Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.

You tell me that I'm complicated

And that might be an understatement

Anything else?

You tell me that I'm indecisive

Fickle, but I try to hide it

Anything else?

You tell me that I overthink

'Til I ruin a good thing

Anything else?

You tell me that you'd rather fight

Than spend a single peaceful night with somebody else

…

Always thought I was hard to love

'Til you made it seem so easy.

~ Camila Cabello, Easy

BPOV

My life always felt like it was in limbo. I never felt settled as a child, moving constantly from Florida to Washington and back again. Then I got to college and I was always, always stressed about something. I never had time to relax, though I mostly liked it that way. Sitting in a dorm stewing about how my parents constantly ignored and belittled me wasn't how I wanted to spend my life.

So, I worked. I got nearly perfect grades and I worked at the library with Rosalie until she graduated. I found a career path where I solved other people's problems and none of my own and landed the prestigious internship with Newton & Cheney where I spent more time there than some of their paid employees.

Even after graduating and getting the job I had worked so hard for, I never felt settled. Complete. Happy. Content. None of those things ever happened. I knew they were supposed to. Rosalie felt them. The handful of Facebook friends I had made in college all constantly talked about it.

It was like I had been waiting for the other shoe to drop my whole life, and that shoe happened to be named Edward Cullen. He had somehow simultaneously torn apart the fragile life I had built for myself and made me feel settled at the same time.

Up until last night, I thought that settled feeling was all on me. That I had turned our affair into much more in my own mind, maybe because I was so desperate for it. Companionship, affection, I had never really had those things. I thought maybe my mind was so turned around that every smile and touch from Edward meant much more to me than it did to him.

The last twenty-four hours had been a mess of confusion and depression and resignation and hesitation all on the brink of hope and happiness and relief. I lost that job I had worked so hard for, but I wasn't all that sad about it. Because William Newton was never going to respect me enough to help me further in my career. I wasn't his son, and had the wrong chromosomes to be considered equal to him.

I was probably being referred to as a homewrecking whore in the media, but I was relieved I didn't have to carry around that secret any longer. I hadn't really had time to get uncomfortable at the fact the country was currently dissecting my sex life.

That shoe that dropped and changed everything told me he loved me. Over and over. And I still couldn't believe him. Because for as settled and comforted as he made my life feel, I had kind of imploded his.

I doubted he would be getting divorced if I hadn't pushed it on him. I heard him and Lucy fighting last night and knew I would never forgive myself if I caused any lasting damage to their relationship. With the release of that picture I knew his show and reputation would be rocky for a while.

I love you.

I'm all in, love.

I'm going to do things right this time.

Edward had said so many wonderful things last night and because my parents raised me to believe I was an inconvenience to everyone, I couldn't believe him. Even when I desperately wanted to.

He called me love four times this morning before dropping me off at my – former – office to pick up my car. He held my hand and kissed my cheek and told me he would pick me up at six for our date. He even followed me home, miles out of his way, to make sure there were no more photographers outside of my house. And the minute he was gone the feelings of peace and content vanished and were replaced by self-doubt and anxiety.

Rosalie was sitting on the couch, coffee cup in hand, waiting to pounce as soon as I walked in the door.

"You're home early," I mumbled, heading to the kitchen to make my own cup of coffee. I wasn't tired thanks to sleeping half of the day yesterday, but the conversation I was about to have with Rose seemed like it required coffee.

"Of course I am. Spill."

I sat on the couch beside her, back against the arm rest. I wrapped my hands firmly around my cup, enjoying the heat from the coffee. "He took me to his place and just… explained everything from his side."

"Oh, Bella, you have to give me more than that. We really need to work on your girl talk," Rosalie sighed. "I've failed you as a best friend if that's all you're giving me."

I took a sip of my coffee, remembering that I didn't really have to hide anything anymore. I was more than a little perplexed about half of the situation, too, so everything quickly started spilling out of my mouth. All of Edward's explanations, all of my hesitations about them. Every time I mentioned being confused about his feelings Rosalie shook her head sadly.

"It's just… confusing. Because there are a lot of things that should make him not want me."

"Like what?" Rose asked softly.

"Like the fact that I'm so much younger than him."

"Oh, that is in the pro column. Trust me."

I frowned at her, but kept going. "His kids hate me, especially Lucy. And I don't blame them… I know how they feel. I went behind his back and worked with his mother and sister to talk him into a divorce. I'm awkward and bad in most social situations. I have a hundred family issues. I – "

"Everyone has issues, Bella. You have your list why you think Edward shouldn't want you, and I can guarantee he has one, too," Rosalie told me. She sat up, putting her now-empty coffee cup down and started ticking things off on her fingers.

