Author's Notes:

Rated T for mildly suggestive themes and any cusses I didn't manage to edit out.
Special thanks to my Best Online Mom Friend and beta reader.
Part 2 is done, I will post it in a few days.

Additional blathering:

1. I wrote this in response to the following Ask I got on Tumblr:br /
you know what i'd really love you to write renruki married with kid(s?) and uncle byakuya i think you'd nail it
I would absolutely not say that I "nailed it," but I did finish it, and that counts for something, right?
2. As usual, most of the work that went into this fanfic involved doing research on what people eat in Japan, and I learned that Japanese pancakes are made with whipped egg whites, so they are very, very fluffy, and quite a bit harder to make than the western kind. Just like every food I incorporate into my fic, I am now dying to try them.
3. One of my headcanons is that when Byakuya let Renji marry Rukia, he named them a branch family, which comes up a few times in this fic. Rukia is Acting Captain Kuchiki at work and Lady Abarai when she's being noble, and isn't all that picky about what people call her the rest of the time, because taking a dude's name after you get married is a personal choice and is not indicative of anything, thank you for coming to my TED talk.
4. According to WDKALY, Rikichi made 3rd Seat of Squad 6, so we're going with that. How did he get there? It is a MYSTERY! (I will write a fanfic about it someday because someone has to)

There is No Bankai in Football

Kuchiki Rukia crept forward with the stealth she had first learned on the streets of Inuzuri and had honed over her many years as a shinigami. Her muscles ached after hours of tracking a Hollow through a swampy part of the Rukon, where the footing was treacherous and the humidity soul-sapping. But just because her day shift had ended didn't mean she was off easy.

Cautiously, she eased the shoji open, and the voices on the other side became clearer.

"That's too much pickle."

"Mama likes pickle!"

"Mama does like pickle, but if you put too much in, when you squeeze it tight, the pickle will fall out the side, see? You want to get some tuna in there, too."

Rukia could tell from a slight change in the lilt of her husband's deeply patient voice that he was well aware of her presence. It wasn't exactly surprising; Renji could sense individual people's reiatsu better than just about anyone she knew, and he was especially tuned in to hers. To be honest, he had probably known the moment she stepped off her division grounds.

But he wasn't her target. No, that would be the small person standing on a stepstool, wearing a tutu, a winter hat with long floppy rabbit ears, and an apron with a cute little smiley pineapple embroidered on it.

"It's not fair , Daddy, your hands are much bigger than mine!"

"That's why I told you to make yours smaller. You were the one who chose not to listen to me."

Rukia made her move just as her daughter stretched her arm out to grab a handful of tuna. She hurtled into the kitchen like a linebacker and threw Ichika up onto her shoulders, earning a pile of fish in her hair in the process. "I'm HOME!" she bellowed.

Renji grinned. He was wearing an apron with a larger, smiley pineapple on it.

"Mama! Mama! Mama!" Ichika hollered. "I made you a rice ball, Mama! Daddy tried to make me put less pickle in it, but I put more in, for you!"

"What does Daddy know about cooking anyway?" Rukia replied, shooting Renji a sly glance.

"Everything," Renji replied dryly, well aware that no one was paying any attention to him. "I know everything about cooking. You would be a skeleton in the wastes without me."

"Is it ready? I'm starving!" Rukia crowed.

"I need to squish it!" Ichika announced, squeezing hard on the glob of rice in her hand. Some pickle juice joined the tuna in Rukia's hair. "Here you go! Here you go, Mama!"

Ichika waved the rice ball wildly and Rukia tried to reach up and take it, although the fact that she couldn't see it presented some difficulty. Renji very patiently took the onigiri from his daughter and passed it down to his wife. It did not resemble a rice ball so much as a falling-apart pile of rice and pickle. All the tuna had been lost, although it did appear to contain a substantial amount of glitter. Rukia stuffed it in her face anyway. "It'sh SO GOOD!" she exclaimed. It actually wasn't bad, aside from the slightly disturbing crunch. Renji's pickles could save just about anything.

