Live With You

A Crossfire (8x22) AU

"If we only live once

I wanna live with you."

Something I Need, OneRepublic

She takes the test for no reason other than to satisfy a nagging gut feeling, an instinct she'd never even been certain she had. It's an instinct that turns out to be correct. Nauseatingly, frighteningly correct.

Unable to stare at the bright blue plus sign any longer, she marches into the office and yanks open the door to the safe, grabbing the phone they'd been gifted (though burdened with feels like a more accurate description at the moment) and staring it down as if it's going to speak to her and reveal its secrets. As if she can will everything to fall into the proper place before it all gets ruined.

They're so close, so damn close to taking down LokSat and ending this for good. She can all-but feel the weight of her cuffs in her hand, can picture being the one to bring the bastard in, even if she can't picture his face just yet. But then there's this. This wonderful, terrifying thing that means she's going to have to reevaluate how she approaches all of it. For everyone's sake.

God, the universe has a sense of humor. A terrible, awful, ridiculous sense of humor. All she needed was another month, another thirty days to see this through, and instead, she's about to be even further away.

Beckett shoves the phone back in the safe, making sure the door is closed and locked up tight. She drags a hand through her hair, her teeth clamping down on her lip. She needs to regroup. She needs to figure out her options, see if there's some way to achieve what she needs to without losing everything.

Her desk beckons from across the room, but she flops onto Rick's chair instead, bringing his computer out of sleep. Her fingers slip over the keyboard, tapping out a pattern that somehow takes her to a travel site. A few clicks later she's staring at a list of itineraries.

They could run. They could just pack up and go, do exactly what they've already talked about (albeit at length), but that would leave this awful thread dangling. And with what she knows, with what she stands to lose should LokSat remain free, she can't let this drop, not now. No, she can't leave, and she can't ask her husband to leave her behind even for a short time, she won't. Not if she wants their partnership, their marriage, to survive. They'll see it through together, somehow.

"Whatcha doing?"

Kate jumps, her hands slapping the desktop with more force than necessary. Rick takes a step back, his hands rising in apology.

"Whoa, hey. Sorry, I thought you heard me come in."

She shakes her head, willing her thundering heart to calm.

"No, sorry. I was just concentrating, I guess. I didn't hear you at all."

He smiles, moving closer, dropping his head to brush his lips over hers. "Forgiven. So expedia, huh?" he asks, reading the screen a little closer. "Are you plotting a surprise? Should I go away for a few minutes and let you finish?"

Laughter tumbles from her throat. If he notices how forced it sounds, he doesn't comment.

"No, you can stay, Rick," she says, trying to keep her voice light. "I was just… messing around."

His hand slides across her shoulders, squeezing the back of her neck. "Well, that's a ludicrous price for a flight, even for two peo–" he pauses, and she feels his hand tighten and release. "Going somewhere?"

Her eyes slip shut, allowing her a moment to gather herself before she shakes her head. "No, no I'm not."

He doesn't look convinced. "Then what–"

"I was just curious," she starts. "Just looking to look, and then I zoned out."

Rick's jaw tightens, his back going ramrod straight. "You know, this is starting to feel a lot like the first time my mother sent me to boarding school. She was 'just curious' at first, too."

She shakes her head, gets to her feet. "Don't worry, I'm not sending you to boarding school."

His fingers curl at her shoulders, easing her back when she moves to kiss him.

"What's going on, Kate?" he asks, his tone suggesting there'll be no more evading, no more arguing. She has to tell him now; no more secrets, no more lies. "You don't just randomly look up flights to Prague for yourself."

She slumps, swallowing hard. "I found something out earlier."

"About me?" he interrupts. "Is this about my missing memories? Something else I did when I found out about LokSat the first time?" She shakes her head, rubbing his chest.

"No, nothing like that. This is… about me, and I started to freak out."

He holds her tighter at that, worry flooding his face, replacing the confused fury she'd seen building. "Kate, you're not – are you sick?" His arms wind around her, his cheek landing on her head as she denies that. "Then what's going on?"

"I'm pregnant," she admits, banding her arms around his waist. "I'm pregnant and we can't – I don't know what to do, Rick. I don't know how to keep you safe and how to keep this baby safe if we don't take care of LokSat like we've planned, but I don't think we can. I don't know how we can."