"He probably thinks he's too old for you. May – December romances work out way better for the old guy banging the young girl."

My cheeks heated up, but I kept quiet as she continued.

"His kids are older, but dating a guy with kids is a big commitment. Especially if it's as serious as he seems to be. He's a big name in Hollywood and that's going to cause drama left and right. He left you high and dry for two months, thinking he didn't care. I understand some of his explanations, but that was still a dick move. He got you fired from your dream job – "

"I get it," I interrupted, eyes widening when I remembered him talking about Renata last night. "I think he also somehow convinced Renata Serrano to give me a job."

Surprise covered Rosalie's face. "Well, I'll give pretty boy that point."

I raised a brow at her. "Pretty boy?"

Rose shrugged. "I might have a few issues with the man. He's going to have to prove himself before I warm up to him."

I smiled softly over at Rose, glad to have her on my side. "He kept saying he was going to prove himself. Do things right. He asked me out on a date," I whispered, losing the fight to keep a smile off of my face.

I didn't really know how the whole dating thing worked and I was sure to make a fool of myself at least once tonight. But, everything we had gone through to get to the point where Edward could even ask me out on a date had to be worth something, right? The butterflies had to be for something other than my own personal torment.

"Well, aren't you smitten," Rosalie smirked over at me.

"I know it's stupid," I admitted. "I have a lot of more important things to be worrying about than a date."

Rosalie shook her head. "That's not what I meant, Bella. It's nice to see you happy."

There were a lot of reasons I shouldn't be happy. But I could worry about those tomorrow.

"Now, about this date…"

…E…

The knock at the door promptly at six made me fumble with the small clutch I was stuffing with my phone. It was probably pointless to even take it with me, considering I had chickened out and turned it off again. Still, I crammed it in the impractically small bag and walked out of my room.

"You clean up nice, Swan," Rosalie told me, eying me from the couch.

"Only took two hours," I grumbled, sliding my feet quickly in the intimidating black heels Rosalie picked out for me. My dress was on the simple side. Emerald green with a fitted bodice and sweetheart neckline. The soft fabric flowed down to my knees with a generous slit up my left leg. The heels gave me a good four inches in height and Rosalie had spent about forty-five minutes making sure every curl on my head was in place.

I might have been harboring a crush on Edward since the moment I met him, but getting ready for a date with him made me realize I never once thought about it. Dating him. Because it seemed like such an unlikely scenario. Even my fantasies were guarded when it came to him. Which made opening my front door to Edward Cullen holding a bouquet of muted blush and deep burgundy flowers was a bit of an eye opening moment.

"Hi," I muttered, standing dumbfounded in the doorway. My eyes skimmed over the flowers and to the man himself in his perfectly fitted charcoal grey suit and crisp white button down with the collar casually popped open.

I really should have spent more time fantasizing about dating him. Maybe it would have kept my mind from blanking on me when he leaned in and pressed a kiss to my cheek, flowers stretched out toward me.

"Hi," he said, his voice smooth and confident where mine had been high pitched and self-conscious. "These are for you."

"They're beautiful," I mumbled, taking the bouquet and immediately pressing my nose in the soft petals. No one had ever given me flowers before. "Thank you."

"I can put them in water for you," Rosalie said, coming up from behind me. She took the flowers from me, but stopped to frown at Edward. "Remember what we talked about, Cullen."

"I remember," Edward said solemnly, nodding as she walked away. "Are you ready to go?"

I grabbed my small clutch from the table beside the door and nodded. "Yes."

I was just a few seconds too late to close the door to muffle Rosalie's shout of "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

"Sorry about her," I mumbled, squirming slightly when he wrapped an arm securely around my waist. He had led me into rooms with a hand on my back, motioned for me to go ahead of him with the same touch. But that was a very different touch than this one. His hand was low on my hip and wrapped so tightly around me that our legs had to fall into step with each other so we didn't fumble over ourselves.

It was a very simple touch to send me into such a tailspin.

The car parked in our driveway probably cost ten times what the house did. It was new, or at least I had never seen him drive it. It had the look of a car where, when explained, I wouldn't understand a single word about it.

"Hey," Edward whispered, turning me towards him with the arm still around my waist. "You look beautiful."

I felt my cheeks heat up. "Thank you."

I got that rare, glorious half-smirk from him before he opened the passenger door and helped me in. My stomach twisted in knots as Edward slid in gracefully beside me, the picture of ease.

