Hey everyone, I'm sorry this is a bit later in the day than usual. I hope you all enjoy it, and I would like to apoligise in advance...

It was several hours later that the two women arrived back at the Casey's apartment, the task of cleaning up the loft being helped exponentially by the arrival of their friends but despite the extra hands it had taken up the most part of the day. The women had managed to make quick work of the bedroom in the end, unfortunately not many of Stella's belongings had been in any condition to be salvaged and had resulted in her throwing away pretty much all of them.

"Brett said she'll pick us up early tomorrow." Gabby told her walking towards the fridge, "Do you want a beer?"

"I wouldn't say no" Stella replied flopping down onto one of the stools near the breakfast bar. "Did she say what time?"

"Probably about ten, that way we can get everything you need and then we can go get your room set back up."

Dawson had informed Stella of Brett's idea on the way home, the two of them opting to travel back together while Matt and Kelly went to get some dinner for them. Gabby told her that Sylvie and she had been talking and they thought it might be a good idea for the three of them to go shopping tomorrow, maybe grab some lunch when out and just have a general girls day out. And although she'd been reluctant at first, when Kelly had agreed it sounded like a good idea she quickly said yes too.

"Thanks for doing this."

"Stella there's no need to thank me at all, if the roles were reversed you would be doing exactly the same thing for me."

"Yeah" she nodded knowing that what her friend was completely right in what she was saying.

"So I've been wanting to ask how your feeling?" Gabby started with a knowing glint in her eye.

"About?" Stella asked taking a swig of her beer.

"Well.. he asked me not to say anything unless you did but you and Kelly?"

"Oh" she said placing her beer bottle down and averting her eyes slightly.

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Dawson spoke quickly, the paramedic sensing she may have indeed over stepped a boundary. The brunette silently kicking herself when she saw how embarrassed her friend was.

"It's just we haven't really spoken about it" Stella told her, "we kinda, well Kelly told me you know about the other morning. But I don't know what we're telling people. I mean there's still a lot up in the air, with Grant and everything. I don't want to give him any fuel to add to my fire, if, when, he's found. I mean you saw what he did to my room at Kelly's."

"I saw.. I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this Stella. Honestly if there was anything I could do to stop this..." her words trailed off the two of them knowing exactly what she wanted to say without her having to utter the words.

Kidd could see that this was her opening, that this was her chance to discuss with her friends the things that doctor Kinny had requested of her. For her to be honest with her about how she was feeling about everything, how she felt about what they were having to live through because of her.

"I'm sorry" she blurted out her mouth opening and closing several times over as she watched her friends shocked face. She knew she needed to say more than that, that by just saying those two small words Gabby was going to think that she mean't she couldn't talk about this. "I.. I'm sorry that you and Matt got dragged into this. That I brought this all to your doorstep. That Grant is impacting your lives so much. I never wanted anyone else to have to deal with this, I hate that I'm the reason you've put your adopting on hold..."

Gabby's face morphed into one that Stella couldn't read, neither Casey or Dawson had openly admitted they had put their plans to expand their family on hold. But Stella had overheard the back end of a conversation a few days ago and she knew they had, that for now they were waiting and she couldn't help thinking that she was the reason, that she was the cause of them having, well choosing to wait a little while longer. "I'm sorry, I overheard you and Matt the other day. I'm sorry I've put a wedge in your life."

"Stella" Gabby said moving round the counter and sitting down next to her, "you are NOT the reason we have put the adoption on hold, there's other reasons, reasons we haven't spoken to anyone about. If I'm completely honest with you we actually were thinking of putting it on hold before all of this. Matt and I we've.. we're trying to get the timing right and every time we think it is, something happens."

"Like your friend being beaten to a pulp and put into a coma by her husband?" Stella replied.

"Yes and no. Look, me and Matt we've got our problems. I know everyone sees us as this perfect couple but truthfully we aren't, we've not worked through a lot of things. Including the news we got, and there are a lot of hoops we have to jump through, a lot of red tape. It's not that we don't want to have a child together, because we do. We would love nothing more than to have a child tomorrow but we have to be ready and at the minute I don't think I am. So yes we have decided to put it on hold for the moment, for a few months maybe but it has nothing to do with you okay? Nothing you did or have had done to you made us make this choice."

"You sure?" Stella asked, the woman needing to be certain her friend wasn't lying to her.

"I'm positive. You have nothing to be sorry for."

