Ben Solo awoke lying flat on his back, gasping for air. He was not on Exegol, Rey was not kneeling over him, though he was still wearing the loose black tunic and trousers he had rushed into Exegol in. He was alone, but all was not quiet. Thousands of voices whispered in the air surrounding him, though he could not make out the words. When he stood, he did so slowly, expecting to be exhausted or in pain, though he was neither. He felt as well as he ever had.

He grasped at his body desperately with both hands, trying to discern if he was real, if he was corporeal. He felt warm, he had a pulse, he felt – alive. Ben had assumed he would become one with the force when he had given his life to save Rey, is this what it was like?

He took in his surroundings. A deep black emptiness expanded all around him. There was no discernible floor or ceiling in the space he was in, the void stretched on and on into forever.

"Hello?" He called out tentatively, feeling immediately stupid for having done so. Who did he think would answer him, the Force? He felt a sudden tug at something inside of him, something familiar but faint. He tried to hold the feeling, to strengthen it, but it slipped from him like water through his fingers. The echo of his voice surrounded him, and something else surged through him, this feeling just as familiar as the last, though far less pleasant – loneliness.

Rey's head perked up instantly. She was sure she had heard something, a voice calling out, it's tone horribly and achingly familiar. She had heard the voices of the past Jedi on Exegol, but this was different. Those voices had been encouraging her, filling her with hope and their power, their words had held so much meaning, but this… a simple Hello? It was someone testing the waters, dipping a toe in quickly before pulling back, and more than that, it was his voice. She knew that instinctively like she knew how to breath.

She had wondered why she had not seen Ben's ghost with Luke and Leia on Tatooine when she had buried their lightsabers. A small, traitorous part of her had hoped it meant something, that he was alive somehow, somewhere – but she had watched him fade before her, she had seen the light leave his eyes, she had felt their bond sever, ripping away a piece of her as it did. No, he was gone. It had been well over a year now; he was gone, and he was never coming back. It hurt to think that, yes, but not as much as it did to hope.

Rey had always known pain. On Jakku it took the form of heatstroke, broken limbs, blistered hands, hunger, the terrible ache of loneliness, and of hope. Hope was a pain Rey knew all too well, and one that was not easily cured. She had a horrible habit of holding out hope for people who could never come back, longing for them despite the impossibility of their return. She threw her head back onto her cot, her hands whipping up to her face. How, after everything, could she still be that foolish, hopeful little scavenger carving tallies on the wall?

Rey sighed into the darkness. Silvery moonlight shone in through one of the small windows on her hut, illuminating only a small piece of stony wall. No, she would not allow herself to feel like this, not any longer. She sat up, crossing her legs under her on the cot and closed her eyes. She called to the Force, asking it to fill her with its peace and serenity. A coolness flowed through her, like water pouring into a glass. She smothered the feelings inside of her, that was what it meant to be a Jedi, wasn't it?

There is no emotion, there is peace.

She willed that to be true, and for a moment it was. Unfortunately, peace, for Rey it would seem, was unsustainable. She was adrift mentally and emotionally, her heartbreak returning anew nearly every day. At night she dreamed of waking to find him holding her in his arms, his eyes brimming with tears and relief. She dreamed of their kiss, fervent and hungry. She dreamed of his smile, sweet and crooked and private – and then it faded, just as he did, the force splitting them in two just as cruelly as it had brought them together.

When her bond with Ben had been severed it did not leave her. She could feel it now, like a string that was tied to her soul whipping violently in the currents of the Force, desperately trying to tether itself to something that was no longer there, frantically searching for its mate. It was painful, so she called on the Force to suppress it often, to dull the sensation. Every now and again she would feel it pull taut, as though it had found purchase somehow. She had felt that earlier just before the 'Hello', but inevitably it would slacken and begin its horrible dance again.

Rey knew that she would not be sleeping tonight, no more than she was able to any other night. Every time she closed her eyes and tried to give way to sleep, she was back there, surrounded by blue lightning, blue lightsabers and blue light. He was always there too, the rotting corpse that called itself her grandfather, cackling horribly as Ben faded from her, as she was left totally and completely alone.

Meditation would have to do, though she did find it harder and harder to meditate with the maelstrom of emotions whirling through her constantly. She breathed deeply. She needed to be strong. Strong for Finn, strong for the future of the Jedi, strong for herself. Her mind mercifully cleared with her next exhale and she dove headfirst into the peace of nothingness.

Ben saw a light in the distance, just a pinprick, like a distant star. He was sure that it had not been there just a moment ago. He began to walk towards it, seeing nothing else to do besides stand in the darkness alone forever. As he walked the whispering around him grew more intense. He still could not make out anything, it was like a wave of sound crashing over his head continuously.