"You don't have to look so petrified. I don't bite," Edward said, starting the car with a push of a button.

"Yes, you do," I blurted out without thinking. It was true, though. I had spent more than a couple mornings covering up bite marks on my neck or chest.

Edward let out a loud chortle, grabbing my hand and pressing a kiss to my wrist like it was the most natural thing in the world. "Oh, I've missed you," he breathed against my skin, nipping at my wrist.

He kept ahold of my hand as he drove. It was another thing we didn't do often, holding hands. His hands were large and smooth and I had become very well acquainted with them in the past, but not like this. Somehow his fingers intertwined with mine felt nearly as intimate as anything else we had done.

My mind was quickly going down a path of no return, and I needed a distraction. "Where are we going?"

"Dinner, to start," Edward answered, going on about the best fish he's ever had while I realized just how stupid ignoring my problems had been today.

I never once thought about yesterday being Friday and Edward not filming his show. Never thought about how horrible it would look, us happily going out to dinner together in the middle of his divorce, the day after our affair got exposed.

"Did they take your show off the air?" I gasped, looking over at him.

He shrugged, still not showing any ounce of discomfort or stress. "Ran a rerun yesterday. I'll be back Monday."

"This is a bad idea," I sighed. "Being out. Together. Now. You – "

"I want to take my girlfriend out to a nice dinner, so that's what I'm going to do," Edward said firmly, eyes glancing quickly over at me before going back to the road.

"People are going to – "

"I don't care, Bella. I've never cared about that, and you know it. If it makes you feel better, there's a private back entrance to the restaurant and we'll be in a private dining room."

It did make things a little better, but it was still something that could blow up in his face. "Did you tell Renata?"

"No," Edward admitted, a quick flash of guilt on his face. "I've been spending too much time with this cute little publicist and I knew what she would say. And I don't care."

I looked over at him, not really sure whether I should smile or frown. "I just… don't want to make things more difficult for you than I already have," I admitted quietly.

"You haven't made things difficult, Bella," he whispered, turning to look at me after parking the car. "We can leave if it would make you feel better, though."

"I don't want to leave," I said quickly, surprising myself.

"Good." With a smile, Edward got out of the car before I could change my mind. He opened my door and, with a hand around my waist again, led me inside. We didn't even pass any other diners, and only the restaurant manager saw us and led us to the private room in the back.

"Fancy," I mumbled to myself, sitting across from Edward at the small table for two.

A waiter came in, and Edward started a conversation about wine. The most I knew about wine was the choice between red or white, so when he looked at me for my opinion I could only offer him a shrug.

Once he decided on a bottle the waiter looked over at me. "Could I see your ID, Miss?"

I frowned to myself, quickly pulling out my driver's license and ignoring the chuckle from the other side of the table. Once the waiter was gone and appeased with my age, Edward spoke up.

"I don't remember the last time I was ID'd," he mused.

"That's because people know you. Not because you look old," I told him, sliding my card back in my clutch.

Again, I got a chuckle from across the table. The waiter returned, silently pouring two glasses of wine before leaving again. I took a moment to look around at the dark wooden walls and dim candlelight.

"I've never been on a date before," I admitted, looking over at him with a smile.

"Yes, you have. I've heard about two," he countered.

"Those don't really count," I frowned. "I mostly only went so nobody realized I was harboring an unhealthy crush on my client."

He smiled at me at first, then his expression became much more serious.

"What?" I asked, wondering how I had already managed to screw things up.

"I love you," he breathed out. "You don't have to say anything. I wasn't going to say it because I know it makes you uncomfortable, but… I really, really do. Love you."

I bit my lip, squirming in my seat. "Not uncomfortable. Just… a little confused," I murmured.

"That's okay," he told me with a small smile. "I'll prove it."

Even if I had fantasized about dating Edward, I never would have gotten it right. Partly because a date was a pretty foreign concept to me and partly because Edward seemed exceptionally good at the whole thing. He came up with the plan to order two different things and split it, just so I could experience the restaurant to the fullest. He ordered wine that paired well with both dishes, though I could have been drinking a twelve dollar bottle of wine and been just as happy.

Our conversation was light but meaningful. Edward being Edward had no problem floating over any lull in the conversation, though there weren't many. We both seemed to steer away from subjects like my family or his or work. All of the uncertainty was put behind us for the night and it was spectacular.

Because underneath all of the baggage Edward was just Edward. A guy with one too many sarcastic jokes always on the tip of his tongue. Who was probably the most approachable, sociable person I had ever met. He liked people; making them laugh and learning about their individual talents or successes. It was why he was so good at his job. It made him the complete opposite of me, but he didn't seem to mind.

