Disclaimer: All characters used here belong to their respective owners. I do not own One Punch Man. The characters used here are for entertainment purposes only.
01
Are You Serious?
Summary: A bald man bored of life. A cyborg relentless pursuit of strength and wisdom from his Sensei. A esper that does not handle rejection well. All in a universe full of monsters and heroes. What else could go wrong? Seriously?
Fire was everywhere civilians were running and screaming. The paved road in City G began to crack as radioactive ooze spilled out. The green liquid engulfed several running citizens and melted them to human ash.
"Help! Monster," a lady screamed standing on top of a melting car.
A gigantic figure appeared above her. The disfigured human features smiled. "I feel amazing. Now taste my wrath for letting me work more than 80 hours per week." The monstrous human then stomped on several innocent people.
Similar awakened beings appear beside him. All were ugly muscular human beings with radioactive ooze dripping from their bodies.
"HELP WE NEED HEROES!"
"Sensei, It would appear City G is under attack by a threat level Demon," Genos said.
"Really, right now," Saitama responded holding fresh cabbage in his hand.
The duo was at City F which had a local farmer's market sale every Thursday. It was not an opportunity for Saitama to pass up.
"We can continue our grocery shopping later Sensei," Genos said. He looked at his Hero Association phone. "It would appear some S- Class heroes arrived and are losing."
"Fine lets go."
"Machine Gun Blow", Genos roared trying to incinerate a nuclear man.
No affect the awakened monster smiled. The awakened being, grabbed and threw Demon Cyborg to the ground. In an instant Genos kicked himself backed up and avoided falling into the nuclear waste. His eyes widened. The other heroes!
"Weak humans," The nuclear man said. " Is this what all heroes can do? We are stronger, faster, more powerful than you guys."
Knocked out on the ground were heroes: Tank Top Master, Golden Ball and Child Emperor and Stinger.
Geno's eyes widen.
The green nuclear waste was inching closer and closer to their bodies.
"Sensei where did you go?" Genos said. He managed to fling the heroes to a nearby intact building. Sweat beaded down his face. I'm outnumbered 1 to 100. Where's my backup?
"SHIT!" Did I go the wrong way," Saitama said scratching the top of his shiny bald head. He arrived at City H. Oops I must have run in the wrong direction again.
"Hey mister are you a hero?" A battered little girl appeared clutching a teddy bear.
"Yes, the name's Saitama, a hero for fun."
"Great, I need your help please," the little girl said. Tears forming in her eyes.
"Of course what is it," Saitama responded now with a serious look on his face. "Is it a monster?
The little girl grew silent as more tears flowed from her eyes. She nodded.
"Hey don't cry now." Saitama kneeled down to the girl. "I can help you!"
"I..I'm scared mister." The little girl now hugged Saitama. "I'm being followed…"
"HEHEHEH, There you are sweetie." A squid monster appeared. Its tentacles were squirming in several directions.
"IT'S HIM!" The girl screamed, terror in her eyes.
"HEY BALDY LET HER GO BEFORE I-"
"BOOM!"
The squid monster's blood and guts splattered everywhere. A serious Saitama clenched his fist. "It's done you're safe now."
"Than..Thank You Mister."
"Hey umm do you know where City G is? Saitama smiled. "I'm kinda lost hehehe."
"Over there." The little girl pointed her finger.
"Thanks." Saitama waved and leaped into the air. I hope Genos is okay... mmm.. nah he got it.
"Thank you Bang and Bomb," Genos breathed clutching his shoulder.
The trio managed to defeat two of the nuclear men.
"No problem, Genos!" Bang replied now in a martial arts stance.
"Brother, we're still outnumbered though, " Bomb chimed in his fists emanating energy. "Where are the other heroes?"
"It would appear they're running late," Bang said. He jumped near one of the nuclear men's faces. "Water Stream Rock Smashing Fist!"
BOOM!
BOOM!
"Machine Gun Blow!"
BOOM!
BOOM!
"WhirlWind Iron Cutting Fist!"
BOOM!
BOOM!
"Is that all you guys can do," A nuclear man replied as he watched another one of them die. " We still outnumber you guys 3 to 97."
"We need to hold on a little bit longer," Genos gritted his teeth. "When more heroes arrive-"
KA BOOM!
"Finally is this the right place?" Saitama landed looking around.
"Sensei!"
"Saitama?"
"Who's this guy?" All the nuclear men turned to a bald man inside a mini impact crater.
"Looks about right. I mean everything is on fire and destroyed," Saitama analyzed. "Genos, and Old Geezers are you guys alright?"
"LOOK FRESH MEAT. HEY BALDY GET READY TO DIE," all the nuclear men shouted in unison. They all charged Saitama.
The Bald hero looked down unfazed. Damn some much destruction if only I made it in time. The hero's eyes widened. He noticed City F's farmer's market, sale paper: melted on the ground. The sale! His fists tightened. I'm gonna miss it, these.. these...
