AN: Thank you for staying with me along this journey. You've all been so lovely and made me laugh and smile with your comments. I wish you all the best! I'm going to take a break until Monday before posting a new Cloti fic, as this chapter emotionally exhausted me. Honestly, there is an unwritten Cloud POV companion fic in my head that should be titled, "Thirsty, He Wrote" because that man did not want to shut up about how thirsty he was this whole fic ahaha. Love you all!

Longing, She Wrote

Fall… And the End of Summer

That summer is the happiest that Tifa remembers being. There are moments of breakdowns, when Tifa wants to crawl inside herself and never come out, when pretending to be happy for her customers is too much, but Cloud is always there to catch her. There are moments when Cloud reacts as if he's at war again and Tifa coaxes him back to Gaia. There are moments when both of them feel too broken to fit together, but without fail, they always go to sleep next to each other, curled up tight and warm.

Cloud keeps making breakfast for her, and he and Zack take to their 'security' duty at Seventh Heaven with enthusiasm, watching like hawks for any disrespectful customers. At the end of the day, Tifa makes them all dinner, and the four of them take to talking long into the night over good food.

On the weekends, Tifa and Aerith take Zack and Cloud to the street festivals, laughing and trying out different street foods and delicacies. Cloud and Zack get strangely competitive about the festival games, trying to win the most prizes that they pawn off to Aerith and Tifa (despite Tifa's protests that she doesn't need another stuffed chocobo toy.) Zack makes Aerith happier, if possible. If Aerith was a light in Tifa's life before, now she's like the sun, blazing under Zack's love.

Tifa always turns to Cloud in those moments, rolling her eyes with him over how ridiculous their friends are. And then Cloud's eyes will go soft and intense all at once, staring at her with this nameless thing between them, and Tifa can't cross the threshold yet, can't think, can't breathe.

They stare at each other like that until they're interrupted, never crossing that line.

:

"Let's take a trip," Zack decides after their first month of leave in Midgar, rolling out a map and a few pamphlets onto the countertop of Seventh Heaven.

"We always take a trip on the weekends," Aerith hooks her arm around him.

"I mean outta the city! Let's go to the beach! Make it an overnight trip," he waggles his eyebrows.

"Hmm," Aerith flutters her eyelashes up at him, "it is getting hard to be alone together when my Mom is watching…"

"Then let's go! You, me, Cloud, Lockhart! I've already picked out my top three favourite hotels, this one serves breakfast in bed, and this one has karaoke every night, but this one gives out free cocktails after 7 pm—"

"Wait," Tifa stops in the middle of dishwashing, Cloud drying the dishes beside her, "do you mean… a trip to Costa Del Sol?! I don't know, the ferry alone is pretty expensive…"

She and Aerith have been saving to move out there, so Tifa doesn't want to dip into their savings anymore than they already have. She's definitely not touching the cheque Cloud gave her.

"Ah, that's true…" Aerith frowns. "Maybe we can swim across or ask Barret for his friend Cid's boat…"

That could work, Tifa mentally goes over the costs of a potential trip. If they pick a cheaper inn, and stick to free events, maybe they can make it work—

Cloud's hand against her arm, so warm and constant, stops that flood of thoughts. "We'll pay for it. Me and Zack."

"Yup!" Zack puts his thumbs up. "Our treat!"

"What?! No, that's too much, we're fine," Tifa insists.

"It's not too much," Cloud points at the mountain of dishes from all of Cloud's and Zack's helpings at dinner.

"Well…"

"Exactly!" Zack jumps in, his puppy eyes somehow worse that Aerith's, "you two have cooked, provided us with a place to sleep, and shown us around Midgar for the past month nonstop. It's the least we can do."

"But—"

"Please!" Zack pouts, "I really want to pamper my girl. Let Cloud pamper you too! Or Aerith will feel left out!"

Tifa fights back a smile, "I don't think Aerith will—"

Aerith wildly shaking her head and threatening to dye Tifa's hair pink from Zack's arms begs to differ.

"…I guess… if Cloud doesn't mind…"

Cloud spins her towards him, his eyes twinkling in amusement. "I don't."

"Then," Tifa tries to remember to breathe, "Okay."

Zack and Aerith cheer, hurriedly tackling the brochures. Cloud nods at Tifa and guides her towards the counter, his arm never leaving her back.

:

That night, when Cloud and Tifa lie together, Tifa's grip balls up against Cloud's shirt. Her throat feels heavy and clogged.