The speck of light grew in size far too quickly, as though Ben were rushing at it at lightspeed. He had hardly walked a few minutes when he found himself in front of a rounded doorway, or, perhaps, a portal. The doorway was filled with an intense white light that rippled like water within its frame. It was surrounded by ancient runes that Ben could not decipher and did not recognize despite his intense study of ancient languages and symbols.

The doorway called to Ben, it's voice so familiar and soothing. It wanted him to step through, he knew that. An unexplained fear clutched his chest, but he would not allow himself to be ruled by fear – never again. He stepped through the doorway.

On the other side, Ben found himself in a small hut made of smoothed stone or, maybe it was hardened mud, it was difficult to tell in the dim lighting. The hut was compromised of just one room, and Ben could only stand to his full height in the very center of the rounded structure. Daylight poured in from a single window over the small, hard-looking cot. It was cool in the hut, but he could feel the oppressive heat outside radiating around the building, threatening to cook every living thing alive.

Ben stepped outside through the doorway which was blocked only by a tattered piece of fabric. He was blinded by the sun and miles upon miles of sand. The dunes looked like they went on forever, and perhaps they did – there were many desert planets in the galaxy that were completely covered in sand and stone.

Ben's hut seemed to be on the outskirts of a small village. Other huts of varying sizes were clustered close to his, all centering around a structure which Ben believed to be a vaporator. Luke had told Ben about his time living on a moisture farm back on Tatooine, but Ben had never seen the technology in person.

He looked down at himself, he was wearing brown and tan desert garb, loose-fitting and breathable. He was not sure how, but he was thankful to not be wearing black in this heat.

The people of the village busied themselves with daily chores, all of them wearing the same brown robes he now had on. Was this the afterlife? He wondered. An old woman, her face tanned and wrinkled by both the sun and age, handed him an empty basket. She smiled at him warmly, revealing a mouth devoid of teeth.

"There's much work to do," She said, her voice as dry and raspy as the wind over the dunes, and then she turned and left him. He held the basket in his hands awkwardly, puzzled by the interaction. What was he meant to do?

As it turned out, there was much work that needed to be done. He helped the villagers catch and prepare food which they all shared communally. He helped with repairs to various homes and structures. Everyone treated him gently and with kindness and no one seemed perplexed at the mysterious appearance of the tall, dark stranger. Instead, Ben was treated as though he had lived there his entire life.

It was strange, this place did feel vaguely familiar, like he had seen it in a dream or perhaps visited briefly with Luke during their travels. As days passed Ben began to wonder if this was the afterlife at all or if it was just… life? He did not feel dead, and while his appearance and acceptance into the community was strange and unexplainable, it all felt very real. Had he been given a second chance? His heart sunk at the idea. Did he deserve one?

After about a week in the village, Ben reached out through the force, searching for Rey. He did feel her, but the sensation was dulled for whatever reason. For the briefest moment he considered stealing away to the closest town and taking a ship, following the connection to find her, but he let the idea go. If he was alive, perhaps it was best that he stayed here. He would only complicate her life, he knew that. Perhaps he was sent here to atone for his sins. The people that lived in this village seemed to worship the Force in a religious way, not unlike the Jedi. They eschewed all technology in order to feel closer to the force – all technology but the vaporator, which was very necessary to life out in the desert.

Ben felt peace, he felt almost happy, a strange sensation for him to say the least. He knew that he didn't deserve it, but he would make the best of this second chance he had been given, if that was really the case. He could devote his life to the Force, try to do some good in the world, even if it was only in helping this small community.

Eleven days after Ben's arrival he was awoken in the middle of the night to a loud commotion outside. Ben was on his feet in an instant. People were shouting and he could hear what sounded like blaster fire. Suddenly, a figure clad in white plastoid-composite body armor ripped down the thin fabric of Ben's door and fired a shot directly at Ben's chest.

Ben stopped the blast with the Force, turning it back around at the intruder who fell to the ground outside in a heap. Ben stared at the man for far too long. He was wearing stormtrooper armor – First Order stormtrooper armor. Ice cold fear seized Ben's heart.

Surely the First Order was no more, the Resistance had beaten them in the end, hadn't they? Had they? Ben had died within the temple of the Sith Eternal. It had seemed like the battle was won, but to be fair, he had been paying very little attention to anything but Rey.

Ben scooped the balster off of the ground filled with new resolve. He knew now why the Force had brought him back. He had to end the First Order, he had to fix his mistakes, restore order to the galaxy and finish what his mother had started.