Rukia watched Renji finish wrapping his own onigiri with a strip of seaweed and set it in a neat row of a dozen identical ones. "That was delicious," she exclaimed to Ichika, "but do you think I could have one of the ones Daddy made, too? He might get sad if I didn't say nice things about his cooking."

"Yeah, that's okay," Ichika agreed.

"Why don't we all go to the table and eat?" Renji suggested, gently picking rice out of Rukia's hair. "Ichika, do you remember where we put the shrimp crackers we made?"

"Yes, I'll get them!"

Rukia just barely managed to get the four-year-old off her shoulders before Ichika was pelting across the kitchen.

"How was your day?" Renji asked, as Rukia borrowed Ichika's stepstool for kiss-stealing purposes.

"I'm gonna destroy those onigiri, I can tell you that," she replied.

"Hope that's not the only thing you're in the mood for destroying," Renji suggested, waggling his eyebrows in what he seemed to think was a seductive manner.

"Always," Rukia purred back.

The sad fact of the matter was that by the time bedtime actually rolled around, they were usually too tired to make good on their overblown, gross flirting, but it was the thought that counted. Rukia felt exceedingly grateful that Renji was still horny for her, despite the bags under her eyes and the ink stains on her hands and the fish in her hair. She was certainly still incredibly horny for him, even though these days, his shrimp crackers were just as likely to get her engine revving as his perfect hair or perfect-er abs.

Ichika ran back through, the tub of crackers held above her head.

Renji lingered a bit over a last kiss, and then, with a contented sigh, picked up the platter of onigiri and then offered her his elbow. "Shall we, Mama?"

"Of course, Daddy."

"... and then the Sea Bream returned the magical jewel to the Dragon King, and they all had a big picnic, the end!" Rukia closed the book quickly, hoping that Ichika wouldn't notice she had cut the story off halfway through and tacked on an ending that didn't match the illustration.

Ichika, for her part, was too busy rolling around her bed and putting her feet up on the wall.

Bedtime stories were one of those things that seemed so idyllic in practice and so… draining in real life.

"Under the covers now," she said firmly, pulling back the blankets to reveal Ichika's scooter. Rukia stared at it blankly for a moment. Why? Why? "This stays outside, remember?" she reminded her daughter, extracting it from the bedding.

"Oooookay, Mama," Ichika replied around a yawn. Oh, thank goodness, she was actually tired tonight. Bedtime had been a huge battle all of last month. The wailing and thrashing had miraculously dissipated in the last few days, for no reason Rukia could discern. Renji thought she was about to have another growth spurt, which always made her eat like a Hollow and sleep like a log. Rukia wasn't sure which was worse- bedtimes full of tears and screaming, or having a child who would be taller than her before she even started school. No, she definitely knew which was worse.

"Did you have a good day today?" Rukia asked, tucking Ichika in and rubbing her back.

"Uh-huh," Ichika agreed. "Oh. Oh! Mama, I painted you a picture! I forgot to show you! I want to go get it!"

"You can show me in the morning," Rukia suggested.

"No! Nooooo! I want to get it now!"

"But you're all cozy in bed! Why don't you just tell me about it?"

Ichika frowned, but relented. "It's you, Mama, and Uncle Byakuya and you are at the park and there are four puppies. The puppies are named Rose, Tulip, Daisy and Red Bean!"

"Ahh, that sounds so nice. Is it a sunny day?"

"Yes, I drew the sun, but I did not put on a face. Uncle B says the sun does not really have a face and I should not put faces on it. Is tomorrow Wednesday? I want to take my picture to Uncle B's house."

"Yes, tomorrow is Wednesday," Rukia tried to keep her voice calming and relaxed. "So you will go over to Uncle Byakuya's house in the afternoon, and I come over after work and we will all have dinner and it will be so nice." Ichika did well on a firm schedule and it helped to remind her of things that were coming up.

