Chapter thirteen

The second Ben saw the General disappear into the office, he increased his speed and ran at Jean, soon finding himself in a couple of strong arms as he sobbed into Jean's stomach. He just couldn't just keep it in anymore, not when there was an adult here that he liked and trusted.

"Hey, Ben, what's wrong?" Jean asked, worried.

"I did something stupid!" Ben cried, hating that he couldn't even hide his face because of the injury.

"We'll be going for lunch now, Havoc, right Falman?" Ben heard Heymans say.

"Yes, sir!" the soldier Ben hadn't yet met said. He was grateful for Heymans. He needed to talk to someone, but he would rather do so with just one person. Right now Jean was the person he knew the best here. And Ben was hurting. He was hurting so much. He had done something so stupid and now everything hurt so much more and he had never felt lonelier in his life.

"You want to talk about it, kiddo?" Jean asked kindly.

"I-I had a nightmare! I had a nightmare tonight a-and I should never have done it!"

Ben was not expecting Jean to pull out of the hug and swiftly lift him into his arms as he began carrying him through the room. Ben didn't even know where they were heading. "Come on, the floor's not a good place to sit, Ben," Jean said gently as Benjamin just dug his right cheek into his chest, sobbing. After a few seconds, Jean sat down and Ben realised that they had gone to the office sofa in the corner of the room, Ben sitting on Jean's lap.

"You gonna tell me what happened, Guv?"

"I-I wasn't thinking! I just... I was so scared! I just went to him because I kept imagining that someone was going to shoot open the lock of my door again a-and drag me downstairs a-and Grandma and Grandpa would b-be lying there a-a-and D-D-Dad..." Ben couldn't even finish the sentence, his whole body was in so much agony. Jean seemed to understand, and just hugged him tighter, gently stroking his back. "I just... I didn't want to be alone! I just wanted to sleep, but I couldn't and I didn't know what to do and he was the only one there, but I should never have gone to him!" Ben sobbed.

"Did he say something?" Jean asked, sounding slightly worried.

"NO! I-I-I thought he would just talk! I thought he would talk to me for a bit a-and send m-me back t-to bed! But he wasn't even really awake a-and he pulled me into the bed a-and hugged m-me! He thought I was worrying about apple pies for some reason and then he fell asleep! A-and I couldn't g-get l-loose a-and I-I was just s-so tired and ..." Ben lowered his voice to a wheezy whisper. "...He felt like Dad..."

"So you fell asleep?" Jean asked gently.

"How could I do that?! He isn't Dad! He isn't even close! How could I go to him?!" Ben was horrified by himself. He knew full well that the General was someone completely different, and yet he still fell asleep within minutes after being pulled into the bed. It had smelled like Dad and it had felt like it because it seemed that this Roy Mustang too had the same mental picture of how much muscle he should have, so they even had the same strong arms even if the General wasn't nearly as good at hugging. And it had felt so good to just have that feeling of Dad hugging him, no matter how much his mind was screaming at him that it wasn't Dad. It would never be Dad. "I know that it isn't D-Dad, so how could I do that?!" Ben cried.

"Benjamin, that's not something you should feel guilty about. It's only natural, and you were scared. Based on what you've told me about your Dad, I don't think he would ever blame you... I think he'd be just be sad that he couldn't have been there himself."

Ben thought about it and just began sobbing even louder, because he knew he was right and the thought of how Dad would have wanted to be there made it so much worse, because he wasn't. Dad was never going to be there. Dad was gone.

Ben just sat there, sobbing for a long time, before he moved on to the main issue. "The General didn't even remember it, Jean! He... he thinks I was just sleepwalking! He doesn't know anything about me! I don't think he even likes children! He's so different from Dad, but he still looks like him! I don't want to live with him! It hurts too much!" Ben cried, digging his cheek into his chest. Everything was so wrong and he didn't want this. Every second he was around him, all he could think of was that Dad was gone and the house even smelled like him. Everywhere was a reminder of the fact that Ben was now living with a man that didn't want him, but who looked like the person that...

"How can I live with someone who looks like the man who loves me..." Ben thought back to what his Dad always used to say. "Who loves me more than infinity times a number higher than infinity?And his eyes always say so... But when the General looks at me, all I see is... he's annoyed with me! I'm just in the way! And it hurts, Jean! Because it's Dad's eye, Dad's voice, Dad's scent, but everything else is not! And I scare him! Every time he looks at me, I see fear! And the worst part is that he thinks I don't know it! He thinks he's hiding it because it works with everyone else! But Dad's a Detective Inspector and I have been learning to read his face no matter when or where he is, no matter who he's talking to! And he has always trusted me to do so! The General is acting calm and calculating and he doesn't even realise that I can see every single hidden emotion going through his mind! I can't do this!"

