Severus Snape
Author's Note: Hah! I made you cry...manipulating emotions is always fun. *sigh* Well, anyway, I hope you are liking this story, even though it is not really a story in the usual form. This chapter is over Severus Snape, who despite certain evil tendencies is the greatest teacher ever! Sort of...WELL, tell me what you think, and I hope you like!
Disclaimer: If I owned HP, I wouldn't be sitting here on my old computer writing fanfiction. Unless I have serious issues.
~*~
I looked at the small vial of black liquid, staring deep into its shadowy depths. I nestled the concoction in the palm of my hand, feeling the ice- cold emanating from it biting at my skin. 'I have bottled death.' I thought wearily. 'Is this how things have come to pass, that my life shall end here, in my office unnoticed? Am I to die alone?'
But of course I would. I was nothing...and they were everything. They that walked the halls of this school, even in those days hating me so much...and what ever did I do to them? I was not what they thought I was...but neither then was I what anybody expected me to be.
Shuddering, I uncapped the vial. Black steam rose from the surface and I brought it to my lips. The scent of death lingered in my nose as I imagined it...how the liquid would course from my lips down my throat and into my stomach, and from there seep into my veins, until finally it consumed every part of my body, until I too was as cold as the infernal icy mixture.
I had only to take one sip and it would all be over...day after day of endless, mindless torture, knowing what I am, what I was...knowing what I will be. When the war has ended, neither side will remember me...to them I was a traitor, worthy only of being killed. To Dumbledore, I was one to be trusted and also one to go along in shadow, and when darkness fell, they were watching me, because they knew I was once one of them.
The poison shuddered at my fingertips. I looked into its depths and with a tortured, feral cry...one of anguish, not of triumph, I threw hard the vial against the stone walls so that it shattered. Another die, I passed the test...my only question was, would I make it the next?
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I stood shivering in the muggle village, looking at the streets with a mixture of anger an annoyance. It was a petty task, and I know why Dumbledore sent me here...it is because he knows that I will do anything he wishes. It is only because of him that my life is intact...I owe him everything. It is the one reason I do not end this infernal hell now...I respect Dumbledore too much to do so.
Taking slow steps I reached the place known as the Gray Duck...a stupid name for a tavern. Merry bells jingled at the door as I stepped inside and it gave me some small pleasure to see the people pale slightly as I walked inside---the merry tintinnabulation of the bells contrasted greatly to my demeanor. But I did not wish to display a false persona in a world full of already false people...I was what I was.
I sat when I reached the bar. A slight woman walked nervously up to me and, in a distinctly American accent, asked, "May I get you anything, sir?" I shook my head...I wasn't interested in drink, or food. Certainly not in amusement. I came to retrieve the information that the scum Pettigrew...he who we all had thought dead...claims to have for us. I was not afraid...I did not think it possible that Pettigrew had the fortitude to carry out a skilled attack. How wrong I was.
I had not been sitting there but a moment when a blast resounded from the entrance. I turned quickly, as did every other person in the bar. The woman who had spoken earlier shrieked loudly and took a sharp step backward, colliding with the wall.
Standing sharply, I faced the three of them...death-eaters, all. They did not bother to wear masks, even---the world was overrun by them now, so that even the muggles feared them, though uncertain what these people who suddenly populated their cities and towns were.
"Snape..." Lucius sneered as he took a step forward, "I asked you where your loyalties lay, and you chose the doddering old fool. You shall pay. CRUCIO!" Pain like a thousand upon a thousand needles being imbedded into my flesh collapsed me onto the floor. I could not breath, I could not even begin to remember who or what I was. The woman's continued shrieks were silenced...when Lucius ended the torture, I saw she had been hit hard across the face by another, a woman I recognized as a former student of mine...she sneered at me smugly.