From the way Cloud breathes, slow and intentional, she knows he's awake. His fingers flutter against the top of her shoulders, silently stroking her hair back.

"…You really don't have to treat me to this trip," Tifa murmurs against his chest. "It could be a Zack-and-Aerith thing, we could stay behind, do something else." Something less expensive.

Cloud shifts over so he can face her, the moonlight kissing the top of his hair, ephemeral. He doesn't answer her, just keeps staring at her, the shadows sculpting his face into someone unfamiliar yet familiar, someone who could take her breath away just by speaking.

"You didn't have to take me in either."

"That's different."

"Is it?" Those whispered words caress her cheek.

She swallows and tries to think, tries to speak the way she would write. "You… you're like a miracle to me. I still can't believe you're here. I was being selfish, I just… want to see you every day, for as much as possible… so I can remember you're real. That's why… I hoped you'd stay here with me. While you're here."

Then she could look at him every day and know, he's alive.

His eyes don't move from hers, a steady blue-green studying hers. He's always watched her like that, as if she's worth memorizing, as if he'll miss something important if he looks away, something precious.

"Me too," Cloud whispers, his arm reaching up to stroke her cheek, tenderly brushing back another stray lock of hair. "I'm just being selfish."

Her heart wrings so tightly around itself that it could never pump blood again.

"…I don't think it's selfish," she manages to say, her voice barely audible compared to the unspoken thing between them.

He's so close, their breaths could touch, their lips too.

His forehead touches hers, and she sees him close his eyes. "Then you're not selfish either."

Tifa sucks in a breath, all of her focused on his forehead touching hers. She thinks of how happy she is to make him dinner, to have him here in her apartment, using her toothpaste, working together. These selfish little things she takes pride in, in providing for him…

He… he wants the same.

Cloud… wants to take care of her.

This fact, that she didn't take as fact until now, even after Cloud gave her his cheque, smashes through her mind and tears at her walls.

Cloud wants to take care of her.

She doesn't know what to do with this fact, this truth.

"…No one's really taken care of me before," Tifa whispers. Aerith and Elmyra have. Barret has. Yet Tifa's always paying them back by helping with their businesses or babysitting. But what Cloud wants is different, the step to something so much more. "I don't know what you want."

Slowly, Cloud opens his eyes again, studying her in that intent way he always has. "Just you," he murmurs sleepily. "Always you."

Her lips tremble. In the hush of the night, all she can focus on is the soft way his bangs fall against his face, how his eyes could melt her entire being and he wouldn't know. They're so close yet there's a chasm between them that could shatter her if she takes the leap, if she reaches out to connect her lips with his.

"I… I don't want things to change." But they already have. So much has. Nibelheim will never return, neither will her father or Mrs. Strife, those days of stargazing together, of shy looks and touches, all gone up in a single blast…

"Then they won't. Let's just be us," he whispers, just a breath away.

"Just us," she whispers back, so much pain and more welling up in her throat.

She sees the answer in his eyes, the pleading, the is this okay, the tell me when to stop, and she sees this sea of longing that's overflowed since he promised her to return, since he went to soldier, since he left her with a single kiss against her hand, and she jumps in.

Her lips meet his, their fingers intertwine, and she kisses him as if she'll never kiss him again, she kisses him like she's relearning a language she's forgotten, like she's going to die at any moment, and he brings their intertwined fingers up between them and does the same.

Will you be here when I wake up?

Will you still hold me in the morning?

Will we still be Cloud and Tifa?

Those questions soar and sting in their every touch, as Cloud caresses her and trails kisses up her neck, as she lets herself cry out in a way no one else has ever known, as Cloud carefully presses his fingers against her skin to leave his mark, as Tifa clings to his back, as they both worship each other's scars.

Yes. The unspoken 'yes' rings through the night.

:

In the morning, half caught up in the shackles of sleep and half pulled by the city lights peeking through the blinds, Tifa lies there against Cloud's chest and their entangled limbs. She stares into the empty dark, into the hazy morning that the slums of Midgar brings. She lets the steady thump of Cloud's heartbeat carry her anxieties away. Her heart and her body aches.

She doesn't want to let go, to look at his eyes and see the change there. Her fingers scrunch his shirt closer together.

Cloud wakes in increments. She's never watched him wake before, he always wakes up first, pulling the blankets snug over her shoulders before he makes breakfast. She watches as his breathing mellows out, as his lips half open and close with forgotten words, and then his eyelashes flutter open, the hint of mako glaring out.

