- Chapter 3: Assault and Rescue -

Y'know when someone just gives you that look? The one that just seems to scream 'Are you an idiot?'

Well, I'd give Blondie's version of it a perfect ten out of ten. It'd everything: the raised eyebrows, the slightly agape mouth, the widened eyes, all coming together in a perfect maelstrom of disbelief and disappointment.

Without a word, her hands reach out to gently cup my face. I… what the heck? I let out a slightly uncomfortable chuckle, trying and failing to lean away from a surprisingly strong grip. "Blondie, a' least take be yo dinne-"

I yelp. A sharp pain, as my nose is suddenly reset. "Jesus FUCK!"

Blondie flinches at my outburst, immediately pulling back and away from me. Emerald eyes fill with fear and worry. "A-ah. Are you okay? I… I just thought..."

"Never... never better," I wheeze out, slowly staggering to my feet. "J-just warn me next time, huh?"

A cold wind howls outside the broken window, causing black drapery to billow around shattered glass. A crack of thunder reverberates through the air, immediately followed by the telltale pitter patter of rain. How dramatic.

Wearing a frayed and patched black dress that went well past her knees (a nun's habit? What?), Blondie was pale and sickly. Layers of dirt and grime made an already bad situation worse, she looked like she hadn't eaten well in days.

All of this and more is quickly noted, my currently enhanced senses capturing every little detail possible. Teeth unconsciously grind together. What… what the hell did she do to be treated like this?! And why did she look so familiar? Like I'd seen her somewhere before? That wa-

Stop. That was all questions for later, no matter how much the possible answers ate away at me. Right now, I needed to focus.

My attention is forcefully ripped back to the present, to the blonde girl before me and the monster beneath me. Okay. Think, me. What was I dealing with? Most likely a hostage situation. End goal? Get the hostage to safety and-slash-or remove all known dangers. Dangers? Minimum C-Rank unholy creature, rapidly approaching. Assets? Me, whatever stuff I'd left, and the hostage herself.

Another monstrous roar echoes, the ear-piercing sound akin to a snake's hiss mixed a chainsaw, bass boosted to a million. Closer? Yeah, definitely closer this time.

I allowed myself one deep breath. Alright. Let's do this.

Blondie tries to push herself up as well, only to stagger and trip halfway. She barrels into my arms with a loud squeak. She was light. Too light. Basically a bag of skin and bones. God, someone was going to die for this. "Hey! Hey how many fingers am I holding up?"

She blinks, before squinting cross-eyed. "S-Six?"

I wince. Ooh man, that wasn't good.

"So..." I pause as the chilling snap of aged wood echoes all around. "We really gotta get g-"

"H-hey!" Dull emerald irises suddenly brighten in recognition, and I can't help but grin. What? I was only human! "The Worst Exorcist! T-that's you!"

A small part of me dies, right then and there. What an unexpected crit. "Y-yeah," I cough out. "Him. Me. That's right."

A blindingly bright smile spreads across Blondie's face, as she tries to go into a lopsided curtsy. "Hello! My name i-"

The demonic crashing and tearing was getting a bit too close for comfort now.

"Cool. Cool cool cool." I interrupt, reaching down to gently rest a hand on Blondie's shoulder. Jesus, she was really short. A good head smaller than me at least. "Sorry in advance!"

Blondie blinks slowly. "W-wha…?!"

My grip tightens around coarse cloth. Blondie lets out a squawk of surprise as she is easily tossed over one shoulder, as one would a sack of potatoes. Great great great. That was phase one done. Time for phase two: GTFO.

Pivoting on my heels, I'm aiming straight towards the now permanently open window. The sickening crunch of splintering wood. Blondie lets loose an impressively high-pitched scream as something large erupts through the floor behind us. Ah shit.

I blast out the broken window just like I entered it, which is to say wild and with little to no plan in mind. Feet meet earth with a heavy thud, the shock-wave shooting up through my legs as I skid straight into a dead run.

The rain was coming down in sheets. The individual droplets sting my bare skin as they make impact, and were only growing worse by the second.

An earth shaking boom resounds behind us, the tremor nearly causing me to trip and face-plant. Looks like we weren't going to get away that easily.

I barely suppress a flinch as muddy water bleeds inside my shoes, chilly dampness working its way into my socks as I run. Wet socks were the absolute worst, a hell I'd wish only on my worst enemies. Like the demon-guy-thing behind me. Hopefully, his socks were wet too.

The dirt road was already halfway turned to mud, squelching underneath my waterlogged shoes as we fled the mansion. Blondie was alternating between fervent prayer and ear-piercing shrieks as she bounced along on my shoulder, though whether it was because of the thing chasing us or from being a passenger on Sam United, I couldn't tell.