"I wish Daddy came to Wednesdays, too," Ichika managed, snuggling into her pillow. "Oh, oh! Where is Princess Seaweed?"

Crap. Craaaaaaaaaap. "Where were you last playing with her?" Rukia asked, trying to keep the desperation out of her voice.

"Tea party," Ichika mumbled. She was exhausted, but she would never go to sleep without that lumpy pile of fluff Byakuya had gifted her as an infant.

Rukia's eyes skimmed the clutter of the room, and sure enough, there was a tea party set up in the corner, featuring two bunnies, a lamp, and- whew! "There she is! Right where you left her!" She retrieved the toy and tucked it into her daughter's arms. Ichika's eyes were nearly closed. "Good night, kiddo."

"'Night, Mama."

Rukia breathed out a huge sigh as she slid the shoji closed behind her. That had been an incredibly easy bedtime for a change. She wandered back out to the kitchen, where Renji was drying and putting away the last of the dishes. "How are you not collapsed on the couch?" she groaned. "I am exhausted and I only spent an hour with her."

Renji chuckled. "Honestly, chores are almost pleasant when I get a little peace and quiet to do 'em. And it's nice to end the day with a clean kitchen." He frowned. "What have I become?"

Rukia pfffted. "You were always like this. Are you almost done, though? I got a chore for you, and it's rubbing my back."

"That's no chore," Renji grinned, hanging up his dish towel.

They settled on the couch, Rukia sitting on Renji's knees as he kneaded his big fingers into the tense muscles of her back. "Tell me how bad you fucked up that Hollow," Renji begged. "Don't leave out any of the good stuff."

Rukia frowned, a bad feeling settling in her stomach. "Are you sure? It doesn't just make you sad to hear about other people's missions?"

Renji was currently restricted from all but the most trivial of field missions. They had decided that they weren't going to put both of themselves in constant danger while Ichika was still small. Rukia had taken the first year or so, since she was still nursing and recovering from childbirth anyway. Between that and the pregnancy, she had been foaming at the mouth to get back to active duty. She didn't know how Renji must feel, at over three years now. At least he was at work close to full time, while Rukia's former lady's maid and general godsend, Mikan, came over to watch Ichika during the day.

"Noooo! I love hearing about it, and your dumb brother writes the most boring mission reports I've ever read. He does this on purpose. I know he's out there having a great time and then he turns in this garbage that's like, 'Class IV Hollow dispatched at 0400 hours,' that's it, no juicy detail whatsoever." He glowered. "It's like he didn't appreciate all the effort I used to spend tryin' to make my write-ups spicy."

At least this system was working out fairly well for Squad Six. Byakuya's recovery from his war wounds had been long and slow, and he was currently trying to rebuild his strength and reflexes by "covering for Renji."

"Maybe he's bored by it all," Rukia dismissed teasingly.

"He's not," Renji insisted. "He loves it. He's like a dingdang kid. Choei says he's started wisecracking. I mean, it's bad, you've heard him try, he's terrible."

"I'll tell him to be nicer to you," Rukia promised.

Renji snorted. "I'm just glad he's having fun. That stretch where we thought he might have to retire was scary. If he's bein' a jerk to me, it just means he's feeling like himself. When he's nice to me, I start to get worried. Speaking of which, I would like you to be nice to me, and tell me about all every rubbery limb you hacked off."

"Oh, this guy was chitinous," Rukia sang, wiggling her fingers like spider legs.

"Ughhh, my favorite," Renji groaned. His hands had wandered down to rub her thighs, which she was enjoying, not just because they were sore.

"I'm not going to tell you this story if it's just going to make you horny," she scolded him.

"That's a lie," he replied, nuzzling her neck. "And joke's on you, I'm always horny."

"Could we just skip straight to the sexy times, then?" Rukia implored. "And if we're still awake afterwards, I'll give you the rundown? I don't mind if you fall asleep in the middle of my story again, but I do mind missing my chance to get laid."