I stood jerkily, waiting for the torture that did not come. Instead they forced upon me a torture ten times worse. Wrenching my wand from my hands, he threw it aside and as I stood, helpless, bleeding from the torture, he turned on the first muggle and said quickly the curse that would end his life.
And so it went. I tried to make him stop, but the Cruciatus curse had left me so weak I was barely able to stand. I glanced back. The woman was huddled against the wall, weeping as she watched the slaughter. And it was then that I saw Lucius' eye turn on her. But I knew...I knew if I let this woman die, I would be forever damned. So as he raised his wand, I threw myself in front of her. Before the strike of Avada Kedavra hit, my world had already gone black.
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"Sir?" I glanced up, unable to comprehend where I was. The woman was crouched over me, tears streaming down her face. "Are you awake?"
Moaning, I leaned up. I could feel the blood that coursed down my cheek, emanating from my scalp. She cried out in alarm and softly touched the wound. "Get me...my bag." I muttered, feeling pain from deep within me. The last thing I remembered was Lucius raising his wand...did he not intend for us to die?
"Is this it?" she said, shaking as she handed me my pouch. I took it harshly from her and ripped the bag open. Several vials filled with liquids from shimmering white to blue to red glowed in front of me. I opened a green one and poured it down my throat. Warmth tingled down my body and in an instant, the pain had lessened to the dull throb of a toothache.
"What...what are you?" I looked up at her---she was staring at me with larger-than-life sapphire blue eyes, and her hair was loose down her back. I debated finding my wand and using a memory charm, but couldn't find it in me to make the effort so, against everything I had ever been taught, I did the last thing I think I would ever intend to do.
I told her the truth. "I'm a wizard." I said as I stood shakily to my feet. "So were all those who attacked today...you muggles, you don't understand...there's a war going on under your very watch, and you don't even know."
"I do now." She said hesitantly. "But...but you saved me." She whispered. I turned quickly.
"I did it because I do not wish to leave here knowing I let innocents die. I did all that I could...and I still do not know why we both lived. Do you know what happened?"
She nodded faintly. "I...he used some spell, or started to, but before he finished it, some man rushed in. He...he stopped it. But something black came out of his wand, and struck the both of us...it hit you harder, though." She shivered as I glanced over at the door and saw suddenly what she had meant.
"God..." I said as I walked over and stood over the now still form of another of my students...a sandy-haired lad by the last name Finnigan...I had never learned his first name, or if I did I don't remember it. He was a Gryffindor. I knew the effects when the Avada Kedavra was left unfinished...instead of death, it brought pure energy. I knew I was lucky to escape with what minimal injuries I had, most likely because the muggle and I had shared the blow.
"Is he...is he dead?" She asked softly, glancing at Finnigan. I said nothing and walked over slowly. I felt the slow steady pulse of life still beating in his veins and nodded slowly.
"Give me a white potion." I asked quickly. She walked to the bag and with trembling fingers withdrew the elixir. She walked over and handed it to me...I felt her hands, cold, cold as ice.
"Will...will he live?" she asked, tears streaming freely down her face as I did my best to bring him to. I had no need to answer her questions. No sooner had the first ounce of liquid gone down his throat than he moved slightly, his eyes blinking open. He glanced up...I saw that he tried to speak but he was in pain. Carefully I helped him to his feet and led him to a chair...I saw both his gaze and that of the woman fleeting over the countless dead bodies on the floor.
"Finnigan...are you all right?" I asked quickly. "What did you do?"
"I...I made him stop. He was in the middle of the curse when I got here...I used expelliarmus, it was weak but it was enough to stall him. And by the time he recovered enough to finish the spell, he had gotten a summons. They all left." I glanced down at my arm, hearing this, and saw it was true. The Dark Mark...my past, my curse, was black and I only now noticed that of all the pains throbbing through me this was one of the worst.
"Thank...thank you." It was hard to say that, of all things. I was not one to give thanks...Finnigan apparently saw that as well and gave me a faint smile.
