"Goddess help me, not again…"

Dimitri sighed as he stared down at the splintered remains of the wooden spoon that he held, and he started to regret his recent life decisions. On a normal day, he would be busy with his many, many duties as King, but he did have a few special days that he allowed himself to take off. Today was indeed one of those days.

His wife's birthday came but once a year, and Dimitri was determined to do something special for the most important person in his life. Mercedes had left early in the morning to meet up with Annette to do some birthday shopping. Dimitri had secretly asked Annette to keep Mercedes occupied until noon so that he could have ample time to prepare a nice birthday lunch for his beloved wife, and Annette had gladly promised to do her part.

And now, Dimitri currently found himself in the kitchens of the palace, alone, as he was determined to cook this meal all by himself. And that...was not going as well as he would have liked it to...

Giving the poor, mangled spoon in his hands one last forlorn glance, Dimitri tossed it into a pile with the rest of his victims, including but not limited to: a pot that he had ripped the handle off of, a knife with a blade that was snapped in two, and a spider cracked cutting board. His super strength was greatly hindering his cooking efforts, but he took a deep breath and picked up another spoon. He would not let this setback curb his determination.

"Okay," he mumbled, turning back to the pot that was sitting over the fire, "I just need to stir in these onions now…" Dimitri tossed the chopped onions into the pot with the rest of the soup and stirred as carefully as he could. He was glad that there was an overabundance of onions stocked in the castle's pantry, because this batch was his second attempt at making an edible soup. The first batch had somehow caught on fire, and then Dimitri had snapped off the handle of the pot while trying to snuff out the flames, sending the entire burnt soup splattering over the floor. He may have earned the name 'Savior King' during the war, but he now wished that someone would come and save him from the mess he had gotten himself into.

The entire ordeal of the failed first attempt had eaten up a lot of his precious cooking time, and a glance out of the window told him that it would be noon in no time at all. Dimitri cursed the fact that he had never asked Dedue or Ashe for cooking lessons during their Academy days...

"So far so good...Now I need to add the salt." Dimitri turned to the pile of spices on the counter, and as he examined the two containers with white-colored contents, he realized that he had yet another problem.

"Oh no...which one was the salt again…?" Dimitri said, biting his lip as he held the containers in his hands. They looked almost identical to him, and they were unlabeled; he assumed that the cooks could tell them apart easily at a glance, unlike himself. He gave each container a sniff, and unfortunately could not smell any difference. Panic welled up inside of him as he grabbed a clean teaspoon and dipped it into one of the containers.

"Please let my sense of taste magically return…" Dimitri said before dumping the contents into his mouth. He rolled his tongue around a bit, before swallowing and letting out a dejected sigh. Nothing. He tasted nothing. He tried again with the second container and got the same results. Why had he even expected anything different?

"I don't have time for this," Dimitri said, gritting his teeth as he grabbed one of the containers and spooned in the required amount of 'salt'. One tablespoon. Yeah, that was it...Hopefully. Dimitri doubled down on his focus and an hour later, he had a finished onion gratin soup.

Removing the pot from the fire, Dimitri examined the contents. It certainly looked like an edible soup, and it smelled fine, with what his abysmal sense of smell could tell him anyway. Smiling with a renewed hope that his cooking efforts would pay off and make his wife happy, Dimitri began prepping to serve it to her as soon as she returned home.

"Ooh, this is so exciting! Can I open my eyes yet?"

"Not yet, dearest. We're almost there."

Mercedes giggled as she carefully walked forward, letting Dimitri guide her from behind as he held his hands over her eyes. After enjoying a nice morning of birthday shopping with Annette, she was surprised to find Dimitri waiting at the door when she returned. He told her to close her eyes, and she obliged, but yet he still chose to also cover her eyes with his hands. Whatever he had planned for her must be extra special if he was being this serious about it.

"Ah, here we are. You can open your eyes now, Mercie." Dimitri said, and Mercedes felt him remove his hands from her face. She stopped walking and opened her eyes, and she tilted her head at the sight before her. Dimitri had led her to the dining hall, and on the table was a bowl of what looked like her favorite soup.