For every bit of new information I got about him, he got one about me, too. He asked a lot about my friendship with Rosalie and I made a mental note to ask her about their conversation on the phone last night. Now, somehow our conversation had managed to become about hiking. Edward managed to make the jump there after asking about Emmett's gym.

"You've lived in Los Angeles for four years and have never gone on a hike?"

"Is it like a Los Angeles right of passage or something?"

"Kind of," Edward said with a smirk. "I know it's not because you're against the exercise."

"No. I'm just not a big outdoors person. Especially exercising outside. It's double the sweat. Plus, unlike everyone else in this city, I burn instead of tan."

"Nothing wrong with a little sweat," Edward offered, his voice more gruff than it was a moment ago. His demeanor changed, eyes dark and shoulders tense as he looked at what felt like every inch of my body above the table.

My cheeks flushed, even deeper when he smirked at the sight of the blush. The moment was broken by the waiter coming in, making sure there was nothing else we needed.

"Are you ready to go?" Edward asked, clearing his throat.

I hesitated, but nodded. Edward was beside me quickly after I stood, grabbing my hand and giving it a squeeze.

"Nights not over yet, baby," he whispered into my hair, pressing a kiss to my temple.

After a short drive where I did my best to only subtly stare at the man, we ended up outside a closed creamery. I hesitated taking his hand when he opened my door for me. "It's closed."

All I got was a smirk and a squeeze to my hand as he led me to the door. I frowned at him as he knocked, but a moment later the door swung open.

The man inside was older, probably in his fifties. He had dark brown hair that was greying on the edges but an infectious smile on his face. He was wearing a company t-shirt and apron. Giovani's Creamery.

"Gio," Edward greeted, shaking his hand as we were ushered inside.

"Edward," he nodded with a smile before turning to me. "You must be Isabella. Lovely to meet you, dear."

I nodded and shook his hand, feeling another squeeze from the one still wrapped around Edward's.

"Anything you two want, on the house," Gio boasted with a smile, motioning toward the large freezer of ice creams on display. He busied himself behind the counter as Edward walked me over to choose.

"You bought out an ice cream shop?" I asked quietly.

"No. He wouldn't accept any money. I've known Gio since I was a teenager, though. I told him about the situation and he agreed to close for the night," Edward answered with a smile. "He's got the best ice cream in town."

An involuntary shiver went up my spine thanks to the lowered temperature of the store. I didn't even have time to think about being cold before Edward's jacket was resting on my shoulders.

I stared at him for a minute, enjoying the boyish smirk on his face. The date had been pretty simple, maybe even a cliché for people with more dating experience than me. But, I was pretty sure it would go down as one of the best nights of my life. It made me realize there were so many more things I wanted with Edward. I wanted to hold his hand wherever I went and I wanted to bicker over the quality of wine at dinner every night. I wanted to split meals and listen to him talk about car statistics that went right over my head. I wanted it all.

All of those things were much more realistic these days, and it was a little overwhelming to realize it because there were still a hundred and one things that could go wrong. So, instead of thinking too much about that I focused on the dozens of ice cream flavors in front of me.

I frowned at the case, reading every label two times over. When I turned to ask Edward another question he was staring at me with a smirk. "What?"

"I've never seen someone so focused on an ice cream flavor before," he said with a soft smile.

"If it's the best ice cream in town, it's a big decision."

Edward turned toward Gio. "Give us a scoop of everything."

My eyes widened, watching him immediately start to grab bowl after bowl and fill it with every flavor. "There are like thirty flavors!"

Edward shrugged. Gio corrected me and told me there were thirty-two. After a seemingly endless amount of scooping we ended up sitting in a booth, the store dimly lit, with thirty-two bowls of ice cream in front of us.

"This is insane," I sighed, scanning over every bowl. They all looked delicious, but I knew a majority of it would end up going to waste.

"This way you get to try everything," Edward said, picking up a bowl at random and handing it to me.

"Oh, my God," I moaned after taking a bite. It was creamy and fruity and just the right amount of sweet. I looked over at Edward, expecting his version of an I told you so, but instead I caught sight of him shifting in his seat.

"You're going to be the death of me, Isabella," he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

I bit my lip, thoughts from earlier floating back to my head. It would be so easy for me to mess this whole thing up; say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing because I didn't have any frame of reference. And if there were ever anything in my life I didn't screw up… I wanted it to be this.

"You called me your girlfriend," I blurted out, setting the delicious bowl of ice cream back on the table.

