Hi there, quick disclaimer I do not own pokemon. All rights belong to nintendo.
This fanfic is heavily inspired by the fic 'Y'know Nothing Jon Snow!' by Umodin, and was posted with their permission. They let me use the fleshed out pokemon universe they made for their fic. Their story is really cool you should go check it out!
I hope you enjoy it, please leave a comment.
Edit: I've gone back and made some minor grammatical corrections, nothing huge.
Chapter 1
Death
(-¤-)
A haphazard upbeat tune blared out, rousing me from my sleep. The oddly pleasant off key sounds of The Dead Milkmen signaled the start of my day off.
~One saturday I took a walk to zipper he~
I slapped at my phone until I managed to silence it. This would be the third time I had done that today. Meaning it was time to get up and hunt down breakfast.
Feet hit the floor and I got a good look at myself in all my barely clothed glory. The only thing I was wearing at the moment was a pair of beige panties. The neon pink dye in my hair was fading again revealing the bleached blonde underneath. Green eyes stared back at my slender 5'4 form, the pale skin of which was pockmarked in with tattoos of varying age and color.
The one on my left side of a aztec style garchomp stood out more than the others. Having been added only a few days ago it was quickly losing its vividness for the muted colors that tattoos around the world shared.
I stood up and, not bothering to stretch, searched for something clean enough to make myself decent. An oversized black hoodie provided enough cover for me to explore the kitchen, and after a passing cursory sniff for nastiness it was deemed wearable.
I opened the fridge and promptly remembered that we had no food. Except the chinese take out box that had been in the back of the fridge since I moved in. I would throw him away but he was like an old friend at this point, and I'm pretty sure Liz was trying to prove some kind of point. Not sure what it was though, or what used to be in the box for that matter. The refrigerator door swung closed and I began rifling through the cabinets.
Lets see here, half a box of plain uncooked macaroni, three peppermints, a empty box of ramen, and coffee creamer. Why do we have that we don't even have a coffee maker? Well shit, looks like I'm eating out today.
Hey its saturday, that means the Tontitos Taco stand should be just down the street right now. Fuck yeah! I love Tontitos, great way to start a day, with some trashy mexican food and the promise of irregular bowel movements.
"Burrito time!"
A quick shower and an actual outfit later I headed out to hunt me down some extremely greasy breakfast. I stepped out into the polluted air of the city. Cars honked in the distance, trapped in traffic. Pigeons hopped around the ground uncaring of the people around them. People were passing by not making eye contact with each other and briskly walking toward their destinations. And concrete met my line of site in every direction but up. It wasn't the prettiest place, but it was home.
A pat of my pockets to make sure I had my wallet and I was on my way. I could practically smell that greasy meal of negahealth. I popped in some head phones and set my phone to shuffle, Death started up and my head bobbed along.
I came to a cross walk and slapped the crossing button on the street light pole. I could see the food cart now, in all its sheet metal glory. I saw the light change to that little green dude and jogged on out int-
A flash of shiny red and terrible pain as my world snapped sideways. Screeching rubber and a blaring horn heard for only a moment over scratchy music. And all throughout myself I felt a terrible, wet, CRUNCH.
(-¤-)
Everything hurts and I'm hungry. What an awful way to wake up. God, what the fuck happened, did Tontitos Tacos start drugging customers? Why do I feel like I went toe to toe with John Cena.
My eyes crawl open to find off white painted ceilings, and the sterile smell of a hospital rushed through my nose. A quick glance around confirmed that I was indeed in some kind of bare bones hospital bed but I could barely lift my head to get a better look. I think I was wearing a neck brace.
Why the fuck was I- wait. Fuck, did I get hit by a car? I certainly felt like I did. Son of a bitch I fucking used the crosswalk and everything! Oh my god how was I going to afford the hostpital bills, this was going to be a fortune. Fuck me, I was going to have to call my parents. Fuck Fuck FUCK!
Taking a deep breath I tried to take the situation in. I almost died, I'm about to be hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, and I'm going to have to beg my parents for the money.
Yup, today sucks.
I fumbled my right arm around looking for a remote to call the nurse, my left arm was incased in plaster, probably shattered from the impact. Skin brushed against smooth plastic and some blind fiddling later I heard a satisfying click and a distant "Ding". I sat there afterwards without much else to do. I had been waiting for a few minutes and was about to hit the button again when someone walked in, and a weirdly familiar woman was suddenly fretting over me like I was a sick puppy. And I mean WEIRDLY familiar as in I recognize something that shouldn't be there.
She was pale skinned with a well framed face and high cheek bones. Her pink dyed hair was smooth and shiny and her bright blue eyes all seemed to say that she was here to help. Also this lady was dressed like Nurse Joy, hair loops and all. The resemblance was shocking.
Maybe she was at a con and got called on duty or something? Do nurses do that or is it just doctors? The 'called in' thing not the cons.