"NOW DIE-"
"Saitama look out-"
"Sensei the green liquid watch..."
"Serious Series: Serious Punch," Saitama said. A massive shockwave filled the air as one by one all the nuclear men exploded. Blood and guts rained down on City G covering all the buildings, citizens, and heroes.
"Well that takes care of that," Saitama said. "Genos if we hurry we might not miss the farmer's market sale."
"UH.. Yes Sensei," Genos replied. He managed to reattach his missing limb thanks to Dr. Kuseno's latest upgrade. Sensei is way too strong.
In a blur the duo ran to City F leaving the martial arts duo to handle the cleanup.
"That Saitama," Bang said. He grabbed two of the knocked down heroes and put them on this back.
"Truly amazing," Bomb said as he followed his brother.
The Next Day
It was a Friday, what an odd time of the week for doing laundry. But Miss Blizzard hunched between plastic yellow baskets of uniforms and folded dresses. She was catching up on today's newspaper article about a certain caped baldy. Strong Bald Hero Saves City G From Nuclear Men.To anyone else she was the infamous Hellish Blizzard, except it was a Friday night. She was a regular civilian now. She sat on a beige washer in City Z's rundown laundromat. Maybe that's why Saitama noticed her.
Fubuki was a bombshell, a real beauty that stopped men in their tracks. Her dark green hair pulled back in a messy ponytail and she wore no makeup. She continued to scan through today's newspaper without noticing Saitama.
What he was doing here was nothing but a coincidence. Both him and Genos needed a fresh wash after saving the citizens. Their costumes were both tattered and stained with burned marks. Plus, his dryer broke from Geno's rampage of losing Super Smash Bros to King. It was strange that in all the laundromats in City Z Fubuki had to be here.
Saitama shoved his wet laundry in dryers a few down from where she sat. He then chose to sit next to it. Fubuki did not look his way, which is odd because, well she wanted him to join her Blizzard Group.
Her group would always come unannounced at his apartment. This time it was his turn. He gave a big sigh, then darted his eyes in her direction. But she remained fixated on the news article in front of her.
"Man laundry don't you hate it? When your clothes get dirty during the week," He stated, trying to get her attention. What article is she reading anyway?
Fubuki glanced up at him and blinked, as if his masculine voice awakened her from a trance. Her emerald eyes widened in shock then fear. "Sai- Saitama what are you doin- wait- wha-don't look at me! Her face became flushed red as she covered it with her soft hands.
"Fubuki are you okay?" Saitama gave a puzzled look.
"Just don't look at me." She now covered the newspaper with her face.
"Why"?
"Idiot because I have no makeup on?"
"Makeup? I hadn't noticed you still look the same to me!" He responded by putting his hands on his chin. Damn I never knew she was this self conscious about her appearance. Shit better watch I say.
"You what?" Fubuki lashed back now revealing a bit of her porcelain face and an intense graze.
"Fubuki you shouldn't feel self conscious about your appearance. What matters the most is how you deal with the criticism." He blurted his expression seriously and intensely.
Her features became gentle as the corner of her mouth curved into a smile. The newspaper now removed from her face. She bounced off the washer and started to preen her hair. I'll take your advice Saitama.
Saitama watched her with a puzzled look on his face. Wait what is she doing here doesn't her group have their own washer and dryer?
The curvy esper put the newspaper down on a nearby table. She then began levitating all her dresses and uniforms into a neat folded pile. "I still want you to join Saitama," She declared, now staring at the bald hero.
"Umm... Fubuki don't you guys have your own washing machine and dryer?" Saitama questioned ignoring her statement and his own advice.
"We're not broke if that's what you're thinking!" Fubuki fumed her face all red. "I'm taking a normal day off. Can't a woman go out and be normal."
"I see," Saitama responded, now grabbing the newspaper on the table. He skipped to the weekly grocery sales and coupons page. Next week Monday a sale of peaches and watermelons 20% off in City E. A grin appeared on his face.
The bald hero's actions did not go unnoticed as the buxom esper observed his every move. I see he likes fruits...
"Seeya Fubuki," Saitama waved as he forced his clothes out of the dryer. Then slammed this clothes into his white basket with sweat beading down his face. It was like he realized he forgot something important to do.
"Wait, Saitam-"
Too late, as the bald hero made a mad dash home. A panicked expression on his face. Better hurry Genos had that S- Class heroes meeting tonight and I forgot to turn off the television. The electric bill is going to be huge this month. Shit!
"Idiot! Forgot his underwear in the other dryer."
The next day.
Saturday.
Saitama and Genos were lounging in the living room. Two days ago the duo helped heroes defeat an army of mutant monsters in city G. The threat level was demon.
Even though I'm bored. There were a lot of things to punch. Saitama thought to himself as he laid on the couch. It was still boring though everything was defeated with one punch.
