecting her to continue.

"I could be jealous of Erin."

She dropped the glass on the table, her mouth wide open, "I really can't follow you. Erin…?"

Hailey sighed again, the desperation that was assailing her, "Jay's old partner. She left shortly after my arrival in Intelligence…"

"Hailey, I really need some help here…", Vanessa crossed her arms. Her eyes were narrowed into two slits and Hailey recognized her expression in the one she used when trying to concentrate without finding a logical thread in the situation.

"The love of his life. The one who left him without saying anything."

"Oh, that Erin", Vanessa stares at her with a raised eyebrow, "You could be jealous of Erin…"

"I could be jealous of Erin."

"And why? You are his partner now!"

She took a deep breath looking for the right words to give voice to her messed up thoughts.

"I never wanted to be Erin or take her place…"

"Hailey, nobody could ever think you are her… I don't know much about her, but you are you. I don't know if I explain."

She shook her head angrily, "You don't understand! Erin was tough, intelligent and beautiful! And she was her partner!"

She banged her forehead against the table with a roar of dissatisfaction. The silence she received in response clearly confirmed that Vanessa was not following her. It was so clear to her, but how could Vanessa understand? She had never seen Erin except in photos, she had never seen Jay after Erin, damn it!

"Hailey, really, I need some more help. Why should you be jealous? Jay loves working with you, we all know…"

She clapped her hands open on the table and stood up, "God damn it! I could have feelings for him!"

She ran her hands through her hair and, for a moment, she almost thought of tearing it off.

"I know from before you…", Vanessa continued to stare at her bewildered.

How could she not focus on the problem?

She went back to sitting sighing for the hundredth time in one evening, "I can't have feelings for him, because I'm his partner and I'm not Erin. If I had feelings for him, I'd be just a bad copy of Erin. And…you don't understand…"

She went to the sink to quickly wash his glass. Before she could escape to the bedroom, Vanessa grabbed her by the arm and stopped her.

"Are you afraid of the rumors in the district or that Erin was better than you?"

"I don't know. Listen, leave it. I'm just tired…"

"No, wait!"

Vanessa ran after her and, before she could slam the bedroom door behind her, she sneaked behind her.

"I don't know Erin and I have no interest in knowing her, but Hailey…if your fear is she's better than you, that's a bullshit! You could easily beat anyone…"

The shirt flew over the chair and, left in her bra, laughed bitterly.

"Listen, I can't really have feelings for him. Is that…I worked with her for a little over a month and I was called to the Ivory Tower because of her, so really, she was never been my best friend… I don't like hearing about her, that's all."

To clarify her intentions, she opened the door wide waiting for Vanessa to come out. She closed it behind her and, slipping out of the jeans, threw herself into the bed trying to forget the grip on her stomach that was killing her.

Damn, she had feelings for her partner.

...

She was already sitting at her desk, the first coffee of the day already finished, when the rest of the unit slowly arrived in the district.

She got up early and, silently so as not to wake Vanessa, had prepared and slipped away. She had practically arrived first in the whole district. Not that she minded, given the amount of backlog she had to do.

Who said that the night brought advice? Certainly a deluded one, because her night had brought only bitterness.

She didn't want to see Jay. That is, she knew that in reality he had done nothing wrong and the problem was her alone and that was the point. She wanted to keep some distance from Jay just to be able to put clarity in her messed up mind. Realizing that she had feelings for him, had plunged her into a circle of thoughts about Garrett and Erin and how everything could go to hell.

So no, she just needed to get back in one piece.

"I do not believe it! This place is completely different and totally the same at the same time! Is it possible?"

Mouse's voice surprised her. She had finally managed to tidy up her desk by moving at least twenty files in the closet that she had been putting off for weeks. She looked at the now smooth and proudly ordered surface. Getting to the district so early had its good points, after all.

"Detective", he greeted her amicably with a wave of his hand before reaching Jay, already seated.

She exchanged greetings putting two pens in her pen holder and sighing with satisfaction.

"Productive morning?"

"You can say so, yeah", the completely disinterested look she gave Jay, recognizing his presence, made her proud of herself.

All right, she could do it.

It was already mid-morning and she got up to go and pour himself the third coffee when, around the corner of the office, she saw Jay and Mouse's figures chatting near the side stairs.

She hadn't really intended to eavesdrop on their conversation, but when heard her name, she couldn't help but listening. She felt only a few fragments, until her already fought heart stopped.

"So, same partner since Erin left?"

"Yeah, Hailey is good for me. She helped me when…well, often."

"She's cute…"

"She is a great partner. She was tired last night, but I hope you'll get to know her, you'll like her!"

"You definitely like her!", she saw him shake his head in an amused tone.

"Yeah, no, not as you mean!", Jay laughed, "She's really good for me, the best partner, but no other thoughts about her, I'm done with partners!"

'No other thoughts about her.'

'I'm done with partners.'

She cursed herself so hard that for a moment she thought they would be able to hear her thoughts. She knew it, she knew it! Yet she was fell! She had believed that…it was different. That even for Jay was different…

She quickly slipped into the break rooms listening to nothing else. She closed her eyes for a moment in front of her cup to regain control of herself.

She had always been able to hide her thoughts, she would have done it even now.

...

"Halstead and Burgess have a deal with Mitchell in a shed in Cicero. Upton and Rojas will be in front, Ruzek and Atwater in the back. Let's clean it up and take Mitchell as soon as money passes."

As soon as Voight finished talking, Jay and Kim came out from around the corner, he tying his tie and she adjusting her skirt.

They were heading for the cars, already split in pairs when she heard Jay running beside her.

"About yesterday evening, you disappeared. Everything good?"

'No other thoughts about her.'

"Yeah sure. I was tired."

"Hey, you okay? You look strange."

'I am done with partners.'

"Let me live, Jay. I don't need this! Go do your job", she snapped as she got into the car. She left before Vanessa closed the door and, driving away, saw him standing in the middle of the road as he stared at her car sliding away.

Hi guys! Here I am back with another story!

This was there rotting on my computer but I never had the courage to publish it. There is always something that does not convince me in it!

But then I said to myself, what the hell! You'll tell me if it's a crap!

It won't be very long but hey, I hope you like it!

As always, stay safe out there.

With love, H