He dashed outside, the sand shifting wildly under his feet. The desert nights were cold, but he was hardly thinking of that now. Half of the village was on fire. The ground was littered with brown-robed bodies. A pang of guilt stabbed Ben's stomach. He began firing at every white-armored stormtrooper he saw. He did not have a lightsaber, of course, but he easily dodged or halted all of the blaster-fire that came his way.

Then he heard something sickening familiar behind him, he turned slowly and saw it, terror raging inside of him like a wild animal. The black Upsilon-class command shuttle had just landed on the sand at the edge of the village. An old man in a brown coat was brought to his knees just outside of the shuttle. Ben could not see his face, but he knew who it was, he finally knew where he was. His entire body was trembling, the blaster falling from his hands.

"Tuanul," Ben whispered, his voice wavering. He was brought to his knees by a wave of nausea. He had been here; he knew what was about to happen. "No,"

Ben sat frozen watching as the command shuttle's entry bay opened and the masked figure clad all in black strode down the walkway to stand in front of Lor San Tekka. It was only when Kylo Ren ignited his lightsaber, the blade screaming to life and flickering with the unstable power of a cracked kyber crystal that Ben stood.

"NO!" Ben screamed, his voice cracking, wracked with a mixture of fear, guilt, and confusion. He was too late to stop Kylo's blade from swinging and ending Lor San Tekka's life.

Ben scooped the blaster off of the ground and fired at Kylo who, of course, stopped the blaster-bolt in midair. The two stood still like that for a long moment. Ben, his arm outstretched, blaster in hand. Kylo Ren's arm was also outstretched, his hand open and frozen just like the blaster-fire between them. Kylo's head cocked to the side strangely, Ben wondered if it was in recognition.

With a flick of Kylo's wrist the frozen blaster-fire shot back in Ben's direction. Ben tucked into a roll, dodging it easily. When he returned to his feet, he saw that Kylo was marching toward him, his blade outstretched. Ben reeled back, Kylo's quick and determined gait all too familiar.

Ben raised his blaster yet again, knowing full well that it would do him little good, but found that he was no longer holding a blaster. Instead, clasped in his right hand was the familiar silver hilt of his old lightsaber, exactly how it had looked before he had modified it to compensate for the cracked kyber crystal. He flicked it on, and the blue blade sang to life.

Ben waited back, allowing Kylo to approach. He knew that the best strategy was to allow Kylo to make the first move. Kylo raised his lightsaber above his head and charged. Ben imagined for a moment the man behind the mask, his face, twisted in rage and anger and confusion, most likely. Ben blocked the swing with his own lightsaber, the red blade crackling against the blue in a terrible explosion of light and sound.

They fought in a flurry, Kylo swinging and Ben blocking. There were some advantages to fighting yourself, he knew every move Kylo would make before he made it, and this was only enhanced with help from the Force. As it turned out, these were also the disadvantages to fighting yourself. Ben realized after some time that they were too evenly matched. They could be fighting here forever.

Kylo swung around from the right. Ben, knowing that he could not reliably block the swing from this angle, ducked and dodged the blade, rolling a few feet back. Kylo roared in rage. Ben was reminded, sickeningly, of his fight against Luke's force projection. He had been all rage and passion then too, but also pain and fear. Ben imagined that was what Kylo was feeling now, seeing a ghost from both his past and, unknowingly, his future.

Kylo charged again. Ben, who was not quite back on his feet, dodged from an unnatural angle, his blue blade sliding up to meet Kylo's cross-guard. Kylo's blade was uncomfortably close to Ben's face. He could feel the heat radiating from it, he could hear its horrible scream so close to his ear. Ben channeled the Force and pushed Kylo back. Ben, finally back to his feet, squared himself in a defensive position.

Kylo, his chest heaving, began circling Ben. Ben, his lightsaber poised in between them, followed Kylo around the circle. Ben did not move, he knew what Kylo was doing, circling Ben like a predator, he knew because he had done it.

"You're not going to take a swing at me?" Kylo said, his voice even deeper than natural and distorted by the voice modulator in the helmet. "You're quite the Jedi." He spat and Ben could practically hear the sneer.

Ben said nothing, he just focused on keeping his breathing calm and regulated. He channeled serenity as best he could, but it had been so long since he had to rely on anything but anger and pain in a duel. Even back on Exegol, he wasn't serene, he was determined.

"Are you afraid of me?" Kylo asked, his blade pointed toward Ben. "Of what I am?"