Saitama laid there pondering his thoughts with a blank expression on his face. All the while Genos went to the kitchen and began prepping ingredients for hotpot.
"Master, you rose to class B, rank 7, and I have risen to class S, rank 14," celebrated Genos in a flat tone now cutting cabbage.
"All I did was beat the monsters," replied Saitama, grabbing the Hero's Association hand book. Caped Baldy couldn't they give me a better name.
"People are beginning to recognize you. Despite you not reporting every monster you defeat. Maybe you will gain a fan club," Genos suggested.
"Genos?"
"Hai! Yes Sensei?" The cyborg stopped his chopping of pork.
"Are you happy?" Saitama continued staring up into the ceiling. Now closing the hero's association data book. "What did we do this week?"
"We fought and defeated the army of Nuclearmen on Thursday."
"And the day before that?"
"The uprising of the bug monsters, the Crawlers ."
"Sigh….and the day before that….?"
"The Dragon level monster that awoke under city V."
"And what else have we been doing?"
Genos stopped and tilted his head in confusion. "Is this a trick question, Sensei?"
"No."
"We haven't been doing anything else but chores, shopping and defeating mon…"
"EXACTLY! All we've been doing is fighting monster after monster and monster!" Saitama sat up fast with an irritated look. "I'm going crazy Genos, it's BORING!." He made a whacking gesture with his hand. "If you keep doing the same thing over and over again it gets repetitive."
Genos's eyes were wide as he listened to his master vent.
Saitama stopped for a moment and turned to Genos, "Well?! What do you think?"
Right away Genos reached for his journal and began writing what Saitama spoke. "Of course Master! So Wise! Doing the same thing over and over is not the key to life! But focusing on new activities can be useful to rejuvenate the body, mind and soul.
Saitama's eye twitched in annoyance, "You are no help at all, Genos."
"Sensei, maybe you need a change of pace? A new scenery?," Genos suggested noticing a sigh.
"I like where I live?" Saitama answered, now grabbing the television remote. He began flipping channels. " The rent is super cheap."
"No Sensei, I met activities. Like what you said you're bored maybe you need a new thing to do," The disciple said now mincing garlic.
While Genos began proposing new things for him to do to cure his boredom. Saitama heard a knock on his door.
Knock.
Knock.
"Sensei, should I open the door," Genos asked, now adding beef and vegetables in the hotpot.
Knock!
Knock!
"No Genos I got it this time," Saitama responded and opened the door. "You...
Genos appeared behind Saitama. "Sensei... I see she's still bothering you. Begone, we already told you last week that we don't want to join your group."
"Genos, what's they're name again? I'm blanking out." Saitama whispered, but the esper and her men heard him. "Fubuki, Mountain Grape and Eye rash right!"
"What?! How could you forget our names?!" Ape exclaimed. "It's Mountain Ape."
"Are you that stupid?!" Eyelashes backed him up. "It's Eyelashes."
Saitama scratched his head as he pissed them off more. "What do you guys want? I told you, I don't wanna join, my favorite show is about to start."
"The nerve of this man!" Eyelashes growled. "Miss Blizzard has a new propos-"
"Listen, Saitama. I came here to return your underwear." Fubuki blushed and presented a reusable bag of the bald hero's undies. "Idiot that's why I was trying to stop you last nig-"
"WHAAATTT!" All the men in the vicinity shouted.
"Umm. Thank you." Saitama replied, rubbing his chin in a sheepish manner. "I was wondering where all my underwear went. I guess we don't have to go shopping tomorrow, Genos."
"Yes Sensei, thank You Fubuki."
I thought that was money. Mountain Ape and Eyelashes both thought at the same time.
"Anyway Saitama, how about it. You wanna join the Blizzard group now?" Fubuki smiled. She then nodded at both her subordinates. Might as well try now. Hope now beaming in her eyes.
Both baldy and esper analyzed each other's expression. Fubuki was the first one to break the silence.
"We've added a group dinner every week, paid by our joint hero pay from extra monsters defeated. You would get a bigger room than this apartment at our headquarters. And we've even started bonus members where..."
"No." I'm not interested," Saitama responded, now opening the steamy hotpot. Damn I'm really hungry for some reason.
"Hey you don't cut Miss Blizzard like that!" Ape yelled out.
"The nerve of this man!" Eyelashes exclaimed.
"Sensei, should I kick them out they're gonna spoil our dinner," Genos threatened.
Fubuki glared at the baldy who was whiffing the fumes of the hotpot. Mmm... he likes food that will work next time. Now noticing Saitama's hungry expression.
"Fine, you win this round baldy!" She declared turning around and leaving. "C'mon boys," as her subordinates followed.
Blizzard of Hell will never stop till Sensei joins. Genos thought as he watched them exit the apartment.
Edited: 5/16/20
Edited: 5/17/20
Edited: 5/20/20
Edited: 5/21/20