She realizes she's babbling, that she's just dropped a bomb on him and breezed past it to talk about their next crisis, but–

His broad palms cup her cheeks, lifting her mouth to his. He kisses her hard, robbing her of her breath, but somehow managing to help her breathe easier.

"Kate," he whispers against her lips. "Kate, we're having a baby."

"We're also in danger of dying at the hands of a cold-blooded killer," she snaps, trying to make him see how dire this is. "I don't know what to do, Rick. Using the phone to trap this guy… it's our only shot. But if we manage to get the information that we need to find LokSat, what then? How far can this go before we – I – have to stop?"

His mouth finds hers again, his hands moving down her face to cradle her rib cage, her waist, framing her hips.

"Do you want to skip town? I'm in if you're in," he swears. "But I'm not going without you, if that's what your search was about; that's not an option, Beckett."

She shakes her head, tightening her arms around him. "It wasn't, not seriously. I thought maybe we could hide, or I could hide, or you could hide, but I know we can't. I know we can't. I'm sorry – I'm going in a hundred different directions right now." She presses her cheek to his shoulder, willing the thunder of her heart to calm. "We have to stop him, Rick. That's all I know. I can't imagine having this baby knowing he's still out there, knowing he could just send a hit squad after us any time he chooses."

Her husband sways in attempt to soothe her, but she feels the shudder roll down his spine at the thought.

"We'll talk to Hayley. Vikram, too. If the rendezvous to get Caleb's orders is going to be too risky… we'll figure it out."

Her head barely moves but he understands her agreement anyway.

"And Kate?"

She lifts her head, finding the remainder of the angry edge gone from his gaze. She sees the worry, the fear, but there's also a sparkle of joy. Hope.

"We'll get this done, you and me, and it'll be fine. More than fine, it'll be great."

Her lips lift. "Yeah? You're okay with…"

"God, yes," he breathes. "I mean, I'm a little stunned–"

She winces, knocking her head against his collarbone. "I'm so sorry. That was probably the worst possible way to tell you. I just took the test a earlier today on a whim and I panicked. I'll make it up to you, I promise. I'll make all of this up to you."

Castle pulls her closer, pressing his lips to her forehead. "No need. We're having a baby, Kate. We're doing this together. That's enough for me."

She nods, cupping his cheek. Need or not, she'll still figure out a way to do better for him, right by him. "I love you so much."

He smiles, leaning into her touch. "I love you, too. And we'll be okay."

When she turns the phone over to Vikram for cloning three days later, she considers telling him that he's on his own for the rest, but the words die in her throat. He'll ask too many questions she doesn't want to answer just yet. They've come this far, she'll stay with it as long as she can. As long as it's safe to do so.

Castle books tickets to Paris the day of her first doctor's appointment, scheduling their departure for just a couple of days after the rendezvous. Not to run away, but to both celebrate and lay low once all of this is over. They both remember the week-long spectacle after Bracken's arrest; bringing down a high-level CIA analyst may not spark the same media furor, but with as large as LokSat's network is, it's probably for the best that they make themselves scarce for a little while.

She wakes up on rendezvous day with bile in her throat, running to the bathroom before the sun even makes it over the horizon. Thankfully, even though she spends the first half hour she's awake hunched over the toilet, Castle recognizes the importance of this and doesn't suggest that she stay home. But as they change over to a cab that reeks of musty cigarettes and stale Thai food, she almost wishes he had.

His hand closes around hers, fingers kneading her palm as she takes deep breaths through her mouth.

"What if it's a bust?" she asks, lowering her chin. "Or worse?"

Rick lifts her fingers to his mouth. "If it's a bust, we go back to the drawing board. If it's something else… then we get the hell out of there, call in reinforcements, and decide whether we want to call the airline and move up our flights. Just like we talked about."

She exhales, nodding. "Right. You're right."

He grins. "Please say that again. I want to savor this moment."

"Oh, hush," she says, but she finds his distraction has worked; she's not on the verge of vomiting anymore.