"Oh thank goodness your awake I thought the concussion might have been to much for you." She immediately started checking the machines I seemed to be hooked up to, looking for signs of trouble no doubt. She seemed a slight bit frazzled.
"Concussion?" I croaked out, jeez even talking hurt. "What happ-" the words died in my mouth. Not because of the Nurse Joy look alike at least.
No I stopped my mouth because something else had entered the room.
It was pink.
It was round.
It was a chansey.
A chansey. Was in the room. With me. It was real.
Had I not been in a large amount of pain, wrapped in plaster casts, and bandages I would have jumped up and down on my bed screaming like a feral chimp. As it was all I managed was a pathetic and scratchy groan.
It was real, it had to be, I've seen practical effects in movies and those always looked just a tad bit off, like things pretending to be alive. They always moved just a bit wrong or forced or simply not fluid enough. This thing didn't have any of that, every bit of it behaved like it should. The fat had a slight jiggle when it walked. The eyes, shiny and wet showed genuine emotion. Muscles flexed, fur shifted, and small fingers clenched a tray of food in a way that told me it was holding it for real and didn't just have it glued on.
It was a real pokemon, that meant that was a real Nurse Joy. That meant that there was probably more pokemon, which meant that, that, thatthatthatthat!?
Me be best ever was?
My mind raced, the implications and possibilities buzzed in my head like angry hornets. Each fighting for control. How? WHY!? Was I not on earth anymore? Could I go on a journey? Was I to old for that? Wait I'm like twenty three I can tell anyone that says no to fuck off.
"Honey, is something wrong?" Nurse Joy (IRL Nurse Fucking Joy) snapped me out of my stupor. Apparently I had not stopped drool groaning from my private freakout. "Can you hear me?" She had a look of increasing concern on her face. Probably because a very broken and very concussed person was suddenly unresponisive.
"Uh yeah, sorry its just, uh" Fuck this was weird "Where am I?" FUCK YEAH BRAIN! good question! Much better than yelling the word pink over and over again.
She seemed to relax a bit at my question. But not completely if her suddenly checking my pupils up close was any indication. "You're in the Dellitown pokemon center, just north of Eterna Forest. Some of the children found you just past the borders of the forest unconscious. Can you tell me what happened to you?" She sat back apparently satisfied with my sudden checkup. "The towns folk are concerned that it might be a angry pokemon"
"uh... not sure." Ah fuck, uh, shit quick think of something, "I was walking along when I suddenly heard something running behind me, tried to turn around to see it. Then I woke up here." Awesome, thanks brain! Maybe that concussion made me smarter or something? Wait, where did she say I was?
"Im in a pokemon center? Why not a hospital?"
She huffed in annoyance, though I could tell it wasn't directed at me. "The children who found you dragged you here instead. It was a miracle they didn't kill you by doing so, your neck and spine were fractured and you had lost quite alot of blood. When they got you here I called Doctor Kohn. He said it was too dangerous to move you that far so we treated you here."
"Ok" I said in understanding. " but why did they drag me to a pokemon center?" God damn my voice felt weird, I hope thats not permanent. My singing voice was decent before and I would like to keep it.
Her shoulders slumped a bit and she gave me a apologetic smile. "The kids like me more than the doctors." Well that explains that.
Come to think of it I'd never heard of Dellitown, but Eterna Forest I did recognize. That meant I was in Sinnoh, home of god itself. I could work with that. Though its gonna be impossible to get a decent fire type, I think they only have three of them here. But how long was I gonna be in this bed.
"Hey, how long do you think til I'm all healed up." God my voice was scratchy, I could barely croak stuff out. Good question though, I would probably be here months maybe even a year. If all the casts I could feel were any indication.
"It will probably be around a month"
"A FUCKING MONTH!?"
FUCKING WHAT!? That can't be right I was fuckin shit wrecked by two tons of metal and jackass, how the fuck would I heal in month?! I- but- how!?
"Young lady!" Now she looked angry, "I know a month is a long time for anyone your age but that is no reason to swear. That type of language will not be tolerated!" She chided firmly.
My age? I mean I was kinda small I'll admit, but my tits were proof enough against th-
And then I saw the blank tv mounted near the ceiling, well out of the way of foot traffic. Its old CRT screen serving as a strange black mirror showed me the final nail in the coffin to today. The piece de resistance to my new life. The thing that oddly enough really cemented the fact that I was going to deal with some weird shit.
From that dark glass a 11 year old girl stared back at me. She was broken in so many places. Casts and bandages covered most of her and a hostpital gown draped across her. Most colors were washed out by the almost black of the tv. She laid there seemingly in shock next to a Nurse Joy who looked more and more concerned by the second.
She was me.
Me be kid now.
Kid be is me.
Me kid.
...
...
...
I was not gonna get laid for the longest fucking time.