"Yes...of course." He stood weakly, his wand still clutched in his hand...I don't think he ever let it go. "I have to go see Harry...tell him of this. You'll tell Dumbledore, won't you?"
I nodded. In an instant he had apparated out. I heard the woman shriek and turned around quickly. She was staring at me. I took a step towards her and she backed away quickly, stumbling into the bar. "Madam..." I said, somewhat coldly. "I am not here to hurt you."
"But what are you?" she said, shivering. "Are you really a wizard? You're not just---saying that?"
"There are many things in this world that non-magical people do not understand." She looked up at me.
"I understand much, sir." She whispered. "And I know one thing...whatever you are, whoever...I thank you. For letting me have my life."
I don't know what made me do it but I never found the strength in me to perform the memory charm on her. I stayed with her well through the night, helping her reclaim the mess of her tavern. It frightened me that I was so impressed with her
She had strength I had never before seen in a muggle, and even when the ministry officials arrived to take those that had died, she was straight with them. I often wondered afterwards if they didn't realize she was in fact a muggle, she seemed so nonchalant about the magic being used. But I saw through her façade. She was so fragile on the inside, and a part of me wanted to heal all her pain and suffering...
And I also knew I was a damn fool for feeling that way. I thought at the time it was respect. Little did I know...little did I know how much that woman would change my life.
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Sarah was lying beside me, her hair fanned out on the pillow. 'What did I do to deserve this...I am not good enough for her.' I thought angrily. In her sleep she smiled faintly, the light dancing across her face.
I don't yet know what she saw in me, but whatever it was it is something I have never seen...it is something I doubt I ever will see. But she is here with me now, and it makes my stomach churn when I think that she has somehow learned to love me, despite what I am...despite her fear of all things magic, and knowing that I once supported the darkest side of magic that ever reigned.
And I myself was in love. It was so pathetic, I couldn't help but feel alive whenever she was near. And yet, the pain still consumed me. That is why I was going to leave her that night. Here in her home, in the muggle village. I was going to tell her that it was over...I didn't know how, another woman, or by threatening her even, so that she would never come looking for me. But I got caught up in feeling, and when I saw her I couldn't help but let my emotions control me...and I was now caught in a fate far worse than anything I ever knew.
I looked at her, touching her soft cheek. She stirred against me, raising up her hand to lie on my shoulder. Reluctantly I got out of bed. She moved, but did not wake. Walking slowly I reached her living room and suddenly realized what I had to do. I had waited so long to take my life, and I would do it now, before I could hurt her as I had done with so many others...before I could let her hurt me.
Reaching into my cloak I withdrew the vial...like the one I had sat in my office with those weeks before. This was it, I knew...there was no turning back tonight. I glanced out of the window and saw the moon shining brightly in the sky. "Farewell, my love." I whispered as I uncapped the bottle and brought it tremblingly to my lips.
Ice began to pour into my stomach. From far away I heard screaming. I jerked back when she slapped the poison from my hands. My vision, which had begun to grow hazy, came clear slowly. Sarah was sitting on her heels in front of me, clutching my face with her hands.
"Severus...why were you going to do that?" she whispered. I looked into her eyes and, for the first time in twenty years, wept.
She held me closer, folding her arms tightly around me. "I love you, Severus. Don't you dare think you can leave me." I glanced up. Her head was bowed and she was looking down at me, tears streaming down her face.
"I...I don't want to hurt you." I said simply.
"Then simply be with me, love." She whispered. I held her tighter and we sat that way until the sun rose into the sky.
She was asleep, head resting on my chest, when I said the words that, at that time, that part of my life, I thought never to say.
"Sarah...will you...will you be with me forever?"
I thought she was asleep...I was wrong. She glanced up with me, tears shining in her eyes, and slowly nodded.
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I do not care if I am forgotten. I am Severus Snape. I have lived a life such as that at one time I thought I was damned never to lead.