"HOW'S IT LOOKING BACK THERE!?" I shout out, fighting to make sure my voice was heard over the roar of the rain.

"B-bad!" she shouts back after finishing another round of Bible verses. "I-It's getting closer!"

I chance a glance back. And man, do I regret it.

Hidden in between the raindrops was an indistinct serpentine silhouette, it's vague outline reaching above the treeline in size. Two beady eyes shine with malice through the gloom of the storm, glowing a sickeningly familiar ice blue.

Fucking hell. I run faster.

It doesn't help.

The thing was gaining on us, slowly but surely. Its size, along with the inherent difficulty of the now muddy terrain, made sure that I couldn't easily escape. Comeon me! Plan! I needed a plan!

A burning sensation in my chest, as a primal instinct deep within tells me to dodge. Blondie begins to scream at me, but I've already turned and am barreling straight into the left side treeline. Something comes tearing through the space we'd been in just moments earlier, so close that I could feel the air displacement at my back.

And so the mud road is left behind us, the darkness of the forest as welcoming as a fluffy nightmare. Dodging in between trees and leaping over shrubbery, the earth trembles as half century old forest cracks and splinters under the weight of an unstoppable force.

Numbers filter into mind, equations and calculations running at the speed of thought. A call is set out and a call is answered, whispers of unfathomable power coming to my humble beckoning. A runic circle of dull yellow light forms around my right wrist.

Magic burns through my soul.

"I-I'm sorry! For everything!" Blondie shouts into my ear. My hand shoots out to brush past a gnarled tree trunk, a faint tinge of energy swirling at my fingertips. I take a hard left.

"IT'S FINE!" It really wasn't.

"D-do you have a plan?!"

Another tree trunk. Another mark. Another hard left. "WORKING ON IT!"

A chainsaw-like hiss, somehow audible over the pitter-patter of rain. It's a gut-wrenching sound, unlike anything else on this god-given earth. "Don't slow down now."

"OH FUCK OFF!" I shout behind me. "IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT MAKE SNAKE DEMONS LOOK BAD!"

What could only be described as rumbling laughter, deep and full of the promise of pain. So nothing new, really.

And thus the chase continues, deeper and deeper into the woods.

Four more marks later, we burst into a clearing. Slick wet grass denotes a glade some couple dozen feet in diameter, open straight to the roiling storm overhead. Perfect.

I skid to a stop, pivoting to face the direction I'd just come from at the same time. Blondie is unceremoniously let loose over my shoulder, landing behind me with a muffled squeak.

My breath comes in bursts, deep and heavy. Being pelted with stinging rain and gale-force winds, my eyes frantically dart to and fro. The monster was out there somewhere, lurking in the darkness.

A minute passes, and... nothing. A shivering hand is held out to one side, palm up. A breathy whisper leaves my lips. "Lux."

In my palm appears a glowing orb, small yet bright. It pushes back the darkness all around, only to stop and reflect off of shining scales, each nearly a foot in width. Oh.

I look up. And up. And up.

"How disappointing."

Blondie lets out a strangled scream. I don't dare to even breath. Stealth snake. Great.

Crimson scales coil around and over each other, a wall of sinewy flesh blocking escape from all sides. From out of the corner of my eye, I watch as a reptilian head the size of a car slowly lowers. Fangs the size of a person flash, as warm sickly-sweet breath washes over me.

"I must admit, I expected more," it softly hisses.

A stiff shrug of my shoulders. "I aim to disappoint."

"Holding a Gear, you refuse to wield it?"

The scowl that forms on my lips doesn't take much effort to make. "Would if I could."

The coils tighten, as it makes a lazy circle around us. I can hear the dismissive sneer in its voice. "A common variety, is it not? To think there would be one unable to wield such a weak Gear..."

Oi, that's basically my soul you're talking about. Not for the first time, and definitely not for the last time, I curse the old bastard's name. 'This is a test of your other skills' my ass! You just wanted to see me suffer didn't you, you senile monster?!

"Hey!" I exclaim, feeling like I should at least try and defend myself. "I can use it just fine, okay?! And it's not weak- it's not that weak!" Great, that was really going to convince him. "There's... there's just some extenuating circumstances, okay?!"

"I don't believe you," the snake hisses out. That... hurt more than expected. Did I really look that pathetic? Wow. "Now, any last words? Do you wish to beg? That would be somewhat amusing, at least."

I swallow heavily. "Y-yeah, I guess."

Blue eyes leer with sick amusement, as a bloody crimson tongue flicks back and forth. "Speak, then."

A grimace plays across my face. Man, this was going to hurt like a bitch. "In… IN THE NAME OF THE CHILDREN OF HEAVEN!"

The air grows heavy, as within the forest, six lines join six marks to make a single shape. A star. The star.

"FOUL BEAST OF SIN, THIS LAND IS NOT YOURS TO WALK!"