"Happy Birthday, my beloved," Dimitri said, smiling softly as he took Mercedes' hand and placed a light kiss on her knuckles. "I wanted to do something extra special for your first birthday as my wife, so I, uh, made one of your favorite meals."

"Oh, Dimitri! Did you make this...all by yourself?" Mercedes said, a beaming smile crossing her face, and she hoped that it was enough to mask her inner apprehension. She never recalled ever seeing Dimitri cook for himself or others before, and that kind of inexperience could end up being...problematic for her.

"Ah, yes, I did. I...think I did an adequate job for my first time...Hopefully…" Dimitri said, his voice trailing off to a mumble at the end. This might have been the most unconvinced that Mercedes had ever felt in her life, and she felt a chill run down her spine. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep the smile on her face while saying a few quick prayers to the Goddess.

"Thank you so much, dear. I can't wait to try it!" she said, the cheerfulness in her voice wavering ever-so-slightly as she sat down in the chair that Dimitri had pulled out for her. Mercedes picked up the spoon and dipped it into the soup, noting that it seemed to smell okay, although the edges of the cheese covering the surface looked a little burnt. She stole a glance at Dimitri, whose one eye was wide and watching her, practically sparkling with anticipation. Mercedes sucked in a deep breath and steeled herself, before lifting a spoonful of soup to her face blowing on it to cool it down. It couldn't be that bad, right? She was probably worried for nothing, so she wasted no more time and opened her mouth to take the first bite…

...And it was undeniably the absolute worst thing Mercedes had ever tasted.

'Oh…Oh Goddess…' Mercedes thought, clenching her jaw as she fought against the impulse to spit the soup out all over the table. It was so, so sweet, unbearably so, even for someone with as big of a sweet-tooth as her. There was also a horrid, burnt aftertaste, like she had taken a fistful of ashes from a fireplace and shoved them into her mouth. She tried desperately to keep a straight face as she battled with her gag reflex, but she must have been doing a poor job of it, because Dimitri frowned and leaned towards her.

"Is something wrong, dearest? Does it taste okay?" he asked, and Mercedes nodded quickly. She mentally counted to three before swallowing thickly, finally forcing the awful soup down her throat. She brought a hand to her mouth as she cleared her throat to try and stop from retching.

"It certainly has a…unique flavor to it…" Mercedes said, letting out a sheepish chuckle as she forced a smile. Dimitri stared at her for a moment, before he groaned and covered his face with his hands.

"Oh gods, it's terrible, isn't?" Dimitri said, and he let out a deep sigh, his head hanging dejectedly as he stared at the floor, "I knew this wasn't a good idea...I've probably...ruined your birthday…" Mercedes watched as his shoulders slumped and a deep frown crossed his face. Oh no, she couldn't have that! Having her husband looking so defeated and cutting himself down would not do.

"Oh Dimitri," Mercedes said, giggling as she stood up. She reached up to cup his face and waited until his eye drifted back up to lock with her own before she continued, "Don't be so hard on yourself. You did not ruin my birthday, not at all!" She leaned up and placed a light kiss on Dimitri's forehead, and she smiled brightly when a dusting of pink covered his cheeks.

"In fact," Mercedes continued, removing her hands from his face to instead take hold of his own, "I'm actually really happy that you tried to make something special for me! You must have worked so hard to cook this, and with no prior cooking experience." Dimitri let out a sheepish laugh and averted his gaze.

"Ah, well, it was...rather challenging," he said as he let go of one of her hands so that he could rub at the back of his neck, "I also think that I've been banned permanently from ever setting foot in the kitchens again…"

"Oh dear...How many things did you break?"

"...I lost track after the pot and the fifth spoon."

Mercedes sighed and shook her head, and when Dimitri finally met her gaze again, they both burst out laughing so hard that Mercedes had tears running down her face by the time she composed herself. Dimitri pulled her into a warm embrace, and she let out another giggle when he gently wiped the tears that were still clinging to her cheeks.