"I wish you would stop reminding me of my shameful behavior, but that was a story about Sentarou, not a story about you smashing Hollows. But, uh, deal." He shot to his feet, tossing Rukia over his shoulder. "To the sex place!"

If someone wanted to attack the Seireitei, the time to do it would be in the five minutes following a captains' meeting, when a good half of the captains loitered around the Squad 1 meeting hall, checking their texts. A Garganta could literally open up in the middle of the plaza, and not one of them would break eye contact with their spirit phones.

Rukia leaned against the wall next to Captain Hirako, who was singing that gravelly little "Emails! Emails, emails!" song he always sang when he checked his phone.

Twelve new texts. Some of them were from Sentarou, one from Hanatarou, forget those. Rukia hit her Renji-texts.

"Hey, if the Captains' Meeting is over and this is the last text you got, tell ::Wakame Ambassador emoji:: I had to duck out, left Rikichi in charge, be back ASAP."

Byakuya had a phone now, but he regarded texts as a personal affront and preferred to be informed of things once they had concluded happily. Rukia secretly suspected it stressed him out a lot when Ichika-related emergencies happened and there was nothing he could do about it. Fortunately, there were more texts.

"Situation stable! There is more blood than tears!"

Rukia scowled. That was never as comforting as he seemed to think it was.

"Attempting Daddy kaido!"

"Daddy kaido partially successful! Blood is no longer coming out of your daughter! Gave Mikan a stiff drink."

Rukia narrowed her eyes. "Dammit, Renji," she muttered, "where are the goods?"

"Headed to Squad 4."

"Just remembered it's Weds and ::sunglasses:: ::bunny:: comes to the office anyway. Headed to office instead."

Rukia squinted at her phone. How was that going to help?

"Third Seat Yuki to the rescue! All better!"

A picture followed of Ichika beaming and pointing to a patch of shiny new skin that seemed to cover an awful lot of her elbow. Rikichi was grinning toothily next to her and giving her bunny ears.

Rukia gritted her teeth and shook her head.

"Is all well?" her brother's cool voice interrupted.

Rukia peered over the top of her phone. "Yup! Everything's great!"

He looked like he was torn between not believing her and not wanting to know what had actually happened. "I will see you tonight?"

"Mm-hmm! Have fun with Ichi-chan this afternoon!"

As he departed with his usual swish of silk, she scrolled down to the last text.

"You know I would never hold out on you, babe, it was just a little hectic for a few minutes there."

Rukia shuddered when she looked at the picture. Ugh, it was super gross, she was definitely going to forward it to Hanatarou. She also felt a stir of affection for her husband, who had only become an expert wound photographer out of his deep and abiding affection for her.

"Injury pic?" Hirako asked, leaning over a little. "Abarai or the kid?"

"The kid," Rukia replied, extending her phone so he could see.

"Yikes , that is gnarly. Look at her face! That is you and Abarai's kid for sure."

"I know," Rukia replied with a glow of pride.

That evening, Rukia found her brother sitting serenely on the engawa, looking out into his back garden. He looked completely at peace, in a way she only recalled seeing on rare occasions, such as when he had, once again, taken Best in Show at the Seireitei Orchid Expo.

"Good evening, Sister," he greeted placidly, turning to give her what could be generously interpreted as a smile.

"Good evening, Brother," she returned. "How is it going?"

"I have sent her on a mission," he replied.

Rukia could see her daughter darting about in the cherry grove.

"I thought we would enjoy the daylight while it lasts," Byakuya explained, "unless you are famished."

"No, it's a good idea," Rukia agreed. "She has a lot of energy these days. Running around as much as possible is for the best."

"Indeed," Byakuya agreed. "She was, however, very tired this afternoon."

"Hmm," said Rukia.

"It is very common to be tired after receiving a major healing."

"Brother, we all know what happened. If you want the gory details, you can just ask." She did not offer to show him the picture.

"I absolutely do not want to know the details, thank you."

"It looks like she's gotten a second wind in any case," Rukia observed fondly.