Ok. Fuck. Shit. Alright.
I can deal. I got this. I once got away with setting a cop car on fire, I can deal with weird ass magic age regression bullshit. No problem. Dont freak out. Dont freak out. Dont fre-
"MISS!" Joy was yelling at me, she had been calling me that for awhile. I could hear the heart monitor freaking out, which meant I was freaking out. Get a grip girl!
YOU GOT THIS! NOW LIE! LIE BECAUSE ITS LITERALLY ALL YOU GOT LEFT! Oh my god all of this is real.
"YES HELLO, sorry. Everything just sorta hit me at once" good, good. Wait and react. Nurse Joy seemed a bit conflicted at that. "No really, I'm good now. It just those 'dodged death' jitters, ya feel me?"
"Um, yes I suppose that would be quite, traumatic." Yes, YES! Be perplexed by me, let me steer this boat! "Miss, now that your awake, I was hoping you could give me your parents number?" FUCK! I DONT HAVE THOSE ANYMORE!
I don-
Nope, dont think about, you got shit to deal with. No parents now, which means no parents numbers.
"I'm an orphan" Yes! Good brain! You are so getting a brain treat for this. "My folks caught the dead" No! Bad brain, orphans dont joke about that! I think? Maybe. Hmm, come to think of it I've never met an orphan.
Oh wow, I did not expect the first one to cry would be Nurse Joy. I had my money on the displaced multiverse traveler that was farther out of her environment than anyone had ever been ever. I wonder if shes just that sensitive or if orphans are rare here? Or maybe the population is less desensitized to tragedy?
"A-an orphan?" She produced a hankercheif from her skirt and made a futile attempt to dry her eyes, "of course your so crass, you had n-no one to teach y-you otherwise"
Oh they fucking tried lady, and failed miserably.
"Well your rude" I whispered to myself, just becaused I yelled fuck within three minutes of meeting you doesn't mean I'm crass. I mean I absolutely am, but she shouldn't be so quick to judge.
"Im s-sorry did y-you say something dear?" She looked back up to me.
"Uh, its nothing" no reason to make her feel worse. "Actually can I have a few minutes alone to, you know, process and stuff?"
"Oh, of course" she gave me a quick bow and ushered Chansey (holy fucking shit its so pink) out of the room as well. "If you n-need anything at all just, sniff press the button again. A-and, try to eat something, ok?" She placed the tray the Fucking Chansey had brought in. It had mashed potatoes, peas, some kind of meat, and a pudding cup.
"Sure" and with that she left, and I went ahead and had myself a little breakdown.
I died.
I didn't almost die. I died.
Like died, as in dead, as in bit the bullet. Except the bullet was a car, and I was the worlds fleshiest hackysack.
Oh god oh fuck oh god oh fuck.
Whats gonna happen to Liz? She can't afford the apartment on her own. Wait, forget that, what will my parents think, or do, or...Anything!
Tears were falling now. My life wasn't the best one ever but it was mine dammit. I put time into that shit! Oh no, everyone is gonna forget me. Not like my parents and stuff but one day they'll die and so will everyone I ever met and then thats it. I'll just exist as some paper work in a government building. NO ONE READS THAT SHIT! The most impressive thing that I did was the cop car fire and no one even knows that that was me!
I was full on sobbing now, snot and tears falling like a faucet. No more of my favorite music, or movies or art! fuck I knew I should have finished watching those marvel movies! Now I'll never have the chance!
I fucking died!
~tap tap~
sniff "huh?"
I looked towards what ever had interupted my existential crisis, trying to see the window as best I could. I didn't have such a good view but I could see a starly, like the pokemon, staring back at me. Solid black eyes gazed at me almost quizzically. As if asking why I was crying.
I was dead.
Except I wasn't.
I had been given another chance at life, for better or for worse I was here now. And this place offered some pretty unique life options. From getting adopted and having another chance at a happy home life. To researching magic fucking creatures. But something stuck in my head, biting at my emotions like a flea. I was gonna be forgotten to time in my world. One day it will be like I never existed and I couldn't do anything about that now.
But here I could write my name in history. All I need a is a pokeball and some luck. I wasn't sure how, but I was going to fight my way into the eternal memory of the human race.
The task wouldn't be easy, I know many had failed in it or else everyone would have their names carved into eternity. I knew I would cry for it, bleed for it and risk everything many for it times.
But the world would see me, know me, and never forget the legendary name.
Alice Thorn
Wait were my last words really 'burrito time'? Ah fuck they were, thats so stupid!
(-¤-)
Alice Thorn
Jan 18
Team
N/A
0¥
In Box
N/A
This fic should be updated once a week for the next 6 chapters. I hope you all enjoy it, again go check out 'Y'know Nothing Jon Snow!' by Umodin, its everything I've ever wanted from a self insert fic. See you all next week, please leave a comment.