"Hmm. I did," Edward agreed, picking up another bowl and putting it in my fidgeting hands.

"I've never been a girlfriend before. I know there are rules, right? Like you have to wait three days after a date to call or – "

"There are no rules, Bella. You could call me from the other side of the room if you wanted. Honestly? It's been a hell of a long time since I've dated anyone, too. And I'd like to think this is different than your average high school kind of dating."

I frowned down at my ice cream, this one full of some kind of cereal from my childhood that I couldn't put a name on for the life of me. I had never thought of it like that before, that Edward hadn't technically dated anyone since he was eighteen. Not officially, anyway. I had never dug too deep into how serious any of the six were.

It was a little comforting, though, realizing he might be just as nervous about the whole thing as I was.

Edward leaned closer, ice cream forgotten, and cupped my cheek with cold fingers. "Just you and me, love. That's all that matters, here."

He was too close and his words too perfect for me to focus on anything else. I wasn't sure if I leaned forward or he leaned down, or maybe it was a combination of both that led to the soft brush of his lips against mine.

"That should have been our first kiss," Edward whispered, pulling back only an inch or two.

I shrugged, smiling up at him. "I kind of liked our first kiss," I admitted. Sure, what followed was an illicit affair and months of confusion and heartbreak, but the kiss itself was kind of great.

Edward smiled down at me, pressing another quick, soft kiss to my lips before sitting up and handing me another bowl of ice cream.

By the end of the night, I was officially an advocate for the whole dating thing. So much so that I was more than a little disappointed when Edward pulled into my driveway. As I had come to expect, he got out quickly and opened my door for me. His hand went around my waist as we walked and I leaned into him this time as opposed to fidgeting like earlier in the night.

We stopped at the door and I quickly shrugged off his jacket. "Thank you for your coat."

"Anytime," he responded with a smile, draping it over his arm.

"And dinner. And the hat," I added. He got it from Gio's right before we left, claiming I would need it on the hike I never agreed to go on. I was fairly certain I had never worn a baseball cap in my life, but he seemed very pleased with himself when he handed it to me so I kept my mouth shut.

Hands encircled my waist and my back pressed softly against the door.

"God, you're cute," he sighed, peaceful smile on his face before he pressed his lips to mine. It was a similar kiss to the one we shared at Gio's at first. Lips brushing, breath intermingled, soft and slow. Then, he ran his tongue along my bottom lip and it turned into the kind of kiss that made my toes curl and stomach tense.

My fingers knotted in the hair at the base of his neck, clutch and hat scattered on the floor. Edward's hands rested dangerously low on my waist. My mind was a haze of memories of exactly where kisses like that went.

"Do you want to come inside?" I breathed out without thinking when Edward's lips moved down my neck.

I wasn't expecting a painful groan in response. "Not tonight, love," he sighed, pressing a soft kiss to my collarbone.

My cheeks heated up and before I could start to spiral in a sea of rejection he lifted my chin, eyes on me.

"I want to do this right, Bella. The next time I make you mine I want you to know I love you. I want that scared look on your face when I say those words to disappear. I haven't earned a lot of things in my life, but I know I need to earn your trust and the right to call you mine."

I took a deep breath, sinking my teeth into my bottom lip. It was a lot to take in, especially when my mind was programmed to not believe him. And when I knew I loved him but, after last time, I was too petrified to say the words.

"Can I get one more kiss, then?" I whispered.

I felt Edward smiling into the kiss and held on to him as long as I could until he pulled away.

"I'll call you tomorrow," he said with a wink, picking up my fallen clutch and hat.

"Okay," I sighed.

"Goodnight, Bella," he whispered, pressing a kiss to my cheek as I unlocked the door.

"Goodnight, Edward," I mumbled, closing the door before I ran back out.

My back fell against the door with a thud and I tossed my bag and hat on the table beside me. My lips burned where Edward's were a minute earlier and my head was a haze of perfect moments from the night.

I vaguely registered Rosalie coming out of her room.

"Oh, details. Now."

A/N: Here we go… I've had this chapter in my head basically since I started Butterflies and I'm so happy to finally have it written.

Some answers to questions no one has asked yet but probably have by now:

Updates will come as quick as I can. Hopefully every other Friday.

This will be mostly BPOV – maybe a random EPOV thrown in here and there.

Not sure how long to expect the story to be, but chapters will be between 3-5k words each.

I hope you all enjoyed this first chapter. Your reviews and these stories are what is keeping me – somewhat – sane these days. Stay safe and I'll see you next time!