"Maybe you should tell him that," Jean said. "Like you said, Guv, he doesn't know much about you. Things might get easier if you told him that. You should talk together about this, because it's not exactly easy for him either, knowing what he's supposed to do with you when you won't tell him what's wrong."

Roy walked out of his office, a briefcase in his left hand stuffed with as many sheets of paper he could get into it, as well as the five thick folders for the ones he couldn't get inside the briefcase pressed up under his armpit. Basically, Roy wasn't going to get any sleep tonight. He thanked Fuery for the help, his mind swimming with rodents and their needs as the younger officer followed him out the doors. He was beginning to dread this pet thing, because Fuery had pointed out one major flaw with his plan.

...Most rodents were either fond of exercise and small naps spread throughout the day or being nocturnal, meaning that keeping them in a bedroom was a bad idea in terms of sleep.

Which also meant that the best place Roy had for the one-or-two animals would be either the kitchen or the living room, seeing as how keeping them in the attic meant that it was very easy to miss it if the animal-or-animals were out of water or hay. And that would also mean that he was basically forcing the kid to spend most of his time in the most remote part of the house. That would never result in them getting along better, not when Benjamin would have a choice between spending time around Roy or spending time away from him together with the furry, little creature-or-creatures that he actually liked.

Roy hadn't thought about that part before now, but having Benjamin's pet-or-pets in the kid's bedroom would have yielded the same result.

...And encouraging a grieving kid living in an entirely new place without his family or friends to isolate himself in his room was a pretty bad idea when it comes to mental health.

He looked around the room to find the office empty except for Benjamin who was sitting on Havoc's lap on the couch, the older man hugging him.

Roy looked at his subordinate with a grateful nod. That meant that he could phone Havoc later to ask him just what was going on with the kid, assuming that Benjamin would still refuse to tell him himself.

"Benjamin, it's time to go," Roy said, walking over so that he could guide the kid back to the car.

Benjamin just kept sitting there, not looking at Roy because the bandaged side of his face was the one visible. "I thought you said you had a lot of paperwork to do?" Benjamin asked.

So the boy was talking to him again. That would make things a lot easier. Or at least less tense. "Because we overslept, I figured that it would be better to go to the pet shop first and then go back home so that I won't have a long gap in the middle of catching up on my paperwork. So we're going to go to the pet shop now, go home, set things up, and then we'll be eating dinner before I'll go work in the study which, judging by the amount of paperwork, will be where I'll spend the night."

"Oh," Benjamin said, turning slightly to look at Roy, revealing that he had most definitely been crying rather a lot, judging by his red and puffy face. "That makes sense." The kid then leaned up on Havoc's lap and put his hands around his neck, saying something quietly enough for Roy not to hear, but which he could at least partially guess the meaning of as Havoc put his arms around the boy with a smile, saying "Anytime, kiddo, I'll see you tomorrow to hear about your pet."

Benjamin gave Havoc a final squeeze and a goodbye before getting back to his feet and walking over to Roy, looking a curious, but understandable, mixture of nervous, sad, awkward and just a bit excited, that last one obviously because of what they were about to buy.

They met even more people in the hallways who were very interested in Benjamin, but Roy excused them quickly by saying that they had a lot of "catching up to do", which was met with a lot of understanding "of course, sir"s.

And so Roy spent most of the drive laying down the new rules as well as delivering the news to Benjamin about the now slightly altered number of animals allowed due the recently discovered existence of rodent depression.

Roy could see the boy growing increasingly excited as they drove and it seemed to sink in for the kid that they'd walk home with one-or-two animals.

And then they were there, parking outside a large mall, the kid eyeing the building in awe. "That... That's big..."

"Yes. Now let's get going," Roy said, getting out of the car and walking around to steady him. Benjamin was looking awed and scared and excited and like he wanted to start crying all at once.

Hopefully they'd avoid that last one... That would make a very awkward situation that Roy had no idea what to do with seeing as how trying to comfort the kid would only make matters a lot worse.