He blinks slowly and steadily and Tifa holds her breath, unsure what to say.

Isn't it so strange? To share the most intimate experiences with someone, to share your childhood and your grief and your body, and still not know his heart?

Then Cloud slowly smiles, like the rising of the sun, and Tifa knows they'll be okay.

:

They don't talk about it, only sneaking glances and smiling more. Cloud's touches linger on her shoulder, her waist, her hand and Tifa lets herself lean into those touches after breakfast.

It's still them.

And more.

:

"Motorcycles?!" Aerith jumps up and down in excitement when Zack leads them to the rentals they're taking to Junon's ferry. "When did you learn?!"

"Cloud and I took a few lessons on our last leave. I've never seen him so excited for anything. Well, except seeing Lockhart again," Zack teases.

"I get excited about things," Cloud huffs, cheeks slightly pink. Tifa pretends to look at her shoes.

"Food doesn't count. Everyone loves food."

"So we're renting two bikes?" Tifa eyes both of the sleek bikes dubiously. She's never travelled by bike before. The fear of falling, like the time she fell off the bridge in Mount Nibel, still haunts her.

"Don't worry," Cloud's side is warm by hers, "I won't let you fall."

Tifa flushes. "Stop reading my mind."

He only quirks his brow at her.

Between the four of them, they've packed light, with only enough clothes for three days and a few toiletries and a first aid kit. Aerith hops over to Zack and squeezes his back eagerly on their motorbike, saluting to Tifa as they race off.

"Race you!" Zack hollers while Aerith blows Tifa a kiss.

Narrowing his eyes, Cloud tosses Tifa her helmet and tugs her by the waist onto the bike. "We'll see about that."

"What, wait, Cloud," Tifa fumbles with the helmet, hastily putting on the straps, "Whoa!"

Cloud races off, steadily behind Zack and Aerith, and Tifa grabs on tight, afraid that she's suffocating him with her grip. But she can feel the glee in Cloud's form as the wind rushes through his hair and the open road lies before him. Zack's whoops and Aerith's cheers are nothing compared to the quiet thrill in Cloud's body on the road.

This is a Cloud that Tifa's never really seen, not even with her, a Cloud without any burdens or fears, just… Cloud and wherever the road takes him.

She wishes she could see the smile on his face now, unrestrained and so very Cloud.

He should look like that every day. She wants to make him that happy, that free, even for just a moment.

But soon Cloud's leave will end… and he'll have to return to the military.

No, she chides herself, don't think about that now.

Instead she closes her eyes and lets herself lean on him. They're free, even if it's not true.

:

Time is strange on the open road, hanging onto this person who means so much that Tifa can't put a name on what he is to her. Eons could pass in these passing hours, a thousand lives and more, and Tifa would still be here clinging to him as tightly as gravity hugs the planet. Countless trees and mountains pass them by, but here on this bike, it's as if Cloud and Tifa are all that exist.

Then Tifa sees it, the first hint of the ocean, a glittering bright blue line that seems to shout against the paling sky. When Master Zangan took her to Midgar, she was unconscious, so she missed her chance to see the ocean. She's seen photos of it, in libraries and advertisements, but it's different then seeing it. The ocean seems to stretch as far as the sky and the land, nestled with thousands of floating lights, the waves that carry sunlight in them. The ocean calls to her, like a home she never knew she had, and Tifa is so glad that the first time she gets to see it… it's with Cloud.

He's seen it before, she knows. On all his missions to other countries, how could he not? And yet, when she feels him slow down his bike, despite Zack overtaking him in their private race, she knows that he's savouring this moment too, that this ocean feels different because they're together. They found each other, and everything feels so new now that it's them.

"Wow," Tifa says.

"Yeah," Cloud brings the bike to a stop, so they can linger a bit longer. He's not staring at the ocean at all, just her, and Tifa can't help but blush. "Wow."

:

The ferry is the biggest boat Tifa's ever seen. She never thought that ferries took vehicles too but considering the amount of delivery couriers that pass through different continents, it makes sense. Tifa can't help but get excited at the prospect of being surrounded by endless water. She and Aerith can't stop going up to the railings, leaning over them to stare at the depths of the water, trying to see if they can spot any fish or sharks.

Zack eventually convinces Aerith to go with him to the bow for some alone time, leaving Cloud and Tifa together.

Cloud puts his arm around Tifa's waist as soon as they leave, leaning against her as if he's always belonged there and Tifa tries not to think anything of it.