The rendezvous is uneventful; the phone rings and they're able to intercept LokSat's instructions for Caleb Brown, but it only brings more uncertainty. They only have a few hours to cobble together a plan for how to handle Brown's next assignment, but even after bringing in Hayley for support, she hesitates.

"We can still make it to the airport," Rick murmurs, pulling her aside and rubbing her arms. "Just say the word and we'll go far, far away from here."

She laughs, feeling the way her throat squeezes around it. "No, we can't. I just know something doesn't feel right. It feels too easy, too simple. LokSat's all about cloak and dagger and he sends Brown to make a drop like this in broad daylight? Is he that bold? That arrogant? He sure as hell isn't sloppy, so why?"

Castle lowers his chin. "You think Caleb Brown didn't really flip?" he asks, putting voice to the fear that's lurked at the back of mind since the man had appeared in their home hours after her deadline had passed and handed them everything they wanted on a silver platter. "That this is some kind of setup?"

She nods, resisting the urge to slip her hand over her stomach. They haven't told anyone yet and the action would be a dead giveaway. "It's just… it's a gut feeling. I can't even explain it."

"It's enough for me," Rick says. "What do we do?"

Beckett exhales, lifting a hand to brush his cheek. "I think we need to get everyone – ourselves included – somewhere safe, and then we need to see about having our curtains cleaned."

She can taste the relief in his kiss when his mouth brushes hers.

"I'll have Hayley get my mother and take her to meet Alexis at my office. They can stay there until we know more. Your dad?"

"Still out of the country until next week. He should be okay."

Castle nods. "And I assume Vikram will go back to the precinct with us?"

"Yeah, yeah we'll tell him."

"Okay." He kisses her forehead. "Make the call."

She breathes a sigh as she dials Rick's stepmother's emergency contact number, reaching for his hand as it rings. It's for the best, turning this over. Even though there's a part of her that balks at the thought of not seeing it through, the rest of her knows she's making the right choice. There's too much for her to lose to be reckless and stubborn.

Waiting is nothing short of hell, especially after Ryan and Esposito catch a case and demand to be read in because she's unable to hide her reaction to the victim's identity. Having two more in the circle makes her nervous, but also lifts a weight from her sternum; her boys know now. There are no more secrets, no more lies. No more fake break-ups and pretend cheating stories, no more animosity toward Castle on her behalf; they know everything, and they know what could be at stake if their case goes sideways.

Too many hours later, two faces she'd honestly never expected to see again appear in the doorway to her office, looking ragged and worn – and not a little bit bloody in places – but triumphant.

Beside her, Castle jumps to his feet, his eyes wide with surprise.

"I um, I didn't expect to see you," he says, his gaze darting between them before settling on his father. Beckett stands as well, looking the pair over and gesturing for them to sit.

Neither accepts the invitation, but she doesn't blame them. In their place, she would be worried if she sat she wouldn't be able to get back up.

"Neither did I, Richard," Hunt says, his voice betraying nothing. "But I think you'll be happy I'm here when I tell you what happened."

"It's done," Rita cuts in, looking between the men, rolling her eyes ever so slightly. "LokSat, Brown, all of it."

Kate feels her shoulders drop. "Caleb Brown was found in a burned-out car this morning. He never would've made the drop at the warehouse this morning; LokSat knew he'd tried to play both sides."

Sharing a look with Hunt, Rita shakes her head. "He never would've made the drop, but not for the reasons you think. Your instincts were right, Kate. It was a setup, all of it. The meeting at the yard was an ambush, an elaborate one at that, designed to earn your trust and separate you two. Imagine LokSat's face when he got us instead of you."

Her heart stumbles, her stomach lurching into her throat. God, if they'd gone through with it… "LokSat actually showed?"

Rita nods, reaching into her pocket for her phone. A few button taps later and she presents them with a mug shot. Kate doesn't recognize the man with the swollen cheek and the cold gaze, but her husband does. It's clear from the way his eyes widen, the dismay that floods his face.

"That's LokSat?" he asks. "No, that's – that's Mason Wood. Beckett, I told you about him – he's the head of the Greatest Detective Society in LA. I met with him when I was there."