"Yes, that is one quality she has certainly inherited from my adjutant. I have not yet decided if I approve."

"It'll be worthwhile in the long run," Rukia assured him. "That's what I tell myself, anyway."

Ichika barreled up, her hands full of pink petals. "Got 'em, Uncle B!"

"Let's see what we have. Can you count them out for me?"

Carefully, Ichika lined up her prizes on the engawa. "One… two… three… five…"

"Four."

"Four… five… six! Six white cherry blossoms!"

"This one is missing a petal."

"No it's not, the petal is right here." Ichika attempted to push the torn petal back onto the flower, as if that would fix things. She frowned and looked up at her uncle with very sad eyes. "Do I need to go get another one?"

"No, this will suffice," Byakuya reassured her. "Next, I need you to go find the wisteria trellis. Do you remember what they look like? I showed you in the book. Many flowers grow in a bunch. They are pale lavender in color. Bring me one bunch. One only. If you find one that has fallen, that would be preferable."

"O-KAY, Uncle B!" Ichika started to run off again, but her uncle froze her in place with a simple clearing of his throat.

"Ichika. You have neglected to greet your mother."

For the first time, Ichika seemed to register Rukia's presence. Strange, how Acting-Captain Kuchiki was a celebrity in her own home, and a person of almost no importance whatsoever next to the luminosity of one beloved uncle. "Hi, Mama! I'm finding flowers for Uncle B!"

Byakuya cleared his throat.

Ichika straightened up and bowed. "Hello, Mother. I am happy to see you, Mother!"

Rukia ruffled her hair. "I'm glad to see you, too. Go find Uncle B his flowers."

"Do not call me Uncle B," Byakuya reminded her rotely as Ichika scampered off again.

Rukia settled down on the deck next to him with a heavy sigh.

"Is all well, Rukia?"

"Oh, just waiting for my own second wind to kick in. Long day."

"Your division is well?"

"Oh, it's running fine. Busy. We're going to start taking new graduates again this year, so we've been making preparations for that."

"Have you had attrition, or are you finally beginning to ramp up your numbers?"

"Ramping up, actually. I'm not sure this is realistic, because it's not like anyone's at full strength right now, but the Head-Captain has suggested we try to get back up to size gradually over the next five years."

"That seems ambitious for a squad without a captain."

Rukia regarded her brother out of the corner of her eye. He regarded her back.

"There's a five-year plan for that, too."

"Ah. I am sure you will be much relieved to return to being a mere shiftless lieutenant once again."

"Oh, shut up," Rukia jammed him in the arm with her elbow. "You knew what I meant."

Byakuya looked out at the gardens and smiled vaguely, more to himself than to his sister. Whether he was proud of her, or just laughing at his own terrible sense of humor was unknowable. "Your husband is well?"

"You saw him all day!"

"Sometimes I like to pretend that you have some other husband whose antics I need not put up with day in and day out."

"He's good." Rukia hesitated. "Does he seem good to you?"

"He seems as usual. Adequately covering the paperwork. Yammering incessantly about 'leg days.' He does seem to have an excess of energy. He is exhausting the unseated officers, although to be fair, an unprecedented number of them have mastered new attacks in the last year. What is he doing with his social evening this week? Bashing heads with Madarame again?"

"No, he and Lieutenants Hinamori and Ise have all been reading the same book, and they're getting together to talk about it."

"Both of them are very intellectually rigorous, I am sure it was some treatise on-"

"I'm pretty sure it was a time-travel romance."

"Let me live, Rukia."

"That was pretty good, you're getting better at this."

"So what seems to be wrong with him? Aside from his literary taste?"

"He said it was very good and that you would probably like it."

"Please stop."

"And what do you mean, 'what's wrong with him?' I just said he was fine."

"It is unusual for you to brood over him like this."

"Brooding? I'm not brooding."