They found their way to the pet shop and then in the direction of the squeaking sounds of animals, making Roy doubly certain that he was NEVER buying a budgerigar. Roy pushed open the door to find that the rather large room contained plenty of cages, birds on the right, rodents to the left and rabbits in the middle. Benjamin was immediately headed for the rodents and Roy was very thankful that he seemed to like the hamsters. Those would be the easiest to deal with. That meant not-too-big-but-of-course-big-enough-cages. Then the boy moved onto the rats, and he seemed infatuated, but Roy could deal with those too. He just really hoped that Benjamin would not set his heart on the guinea pigs in the corner. Fuery had told him that those made a hell of a lot of noise.

Then the door opened behind them and a fat woman in her late thirties with a disgusting face was following her daughter, looking bored, and Roy had a feeling that this was the sort of parent that bought a pet for their kids as a kind of pastime without actually making sure that the animal was being taken care of. The little girl immediately went over to the cage with the guinea pigs, looking like the living, breathing beings were mere objects for her entertainment. And Roy had a nasty feeling that the girl would also grow tired of them within weeks.

"Remember, Annabel, I'm only buying you one," the mother said.

The girl pointed at a sign on the cage. "Says we hafta buy two."

Roy looked inside the cage and realised that there were only three left. Three left that were from the same litter. Meaning that the little brat was planning on making one brother stay behind and be scared because everyone else was gone.

"Fine, Annabel."

"I don't want that pale one, he's ugly. It's only those other two that are cute."

Roy looked at the three guinea pigs in question with a frown. There was the largest one who had a lot of black and brown fur with a white spot on its forehead, a slightly smaller one with smoother fur that was white with black and light brownish beige spots, and a small, brownish beige, thin one with a more pointed face who was pretty much a runt compared to the other two.

It was a sign that Roy had definitely had too much stress and too little sleep for the past three days that he was suddenly imagining that smallest one to be wandering around the cage with a piece of chalk in its mouth, drawing up a human transmutation circle in the middle of the cage.

Oh, fuck... It's reminding me of Edward...

Roy tried to shake the thought out of his head, but as he kept watching that unpleasant woman and her brat, all Roy could think of was that they'd leave the smallest brother behind all alone to get depressed and lonely and the two others would probably die early because that girl was likely to pick them out of the cage wrong and then drop them to the floor, killing them, and then get angry at them for being defective.

Then the runt locked eyes with Roy's one and the small, black eyes seemed to be begging him for help and fuck it if Roy wasn't getting pissed off by those two women because he was now imagining that runt to be lying in the cage with a couple of missing limbs and squealing in agony and fear.

And so, before Roy knew what he was doing, he had walked over to the nasty lady and began speaking calmly and pleasantly just like he did to every superior officer that he secretly despised. "I'm sorry, Madam, but I've already bought all three. I was talking to a temporary summer employee a couple of minutes ago, so we're just waiting for her to bring one of the senior staff members to assist us." Roy then took a risk by placing a hand on Benjamin's shoulder and pulling him gently against his side, looking down at him kindly. "Right, Ben?"

The boy's shock seemed to have vanished in half a second, and Roy could tell that this was actually a kid not unfamiliar with emergency improvisation and keeping a cool exterior throughout the lie. "Very much, so." He then turned his attention to the woman. "I'm very sorry if there was any confusion, Madam, we should have told you as soon as your daughter made her way to the cage, but our minds were unfortunately preoccupied due to the present circumstances. You see, neither of us knew about the identity of my father until a few days ago, but of course it still doesn't excuse any disappointment that our inadvertence has caused you. I would like to apologise deeply to you both for any inconvenience."

Shit, that kid is good...

The woman looked at Benjamin, then at Roy, then at Roy's uniform, and then she blushed, nodded, stalked over to her daughter and dragged her outside by her wrist, muttering about how "they're too noisy, let's get you lizard."

The second the door closed behind the two of them, Roy released Benjamin's shoulder and took a step back, looking down at him, not really knowing what to say to the kid. After all, he knew that his mere presence caused the boy's grief to bloom, having Roy hug him to his side must have been not unlike stabbing him in the chest, emotionally speaking. "I'm sorry, Benjamin, that was thoughtless of me."

Benjamin was looking down. "I don't like it when people see animals as something that is only meant to entertain."

Roy sighed. "Neither do I," he said before walking over to the guinea pig cage together with Benjamin and then fixed the runt with a stern glare.

You better not poop on my hand later.

So, first of all: Thank you so much for your reviews, people! I absolutely love them and they make my day!

Secondly: My Mum did that and it's how I got three guinea pigs for my birthday, only that my Mum wasn't originally out to buy anything other than hay for the rabbits, so basically, she's pretty much like Al.

Thirdly: From next chapter on, I will change the pic for this story, so it will be the real-life inspiration for the smallest little fella :)