The final battle has been fought. We won, but in the war we lost some of our greatest people. Percy Weasley...he did not join us until the end, but died as one of our finest when he discovered it within him to abandon ambition. Cho Chang...a bright young girl, who was murdered when it was revealed that she had imprisoned some of Voldemort's closest men in a remote prison in Russia.
Viktor Krum, who had incredible skills in transfiguration and was able to release many prisoners secretly from Azkaban when they were imprisoned there unjustly so that the Dark Lord could keep them out of his way. Seamus Finnigan...killed by Lucius Malfoy, only weeks after his aid in that dusty tavern. I never forgot his name after that.
And then there was Harry Potter. I must admit that I let my past interfere in my judgment of him, for now that I reflect on the life that he led I know that he was one of the finest men I have ever known, and perhaps the noblest student I have ever had. He was the bravest of us all, I know. Even Dumbledore, who knew almost no fear, was hard to face death in the way that Harry did. But Harry died, and in doing so saved us all.
His sacrifice...I have worked hard to make sure that it was not in vain.
But of all things that happened then, I admit nothing, even the defeat of Voldemort, could compare to Sarah. She lived with me, unquestioning of those demons that still haunted me in the night, and over the years took care of me...and when she grew weak, I took care of her.
Because Sarah was muggle, and did not live as long as I will. When time caught up with us, as weak and old as I became to her it was tenfold. We had one son, Lucas, who I am ever proud of. He has already married---to the daughter of Harry Potter. They have children, now. Sarah lived long enough to see them born, before she left me. I miss her and it is like a fire burning deep within me.
I do not know how I live without her. Every day I work to combat the emptiness...I turn to her in the night, and she is not there. In the morning I wake and expect to see her smiling face, and it is only air that greets me. Sarah...Sarah who I have loved.
But it will all be over soon. This time, I know not because I plan to take my life, but because I know that I am too old to live much longer. Lucas and Lily, who is like my own daughter now, stay with me as I grow weaker. My sight is too poor to read those old tomes in which I have written the processes for my many potions...my hands are too weak to brew those potions.
I look over at Lucas, who is sitting next to Lily on the old leather couch. "Promise me, son." I whisper. He glanced over.
"What, father?" he asks rising.
"Promise me you will live life, Lucas. My one regret is that is a lesson I did not learn until I met your mother." I take his hand, and let it fall as the final life leaves me.
I rise from my body, and I do not look back because I know doing so will cause me to stay. Slowly I walk, until I stand beside her. I knew she would be here.
'Sarah...I have missed you.' I say as I place my hand on her face. She looks at me, tears gleaming in her eyes.
'No, Severus, you have not. I promise you that I would stay with you forever...I was never one to break my word.' I laugh as I take her in my arms. I glance up when I hear him coming near...and it only right that he should be here also.
'You have lived honorably...never forget that.' I glanced up at Harry, standing there. He smiles. 'I am thankful you were granted this small peace in life. You deserved it, Severus, more than anything I know.'
As we are surrounded by the light, I hold Sarah close. 'Of course.' I say, closing my eyes. When I open them again I see those that died in the war, coming to greet me. James smiles, somewhat stiffly...I think it amuses me to find that even in death he cannot forgive our school days.
And I know it is not only in death that I could find my peace...it is only when Sarah was by my side. She is here now, and we are together...together in life.
Together in death.
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Aww...I couldn't resist a Severus romance thing, these two are so cute together. A muggle, eh? That's great. Well, anyways, I hope that you like it. If I have made you cry, thanks...or I'm sorry, depending on how you feel about that sort of thing. As for me, I think I teared up a little...*sigh*, fine then, but you must know I love Snape and his tortured soul needed healing. Sarah was perfect for the job! Tee-hee...
Well, please R & R, I like hearing peoples opinions, as long as they are good ones and not overly mean critical ones that are trying to rip my ears off...or something like that.