"It's so different from Nibelheim," the words slip out despite how happy she is.

Cloud's arm pulls her closer towards him, as if that alone could fight off the memories.

"The first time I was put on a ferry, I nearly threw up."

"What?" Tifa laughs, "Really? But you're doing so fine now!"

"That's because I took some medicine before I got on. And I have you to hold on to," he says with a straight face. "I hate boats."

"What?! Are you alright?!"

"I'm fine, can barely feel the queasiness…"

"Oh my stars," Tifa turns in his arms to face him, lightly punching him in the shoulder. "Then why did you suggest going to Costa Del Sol? We could have done something else!"

"I promised. In my letter."

Tifa's cheeks puff up. Cloud and his promises, honestly. "That wasn't a promise. It was a suggestion in a letter."

He looks away. "I promised myself."

Tifa tilts her head curiously.

"It was… the day I left Nibelheim. I took the train to Costa Del Sol and when I saw the ocean, I thought… I have to show her this. I have to come back and see it all again with Tifa, I have to show her everything. And then…"

His grip gets harder.

"And then I thought you were dead."

"Oh Cloud…" Tifa brings her hands up to touch his face, the shining emotion there that makes her heart ache.

"You were… dead, or I thought you were, and all I had left of you was a photo and the last letter you wrote me where you told me off for missing your birthday and I… I kept writing letters I never sent, just to think you were alive…"

"Hey," she whispers, putting both hands on the side of his face until his eyes are level with hers. "I'm here. We're both here. You found me. And this time… all the letters you write, I'll answer them all."

Even if Cloud decides that this thing between them is just friendship, just a desperate need to feel close to the last remnants of home. Even if Cloud decides to leave her one day, if things change, she'll be here.

He surges down to kiss her, his lips devouring hers, teeth marking against her skin, and she lets him because they need this.

They need this to be real.

:

They're composed and tidy by the time they get off the ferry to meet up with Zack and Aerith, not a hair out of place. Tifa spent a good five minutes fretting over Cloud's appearance and straightening back his spikes while Cloud's hands lingered for longer than necessary on the ties of her dress. But eventually Tifa managed to jostle Cloud into behaving and keeping his hands to himself so they can get off the ferry before it takes them back to Junon.

Zack and Aerith look at Cloud and Tifa with such cat-caught-the-canary grins that Tifa fears they know, only for them both to quickly push them towards the inn they booked.

"Come on, let's go, let's go, beach, beach!" Aerith sings, "I can't believe that we haven't been in the water yet!"

"Wait, our bags," Tifa yelps.

"Zack paid a guy to take them to our rooms! I love that man. Now let's go change!"

Aerith shoves her into the room they'll be sharing and slams the door shut. "Okay, details," she locks the door. "And don't deny anything, I see that hickey you tried to hide with that cute scarf! Either you hooked up with a hot sailor in the past hours or you and Cloud are together now."

"I don't want to talk about it," Tifa says quickly, covering up her neck with her scarf. So much for swimsuits. She'll just stick to the sundress and some sandals.

Aerith narrows her eyes. "Do I need to hit him with a chair?"

"What?! No! Cloud's been lovely! A complete gentleman!"

Aerith stares at the hickey.

"Most of the time!"

"The chair option is still open."

"It's just… new. We're… figuring things out. We haven't… we haven't talked about it."

They've spent so much time together, sleeping next to each other, holding each other, talking about everything but what they are to each other.

(But does it need to be said?)

(What if Tifa is wrong?)

"Hm…" Aerith frowns. "Well… if you're sure… But you better figure it out! We only have four weeks of summer left!"

"Yeah…" Tifa's heart twists.

Only four weeks left.

:

Aerith and Tifa manage to cover up the hickey with some make-up and a better looking scarf. Since neither of them know how to swim, they settle for some tasteful sundresses and flip flips before heading out to meet Zack and Cloud in the lobby.

The sun, so bright, feels wonderful against her skin and Tifa can't help but grin. The air is salty and fresh, different from the crispness of the mountains and the smog down in the slums. She forgot that the air could feel so alive.

Zack lights up when he spies Aerith, running over to spin her around in his arms. Cloud moves over to intertwine his fingers with Tifa's. He looks lighter here, more like the boy who would eagerly wait by his window for her to open hers so they could chat.

"So… what should we do first?" Tifa asks shyly.

"Dunno," Cloud shrugs, content to hold her hand.