"It is a shame though," Dimitri lamented, sighing as he ran his fingers through Mercedes' hair, "I also wanted to bake you a cake. I gathered up the ingredients and everything." Mercedes paled at the thought of Dimitri trying to bake anything. Cooking could be salvaged sometimes when things went wrong, but any errors while baking could be absolutely catastrophic. Mercedes smiled as an idea crossed her mind, and she pulled away from Dimitri while grabbing his hand.

"Why don't we bake the cake together?" she said, and Dimitri tilted his head to one side.

"But...You shouldn't have to bake your own birthday cake…"

"Well, I'm not baking it on my own. You'll be helping me."

"...Are you sure that you want my help after...well, this?" Dimitri waved a hand in the direction of the disaster soup he made that was still sitting on the table, and Mercedes giggled and nodded.

"Oh, I'm sure it will be fine as long as I'm there," Mercedes said, lacing her fingers together with Dimitri's, "I'll be sure to keep a close eye on you to prevent any more kitchen nightmares."

"...Nightmares? It was that bad?"

"Er, well…"

"I'm teasing, love," Dimitri said, leaning down to kiss Mercedes' cheek, "I'm well aware of how bad the soup is, just by your reaction. I don't think I've ever seen such a sour look cross your beautiful face before." Mercedes felt her face heat up, and she averted her gaze, embarrassed.

"Oh dear...and I tried so hard to hide it…" she said, and Dimitri laughed and shook his head.

"Well, shall we dispose of my failed attempt at an edible soup and instead go make a much, much better cake?" he said, and Mercedes laughed with him as she nodded eagerly.

With that, they threw out the soup and headed for the kitchens. Mercedes had to negotiate with the cooks about letting Dimitri back in, which involved her promising that he would only be allowed to use the older, more worn out cooking utensils. Before long, the King and Queen of Faerghus found themselves covered in flour and with a perfect amount of raw cake batter ready for the oven.

"There! Now we can make the frosting while the cake is baking," Mercedes said as she turned away from the oven and smiled at Dimitri, "You did great, dear! And you only broke one spoon this time!"

"Please, Mercie…" Dimitri grumbled, his gaze shifting to said spoon that was sitting on the counter in two pieces, "Must you tease me so?"

"Hehe, I'm sorry. I just can't help myself sometimes." Mercedes said, giggling when Dimitri moved to hug her from behind. "Now, where did that powdered sugar go?"

A few more minutes went by, and Mercedes clasped her hands together excitedly as she watched Dimitri carefully stir the frosting. His brow furrowed with concentration, and the deathly serious look in his eye almost made Mercedes burst out laughing, but she managed to contain herself and she covered it up by clearing her throat.

"Is this thick enough?" Dimitri said, lifting the spoon from the mixture as he looked at Mercedes for guidance. She looked at it for a moment before she took the spoon from him and held it up to his face.

"Here, taste it. Well, I know you can't actually taste it, but you should be able to tell how the texture is." Mercedes said, and she giggled when Dimitri's face flushed red.

"Er, alright…" he said. Mercedes moved the spoon closer, but Dimitri leaned down at the same time, and the spoon missed his mouth and ended up smearing the frosting on his nose and cheek.

"Oops!" Mercedes said, quickly pulling the spoon away to avoid making a bigger mess of her husband's face. Dimitri blinked slowly a few times before he laughed and shook his head.

"Mercedes, you're supposed to decorate the cake, not my face," he teased, and it was Mercedes' turn to blush. He stuck his tongue out to clear a bit of frosting from his cheek. "Hmm, it seems to have the right consistency."

"Let me taste it too, then," Mercedes said. Dimitri reached for the spoon, but was stopped when Mercedes placed a hand on his arm. She then leaned up and kissed the frosting off of his nose, and when she leaned away, she was delighted to find that his face had turned an even darker shade of red.

