Notes: I feel like I've seen this idea in a fic before. However, I can't seem to find it. Nevertheless, this work is inspired by the various crack-y Order 66 fics I've read.
Anakin ran to his starfighter. He just couldn't let Palpatine die, not without learning how to stop death. He knew, he knew this would be the worst decision of his life, but he couldn't live without Padmé.
He pushed the button to turn on the engine, but nothing happened. He flipped switches, pushed buttons, pulled levers, but nothing happened.
[Chancellor Palpatine is a Sith Lord,] Artoo beeped.
"I know that, Artoo! Get this ship going!"
[Sith Lords lie.]
"I know that! The ship is broken!"
[It is 99.99987% certain that Chancellor Palpatine, Dooku's master, ordered the assassination of Mistress Padmé.]
"I know that! I—wait." Anakin's hands froze as they hovered over the controls. "I hadn't thought of that."
[Chancellor Palpatine, twice-cursed sleemo son of a Hutt, admitted he lied to you. He has been lying to you for thirteen years. The odds are 282,437,882 to 1 that he is lying about his ability to save Mistress Padmé.]
"I can't lose her!"
[Mistress Padmé is perfectly healthy. The odds are 9,365,789 to 1 of her dying in childbirth.]
"I had a…dream." Anakin faltered, realizing how ridiculous that would sound to a droid. "I can't lose her the way I lost my mother."
[Mistress Padmé is in no danger of dying from a Tusken Raider attack.]
Anakin groaned and sat back in his seat. "That's not what I meant."
[Did not Madame Skywalker die because you were not there? And are you not here with Padmé? Have you not been with her since you began having nightmares?]
"That's…a really good point." Anakin melted into his seat. "I lost my mother because I wasn't there. Maybe the dreams are warnings for me not to leave her. Maybe it's a good thing they didn't send me to kill Grievous! I could have lost her and it would have been all my fault! I'm going to see her right now, Artoo. I shouldn't leave her until the baby's born. Then I'll know she'll be all right."
[Great idea, Master!]
Anakin reached for the controls to turn on the engine. The starfighter responded instantly. He barely even noticed as he piloted himself towards Padmé's apartment.
STAR WARS
Palpatine scowled at Mace Windu's dead body. Anakin should have been here by now. He was beginning to think he wasn't coming. Oh, well. At least the rest of his plan could go forward now. It was only a matter of time before Anakin came round. After all, it was his wife's life seemingly at stake.
He pulled up his comm. "Commander Cody, the time has come. Execute Order Sixty-Six."
"Yes, my lord."
STAR WARS
Obi-Wan was breathless from his fight with Grievous. He was glad to finally be able to rest. The war was essentially over. Of course, looking around at Utapau, it was clear that it would take the rest of the galaxy a while to catch up. And as long as there was still fighting, he had a job to do.
He directed Boga to stop behind Cody. "Commander, contact your troops. Tell them to move to the higher levels."
"Very good, sir." Cody started to turn away, then stopped. "Oh, by the way, I think you'll be needing this." He held out Obi-Wan's lightsaber.
Obi-Wan took it. It was a very good thing Anakin hadn't come along on this mission. He'd never let him hear the end of this. "Thank you, Cody. Let's get a move on. We've got a battle to win here."
He slapped Boga with the reins, and they charged up a path to the higher levels. He drew his lightsaber, careful not to lose his grip on it this time.
The firing that had been echoing all around him stopped. Confused, he turned Boga around. What was going on? Had something come up? Had his troops all suddenly died or something?
No, from a distance, he could see them all still moving. And he hadn't felt their deaths in the Force. He urged Boga on.
He grew closer to them, close enough to make out what they were doing. He froze, and Boga instinctively froze under him.
They were dancing. And…singing? Obi-Wan couldn't be sure, but he thought he could hear a chorus of voices. He enhanced his hearing with the Force.
"AAAAYYY, macarena, macarena!"
"Hey, this is kind of nice!" a battle droid said.
"I like this!"