"You two are boring, boo! This way to the fun!" Zack pushes them both forward, an arm around Aerith.

They walk towards the beach, this expanse of smooth sand unlike anything Tifa's really seen before. Aerith and Zack quickly amuse themselves with running down along the beach while Cloud waits patiently as Tifa soaks her feet where the waves rock the sand. The warmth of the sand settled between her toes, the constant cool hug of the waves, all of it make her throat tight with joy.

She breathes it all in, wishing she could just fall back and just be enveloped in water.

The tight grip on her wrist keeps her from falling.

"Hey," Cloud's eyes hurriedly search hers. Even when he's worried, eyes wild in desperate concern, he's still so beautiful. "You alright?"

"Yeah," Tifa says, "Just… really happy." And she is, she really is. How often has she been able to feel this? This wave of complete happiness, not weighed down by any dark thoughts. "Thank you, Cloud."

She'll keep this moment in her heart, for as long as it lasts, even if it ends one day.

Cloud frowns thoughtfully, on the verge of saying something, before he merely pulls her close and presses a kiss on her hair.

Yeah, she'll treasure this for as long as this lasts.

:

The day passes with many different beach activities but eventually Cloud guides Tifa back to the inn, paranoid that Tifa might be feeling ill despite Tifa's protests that she's fine.

"No, you're not fine," Cloud says.

"Really, I am!" Tifa laughs.

Cloud shakes his head.

"Your eyes… they look… like they're saying goodbye…"—Tifa freezes—"even though you're right here with me. So please…"

Tifa frowns. "Cloud, I didn't mean—"

She doesn't get to finish that sentence as a truck drives past them on the road, a truck with a huge advertisement painted on it. She recognizes the kanji and the bold looking soldier painted on it. The posters made after Shinra beat Wutai in the war. Victory and Pride, that's the slogan they chose. Tifa remembers staring at those posters a few years ago, sick to her stomach, wondering if her mother's parents had been killed… wondering if she would have been too if her mother had never moved to Nibelheim.

"Pride…" Cloud repeats the word dully. "Nothing to be proud of."

It's her turn to grip his hand tight.

"Do you… want to leave?"

His shoulders slump down. "I… I don't know."

Suddenly this whole farce, spending time at the beach, being happy, feels pointless. Where could Cloud ever go to outrun what he's done? Where can Tifa ever go to get rid of her ghosts?

Cloud holds her hands against his chest. "Can we… go home early? I'm… tired."

"Yeah," Tifa sends Aerith a quick message on the PHS. "Of course."

She'd do anything to chase away his sadness. Anything at all.

:

"…You don't have to go back with me, you know. This was your gift. You should go enjoy the rest of it with Aerith," Cloud says when she meets him out front the inn with their things. His eyes are sunken already, as if he's rolled around with this guilt for the past hour.

"And be a third wheel to them?" Tifa shakes her head, "No thanks. I'm sure they'll thank us for the rooms."

"But still… I had so much I wanted to show you—"

Tifa puts a finger to his lips. "Cloud," she says, "it's okay. I just want to be with you."

He looks at her with such awe and reverence that she doesn't deserve that Tifa has to turn away.

"I want to change," he whispers.

Tifa glances back up in alarm.

Cloud nods, staring at her with a determined lilt. "I want to be better. Do you… think that's possible? Can someone like me change for the better?"

She swallows back down all her own fears and anxieties, her self-doubt. "I don't know what you did while you were in SOLDIER, Cloud, but I know that your heart wasn't in it. I can't judge your sins. But I can say this… you're already better, you've already helped me. If you think you want to change, then you've already changed. You just have to keep making the right choices to get there."

Cloud stares at her for a long time before he brings their intertwined hands forward to place a steady kiss against her knuckles, the same way he did when he left her for soldier, when he promised to be her hero. This time, whatever silent promise he has in his head… it feels different.

"Okay," he whispers against her skin, but somehow it sounds like another promise. "I'll try."

A surge of affection rushes through her, and awe. She wishes she could do more, that she could change too, for the better. She wants to be able to stand next to him and be his strength.

"Let's go somewhere together," she says suddenly, "let's go back to Nibelheim."

"Wait what," Cloud gapes at her.

"Yeah," Tifa says, now that this stupid idea is out in the open. "We've still got two days of this trip left, we should go see Nibelheim. Together."

The more she thinks on the sudden idea, the more she likes it. She hasn't been back to Nibelheim once, and she guesses that Cloud hasn't either. If they both go to see their parents' graves perhaps they can find some semblance of peace. Perhaps they can start to change more easily and confront the ghosts within themselves.