Rita cocks her head. "Turns out Mr. Wood has lots of interests, the least of which being his detective society. He was checking up on you, Richard, trying to see how much you knew."

Castle's jaw tightens. "I told him about you, Kate. About us. It was just an offhand comment, but–"

Beckett stretches a hand out, curling her fingers around his wrist. "You didn't know, Rick. You couldn't know. You didn't give him anything I'm sure he wasn't close to figuring out already."

After all, she'd come home for good just after that trip. There really hadn't been any more damage to do by that point. He doesn't need to beat himself up over it.

"And Caleb Brown?" she asks. Relieved as she is to know they have LokSat, she needs the rest of the story, needs to know how deeply they'd been played by his lackey. "Dental records indicated that a body in the morgue is his. I've been running an investigation all day based on that. We have evidence that LokSat's right hand man took him out."

Jackson shakes his head, taking over for his wife. "That was another setup, orchestrated by Brown himself. We found him lying in wait in your laundry room. Seems that Wood thought it would be enough to trap you two, but Brown wanted a contingency plan in case you made it out and figured out that he didn't die at Wood's cleaner's hand."

"Nice to know one of them didn't underestimate us," Rick mutters, swiping a hand over his face.

His father cocks his head but doesn't respond to that. "Said cleaner, by the way, is in a federal holding cell, as is Brown. I put your detectives in contact with our people there to handle wrapping up your open case. LokSat has been remanded, however. You won't be seeing him again."

Beckett nods. "I appreciate that."

"What happens now?" Castle asks. She can tell his patience has worn out after all these hours of having nothing to do but sit still and worry.

Rita and Hunt share a look, leading Beckett to square her shoulders and stand up straighter.

"What?"

"Take your trip," Rita says. "Just until we make sure the rest of his organization has been dealt with and everything is good here."

She nods, squeezing Rick's hand again. That's better, so much better than what she'd been expecting Rita to say. They can't disappear forever, but they can take a vacation. They deserve a vacation.

"It'll help you avoid some stress," Rita adds, lifting an eyebrow, revealing with just a look that she knows. They both know.

"Did he know?" Beckett asks, swallowing hard. She fights the urge to touch her stomach, to put another protective barrier between the horrors of the world and the life inside her. "Either of them? Did they know about–"

Hunt shakes his head this time, cutting her off. "We've been keeping an eye on you both for anything LokSat might have been interested in using as leverage. As soon as your doctor entered it into her system, my people hid the record. Brown had no idea either." Off their dumbfounded, numb nods, he smiles. "Congratulations, both of you."

Castle exhales beside her. "Thank you. What about Mother and Alexis? They shouldn't stay here either, should they? And Kate's father?"

Rita exchanges a glance with Castle's father, communicating something with just a look. "We can protect them. We've had people on everyone for weeks – except you, we are the people we had on you – so if you want them to stay here and go about their lives as normal, they'll have protection."

Kate lifts her chin, deferring to her husband. She can't unilaterally make decisions for their entire family anymore.

"Why not bring them along, give them a break," he says, lifting a shoulder. "The last few months have been hard on them, too."

She nods in agreement. "Okay."

He looks to the pair in front of them. "Not that your people aren't good, and your efforts aren't appreciated, but… for my own peace of mind."

She presses her hand to his again, offering her solidarity. After all of this, she's not sure she's comfortable leaving them behind either.

"Thank you. For everything you did today, for everything you've done this entire time."

"You're welcome," Rita answers, giving Hunt a long look. Kate sees her eyes cut to Rick, then back to Jackson. Subtle. "Let's not make a habit of it, though, okay?"

The question is light enough that they all chuckle.

"Deal," she answers, hoping she'll never have to break that promise.

Rita steps closer, reaching out and squeezing her arm. "You have a good life, Kate."

Emotion pricks at her throat but she swallows it back, giving Rita a nod. "I know. That's all I wanted from the start."

The older woman smiles. "Enjoy it, every minute. And take care of Handsome over there," she adds, gesturing to Rick. Kate watches her send an affectionate, if not exasperated, look to her own husband, shaking her head at the awkward way the two men keep circling each other. "We're pretty proud of that one."

Beckett grins. "Yeah, me too. He's worth it."