"Okay." She nodded, picking up her beer and taking a sip. "There's actually a few things that have been worrying me recently but that was the one that I was worried about with you and Matt. I was worried you'd resent me because of it. Dr Kinny he told me I needed to speak to you about what was worrying me and I was so nervous. But I'm glad I did. Thank you."

Dawson wrapped her arms around Stella's shoulders, the older woman rubbing her hand up and down her back as they hugged. "Please talk to us if you ever feel worried about things like this again. We want to help you, but we can only do that if you open up to us. I know you're doing better with talking to Kelly but remember I'm here too, and so is Matt."

"I will" Stella told her, hugging her back "I promise."

They must have looked like they were buying the entire store, Stella thought as she watched her two friends carrying arms full of clothing the three of them having gotten to the Mall nearly two hours ago and so far they had only been in one store. Brett and Dawson making the most of their day shopping while Stella held back slightly. She was still only receiving part of her wage due to being on medical leave and although Kelly had given her his credit card this morning before she left she didn't want to spend all his money and she certainly didn't want him to think she was using him. So apart from a few essentials she'd left the most of the shopping down to her friends. She was happy to watch them and spend time with them more than anything and although they had both tried to encourage her to get a few more bits, she'd resisted, saying that she'd replace things slowly and for now she had what she needed.

"Stella you should totally get this top" Dawson shouted across the store holding up a vest style top with FREEDOM slogan-ed across the front.

"I don't need any more shirts Gabby" she said shaking her head, "plus I've already spent more than I can afford at the moment."

"Well let me get it for you..." Gabby began, her words being cut off when Stella shook her head.

"I'm good Gabs honest. I am hungry though."

"Brett" Gabby called, the blonde turning round at the sound, "Kidd's hungry, let's wrap this up." Her eyes moved back to the taller woman the minute Brett had given her a firm nod in agreement, Gabby flinging the shirt over her arm with the rest of her collection as they made their way to the checkout.

"Gabs..". Stella started, her friend swinging round to stare at her.

"Don't even argue it, this shirt is all you and plus you can wear it when we take you out tonight."

"Wait what?" Stella asked stopping in her tracks, "your what now?"

"Oh" Dawson said rolling her eyes playfully, "didn't I mention it, me and Sylvie we're taking you out tonight. Let you shake off those cobwebs and let your hair down before you go in for that last surgery."

Gabby knew she'd hadn't mentioned it, and Stella knew she knew she hadn't as well, the sly look on her friends face speaking volumes.

"Gabs.."

"Don't tell me you aren't up for it or whatever shit you're about to spill. We are going for pizza then a couple of bars. Nothing huge, but enough to help you relax a little."

"But what about my detail" Stella asked nodding her head towards the plain clothed officer trailing behind them.

"They'll be there don't worry. Kelly and I spoke with Antonio it's all arranged."

Stella laughed loudly, of course Kelly was in on this. He'd tried getting her to go out with the girls a few times and each time she'd shut him down. That's why it was being sprung on her now, and by Dawson. Severide knew if he had been the one to bring it up she'd have shut him down again, but there was no saying no to Gabby. The woman was just incapable of hearing it, and she wasn't going to back down.

If Stella was honest with herself it sounded like a fun idea, the three of them not having gotten a chance to hang out properly for a long while now. But it didn't make her any less nervous, even with her detail or babysitters as she like to refer to them being there, she knew it was a lot easier for someone to get to her in a crowded place.

"Stella?" Gabby said placing her hand on her back. "You okay?"

Stella's eyes snapped back into focus, "huh sorry. Did you say something?" She asked seeing both her friends staring at her.

"We're all done" Gabby said watching her carefully, "you going to pay for that lot or are we going to stand around here all day?" She teased, a soft chuckle escaping her lips.

"Oh yeah" she said placing her stuff down for the clerk, the young girl behind the counter making quick work of ringing it all up.

Stella paid for her shopping before the three of the exited the store, Gabby directing them towards the sushi bar down the street.

"Are you okay?" Brett asked, the blonde noticing how quiet Stella had been since Gabby had told her about their plans for the evening.

"I'm good" Stella assured her, "I'm a little nervous about tonight but I'm good. It'll be fun, and I know it's about time I get out there and start living again."

"I can't even pretend to know how you're feeling, but just know we've got you. No matter what we will be with you through everything."

"Yeah ain't nobody getting to you girl" Dawson laughed holding the door open.

"I know that's the truth" Stella shot back walking through the door.

