The Stars Revolt!

A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfic By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan based parody. MLP:FiM is the property of Hasbro and Lauren Faust. Please support the official release.

Two years later…

Discord broke free from the confines of his stone statue, stretching and cackling.

"AHAHAHAHA! I'M FREE AT LAST! Now to bring about chaos! Wonderful, delicious chaos!" The Lord of Chaos locked onto Celestia's magical signature, and teleported right next to her. He wanted to greet his ancient frienemy with the proper fanfare and respect!

Turned out she wasn't too far: She was actually in the garden, lying in a lounge chair. She was sipping some frozen coffee, wearing sunglasses, and looking quite relaxed.

Discord manifested a door, and went through it, appearing in a suit and greasy wig.

"CELLYYYYY~! I'M HOME!"

Celestia… Turned her head, and pulled down her sunglasses. She actually smiled-An honest to goodness smile.

"Discord! It's so nice to see you!"

That… Was not what Discord was expecting. Granted, as a draconequus he oftentimes didn't know what to expect from his own magic. But this was like a geranium eating the cat when he hadn't thought of it.

Later: Make geranium that eats cats, he thought.

"Uh… Nice to see you too…?" Discord managed, blinking. Celestia smiled, and her horn glowed. A frosted coffee appeared in his hand.

"Won't you join me?" She asked. Discord blinked again, and scowled.

"Okay, what's your plan?" Discord demanded. He leaned in close, his glare attempting to burn holes in Celestia. "Come on! What is it? Your nerdy apprentice and her neurotic friends lying in wait with the Elements? Your sister? A FULLY ARMED AND OPERATIONAL BATTLESTATION?!"

Celestia chuckled softly. "Oh, I'm afraid my apprentice and her 'neurotic' friends are busy," she said. She leaned back, and it was at this point Discord heard something. Something he had intended to hear in abundance, but never before he started his rampage.

Screaming.

He followed Celestia's gaze towards a large row of rosebushes. The screaming was coming from behind it. A moment later, a tall ape with brown hair, green eyes, and glasses rounded it. He was running for his life, screaming in between deep breaths of air. He looked at Celestia, desperately.

"PRINCESS CELESTIA!" He bellowed. "HELP ME!"

"Just a few more laps, my dear little human!" Celestia called back encouragingly. "Your endurance will save you!"

"DAMNIT!" He bellowed.

The human kept running, sprinting in front of them towards the next row of rose bushes. The sound of loud, angry galloping followed him. Soon, the source was revealed: A large number of adult stallions of every tribe. The mob was led by a large, blue maned unicorn stallion, his nostrils snorting smoke in his rage.

"GET BACK HERE! TONIGHT I DINE ON MONKEY SOUP!" He roared.

"I CALL HIS EYES!" A little purple dragon, riding on the unicorn stallion's back, added in fury.

The rest of the stallions shouted or bellowed similar sentiments as they chased the human. Right on their hooves, a group of young, pregnant mares and older, motherly mares. Led by Twilight Sparkle and Princess Luna, who were just as angry.

"BIG BROTHER! IF YOU KILL THE FATHER OF MY FOAL I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!" She yelled.

"YOU'RE NOT KILLING HIM UNTIL HE MAKES ME WITH FOAL FIRST!" Princess Luna brayed.

"PAPA! DON'T PREACH! HE'S MY BABY DADDY!" Pinkie Pie bawled, bouncing along.

"I'LL BEAT HIM UP, NOT YOU!" Rainbow Dash howled, flying hard.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE, DADDY! SPIKE, YOU TOO!" Rarity cried, keeping up and already in fashionable maternity wear.

"BIG MAC HE'S GONNA MARRY ME! CUT IT OUT!" Applejack bellowed, which was impressive given she was carrying a shotgun in her teeth.

"Please don't hurt him, Papa!" Fluttershy sort-of shouted, though it was more of a loud whisper.

The older mares, their mothers and sisters in law, and other female relatives echoed similar sentiments. An old green mare, wheelchairing herself as fast as she could, waved her cane.

"SAVE THE SOURCE O' THE GREAT GRANDFOALS! AH'VE WAITED SO LONG!"

After this group, three little fillies in red cloaks galloped in their wake.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER WEDDING AND/OR FUNERAL PLANNERS!" They shouted.

A whole gaggle of other assorted beings followed, ranging from some angry cooks from a local restaurant, to the Griffinstone ambassador covered in cake. The entire precession vanished around another rose bush row, leaving a cloud of dust behind.

Discord blinked. He blinked a few more times, his eyes spinning around. He took them out, rubbing them against his fur chest, and popped them back in. He looked over at the still relaxed Celestia.

"... What?" He managed. Celestia beamed.

"That was Andrew Shepherd, our resident human. He managed to get romantically entangled with all six of the holders of the Elements of Harmony and my sister, and got almost all of them pregnant. And he learned of this and was happily proposing marriage to all of them. They accepted… Just as their families all walked in." She sipped on her mocha. "Just in time to hear him say 'I'm so awesome! I knocked them all up at once! Humans rule!' And so…" She waved her hoof out in the direction of the screaming.

"And… The running?" Discord asked.

"Since humans have more endurance than ponies," Celestia explained, "he can tire them all out until they can calm down. Shouldn't take more than a few dozen additional laps."

Celestia smiled, almost impishly. She held out another frozen coffee. "Mocha?"

Discord blinked a few more times. He snapped his fingers, and summoned up his own lounge chair. He laid back in it, and accepted Celestia's mocha. He sipped on the straw, the plastic cup surrounding the chocolate mix vanishing. He stared at the sun princess in something akin to awe.

"You have never been hotter to me than you are right now," he said. Celestia chuckled throatily, pulling her sunglasses back up.

"I know~."

Really, just for fun.