Disclaimer: I do not own Oregairu. Oregairu is a property of Watari Wataru

Chapter 1: Misunderstanding

Genuine.

Not too long ago I asked for something genuine. For a moment I let down my barriers, my walls that I have carefully constructed around myself to defend against others trying to come in, reach deep inside me, I changed, I let those walls down and allowed myself to show what i truly wanted….. something genuine.

For all my life i have been closed off, never let anyone get close, never allowed anyone to really get to know me. To be honest I prefer it that way. People have shown me that if i get too close to someone or if they get too close to me then they will inevitably end up hurting me, or in them. It's better that i don't associate myself with anyone.

I, Hikigaya Hachiman, am a self proclaimed loner, and I take pride in that. I am proud to be that because that way, no one can hurt me, and I can't hurt anyone.

But now, I decided to go against my philosophy and decided to let myself be known to someone, or two someones to be more precise.

I let myself be known to these two people. I told them my deepest, darkest desire, I told them what I was after all along. It wasn't the empty words I was after. There was something else I desired all along. Not mutual understanding, friendship, companionship, or anything of the sort. I don't care about being understood. I simply wish to understand. Understand, know, and rest easy with that knowledge, gain some peace of mind. Wanting to know people inside-out because being in the dark scares me, terrifies me is an awfully self-indulgent, egoistic, and arrogant wish. It's downright despicable and disgusting. Having a desire like that makes me sick to the stomach! But if it's at all possible to share that desire….if it's possible to have a relationship where you're free to burden one another with that repulsive self-gratification...I know that it's out of the question! I know that it's out of my reach! Even so!

I wanted something genuine.

I originally intended to ask for help with the Christmas event Isshiki was planning along side with the STUCO of Kaihin Sougou High School, but after what happened in Kyoto and with what went on with Tobe's request to confess to Ebina, the atmosphere of the club was strained, and my relationship with my two clubmates, the two i shared my desire with, was about to fall apart. I felt like I had to tell them, I had to let them know what I desired because I believed that they could both understand.

This genuine thing I desired, I expressed it to those two people. Two people I have gotten to know throughout my second year at Sobu High. Two people i considered to be the closest strangers in my life apart from my family, no, these two people deep down i genuinely considered…. Friends.

These two people, these two girls, one being the lovable airhead, who despite me hating them, is a nice girl, but not the kind that I hate. She tries her hardest to keep everyone happy. She does her best to stay true and help out her friends. She goes through so much just to understand those around her. She has no ulterior motives to be nice, nor will fill your head with assumptions and false hope. Yui Yuigahama is a genuinely nice, honest, and true girl.

The next one, she is a girl who believes herself to be above everyone, just because of her high intellect and stunning beauty. She is cold and ruthless to anyone who she interacts and especially to those she dislikes. She would not think twice about beating you down with her cold words and assessments of you, a treatment I have personally have gone through in all my time knowing her. A true Ice Queen all in all. But behind all that coldness, behind that overbearing and crude superiority, Yukino Yukinoshita is a truly great person. Someone who is willing to go all out, overwork herself to the point of sickness, just for the sake of others. She is a person who seeks to be herself, seeks to find herself in a world that she has grown to know that goes against her wishes and desires. She is genuinely strong, and seeks to be stronger for herself and her future. A truly wonderful person.

Both Yukinoshita and Yuigahama, I have seen them grow, I have seen them become greater then they were, I have and want to help them become more. I see these two as people who might accept me for me.

I allowed myself to open up to them, like they have to me. After all this time, I felt like maybe I could have something genuine with them.

"Hikigaya-kun, i don't understand."

I was wrong.

I opened myself up to them and what I got in return was not genuine. All my fears, all my anxiety, all the things I have built walls up for, were now justified more than ever.

Those few words were the words I dreaded to hear. Words that i had hoped i wouldn't hear.

"After all this time, after everything we have gone through, you request this of us yet you have not shown to want this at all." I looked into her eyes, those piercing blue eyes and Yukinoshita kept speaking. "You…. you want something like that, yet for these past few months i have known you… you have not shown this desire to be what you want."