Lunch was pretty uneventful, the three first responders taking their time to eat as they enjoyed some time together. Dawson and Brett filling Stella in on all the latest firehouse drama.

She missed the firehouse, more than anything that was the one thing she missed most about her life before all of this. She missed the moments of quiet, the crazy moments and the downright bizarre moment, but most of all she missed her friends. She missed the family she had there, and although they had all railed together yesterday to help sort out the apartment she couldn't help but feel that they were all be overly cautious with her. That since the attack that had landed her in the hospital, no one had really gotten in touch.

They'd all asked Kelly about her, and from what Gabby and Matt had said about her time in the hospital, they'd all checked in regularly. But apart from the other morning and today when Brett had been about she hadn't really heard from any of them.

She knew it wasn't because they didn't want to. Because she was certain that they did, but it was like something was stopping them. Like they were scared to reach out before she was ready to accept them. That they somehow thought that the almost complete radio silence was somehow a better solution for them. She tried to push the thoughts from her mind, not wanting them to ruin the nice time she was having with her friends.

"So.." Stella started, "where are we heading tonight?"

"We thought we'd stay local. Grab pizza from that place down the street from Molly's, then maybe head there? I know Matt said him and Kelly were going to pop in for a drink or two. Then maybe go over to game changers?" Dawson spoke quickly.

"Okay, sounds like a plan to me." She said, a small smile coming to her face.

"Great" Gabby said, smiling back at her. "Now back to that shopping list. Anything else we need to get before heading back to the apartment?"

"I think I'm good. New bedding, new clothes, and some essentials." Stella tang off, looking down at the bags. "Let's settle up here and go get my room looking more like my room again."

"Not that you'll probably be sleeping in it much" Gabby whispered knowingly, earning her a swift kick under the table.

Despite the three women being close friends the last thing Stella needed at the minute was everyone knowing about her and Kelly. The couple had spoken about it after Gabby and her conversation last night, the two of them deciding to keep things quiet for a little while just while they surfed the new waters together. Both of them knowing the common knowledge of their relationship could cause a few problems down the line. Especially when she was yet to finalise her divorce.

"Ssshhh" she hissed her eyes moving sideways to the blonde sat next to her, Brett's focus entirely on her phone instead of the conversation around her.

"Sorry" Gabby said rubbing her leg.

"Another round Hermann" Gabby shouted down the bar. The older man stepping around Otis as he made the way back to the three girls sat the other end.

"You girls having a good night?" he asked, handing them each other beer.

"We sure are" Brett replied, nods of agreement coming from both Dawson and Kidd. "Maybe we should do another round of shots?" she asked eyeing her friends.

"Why not" Stella said throwing her arms in the air, her attention focused towards a booth in the corner. The booth that housed both the Lieutenants of fifty one, her eyes locking with his momentarily before Gabby nudged her.

"If you two get any more obvious" she whispered in her ear.

"What?" Stella said, her hands coming up in defence.

"The way you're both eye fucking each other. It's disgusting."

"Oh please like you and Matt don't do the same thing."

"Yes but we're married and not trying to keep our relationship on the down low" Gabby shot back her quiet voice so soft she was sure no one else could hear her.

"Hermann give me that shot" Stella demanded, rolling her eyes at the shorter brunette.

Christopher reached for three shot glass, filling them all up quickly and standing back to watch as all three were quickly downed by the girls, each of them swigging back some beer as a chaser. "So you here for the night or heading out to dance?" He asked, he knew the girls well and he knew they very rarely stayed for the night if they were out together, and the way they were all dressed was far too much for just a quiet evening at their bar.

"We're heading to game changers" Stella said, earning her a hard glare from her fellow bar owner.

"Wait what? You're going to give our competition your hard earned money?"

"Settle down Hermann" Gabby shot, "If you'd invested in that karaoke machine like I suggested we wouldn't have to go anywhere."

"Is that so?" he asked, an amused look resting on his face.

Gabby gave him a short nod, the other two women falling about laughing at the clear disgusted look that crossed his face.

"Maybe I need to rethink it then." He said walking away. Both Stella and Gabby fist bumping each other in the knowledge their plan had worked. They had been trying to convince the main owner of Molly's to let them install a karaoke machine for months now, Gabby saying it would help pull in some of the younger clientele that they were losing down the street in the very bar the three of them were heading next. But despite many a debate on it Hermann had refused saying that he didn't want them to become 'one of those bars.' And while neither women understood what he meant by it, they had let it go. Or rather they had appeared to let it go in the hopes that when they did eventually bring it back up he would cave. A plan it would seem was working in their favour.