Perhaps she can find the courage to name this thing between them.

Cloud, too, seems to understand after thinking on it, his brow tightening in determination. "You know what? Yeah. Let's go. There's an air taxi we can take, it's only about a few hours flight to Rocket Town and then we can drive there. Next flight's in…" Cloud checks his PHS, "ten minutes. We can make it!"

"Then let's go!"

What a strange scene they must make, running down the street to the nearest air taxi, abandoning their rented motorbike in the streets. She hasn't run this freely since playing tag in the forest, slowing down so Cloud could catch up. Now he's ahead of her, his pace steady so she can be by his side, and he doesn't look like a Soldier at all. He just looks like Cloud.

:

They both sober up when they're in the little plane, sitting with other passengers, watching as the world becomes smaller and smaller below them, all these little houses like tiny pebbles in the sand, the people like scurrying ants doing their best. Up here, Tifa's troubles, Mako Day, the aftermath of war, it all seems so small and insignificant. The planet is so young, uncaring of individual human concerns, just spinning around as it always does, bringing night and day without fail.

Terrifyingly beautiful.

Tifa glances at Cloud, who seems lost in the scenery. His eyes are half-lidded, half-asleep, but his mind is far away in a place she can't reach. What memories must he be thinking of? What regrets keep haunting him?

In this small yet large world, where anything can happen, all Tifa can do is hold on to him, and hope that it's enough.

:

Renting another bike in Rocket Town is fairly easy. Cloud drives down the road while Tifa directs him with her memorized map. The scenery that passes them by is lush green, endless plains with the mountains in the distance and forests up ahead. The sight of the mountains, once so familiar in her eyes, feels strange, like they don't belong there, like they're already huge grave markers where so many people died.

As they get closer and closer to the Nibelheim wreckages, they pass the small towns that have been set up around the old blast radius. Small new houses with people who moved away from Rocket Town and wanted to set up more mining and trade. Tifa wonders what stories the children that will grow up there will make up about those who died in the mountains, she wonders what ghost stories will arise.

Finally, the green begins to twist. Less lush, more twisted and jagged, vines and leaves creeping up between rubble and broken stone. High plants burying old dust.

Cloud doesn't say anything, only parks the bike and stares.

Tifa lets him linger, soak in everything, not willing to let go of his waist.

"There used to be so many houses…" he murmurs, "I think… I think our houses used to be there," he points to the hollow where a few trees have started to sprout.

"Yeah…" she swallows. "I think so too."

It looks nothing like the photos, like the tragedy Tifa witnessed. When she last saw Nibelheim, so much was burning and smoking, there was just ash and dust and blood and bodies—

"Tifa?"

She startles when she feels Cloud's hands on her face, sees him staring at her in concern.

"Ah… sorry, I spaced out."

Cloud's face twists into a pained expression. "We don't have to keep going. We should go back—"

"No, no! I'm… dealing. I just need a minute." Tifa keeps his hands on hers and takes several deep breaths. In her head, so many emotions and thoughts are screaming that she can't sort them out at all. "I think I'm just… surprised. I thought it would all look as terrible as when I first saw it… so much death and dust… but things are growing. They've changed."

She's changed, even if she didn't want to.

They both have.

"Yeah…" Cloud echoes, his eyes reflecting the same understanding, "they really have."

:

The two of them park the bike by the outskirts of the blast radius and begin wandering around the wreckage. There's a strange solemn air about this place where so many people have died, and yet the air is teeming with life, with little creatures that have made their homes in the rubble, with flowers blooming where the mayor's office used to lie.

Tifa feels strange, like she shouldn't be here. This place has moved on… she doesn't belong here anymore, in this sacred space of death and nature. But… she has to show Cloud something. She owes it to him.

"This way," she tugs his hand along, barely recognizing the terrain covered up in vines and wildflowers.

On the top of a little hill, near the path to Shinra Mansion and Mount Nibel, there are two grave markers still standing tall. The markers are made of scraps of burned wood from the blast and the stones that Tifa had found at the time. She had etched in the grave inscriptions herself with a piece of sharp stone and didn't let Master Zangan help at all as she dragged what was left of her father and Mrs. Strife, and buried them herself.

Her hands had gotten so grimy and her knees bruised and ached, but Tifa never stopped until they were properly buried. Only then did she collapse, only then did she wake up in Midgar right after.