Rita's smile deepens. "That's exactly what he said about you."

Her cheeks flush. Part of her wants to ask when her husband had said that, but she doesn't, and Rita doesn't offer the information. Instead, they watch the men shake hands and share a short, stiff embrace.

Beckett steps closer once they release each other, touching her husband's back. "Thank you," she says honestly, looking up at Castle's father. "Will we see you again? Either of you?"

Hunt tilts his head in consideration. "Maybe not for a while, but we'll be around."

Castle nods beside her, skimming his hand over her shoulders. "We'll be here."

They will be here, because it is over. This nightmare is finally over. As Hunt and Rita leave her office, pulling the door closed behind them, Kate twists, pressing her face into his shoulder. A laugh and a sob come tumbling from her lips in near-perfect unison.

"I'm sorry," she breathes, gripping his shirt, repeating it over and over, even as he tries to shush her, to assure her there's no need to apologize. "I'm so sorry, Castle."

"It's done, Kate. It's over; we got him and he's not going to see the outside world again. He's not going to be able to hurt anyone again. Not you, not me, not Alexis or Mother, Ryan or Espo, nobody."

She sniffs, pressing her lips to his shoulder. His hand sweeps up her back, steady and comforting.

"And especially not our baby," he whispers, brushing his lips over her ear. "Our baby's never going to have to worry about him or his lackeys."

Kate nods, letting his reassurance wash over her, his love.

"Now, why don't we tell the boys to knock off. Then we can head to the P.I. office to pick up Mother and Alexis and go home. You were off duty hours ago."

Rubbing her cheek against his shoulder, she makes a soft noise of agreement. He's right; they need to go home and get some sleep. She's beyond running on fumes, especially since her last (and only for the day) cup of regular coffee was consumed hours ago.

"We'll book tickets for everyone once we wake up," Castle continues, keeping his voice low, steady, "and you can get in touch with your dad and have him meet us there instead of flying back first."

He's doing what he does best, distracting her and making her think in steps, reminding her of the future that lies ahead for them.

"That'll be good," she says, clearing her throat. "I need to explain the last few months to him, but I want to do it in person."

Rick nods, cupping the back of her head, lifting her face to his. "We will. We'll tell him everything." Ignoring her usual rule against PDA in her office (as he always does), he steals a kiss. "And then when we get back, I think we should tell everyone the good news."

Her belly flutters, the beginnings of excitement finally breaking free of the terror and worry she's experienced so far, and she lifts onto her toes, pressing another soft kiss to his mouth. Her fingers skim down his jaw, along the lines of his neck, over his collar.

"I think you're right," she says for the second time that day, watching delight flood his face. "We should."

Rick grins, brushing gentle fingers over her sides. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she breathes, taking another kiss from his mouth. "Now let's go home."

Stepping back, she turns around to shut down her computer and gather her things. Castle waits by the door, his hand poised over the light switch, waiting until she joins him to kill the lights and slip his hand around her back, walking out of her office with her.

Their conversation to wrap all of this up with the boys isn't quick. Though they'd nodded and gone along with her earlier, understanding the direness of the situation at the time, they're still hurt that there's so much she hadn't looped them in on over the last few months. They have more questions than she has the energy to answer at the moment, but eventually they accept Rita and Jackson Hunt's word – her word – that this is over and declare it celebration time.

"You coming, Beckett? Castle?" Esposito asks. "Ryan knows a bar that'll let us in."

She and Rick shake their heads in tandem. "Maybe tomorrow," she says, taking her husband's arm. Her cheek skims the top of his shoulder. "Right now, though, we're going home to hibernate."

The boys nod, accepting the answer with easy grins, waving as she and Rick turn away and move to the elevator.

She slumps against her husband's side while they wait, slowly succumbing to her exhaustion, but still she can't help the smile that crosses her face. There's more to do and say, more people to bring into the fold – and a few to make amends with as well – but right now, she's just grateful for the chance to start fresh. To live the way she wants to with him.

This is a story idea that I had rattling around in my brain for a long time after the show ended, and finally about a year ago, I put it on paper. And then I held onto it. And held onto it. And held it. Until now. Thank you for reading! Until next time, everyone.