"You ready?" Brett asked, watching the two brunettes laugh at Hermann's expense.

"I'm good to go" Stella said necking the last bit of her beer. Gabby following suit.

"Yeah, let me just say bye to Matt and then we can get out of here." She agreed.

All three of them standing and making their way to the lads booth. Gabby slid in next to her husband while Stella and Brett stood off to the side. The taller woman's eye settling on Kelly once more.

"Hey" he murmured his eyes meeting hers, "you guys heading out?"

"Yeah" Stella said pushing her hair back off her shoulders, "we're just going down the road for a bit, shake these cobwebs off as Dawson put it earlier."

"Well make sure you don't shake too many" he joked a knowing tone to his voice.

Stella blushed at his words, knowing the underlining meaning to them, the woman having to bite back a smirk as she responded. "Would I do that?"

"Just be safe" he said laughing.

"I will, you staying here all night?"

"Yup, just come grab us when you girls are ready to head home. We can uber together" he told her, Gabby moving out of the booth grabbing both of their attentions.

"Right then, we'll see you in a bit" she said, grabbing hold of hers friends hands and dragging them both out of the bar. The paramedic glancing backwards over her shoulder to see both men watching them.

Kelly's eye remained on them until they were out of the bar, the man watching as Stella's detail followed them out the door only a few steps behind the girls. Watching her leave without him made him nervous, not because he thought she was in immediate danger, or that she couldn't handle herself. Because she most certainly could, the Stella he'd been seeing glimpses of over the past few more the self assured person he had first met back at the academy but because he was worried about what would happen if something happened. Knowing that underneath the tough demeanour she put on for everyone around her was still a scared woman, who had been deeply affected by the actions of the man who'd hurt her so badly.

He worried how she would cope if someone decided to advance on her, and while he knew that she had people with her, he couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that spread through him by not being one of those people tonight. His girlfriend and he not having spent so much time apart since she had been admitted to the hospital apart from the days he worked shift. And then she barely left the apartment.

"They've gone Sev", Matt's voice cut through his thoughts. Kelly releasing a heavy sigh.

"Do you think they're going to be okay?" he asked, seeing Matt's teasing face drop as his best friend registered the pure anxiety in his voice.

"They're going to be fine Sev. They've got each other and they've got how many undercover's with them and in the bar?"

"Six in the bar, two on their detail and two cars outside." Kelly quickly rallied off, the man reciting off the arrangements for the girls night out.

"Exactly anybody gets within a foot of her and they are going to be taken down before they even have time to think about doing something. Come on try and relax a bit, I'll get us another beer. And maybe a shot?" he said pushing himself up from the booth and heading towards the bar.

Kelly knew Matt was right, the between all the undercovers and Dawson no-one was getting anywhere near his girlfriend but he couldn't help but worry. He couldn't help but to always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. It had been weeks since Grant's car had wound up in that lake, weeks since the figure at the back door and nothing. They were no closer to knowing if this entire thing had been a game the man was playing with her or not and no closer to knowing if he was actually alive. The uncertainty had unsettled them all, the entire firehouse feeling the pressure of it.

Kelly hadn't mentioned it to her, knowing that if she knew the extent to which this problem was stretching she would only feel guilty. His conversation with her the other day after her therapy session only confirming to him that she was shoulder much more blame than she ever should.

"I'm sorry for all this Kel" She told him as they sat together on their bed, their only just beginning as the early afternoon sun settled through the window.

"What?" he asked turning to face her, "why are you sorry?"

"I've brought this all to your door, your apartment got trashed, we got shut out of it. You got suspended, everything that's happened recently wouldn't have happened if I'd never made that phone call that day. If I'd just tidied up like he told me, if you hadn't come by and witnessed him.. I'm sorry."

"Hey" he said firmly, gently lifting her chin with his hand. "You have nothing to apoligise to me for. Absolutely nothing, is that clear? I wouldn't change a thing about you. Everything that happened to you, yes I'd change that in a heart beat, but you as a person no. You didn't bring anything to my door, I invited you. And honestly I'm glad I did. I glad you trusted me enough to allow me to be that person you come to."

"But your stuff.. your apartment.."

"Stella that's just stuff. I told you it doesn't matter."