"Why don't we dance, too?"
Obi-Wan didn't know what to do. One moment, he was in the middle of a raging battle, and the next, the clones and the droids were dancing the Macarena.
Well, at least the battle was over.
STAR WARS
Ki-Adi-Mundi charged ahead on the bridge in the midst of blaster fire. He turned and gestured to his men. "Come on!" He raised his lightsaber in the air and ran forward.
An unfamiliar language rose behind him. Was that…singing? He turned, confused. What was wrong with his men?
His battalion…his entire battalion…was dancing. In the middle of battle.
Sounds like something Skywalker would do. He shouted "Come on!" again, no longer confident his men would listen, and charged ahead to take out the droids, on his own if he had to.
STAR WARS
Aayla Secura was marching through the jungle in Felucia when her clone battalion suddenly stopped. She turned away from the bird flying overhead to question her commander. But Bly was singing and dancing.
"Commander Bly?"
The rest of the troops followed suit.
"Commander Bly!"
"AAAAYYY, macarena, macarena!"
"What is going on? Troopers!"
But nothing Aayla Secura did made a difference.
The galaxy had gone mad.
STAR WARS
Confusion flooded Yoda's senses. All he could feel from all of the Jedi spread all across the galaxy was utter bafflement. He dropped his cane, unable to cope with the flood of bewilderment. What was going on?
STAR WARS
Plo Koon didn't notice at first that his troopers had dropped away. He spotted their ships making for the closest landing pad. Something must have gone horribly wrong.
As he came close, he saw their ships land. The two troopers jumped out of their ships and joined a crowd of troopers singing and dancing.
Plo Koon landed his ship and joined in. At least his troopers were having a good time.
STAR WARS
Stass Allie was flying a speeder bike alongside her troopers on the plains of Saleucami when her troopers suddenly stopped.
She turned her speeder bike around and stopped it. "What's going on? What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, ma'am. We just need to fulfill our orders." The two troopers jumped off their bikes and began to sing and dance.
Baffled, Stass Allie could do nothing but stare. "Who gave you those orders?"
But she got no answer.
STAR WARS
Yoda turned. Two troopers were singing and dancing in the back of the treehouse.
He sighed and made his way over to the comms. Crazy, the world was becoming. Completely crazy.
STAR WARS
Palpatine could feel immediately something had gone wrong. He wasn't feeling the glorious waves of death and destruction he was supposed to be feeling.
He was still trying to puzzle out what had gone wrong when the bomb that had been planted in his office mere hours before went off.
STAR WARS
Mistress Padmé was becoming very flustered by Master Ani's mother henning. Artoo beeped happily. Everything was going perfectly this time around. Palpatine should be dead by now. Shame he couldn't save Angry-Bald-Jedi and Jedi-Council-Members 5, 7, and 3, but some things couldn't be stopped. He'd only returned from the future a few months ago, after all.
He plugged into the Holonet terminal and dumped the evidence he'd gathered on Dirty-Sith-Sleemo and every last criminal in the Galactic Republic onto the Holonet, along with the information on the clones being ordered by the Sith, their inhibitor chips, and the original orders. Also any government atrocities and the Death Star Plans, which he'd had a copy of in his hard drive since Mistress Leia had given it to him a long time ago in the future. It was being built right now, by his calculations, and it needed to be destroyed. With that, the government should be set right by Mistress Padmé, Friend-Bail, Former-Chief-of-State-Mon-Mothma, and Master-Ani's-sweet-sister-Ahsoka's-boyfriend.
By his calculations, Master Luke and Mistress Leia should be on their way within the next few hours, and, with Master Ani not at risk of becoming Evil-Stupid-Darth-Vader-Get-Away-From-the-Twins, Mistress Padmé was going to give birth just fine. Now he just had to figure out how to get Crazy-Master-Han-Solo to meet Mistress Leia and track down beloved-master's-wife-Mara so Master Luke could be happy. But given everything else he had managed to do, matchmaking was going to turn out just fine.
The galaxy was going to turn out great.