"You are my sister and I know your moods well. You are brooding. So, what is it? Is he not pulling his weight? Is he treating you poorly? He is an excellent lieutenant, which, as you know, is a rare and precious thing, but I will kill him without hesitation, if you wish it."

Rukia snorted. "Hardly. He's basically perfect. He gets up with Ichika and he does all the cooking and he works all day-"

"He leaves at three."

"-and spends more time with Ichika, and I come home and I'm exhausted and he's just so good to me, all the time."

Byakuya frowned. "What part of this is a problem?"

"I want to do something nice for him, and I don't know what," Rukia blurted out. "I'm bad at doing nice things."

"He is exceedingly fond of you, you know, and also of your child. I do not think he has any complaints."

Rukia glared at her brother out of the corner of her eye. "Didn't you ever do things for Hisana, just because you loved her and wanted to make her happy?"

"Of course I did!" Byakuya bristled. "I am very romantic, I will have you know." He paused, remembering to himself that Hisana had not necessarily… appreciated some of his more ambitious efforts.

"That's the thing!" Rukia protested. "Renji is very romantic also, you know, and I'm just not! He reads these books about samurai rescuing princesses and time-traveling soldiers trying to find each other across centuries, and I read manga where two people have to stay in a hotel where there is only one bed and then they end up smushing."

"I hate everything about this conversation."

"He brings me camellias and puts little notes in my bento and saves pictures of times we were drunk together. I buy him sunglasses for his birthday every year."

"Rukia," Byakuya replied gently. "You are working very hard at bringing a damaged division back up to strength, while trying to master your bankai and raise an energetic child. Your husband is- rightfully- very proud of you. You do not need to do more than you already do."

"You're romantic," Rukia repeated, as though it had just occurred to her. "What would you do for him?"

Byakuya's face screwed up in horror. "I would revamp his filing system for him, it's incomprehensible."

"Brother, come on. You're good at this stuff and I'm not."

Byakuya went silent for a long moment.

From far away, there was a splash, followed by a shout of "I'M OKAAAAAAAY!"

Finally, Byakuya spoke. "He is my subordinate. It would be inappropriate for me to acknowledge that he even has a personal life."

Rukia glared at him.

"But on an entirely unrelated topic, I have recalled something that I wished to ask of you. A sisterly favor, as it were."

"Oh?" Rukia asked warily.

"You are familiar with Wasanbon? The cafe uptown near the art museum?"

"The one that seats, like, three people at a time and takes fifty years to get a reservation?"

"That is the one. They have a new pastry chef and are holding some sort of brunch event that I have been invited to. I approve of the establishment, generally, but you know my feelings on out-of-schedule portmanteau meals."

"And also sweet things at breakfast."

"Exactly. You and Abarai haven't made any public appearances lately, and I know he is fond of sickly baked goods."

Rukia rubbed her chin thoughtfully. If there was one thing about living with Brother that she didn't miss, it was getting dressed up and rubbing elbows with snobs, but it had been ages since they had done it. Renji didn't make a big deal about it, but Rukia was pretty sure he actually liked doing stuff like that, and the man loved a brunch. It might be just the thing. "When is it?" she asked cautiously. "I'll have to find a sitter."

"It is this Saturday and Ichika may come over here."

Rukia frowned. "She has a football game on Saturday. Renji's the Assistant Coach. We have to bring orange slices."

"Why is he only the Assistant Coach?" Byakuya demanded. "The man has bankai. He co-heads a Kuchiki branch family!"

"There is no bankai in kiddie football, Brother," Rukia pointed out. "And one of the other parents wanted to be the coach. As long as Renji gets to set out cones and make lines, he doesn't care about titles. Maybe we can find a substitute," Rukia mused.

"I will Assistant Coach the football team."

"Brother, you don't know how to play football."

"I do. There is a ball and a net and the team with superior moral character wins."

Rukia sighed. "I will find a substitute coach. If I give you the orange slices, can you make sure they get to the game?"

"You may entrust your orange slices to me."

Rukia narrowed her eyes at him, weighing this carefully.