He repeated those words so many times over the past few weeks he couldn't help but think that she hadn't really heard him. The man sensing her guilt, even when she hadn't admitted to it. He wasn't sure why she wanted to talk about it now, but he was pleased she did because it mean't he could once again tell her how none of this was her fault. Because it wasn't, she hadn't asked for any of this. She hadn't asked for the troubles that had followed her from her marriage into her now new relationship, she hadn't asked to be beaten to a pulp or treated in the way that she had been.

Kelly wished she could see herself through his eyes, that she could see the amazing person she was.

"Listen to me Stella. This, everything that has happened, this is the work of a deranged and obsessive man. You haven't caused any of it. And if you were to ask me to do it all again, to go through everything we have these past few weeks together, I would. In a heart beat, I do it all over again for you." He watched as her tears slipped down her cheeks, the near distraught look in her eyes breaking his heart all over again. "You are amazing Stella, don't let anyone tell you different every again."

"I love you" she murmured leaning her head against his.

"And I love you." He told her, placing a gentle kiss to her forehead. "Yes I got suspended, but that was because of my actions not yours. And I'm kinda glad I did, because it meant I got to spend that first month with you. Looking after you and loving you."

"Earth to Kelly", Matt's voice once again broke through his thoughts, the look on the younger mans face telling him he'd been trying to get his attention for a while. "You okay there?"

"Yeah I'm good I was just thinking."

"About Stella?" Matt asked, a near suggestive tone to his voice.

"Yeah, but not in the way you're thinking" he shot back, a sly grin coming to his face as he saw Matt's fall. "Has.. have you spoken with her much since her appointment?"

"No why?"

"It's nothing" Kelly said shaking his head, "just after her session she and I we had this heart to heart about her guilt."

"Guilt?" Matt asked raising a brow.

"She feels like she's turned all our lives upside down and she's been shouldering more guilt than I ever imagined. I think she spoke with Gabby too."

"Yeah, Gabs did say something about it this morning" Matt responded, his hand coming to rub across his mouth. "She knows that we'd all do it again right?"

"I told her that, and I'm sure Dawson did too. But she might need to have a conversation with you to believe what we both told her. There's a lot that she is keeping bottled up, I know seeing the therapist is helping and to be honest I expected her to be worse after the appointment than she was. But.."

"You are worried about her?" Matt finished for him, a knowing glint in his eye.

"Incredibly so" Kelly confirmed, the man voicing for the first time how deep his worry went. "She's putting up this strong front for everyone around her, but you've seen her Matt. You've seen her those nights she's woken up terrified. Part of her still belongs to him, part of her is still held by him. I don't even think she realises it, and that scares me."

"You think she might go back to him?"

"No" Kelly said firmly, "that's not what worries me, what worries me is that he may still have the ability to get in her head. That he may be able to still manipulate her. What scares me is I think if he told her to jump, she's ask him how high. And if he can still have that influence on her then he could get her to drop the charges."

Casey stared at him the man shocked by his friends confusion. "Kelly you can't believe she'd do that after everything?"

"I don't know. Man I have no idea. I love her man. More than I have ever loved anyone in my entire life, and I don't want anything to mess this up but if Grant is still out there and he gets to her, we've already seen the damage he can do. The damage that he has done."

"Which is why I know she won't let him near her again, she won't let him control her like he has done in the past. Everything that has happened it may have had an impact on her, but I believe she is stronger now because she has you, she has us, and she has Gabby. We all know about it now and we will always look out for her."

Kelly knew he was right, that if anything had been proven over the time since that fateful night it was that Stella was a lot stronger, a lot braver than any of them had ever known. She had managed to carry on despite of everything going on at home, she'd managed to come into work every single shift with a smile plastered on her face and she'd managed to do her job without letting anyone see the pain she was in. Even when she had been faced with broken bones and unhealed bones she'd managed to carry on, doing her job to the full extent of her abilities despite having been in terrible pain. Stella Kidd was the strongest woman he knew and he knew she would come out of the other side of this even stronger. That together they could face everything that had happen and that was still to come.

"Kelly", her voice broke through his thoughts, his eyes flicking up to see her stood in the doorway, panic written across her face as his eyes met hers.

"What happened?"

Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, I'm sorry to leave you guys like that, but we all love a cliffhanger right?

I'm even more sorry because we are going away Saturday and I won't be updating for two weeks. :/

Hope everyone is staying safe, and staying kind. Take care guys and until next time.

Please review if you can :)