She hears Cloud's breath stutter, his grip on hers becomes so tight it hurts, but Cloud quickly lets go with a silent apology.

"Is this…?"

"Yeah," Tifa swallows back her emotions. "It's where I buried your mom."

Cloud falls to his knees, his hand reaching out to the inscription of Claudia Strife, beloved mother and friend, and she watches him cry.

:

"Sorry…" he murmurs against her, after countless minutes by Mrs. Strife's grave. "I got dirt all over your knees."

They've been kneeling by the grave for ages, dirt smudged on both their clothes and limbs.

"It's alright," Tifa says. "I think you needed this."

He squeezes her hand. "Yeah… I think so too."

He turns to her father's grave and bows before it too, before he frowns. "Wait… there's something here…"

Tifa leans over and notices that there's another inscription on the grave marker, something she didn't write.

I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to stay. -Z

"Master Zangan," Tifa gasps. She never thought she'd see another sign of him alive again. The marks look fresher, less worn than the inscriptions she wrote for her father.

"He was here and he couldn't bother to come find you?" Cloud scowls.

"I think he came here out of guilt," Tifa murmurs, tracing the words Master Zangan carved.

"Then he should come find you and apologize!"

"It's fine," she says about Master Zangan, and for the first time, she feels like it is. She didn't need him, in the end. Aerith and Elmyra saved her. Marlene and Barret saved her. Marle saved her. With their every little kindness, they all saved her. And Cloud too.

"It's not," Cloud repeats under his breath.

"Why are you so fixated on this?" Tifa laughs.

"Because he left you, when he should have stayed and taken care of you. I would have stayed."

He has to stop saying such things to her, she'll take it the wrong way.

"Cloud…"

"I would, Tifa," he repeats again, silently trying to tell her something more with his eyes, something that Tifa can't quite grasp or understand yet.

Instead, all she can do is bury her face against him and murmur, "Thank you."

He hesitates, Cloud always thinks so hard before he does anything, and then he curls up around her, the way so many others did to protect their loved ones in the blast.

"…Do you want a moment with your dad?"

She pauses. "No…" She thought she'd be sadder if she came back, she thought she'd break into pieces and never fit back together. But she's already somewhat whole now, scarred, but whole. "I think I'm okay."

:

They lean against each other on the air ride back to Midgar, tired and numb… but somehow a bit lighter. Cloud's smiles come out a bit easier, and he walks a bit more like he used to. Not as guarded or hunched in, but like he's too busy thinking about the world to put up a front. Tifa too feels lighter, like she can breathe easier, like she's carrying a bit of her dad inside her, and things will get better.

As she watches the world pass by through the airship's window, she thinks of the memories they've created so far, all the things they did together on the beach… Playing volleyball, running around in the water splashing each other, collecting seashells and feeding seagulls. It was so fun and silly and normal.

They weren't two soldiers or two women surviving in the slums or marked by tragedies… they were just living.

Maybe… Tifa can do that. Living, that is.

Maybe it starts with something as simple as writing a letter out of loneliness, maybe it starts by visiting old graves, maybe it's none of that. Maybe it's the build up. Maybe it's simple things like getting up to run a bar and cook food for tired customers, maybe it's seeing Marlene smile and run at her, maybe it's Aerith pulling her along the street to buy clothes. Maybe it's as simple as seeing the ocean for the first time with someone you love.

Oh no, Tifa thinks, I love him.

She buries her face in her hands, ignoring Cloud's bewildered glance.

What terrible timing for this realization.

:

Loving someone like this is devastating and uplifting at once. The world feels brighter because Cloud is in it, but Tifa can't help but dread the day he returns to work for Shinra. The days count down to the end of Cloud's leave and Tifa tells herself not to burden him. She has to send him off with a smile. She'll write to him every week about everything. It's enough that they're so close now.

It has to be enough.

The days up to September, Cloud becomes quieter, more thoughtful, if possible. His touches linger for longer against her and he begins kissing her against her hair when he thinks she's sleeping. At the bar, he and Zack will retreat into a corner, silently conversing with serious expressions. Even Zack seems more subdued, studying Aerith intently, memorizing the feel of her.

"…I really don't want them to leave," Aerith confesses to her that evening before they close. "Can I get arrested if I kidnap Zack and hide him in my mother's basement?"

Tifa reaches out to rub circles against Aerith's hand. "Probably."

Aerith's lips twitch. "…I don't know how I'll go back to just writing him letters."

Tifa doesn't know either.