Author's Note: Hah! I made you cry...manipulating emotions is always fun. *sigh* Well, anyway, I hope you are liking this story, even though it is not really a story in the usual form. This chapter is over Severus Snape, who despite certain evil tendencies is the greatest teacher ever! Sort of...WELL, tell me what you think, and I hope you like!
Disclaimer: If I owned HP, I wouldn't be sitting here on my old computer writing fanfiction. Unless I have serious issues.
~*~
I looked at the small vial of black liquid, staring deep into its shadowy depths. I nestled the concoction in the palm of my hand, feeling the ice- cold emanating from it biting at my skin. 'I have bottled death.' I thought wearily. 'Is this how things have come to pass, that my life shall end here, in my office unnoticed? Am I to die alone?'
But of course I would. I was nothing...and they were everything. They that walked the halls of this school, even in those days hating me so much...and what ever did I do to them? I was not what they thought I was...but neither then was I what anybody expected me to be.
Shuddering, I uncapped the vial. Black steam rose from the surface and I brought it to my lips. The scent of death lingered in my nose as I imagined it...how the liquid would course from my lips down my throat and into my stomach, and from there seep into my veins, until finally it consumed every part of my body, until I too was as cold as the infernal icy mixture.
I had only to take one sip and it would all be over...day after day of endless, mindless torture, knowing what I am, what I was...knowing what I will be. When the war has ended, neither side will remember me...to them I was a traitor, worthy only of being killed. To Dumbledore, I was one to be trusted and also one to go along in shadow, and when darkness fell, they were watching me, because they knew I was once one of them.
The poison shuddered at my fingertips. I looked into its depths and with a tortured, feral cry...one of anguish, not of triumph, I threw hard the vial against the stone walls so that it shattered. Another die, I passed the test...my only question was, would I make it the next?
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I stood shivering in the muggle village, looking at the streets with a mixture of anger an annoyance. It was a petty task, and I know why Dumbledore sent me here...it is because he knows that I will do anything he wishes. It is only because of him that my life is intact...I owe him everything. It is the one reason I do not end this infernal hell now...I respect Dumbledore too much to do so.
Taking slow steps I reached the place known as the Gray Duck...a stupid name for a tavern. Merry bells jingled at the door as I stepped inside and it gave me some small pleasure to see the people pale slightly as I walked inside---the merry tintinnabulation of the bells contrasted greatly to my demeanor. But I did not wish to display a false persona in a world full of already false people...I was what I was.
I sat when I reached the bar. A slight woman walked nervously up to me and, in a distinctly American accent, asked, "May I get you anything, sir?" I shook my head...I wasn't interested in drink, or food. Certainly not in amusement. I came to retrieve the information that the scum Pettigrew...he who we all had thought dead...claims to have for us. I was not afraid...I did not think it possible that Pettigrew had the fortitude to carry out a skilled attack. How wrong I was.
I had not been sitting there but a moment when a blast resounded from the entrance. I turned quickly, as did every other person in the bar. The woman who had spoken earlier shrieked loudly and took a sharp step backward, colliding with the wall.
Standing sharply, I faced the three of them...death-eaters, all. They did not bother to wear masks, even---the world was overrun by them now, so that even the muggles feared them, though uncertain what these people who suddenly populated their cities and towns were.
"Snape..." Lucius sneered as he took a step forward, "I asked you where your loyalties lay, and you chose the doddering old fool. You shall pay. CRUCIO!" Pain like a thousand upon a thousand needles being imbedded into my flesh collapsed me onto the floor. I could not breath, I could not even begin to remember who or what I was. The woman's continued shrieks were silenced...when Lucius ended the torture, I saw she had been hit hard across the face by another, a woman I recognized as a former student of mine...she sneered at me smugly.