"No," Ben said, his voice calm. "I know what you are. You're hurt, scared, and incredibly angry. I know you."

"You're just the ghost of a boy I destroyed a long time ago. You were weak and pathetic." Kylo said, squaring his shoulders. The words hit Ben with a painful pang of recognition, so similar to what he had said to his father on Starkiller Base. It was something he had told himself nearly every day since he took up the mantle of Kylo Ren. "You are here to haunt me, to test my resolve."

"No," Ben said, hearing the pain in his own voice. Wishing he had realized the truth of his own words so much earlier. "You can't ever destroy me. I will always be a part of you." Ben's voice wavered.

"Ben, go home" It felt so strange to say that name out loud for the first time in years. It felt foreign and forbidden in some way, just as it had when Snoke had made it illegal to so much breathe the name 'Ben Solo' within the First Order.

"You still can, trust me I know." Ben let out a ragged breath wishing he would have done just that, that he would have taken his father's hand and thrown that damned lightsaber away as he had eventually done on Kef Bir, before his father was nothing more than a memory.

Kylo said nothing but resumed his attack with regained fervor. Ben resumed his blocking. He wondered how long he could keep this up for, how long Kylo could. He wondered if he should be attacking. Should he be trying to kill Kylo? Was that what the Force wanted? It seemed a bizarre move in Ben's opinion.

Then Ben remembered why Kylo was here, the droid, the pilot… Rey. It all flooded back to him in an instant. If Kylo Ren left here today he would find Rey, he would hurt her, he would kill his father, the First Order would destroy the entire Hosnian System. If Ben could stop Kylo now, he could save the galaxy so much pain and misery. Ben would probably be gone too, he knew that, but it made sense. This was it, this was why the force had brought him back. If Ben was lucky, maybe he could get a message to his mother warning about the impending danger of Starkiller Base and Sidious and implore her to save Rey from a life of loneliness on Jakku. That would have to wait though.

Ben began to fight with new resolve, Kylo seemed startled by this, but did not falter. Their blades clashed together, red and blue against the desert night sky. It was strange, almost, how easily Ben fell into the old rhythm, felt the hot wave of anger flow through him and power each swing and clash. He knew, deep down, that this was not the Jedi way, but once he got started, he could hardly stop.

Ben waited, waited, waited for an opening and finally he saw one. In one swift motion he stabbed his blade through the chest of Kylo Ren who let out an electronically distorted grunt. Hot pride soared through Ben's torso, so much that it hurt – actually, it hurt a little too much. Ben looked down, the flickering red blade of Kylo's lightsaber was stabbed through his own torso, almost exactly where Rey had stabbed him on the ruins of the second Death Star.

Ben and Kylo each fell to their knees almost simultaneously, making them even more like grim mirrors of each other than they already were. Ben could hear Kylo's breathing become labored, mimicking his own. Their lightsabers switched off and the hilts fell to the sand below. The two versions of Ben Solo kneeled in front of each other, watching their twin die. As the world faded, Ben knew that he would do nothing differently, much like the last time he had died.

He woke again in the endless void, the whispering voices crashing into his ear. He looked down, back in his black clothes and completely unstabbed. Had he done what the Force had wanted? It was impossible to tell. Then he heard a voice clear as day, it was his own and it sounded like it was coming from directly behind him.

Let the past die, kill it if you have to. He had said that to Rey during one of their Force bonds. Was that the Force telling him that he was right in some twisted way? Ben was unsure, it didn't feel right. He saw another speck of light in the distance. Maybe the Force was not done with him just yet.

Rey's head jerked violently at the words. She had heard them clear as day this time, she was sure of it. Let the past die, kill it if you have to. They were Kylo Ren's words and she had heard them as though he were standing directly behind her, but there was no one there, just the sky and ocean birds.

"Rey, is everything okay?" Finn asked, one of the small rocks he had been concentrating on floating fell onto his head and he rubbed the spot angrily.

"Yes, fine." She said with all of the calm she could manage. "Sorry, did I make you break your focus?"

"Only a little." Finn grumbled, and then he looked at her almost cautiously, brows furrowed. "Rey," he breathed deeply and looked at her as though he had been practicing what he was about to say for months now. "What is going on? I can tell something's wrong. Poe could tell, Rose could tell. I think that's why you left – why we left. I'm not upset about it, I'm just worried about you." He sighed and scooted closer to where she sat. "You're my friend. I know this war messed us all up in a lot of ways, but you've been different since Exegol."

Rey looked away from him, her heart sinking at his words. He was right, she had been different, she had left Poe and Rose, had whisked Finn off to Ahch-To not because she had thought it would be the best place for training, but because she had been tired of the concerned gazes, the prying questions.