"Guess I'll have to start writing really sexy letters then. Just to encourage him to come back."

"Aerith!" Tifa hisses, face completely red.

"What? You know it'll work! You're just too shy to try it!"

"I told you, it's complicated!"

"Kettle meet black."

Tifa chases Aerith with the dish washing sponge.

:

The night before Cloud's train leaves, he and Tifa lie together. Tifa curls up against his chest, trying to will herself to remember the feeling of his arms, the sound of his breathing.

"…I'll write you every week," she murmurs. She'd say 'every day', but she has to be realistic with the time constraints of her job.

He curls tighter around her. "Mm."

"…And I'll send you cookies."

He huffs against her in amusement.

"…And…" she says, eyes drifting close, "maybe you can visit next winter break…"

He doesn't reply.

She tries not to let that hurt, remembers that they haven't labelled themselves as anything, not like Zack and Aerith. They're just Cloud and Tifa, clinging onto the last connection of their pasts, whatever they are to each other, Tifa can't name it.

"Sorry," she murmurs, eyes too heavy to open.

The last thing she remembers before she drifts off to sleep, is Cloud adjusting his hold on her, his fingers caressing her hair, and a murmur of, "Don't be."

:

Tifa has never hated the train so much before. Off to the side, Aerith gives a tearful goodbye to Zack, clinging to his neck. Tifa and Cloud make sure to give them a wide berth for privacy, moving to the other side of the platform.

Forcing a smile on, Tifa offers a bag full of blankets and snacks. "For the trip. And a secret snack stash. So you remember me."

Gently, Cloud takes the bag, focusing more on her than anything else happening on the platform.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

They stare at each other, Cloud's frown deepening on his face.

The train's horn blows, two more minutes till boarding. Tifa swallows back her fear, her insecurity, and cheerfully says, "Well, better find a good seat on the train. I wonder if Zack and Aerith are done yet…"

"Tifa," the next thing she knows, Cloud has both hands on hers. "Wait."

She stares up at him, eyes wide.

"I…" he frowns again, steps closer. "I don't want this to be just a summer fling."

Tifa's brain nearly stops working. "Cloud—"

"I want us to be more. I want to go home to you, every time I have leave. But I don't want you to just wait for me, for empty promises. After this season, I'm going to quit SOLDIER, open up my own delivery service, volunteer to help rebuild Wutai, save up for a place in the sun, and then, if you want, I…" he swallows, and pulls out a ring, "I'd be honoured if you'd wear this."

Tifa's mouth goes dry. All thoughts gone. "Is… is this…?"

He tenderly opens her hand and places the silver ring in the palm of her hand, then closes her fingers over it.

The train's whistle blows once more.

"Cloud!" Zack calls out, already in the door. "Come on!"

Aerith stands in the platform, eyes shining, a new ribbon in her hair, a new star pendant hanging around her neck.

Cloud scowls at him, then turns to Tifa. "You… you don't have to answer me just yet. I know it's really sudden and fast and maybe stupid, but I want to be by your side. So just… think about it. I…"

"Hurry up!" Zack hollers.

With a tsk, Cloud quickly places a kiss by Tifa's lips. For a second, the world stops, everything zeroing in on the warmth of his lips on hers… And then he steps away, though everything in him silently broadcasts for more.

"I love you," his voice cracks as he says it, and before Tifa can say anything, respond back, he jumps onto the train as it begins to leave.

Tifa stands there, dazed, for a very long time.

:

The letter doesn't come in for Cloud for two whole weeks and when it does, he opens it with trembling fingers. Will she reject him? Will she ask him to wait a little longer? Was it too soon? Did he read her wrong?

He's lived every day since Nibelheim was destroyed, living on what-ifs. What if he had never left Nibelheim? What if he had stayed and somehow saved his mother and Tifa before they died? What if he had reached out to her sooner, invited her to visit him on his leave, and miraculously that leave would be during the day of the explosion?

When he received her letter so many months ago, read her name, saw that familiar handwriting, he knew that he couldn't let her go. Not again, even if his hands are stained with blood, he can't let this chance escape him, even if he should let her go.

He almost doesn't look.

When he does, he can't stop smiling, not for the whole week and Zack swears Cloud looks possessed.

:

Dear Cloud, the letter says.

I do.

Love,

Tifa

Winter

You are cordially invited to the wedding celebration of Cloud Strife and Tifa Lockhart to be held on the first day of spring, next year. Formal invitation to follow.

Spring. And Many More to Come.