"Mmmm," Mercedes hummed as she licked her lips, "It is good!" She watched with amusement as Dimitri finally recovered from his flustered state and wiped the rest of the frosting from his face.

"I am glad it turned out well," he said. He fell silent and stared at Mercedes for a moment, causing her to tilt her head in confusion, before he chuckled.

"Ah, my dear, it seems that you now have frosting on iyour/i face." he continued, and Mercedes was even more confused; she didn't think that any frosting had gotten on her face…

"Allow me, my beloved." Dimitri said, his voice dropping low as he slipped his fingers under her chin, tilting her head up ever-so-slightly. Mercedes watched with wide eyes as Dimitri leaned closer and closer, until his lips pressed against hers in a tender kiss. Mercedes smiled as she kissed him back, and she felt her heartbeat quicken. Even though they had been together for quite some time now, every kiss she shared with Dimitri never failed to make her heart race.

Eventually, Dimitri pulled away slightly, his fingers still holding her chin as he moved her head gently from side to side. His eye scanned her face with such an intensity that Mercedes' breath caught in her throat.

"Hmm, I may have missed a bit," Dimitri mumbled, his eye slowly moving up to lock with hers, "What do you think, darling?" Mercedes smiled sweetly and slipped her arms over his shoulders, pulling him back towards her so that their noses brushed.

"Oh dear, that certainly won't do! You must help me clean the rest of it off." she said, letting a giggle slip out when Dimitri smiled at her.

"It would be my pleasure," he said, and his lips found hers again. This kiss was deeper, more eager, and Mercedes practically melted into Dimitri's embrace as she lost herself in it. This time, he kissed her breathless, and she unfortunately had to pull away to catch her breath, lest she let herself pass out from lack of oxygen.

"Hmm," Dimitri said as he smiled, "very sweet…" Mercedes tilted her head slightly, confused.

"But dear, you can't taste-"

"My beloved," Dimitri interrupted, taking one of her hands in his, "I don't need to have a sense of taste to know that your kiss is the sweetest thing in all of Faerghus-no, in the entire world." Dimitri lifted her hand to his face to place a kiss on her knuckles, and Mercedes couldn't hold back as she burst out into a fit of laughter.

"Oh my," she said when she composed herself, "have you been stealing some of Sylvain's romantic lines?" Dimitri cringed and rubbed at the back of his neck.

"Oh gods...that did sound like something Sylvain would say, didn't it? How embarrassing..." he mumbled, averting his gaze. Mercedes laughed again and shook her head.

"It's okay. It sounded really cute coming from you." she teased, and Dimitri let out a defeated sigh.

"Darling…" Dimitri mumbled, and Mercedes only felt slightly bad for her relentless teasing. She wrapped her arms around him and rest her head on his chest.

"I love you, Dimitri," she said, "Thank you for making my birthday so wonderful."

"Well, I do wish I could have made something that you could have actually eaten," Dimitri said, chuckling as he wrapped his arms around her, "But I'm glad you had a good day. I love you too, Mercedes, more than anything." Mercedes smiled as she looked back up at him, and she silently thanked the Goddess yet again for bringing this wonderful, kind, strong, and caring man into her life. She leaned up to kiss him again, but stopped as she scrunched up her nose.

"Um, Dimitri? Do you smell something...burning?"

"Hmm," Dimitri took a deep breath through his nose and grimaced, "Now that you mention it, I do slightly smell something unpleasant…" Mercedes then gasped and pushed Dimitri out of the way. She rushed to the oven, opened it, and, after the smoke had dissipated a bit, she found that their cake had caught on fire.

"Oh no! The cake!" Mercedes exclaimed, and Dimitri pulled her away from the flames.

"Don't worry, I can fix this, let me just-"

Crash!

"Oh Goddess, not again!"

'Oh dear…' Mercedes winced as she moved to help Dimitri try to salvage the mess that they made. This really had been an exciting and memorable birthday for her, and she would cherish it, mostly because it would probably be the last time that she or her husband would ever be allowed to set foot in the kitchens...