A hiss of both agony and rage, as the snake rears back. A faint warmth ignites in my stomach, pleasant at first, but growing worse fast. My teeth clench as tight as can be, as I just try to believe. It works for a second, the fire cooling slightly under the weight of my faith, only to ignite twice as hot moments later.

Fine, fuck you then. A few seconds, I just needed to hold for a few seconds. The noise of the storm fades to the background, my voice overpowering it all.

"MY BLOOD IS NOT YOURS TO SPILL! MY FEAR NOT YOURS TO COMMAND!"

It's as if the world is stuck in molasses, everything is moving in slow motion. I watch as the monster begins its earthshaking descent, ready to bury its venom deep within my flesh. My head feels like it'll split in two, and the world starts to spin, as what feels like the mother of all allergic reactions rips through my system. I don't stop chanting.

"YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE! YOU WILL NEVER BE WELCOME HERE!"

The holy energy of the exorcism builds and builds, an omnipresent feeling akin to a warm hug. Or molten lava. Same difference, really. The last word is spit out, as fast as possible.

"BEGONE!"

The overbearing pressure suddenly vanishes, as quick as it appeared. I've just enough time to turn around and wrap my arms around Blondie. The snake screeches. The world erupts into light.

...

...

...

I wake up to a bright yellow sun, barely a cloud in sight. Blinking blearily… I lift my head up. Wha… Where?

"D-don't move! You're still hurt!" Something grabs and gently pulls me back down. Mumbling out an agreement, I don't protest, letting my head fall back onto what felt like a soft pillow. Jesus, my everything hurt.

A quiet humming breaks through my daze, soft and sweet. I let out a sigh of relief, as the beautiful tune washes over me. The fire in my limbs starts to cool.

...

...

...

My eyes snap open once again. I sit up in a flash, scrambling away from my original position. The snake?! Whe-

"T-thank you for saving me!" comes a voice, dragging me back down to Earth. It was Blondie, smiling nervously up at me. She was sitting on the wet grass, her legs folded underneath her. I… right. The exorcism. It actually worked? I-I mean, of course it did!

Emerald irises stare up at me, full of warmth and compassion. "A-are you feeling alright? There shouldn't be any more pain, but…"

I blink, before slowly reaching up to touch my nose. It didn't hurt anymore, and neither did anything else. What? "Did you… heal me? Tha... How? Who are you?"

She nods rapidly, bobbing her head like a chicken. "It's my Sacred Gear! A-and my name is Asia Argento! Hello!"

A-s-i-a. Asia Argento. The name rolls around in my head for a bit, before hitting me with all the force of a sledgehammer. I… Huh. So that's why she seemed so familiar.

I snort. Quiet laughter starts and grows louder, an edge of tired hysteria bleeding into the action as time goes on. Blon… Asia looks like she'd been kicked, bottom lip quivering as she stares miserably at the ground. "Y-you've probably already heard of me, haven't you?"

Holy Maiden Asia Argento. Demon Witch Asia Argento.

What kinda exorcist hadn't heard about her? Her excommunication'd been pretty big news, though I'd more or less stayed out of the whole mess. After all, she'd seemed like she'd enjoyed the life she had with Issei afterwards, so I'd seen no reason to meddle in the slightest.

My chuckles quickly peter off. But somehow, I had anyways. Great going, me.

Silence fills the air. I mean, what the hell was I supposed to even say?

"I found this!" Asia suddenly exclaims. "I-In the grass!"

She eagerly offers me something. An eyebrow raised, I carefully take it.

"..." Huh. I gently toss the demonic fang up and down in my hand, watching as the noonday light reflects off of its shining ivory. Not much, but something at least. "Hmm... you hungry?"

A loud growl answers my question, almost scarier than the roar of the snake beast itself. Red explodes across Asia's face. "I-I… going out of your way to save someone like me was already more than enough!" she squeaks out. "I don't even really have anything to give you back anyways!"

"That wasn't an answer."

Another growl, louder this time. The girl blushes right down to the roots of her hair, and her iron will quickly starts to crumble. "Well… Y-yes, I think?"

I was cold and I was tired. I was soaked to my very bones and I was absolutely covered in mud. And for the coup-de-grace, I'd probably just curb-stomped canon.

But you know what? All that wasn't important right now. Right now… right now I think I was in the mood for some pizza. Yeah, that sounded nice. "Well, what're we waiting for? Let's go."

Heaven. Crunchy, cheesy, heaven. I let out a content sigh. Now somewhat clean and dry (magic was a hell of a thing), the last of my ginger drink burns its way down my throat.

The peace is wonderful. No monsters, no contracts, no dangers. Just me. Just me, and my food, and the evening sun.