"I am a great uncle," Byakuya proclaimed.

"Unnnnnnncllllle B!" a squeaky voice rang across the lawn. Two pairs of Kuchiki eyes drifted out over the gardens where one small Abarai was dragging an entire limb of a wisteria bush across the lawn, which was digging gauges in the soft sod behind her. "I brought you one bunch!"

Rukia raised her eyebrows at her brother.

"It will be fine," he announced confidently.

"Well, hot dang," Renji exclaimed, when Rukia laid out the proposal. "I'm in."

"Really?" Rukia asked, idly pulling up a few weeds while she watched him try to thread a cucumber vine through the trellis he was trying to set up. "You don't mind missing football?"

Renji snorted. "I love my tiny attack dogs, but not as much as I love drinking overpriced mimosas with you."

"I'll find a sub coach for you," Rukia offered quickly, "I don't want you to go to any trouble."

"The only reason we have two coaches anyway is to have a backup," Renji explained, squinting at his work. "And for the number of times Suzuki has flaked out on me, he deserves to handle them by himself for once. The only issue, as far as I'm concerned, is how Little Red is gonna take it."

"I"ll handle that, too," Rukia assured him. "Hey! Hey, Ichika!"

"COMING, MAMA! Let's go, Hihiou Zabimaru!" With an ear-piercing and spookily accurate screech, Ichika galloped up on the eight-tin-cans-strung-on-a-broomstick she had been riding around the yard. "Do you have a foe that needs defeating, Mama?"

Rukia spared a frosty glare for her husband. "'Foe'?"

"I didn't teach her that word. Sounds like a Byakuya word if I ever heard one," he mumbled, half to his cucumbers.

"Ichika, we need to talk about football this Saturday."

"I love football!"

"I know."

"We will win this time!"

"Maybe! But… how would you feeeeeel… if Mama and Daddy didn't come this week?"

Ichika considered this. "No, thank you."

"Mama and Daddy have a very important but boring meeting they have to attend at football time," Rukia explained. "It's about… cleaning."

Ichika frowned. "That sounds boring. You should go to football instead."

"Oh, we have to go. But Uncle Byakuya said he would love to take you to football! Would that be okay? If Uncle B took you to football?"

Ichika wrinkled her nose. "Can't we all go?"

"We have to go to the cleaning meeting," Rukia reiterated.

"Why doesn't Uncle B have to go?" Ichika asked. "He's a captain just like you." Crap. Crap. Why did their kid have to be so friggin' smart ?

"Uncle B has never cleaned a thing in his life," Renji put in dryly. He cleared his throat. "Ichika, the thing is, Mama and I need you to do an important job for us."

"Really?" Ichika asked.

"Uncle B is a little nervous about going to a football game. He's never been. We're counting on you to show him where to go and tell him all the rules, and maybe… no… I don't think…"

"What, Daddy, what?"

"I was thinking that maybe you could carry the orange slices. They're so heavy, though…"

"I WILL CARRY THEM!"

Rukia shook her head. How did he do this ? Every time. "We're counting on you," she put in.

"Can I have the orange slices right now? Hihou Zabimaru wants to carry them!"

"Today is Thursday. Football isn't for two more sleeps, okay? It is too soon for the oranges."

"Does Hihiou Zabimaru want to go fetch me the twine from the kitchen?" Renji asked hopefully.

"HOOWWWWWWL, Zabimaru!" Ichika bellowed, taking off around the yard again.

"Do you actually need the twine?" Rukia asked. " I can go get it for you. I hear Hihiou Zabimaru gets distracted easily."

"Don't I know it," Renji replied lightly. "I'll use it if it gets here. I would never interrupt my helpful weeder." He leaned forward and pushed her hair aside to press a kiss into her neck as the clank of tin cans grew distant. "Well. I might. She's awful pretty."

"Renji," Rukia gave a dramatic, long-suffering sigh, but made no attempt to stop him. "Think of the cucumbers."

to be continued...