I stood jerkily, waiting for the torture that did not come. Instead they forced upon me a torture ten times worse. Wrenching my wand from my hands, he threw it aside and as I stood, helpless, bleeding from the torture, he turned on the first muggle and said quickly the curse that would end his life.
And so it went. I tried to make him stop, but the Cruciatus curse had left me so weak I was barely able to stand. I glanced back. The woman was huddled against the wall, weeping as she watched the slaughter. And it was then that I saw Lucius' eye turn on her. But I knew...I knew if I let this woman die, I would be forever damned. So as he raised his wand, I threw myself in front of her. Before the strike of Avada Kedavra hit, my world had already gone black.
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"Sir?" I glanced up, unable to comprehend where I was. The woman was crouched over me, tears streaming down her face. "Are you awake?"
Moaning, I leaned up. I could feel the blood that coursed down my cheek, emanating from my scalp. She cried out in alarm and softly touched the wound. "Get me...my bag." I muttered, feeling pain from deep within me. The last thing I remembered was Lucius raising his wand...did he not intend for us to die?
"Is this it?" she said, shaking as she handed me my pouch. I took it harshly from her and ripped the bag open. Several vials filled with liquids from shimmering white to blue to red glowed in front of me. I opened a green one and poured it down my throat. Warmth tingled down my body and in an instant, the pain had lessened to the dull throb of a toothache.
"What...what are you?" I looked up at her---she was staring at me with larger-than-life sapphire blue eyes, and her hair was loose down her back. I debated finding my wand and using a memory charm, but couldn't find it in me to make the effort so, against everything I had ever been taught, I did the last thing I think I would ever intend to do.
I told her the truth. "I'm a wizard." I said as I stood shakily to my feet. "So were all those who attacked today...you muggles, you don't understand...there's a war going on under your very watch, and you don't even know."
"I do now." She said hesitantly. "But...but you saved me." She whispered. I turned quickly.
"I did it because I do not wish to leave here knowing I let innocents die. I did all that I could...and I still do not know why we both lived. Do you know what happened?"
She nodded faintly. "I...he used some spell, or started to, but before he finished it, some man rushed in. He...he stopped it. But something black came out of his wand, and struck the both of us...it hit you harder, though." She shivered as I glanced over at the door and saw suddenly what she had meant.
"God..." I said as I walked over and stood over the now still form of another of my students...a sandy-haired lad by the last name Finnigan...I had never learned his first name, or if I did I don't remember it. He was a Gryffindor. I knew the effects when the Avada Kedavra was left unfinished...instead of death, it brought pure energy. I knew I was lucky to escape with what minimal injuries I had, most likely because the muggle and I had shared the blow.
"Is he...is he dead?" She asked softly, glancing at Finnigan. I said nothing and walked over slowly. I felt the slow steady pulse of life still beating in his veins and nodded slowly.
"Give me a white potion." I asked quickly. She walked to the bag and with trembling fingers withdrew the elixir. She walked over and handed it to me...I felt her hands, cold, cold as ice.
"Will...will he live?" she asked, tears streaming freely down her face as I did my best to bring him to. I had no need to answer her questions. No sooner had the first ounce of liquid gone down his throat than he moved slightly, his eyes blinking open. He glanced up...I saw that he tried to speak but he was in pain. Carefully I helped him to his feet and led him to a chair...I saw both his gaze and that of the woman fleeting over the countless dead bodies on the floor.
"Finnigan...are you all right?" I asked quickly. "What did you do?"
"I...I made him stop. He was in the middle of the curse when I got here...I used expelliarmus, it was weak but it was enough to stall him. And by the time he recovered enough to finish the spell, he had gotten a summons. They all left." I glanced down at my arm, hearing this, and saw it was true. The Dark Mark...my past, my curse, was black and I only now noticed that of all the pains throbbing through me this was one of the worst.
"Thank...thank you." It was hard to say that, of all things. I was not one to give thanks...Finnigan apparently saw that as well and gave me a faint smile.