I bask in the dying light of this day, legs kicked out over the edge of the roof, letting the warmth wash over me like a comfy hug. A cool wind blows by, neither too fast nor too slow, but perfectly in between. The view from up here was incredible, you could see nearly all of downtown. Everyone looked like ants from this height, bustling to and fro as they lived whatever life they lived.

Now this? This was the good life.

A loud burp. That… wasn't me.

I crack open one eye, turning to look at the rooftop behind me. Asia sits in front of two separate empty large-sized pizza boxes, well on her way through a third one. I whistle quietly. Damn.

Both my eyebrows and my incredulity rise even further, as I watch this noodle of a girl down an entire large Coke like it's nothing, only freezing when she catches me staring. The plastic bottle is quickly put down, now nearly empty, before she neatly folds her arms across her lap. "Y-yes?"

My eyes narrow. "I thought I heard something."

"W-what?" She looks genuinely confused, the liar. "What do you mean?"

I don't respond immediately, instead squinting even more. Asia fidgets under my gaze, looking where but at me. Twin spots of heat steadily grow on her face.

Eventually, I grin. "Fine, I believe you."

I turn back to my people-watching, leaving Asia to her eating. With whatever she'd been through… I wasn't about to stop her anytime soon.

A while later, the sun's nearly set. I stretch my arms over my with a loud groan, my everything protesting at the action. Twilight Healing was a hell of a Gear, able to heal just about anything, but unluckily enough fatigue wasn't one of those things.

The noise draws Asia's attention, who'd been quietly watching the city settle in for the night a few feet away. Working open my jaw, I finally ask the question that'd been bugging me ever since we'd banished the snake demon.

"Now… What the hel-" She frowns the tiniest fraction, and I hastily amend my statement halfway. "-eck. What the heck are we supposed to do now? I mean, do you have anywhere I can drop you off? Friends? Family?"

It's a stretch, I know. But I had to at least try.

The frown disappears in a flash, as the girl seems at a genuine loss for words. "I… um… I have a choice…?"

It's my turn to frown. I turn to fully face the blonde. "Of course you do. Why wouldn't you?"

Asia considers my question for a moment, face scrunched up in thought. "I-It's just… no one ever asked me what I wanted before. They always picked for me." she eventually states, as if that was a perfectly normal thing to say.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. I take a deep breath, letting it out in a slow exhale. It takes a moment for me to be completely sure that no trace of anger will filter into my tone. "Well 'they' aren't around anymore, are they?"

She blinks, as if just realizing that. "Huh."

My heart twists. "So…?"

"So what?" Her head tilts to the side, confused.

"Is there a family member I can call? Maybe even a friend...?"

"I-I… I don't have..." She trails off, looking awkwardly to one side. I can't help but grimace. Jesus. This was so pathetic, I felt bad for even asking. Like I was kicking a stray puppy or something.

Silence falls, as both of us retreat back into our own thoughts. I could… no that wouldn't work. Maybe… nah, that's even worse. How about…? Eh, too risky by far.

Ideas are discarded just all quickly as they are formed. Eventually, one somewhat feasible option comes to mind. Too bad it's the objectively the worst so far.

Tilting my head back, I stare up at a God I knew no longer existed. A sea of darkness fills my vision, interspaced by singular points of brilliant light. "No. No way. I can't. I won't."

The sky doesn't respond.

I glare up at it for a few moments longer, though I really didn't think I'd win that particular staring contest. "I can't believe I'm doing this."

Once again, the sky doesn't say a thing.

Looking back down, I once again reaffirm that I was actually really one-hundred percent going to do this. And… yeah, I was. Asia flinches in surprise as a hand suddenly appears in her vision. My hand. She stares at it, and then at me. "W-What…?"

"It's looking an awful lot like you don't have a place to go." I cough awkwardly, idly scratching the side of my face with my other hand. "Well... neither do I. So we might as well stick together for now, y'know?"

The question hangs in the air, long enough for my courage to crumple under Asia's incredulous stare. My ears start to burn, and I hurriedly tack on "A-actually, on second thought, one phone call and I could get the old codger to take you in. He's adopted strays before, after all. Yeah, that's definitely the bette-"

I flinch as Asia grabs my hand with both of hers, keeping me from pulling it back completely. "O-okay!"

A slow blink. "Okay?"

Slowly but surely, a brilliant smile spreads across Asia's face. It's unlike anything I've ever seen, full of the purest joy possible, somehow untouched by the world's attempts to dye it with it's cruelty and hatred. It's… well, it's beautiful.

"Okay!" she repeats.

A/N: Thanks for reading, hope this story's been fun enough to hold your interest for far.

If Asia seems like a bit of a doormat currently, it's because well… she sort of is. It'll be interesting to see her change and grow from the innocent pushover she is right now, since it feels like canon never really even tried to do that.