A/N: here I am again with another Billie Eilish songfic, I honestly think this song describes Sam and Freddie's relationship pretty well.

I do not own iCarly

Sam believed, or rather wanted to believe, that the breakup between her and Freddie has been a good choice. It had been about a year, since that night in the elevator. She had told him she had loved him, and he had said it back.

It had hurt. She could not lie, and claim that she was not still wishing he was hers.

But as she matured, she thought of how he was less in her thoughts, even though she still saw him every day. She was learning to accept the break up, and trying to convince herself it was a wise decision for the both of them.

When I was older, I was a sailor

On an open sea

Sam knocked on the door of the Shay's apartment, hoping Freddie was there, although that would be the last thing she would admit even if she was faced with death.

Sam then mentally cursed herself for knocking. When had she ever knocked before? Too distracted by Freddie. Stupid nub, she thought.

Walking in, she was hit with the sheer force of Freddie, standing in front of her. Looking at him, his perfection, the chocolate eyes, the soft smile on his face, an unwelcome pain clutches at her chest, ripping her insides. It briefly flashed across her face, before she wiped it completely clean of any emotion that in any way could get the better of her.

But now I'm underwater, and my skin is paler than it should ever be

Why was Freddie effecting her like this? It just wasn't fair. He never seemed to be effected, maybe she just missed it...

I'm on my back again

It hasn't been the the same, ever since the fateful night in the elevator, the friendship between them had been slightly forced, and each wished they could just go back to the way it was a few days ago, when they had been the happiest couple out there.

They both wished they hadn't agreed to end it.

This was why Sam had pushed down her feelings for him for years on end. Ever since that first kiss they shared on Freddie's fire escape, the tension, feelings and sheer emotion put through, it was definitely a lot different between the two.

The relentless bickering changed to friendly teasing, and Freddie dragged down and destroyed some of Sam's walls.

Sam knew, that if they ever dated it would slightly, if not completely destroy their unusual friendship.

Dreaming of a time and place, when you and I remain the best of friends, even after all this ends, can we pretend?

It seemed like each would intentionally try to knock eachother down and build eachother back up again. The other day for example, they had had an argument.

"Oh, your mother is a complete joke. It's like she just escaped from a freakin' mental hospital," taunted Sam.

"Oh really. Your mother is a complete drunken mess, and you're just like her."

"Oooh, little Freddiekins trying to protect his mummy?"

"Like your mum ever cared about you."

This was a sore spot for Sam, and Freddie knew it. She couldn't retaliate. Freddie had just spoken her own thoughts, confirming their truth.

She dropped her angry gaze, and turned to walk off. Freddie was now feeling truly terrible, he knew she had self esteem issues, and never meant to say anything that could hurt it.

He ran after her, apologising, and they made up, after many hugs, and possibly a few tears.

I'm on my, I'm on my back again, it's seeming more and more like all we ever do, is see how far it bends, before it breaks in half and then, we bend it back again

She was staring at him, she couldn't help it at all.

"Sam?"

Oh chiz, he saw me. Play it cool Puckett.

Guess I got caught in the middle of it

Sam proceeded to practically run up to Freddie, unable to hold it back any longer. She crashed his lips on to his, and he hungrily responded.

Yes I've been taught got a little of it, in my blood, in my blood

As she kissed Freddie, all she could think of was how she had missed him, despite all of her pretences, and all the other times she had kissed him, every single time flooding back into her head, and how every single time every fear was calmed and every worry dissappeared.

Memories burn like a forest fire

She loved him. And he loved her too.

Hi so I hope you enjoyed that, I didn't do the full song but oh well.

-Song ~ When I was older by Billie Eilish

-Evie08