"Yes...of course." He stood weakly, his wand still clutched in his hand...I don't think he ever let it go. "I have to go see Harry...tell him of this. You'll tell Dumbledore, won't you?"
I nodded. In an instant he had apparated out. I heard the woman shriek and turned around quickly. She was staring at me. I took a step towards her and she backed away quickly, stumbling into the bar. "Madam..." I said, somewhat coldly. "I am not here to hurt you."
"But what are you?" she said, shivering. "Are you really a wizard? You're not just---saying that?"
"There are many things in this world that non-magical people do not understand." She looked up at me.
"I understand much, sir." She whispered. "And I know one thing...whatever you are, whoever...I thank you. For letting me have my life."
I don't know what made me do it but I never found the strength in me to perform the memory charm on her. I stayed with her well through the night, helping her reclaim the mess of her tavern. It frightened me that I was so impressed with her
She had strength I had never before seen in a muggle, and even when the ministry officials arrived to take those that had died, she was straight with them. I often wondered afterwards if they didn't realize she was in fact a muggle, she seemed so nonchalant about the magic being used. But I saw through her façade. She was so fragile on the inside, and a part of me wanted to heal all her pain and suffering...
And I also knew I was a damn fool for feeling that way. I thought at the time it was respect. Little did I know...little did I know how much that woman would change my life.
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Sarah was lying beside me, her hair fanned out on the pillow. 'What did I do to deserve this...I am not good enough for her.' I thought angrily. In her sleep she smiled faintly, the light dancing across her face.
I don't yet know what she saw in me, but whatever it was it is something I have never seen...it is something I doubt I ever will see. But she is here with me now, and it makes my stomach churn when I think that she has somehow learned to love me, despite what I am...despite her fear of all things magic, and knowing that I once supported the darkest side of magic that ever reigned.
And I myself was in love. It was so pathetic, I couldn't help but feel alive whenever she was near. And yet, the pain still consumed me. That is why I was going to leave her that night. Here in her home, in the muggle village. I was going to tell her that it was over...I didn't know how, another woman, or by threatening her even, so that she would never come looking for me. But I got caught up in feeling, and when I saw her I couldn't help but let my emotions control me...and I was now caught in a fate far worse than anything I ever knew.
I looked at her, touching her soft cheek. She stirred against me, raising up her hand to lie on my shoulder. Reluctantly I got out of bed. She moved, but did not wake. Walking slowly I reached her living room and suddenly realized what I had to do. I had waited so long to take my life, and I would do it now, before I could hurt her as I had done with so many others...before I could let her hurt me.
Reaching into my cloak I withdrew the vial...like the one I had sat in my office with those weeks before. This was it, I knew...there was no turning back tonight. I glanced out of the window and saw the moon shining brightly in the sky. "Farewell, my love." I whispered as I uncapped the bottle and brought it tremblingly to my lips.
Ice began to pour into my stomach. From far away I heard screaming. I jerked back when she slapped the poison from my hands. My vision, which had begun to grow hazy, came clear slowly. Sarah was sitting on her heels in front of me, clutching my face with her hands.
"Severus...why were you going to do that?" she whispered. I looked into her eyes and, for the first time in twenty years, wept.
She held me closer, folding her arms tightly around me. "I love you, Severus. Don't you dare think you can leave me." I glanced up. Her head was bowed and she was looking down at me, tears streaming down her face.
"I...I don't want to hurt you." I said simply.
"Then simply be with me, love." She whispered. I held her tighter and we sat that way until the sun rose into the sky.
She was asleep, head resting on my chest, when I said the words that, at that time, that part of my life, I thought never to say.
"Sarah...will you...will you be with me forever?"
I thought she was asleep...I was wrong. She glanced up with me, tears shining in her eyes, and slowly nodded.
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I do not care if I am forgotten. I am Severus Snape. I have lived a life such as that at one time I thought I was damned never to lead.