This… this was not what i wanted. She did not understand…..

"Hikigaya-kun, i dont get how you can say these things…."

"Hikki"

I looked over to Yuigahama, up to this point both of them were in tears as I proclaimed what I had wanted but now… I see the tears that were once there are now gone… all that is left is a look of bewilderment and sad confusion.

"Hikki, I don't get it either. I don't get anything about you anymore."

Those words, those final words from Yuigahama…. they were what made me realize how wrong it was to let them in, to let them see me like this, to let them know what I wanted.

Both Yuigahama and Yukinoshita did not understand me. And I did not understand all this time i was right to be one who is closed off. I was right to be how I am.

All my fears were now confirmed by them, their reactions and their thoughts, all of it was confirmation to myself of how i have been acting up until i was put into the Service Club…. Was right and justified.

The three of us stayed there for a few moments, no one said anything.

Finally, I look at both of them. I look into their eyes. A part of me was hoping to see them realize that maybe they understood afterall! Maybe they were being just shy or needed a minute to think about it. I would not put it past Yuigahama to not really get it….. She's an airhead afterall!

But no. I knew that was not the case. As I looked into their eyes I saw that they didn't understand me.

And with that I finally knew what I had to do. I looked down to the ground and I sighed.

"Forget it." I said, my face now no longer contained any emotion I had before. All of that went away the moment i realized it all.

"Hikki?"

"Hikigaya-kun?"

"Forget my request to help Isshikk with the winter event, forget my request for something genuine."

I heard a slight gasp from both of them, I was not facing them at all, still looking down and I continued.

"You're right Yukinoshita, I haven't shown any signs of wanting something genuine. Afterall i'm a loner. I'm pessimistic, I'm cynical, I'm cruel, I'm rotten. Someone like me does not deserve to be understood, someone like me shouldn't have that kind of relationship with someone."

I start to proceed to the door, my mind made up.

"I was wrong to show my true self to both of you, I was wrong in thinking you both could understand."

As I take a hold of the door handle,I look up to both Yukinoshita and Yuigahama, and show a small smile at them.

"I was wrong to think that I could have something genuine…..with you."

I look away from both of them, opening the door and walking out. Not looking back at them, as i kept walking away i do not look back at the club room where both of my clubmates remain.

I was a fool to think I could have something genuine with them. Yukinoshita was right when she told me I haven't shown any signs at all that I wanted it. I wanted something genuine but I never showed it. It makes me think that maybe i just can't have that genuine thing after all. I kept both of them at arm's length up until now. I kept myself closed off up until now and that most likely contributed to their not being able to understand. It was my fault.

I'm the same as always, I haven't changed. From the beginning I have been Hikigaya Hachiman, a self proclaimed loner, one who stays away from everyone, someone who is cynical, pessimistic, logical. Hiratsuka-sensei was wrong in thinking Yukinoshita could change me. Yukinoshita was wrong in thinking she could change me. I was wrong in thinking I could open up to them all, to desire, to change.

I was wrong in thinking that with them, with Yukinoshita and Yuigahama, I was wrong in thinking I could have something….

Genuine.

Chapter 1 End

(Authors Notes)

Hello everyone who reads this! This is my first FanFiction on here! I will be doing many more fanfics based on Oregairu because i just love the series! im not exactly the most experienced writer so for forgive me if my writing is a bit bad, i hope to improve as i continue this story.

so now to explain a bit about the story, this mainly takes place after the events of the "Genuine" scene from the anime. this is my take on how would things go if Yukinoshita and Yuigahama truely didnt get what Hikigaya was trying to convey, and what would happen if they didn't try to understand. its a bit sad and what not but itll be better for all characters. as of now I will say I do not plan to have dear old 8man pair up with either Yukinoshita or Yuigahama. He will instead be paired up with an OC I have in mind. I know OC's arent the best but i personally want my OC to be with Hikigaya. My other stories i have in mind though will be pairings of already established Oregairu characters so stay tuned for those!

Anyways, please feel free to leave your thoughts and reviews on this first chapter, let me know if its any good or not. ill take everyones opinion into account and make sure the next chapters are to your liking, as well as mine!