"You died on Exegol, I felt it, Rey. You haven't told me what happened." Finn sighed and turned his head to gaze off into the ocean around them, it was calm today in stark contrast to how Rey felt inside. "I won't force you to tell me, but I am here to listen – you're my friend."

A hot shame washed over Rey, she had told her friends so little of what happened in the temple of the Sith Eternal. She had told them about the Emperor being her grandfather, about Ben rushing in to help, that Palpatine was gone – for good, hopefully. She hadn't told them about the rest, it hurt far too much. She had confessed to Finn that, yes, she had died, but she had not explained how it was that she was not currently dead.

She was ashamed of herself. She should be shouting about what Ben did from the rooftops. He had returned to the light, he had saved her, he had given his life for her, but she could hardly bear to speak his name, it hurt too much. Even thinking of Ben, thinking of his sacrifice, sent her into a horrible downward spiral. She could feel the waves of her sorrow crashing over her now, threatening to pull her under. She wanted to stand, to get away, to escape, but she couldn't keep doing that.

She looked Finn in the eyes, his own were dark and full of understanding and love, compassion poured from him like a faucet. He was well and truly the best person she had ever known, brave and kind, with a heart bigger than his head sometimes – that was probably why he got along so well with Poe. She could tell him, he would understand, he deserved to know.

"I did die on Exegol." Rey confessed, her voice hardly more than a whisper. Finn leaned over, placing a hand on her shoulder, allowing her to continue at her own pace. "Defeating the Emperor – Palpatine – it took everything I had, every ounce of strength, and I died." Rey paused again, wracking her brain for how to describe what happened next, searching for the words to define an act of true love.

"What happened?" Finn asked cautiously, his voice also soft. They could hardly hear each other over the crashing of the waves below and the calls of the sea birds that flew overhead.

"I woke up… Ben had healed me, he -" Rey could feel the tears coming now, she tried to blink them away. "He gave his life for me; he gave me everything."

She could see him in front of her now, his smile fading in the cool light streaming through the open ceiling above, he was falling, fading. She reached out to stop him, but he was gone. She had been too numb to feel it then, to numb to cry, but hot tears rolled down her face now.

"Ben?" Finn questioned but in a moment, realization dawned on his face, his eyes flew open wide. "Oh!"

"Ben and I, we had this special connection through the force, a bond. We could see each other, speak to each other over vast distances – but it was more than that too. It was like our souls were intertwined, we understood each other, could see…" Rey sighed. How was she meant to explain something she did not fully understand herself? "I'm sorry, it's difficult to explain. Apparently, we are – were," she corrected painfully. "A dyad in the force, but I'm not quite sure what exactly that means."

"And you had this… bond with Kylo Ren?" Finn asked slowly. Rey twitched internally at that name. She could not call Ben that, not after everything that had happened, but she would not begrudge Finn for it. Finn had never known Ben, never met him, though he had met Kylo Ren, which made explaining this all the harder.

"Yes." Rey said with a smile that was half apologetic.

"For how long?"

"At least since I went to meet Luke on Ahch-To, but I think it was always there." She confessed. "And we opened it during the interrogation on Starkiller."

"Wow," Finn laughed, though there was no amusement in it. "I had no -"

"I'm sorry I never told you." Rey said quickly, desperately. "I didn't know how to explain it then and now… now it hurts too much. I hardly allow myself to think about it."

"And this bond, that's been what's bothering you?" Finn asked cautiously.

"Yes, mostly. Ben died on Exegol, but the bond didn't go away. I still feel it, like a phantom limb, I guess. It… hurts." Rey said, trying to stifle the pain that rose in her as she spoke of it.

"Do you know why?" Finn asked. Rey shook her head no. She wished she knew, wished she knew how to stop it. "Have you tried -" Finn folded his legs underneath him and closed his eyes, one opening to look at her before he spoke again. "Meditating on it?"

"I have done very little but meditate since Exegol." Rey laughed humorlessly, remembering her countless lonely nights, sleep eluding her.

"Okay, but have you tried asking -" Finn waved his arms around in the air wildly. "Them?" Rey shook her head again. She had been seeking peace, not answers. "Well, maybe try that! You and I," He gestured between the two of them. "We're not going to have the answers, but they might."

Rey's shoulders slumped. Maybe Finn was right, maybe it was time to call on the past Jedi. She had searched the sacred Jedi texts for answers and found none, where else could she turn? She turned to Finn and gave him a quick nod. It was worth it to try, it had to be. She wanted to be free from this pain.