The final battle has been fought. We won, but in the war we lost some of our greatest people. Percy Weasley...he did not join us until the end, but died as one of our finest when he discovered it within him to abandon ambition. Cho Chang...a bright young girl, who was murdered when it was revealed that she had imprisoned some of Voldemort's closest men in a remote prison in Russia.
Viktor Krum, who had incredible skills in transfiguration and was able to release many prisoners secretly from Azkaban when they were imprisoned there unjustly so that the Dark Lord could keep them out of his way. Seamus Finnigan...killed by Lucius Malfoy, only weeks after his aid in that dusty tavern. I never forgot his name after that.
And then there was Harry Potter. I must admit that I let my past interfere in my judgment of him, for now that I reflect on the life that he led I know that he was one of the finest men I have ever known, and perhaps the noblest student I have ever had. He was the bravest of us all, I know. Even Dumbledore, who knew almost no fear, was hard to face death in the way that Harry did. But Harry died, and in doing so saved us all.
His sacrifice...I have worked hard to make sure that it was not in vain.
But of all things that happened then, I admit nothing, even the defeat of Voldemort, could compare to Sarah. She lived with me, unquestioning of those demons that still haunted me in the night, and over the years took care of me...and when she grew weak, I took care of her.
Because Sarah was muggle, and did not live as long as I will. When time caught up with us, as weak and old as I became to her it was tenfold. We had one son, Lucas, who I am ever proud of. He has already married---to the daughter of Harry Potter. They have children, now. Sarah lived long enough to see them born, before she left me. I miss her and it is like a fire burning deep within me.
I do not know how I live without her. Every day I work to combat the emptiness...I turn to her in the night, and she is not there. In the morning I wake and expect to see her smiling face, and it is only air that greets me. Sarah...Sarah who I have loved.
But it will all be over soon. This time, I know not because I plan to take my life, but because I know that I am too old to live much longer. Lucas and Lily, who is like my own daughter now, stay with me as I grow weaker. My sight is too poor to read those old tomes in which I have written the processes for my many potions...my hands are too weak to brew those potions.
I look over at Lucas, who is sitting next to Lily on the old leather couch. "Promise me, son." I whisper. He glanced over.
"What, father?" he asks rising.
"Promise me you will live life, Lucas. My one regret is that is a lesson I did not learn until I met your mother." I take his hand, and let it fall as the final life leaves me.
I rise from my body, and I do not look back because I know doing so will cause me to stay. Slowly I walk, until I stand beside her. I knew she would be here.
'Sarah...I have missed you.' I say as I place my hand on her face. She looks at me, tears gleaming in her eyes.
'No, Severus, you have not. I promise you that I would stay with you forever...I was never one to break my word.' I laugh as I take her in my arms. I glance up when I hear him coming near...and it only right that he should be here also.
'You have lived honorably...never forget that.' I glanced up at Harry, standing there. He smiles. 'I am thankful you were granted this small peace in life. You deserved it, Severus, more than anything I know.'
As we are surrounded by the light, I hold Sarah close. 'Of course.' I say, closing my eyes. When I open them again I see those that died in the war, coming to greet me. James smiles, somewhat stiffly...I think it amuses me to find that even in death he cannot forgive our school days.
And I know it is not only in death that I could find my peace...it is only when Sarah was by my side. She is here now, and we are together...together in life.
Together in death.
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Aww...I couldn't resist a Severus romance thing, these two are so cute together. A muggle, eh? That's great. Well, anyways, I hope that you like it. If I have made you cry, thanks...or I'm sorry, depending on how you feel about that sort of thing. As for me, I think I teared up a little...*sigh*, fine then, but you must know I love Snape and his tortured soul needed healing. Sarah was perfect for the job! Tee-hee...
Well, please R & R, I like hearing peoples opinions, as long as they are good ones and not overly mean critical ones that are trying to rip my ears off...or something like that.