Chapter 39: Just Us

"…if you truly love Nymphadora, like you say you do, then you would do right by her and not put her in this situation."

Andromeda's words repeated over and over again in Remus's head.

Her voice sunk into him as if he were hearing the words from within. Remus saw Andromeda's face before him, tears streaming from her eyes.

"…if you truly love Nymphadora, like you say you do, then you would do right by her and not put her in this situation."

Remus sunk to his knees. "I know," he moaned. "I know." He dropped his gaze in shame. He could have put a stop to this long before it got out of hand. He should not have encouraged her advances. He could have warned her right away that she should not be his friend, that she should stay away from him. But he was a selfish creature. Remus had desired Tonks from the first time they had met. So, he took and took, and she gave freely.

Andromeda stood over him. Her tears were swollen with grief and they fell hard and fast, dripping on Remus's head like raindrops.

"How could you do this to her?" Andromeda cried.

Remus glanced up at Andromeda. "I'm so sorry."

Her eyes widened in fear and she let out an agonized shriek. "How could you!" she shouted, pointing at Remus with a shaking hand. "You said that you loved her. You said that you would protect her. You broke your promise."

"What?" Remus said hesitantly. "What? What do you mean? What did I do?"

Then Andromeda's face changed; her eyes became colder, her hair darker and wild, and her cheeks hollowed. Now it was Bellatrix Lestrange standing over him. She let out a shrill laugh.

"You!" Remus shouted at her. He tried to stand but his arms were suddenly burdened by something, holding him down.

Remus was petrified, feeling the limp form draped over his lap.

Bellatrix continued to cackle.

Slowly, Remus turned his gaze downward.

He was plunged into emptiness. Bellatrix's laughing seemed to echo around Remus, fusing into a blaring high-pitched sound that pierced his eardrums.

It was Tonks that laid lifeless in his arms. She wore a wedding dress that was covered in vibrantly red blood. The stains blossomed over the white fabric like budding flowers. Her face was drained of color and her eyes were clenched tight in a frozen terror. She was not breathing.

"No," Remus cried. "NO!"

Remus put a shaking hand to Tonks's side where the blood flowed rapidly, trying to quench the bleeding. Remus's stomach lurched as his hand sunk into her wound of torn flesh. The spot was sticky, and the fibers of her skin were frayed.

Remus clung to Tonks, trying to warm her rapidly chilling form. "No, no, no, no," he sobbed. "Dora, wake up. Please wake up." He cradled her, rocking manically. "Please, Please," Remus begged.

Tonks gasped, her body coming alive with a violent twitch.

Remus jumped, almost losing his grip on her. "Dora?" he said desperately.

"Remus," Tonks uttered through white lips.

"Yes," Remus said; he almost laughed. He was so relieved that she was talking to him.

But then Tonks's body began to tense in his grip. She squired against him, panicking. "Remus…Remus."

"Dora," Remus cried. "Dora, I'm here, I'm here."

"NO!" Dora shrieked, fighting against him. "NO!"

It was then that Remus tasted the metallic blood in his mouth. The flavor made his tongue tingle and he began salivating. The air around him was suddenly thick and silent. Remus could see Tonks crying and yelling but he did not hear a word. His stare fell upon the throbbing artery in her neck, the vessel plump from her shouting. He could feel the vibrations of blood flow rippling through the air. He could smell the sweet odor of her fear, the fragrance mingling with the taste of blood, creating a titillating bouquet for his senses.

Remus launched himself at Tonks, his teeth sinking into the sensitive skin of her neck. He jerked his head back, ripping her throat away. Her body spasmed beneath him, rubbing against his hot groin. The feel of her warm, wet flesh snaking down his gullet was erotic.

A satisfied rumbled issued from the back of Remus's throat as Tonks's body fell still, blood pooling around her. Remus leaned over her form, lapping up her vitality, feeling it glow within him, filling him with pulsing energy. He raised his head up to the sky and let the force flow out of him through his mouth.

"Remus. Remus wake up. Remus!"

Remus jolted into a sitting position. He felt disoriented and his throat burned.

Remus blinked several times, his eyes adjusting to the dark room.

Tonks was sitting up in bed too. Her eyes were wide with concern. "Remus," Tonks said cautiously. "You were- well, you were howling."

At her words, the remnant of his dream oozed to the forefront of his brain like melted tar. It slid thickly down his esophagus, and then dropped heavily into his stomach. The ghost of Tonks's blood festered in Remus's mouth.

Remus jumped from the bed and sprinted towards the bathroom, his hand clasped over his mouth. He dropped to his knees just in time to be violently ill into the toilet.

Tonks stumbled in after him.

Remus felt her gentle hand on his shoulder just as his stomach gave another heave.

Tonks stood behind him, rubbing his back as he vomited for a third time, emptying his stomach.

Panting, Remus backed away from the toilet.

Tonks grabbed a bathroom towel and wet it from the sink. Then she got on her knees beside Remus. She carefully began dapping the sick from the corners of his mouth. "You're so pale," she breathed. Tonks pressed the back of her hand against Remus's forehead. "You don't feel warm."

Tonks caught hold of the haunted look in Remus's eyes. "Sweetheart?"

Remus's face broke and he leaned into her. Tonks immediately responded by wrapping him tightly in her arms. In turn, Remus tightly gripped her around the waist, his spine curled in, so his head was against her shoulder.

"You're shaking," Tonks breathed, fearfully.

Remus's breathing was coming out in sharp bursts. He could not yet speak. He felt claustrophobic, trapped between promises, promises he had made to Tonks and promises he had made to himself to keep her safe.

Tonks began to rock slightly and stroke through Remus's hair like one would sooth a child. She took deliberate breaths in and out through her mouth, hoping that Remus would match her rate. Slowly his body began to relax.

"Did you have a nightmare?" Tonks assumed. Though never had she known of anyone vomiting after a bad dream, but then again, she was also new to being awoken by her werewolf fiancé howling in his sleep.

"Y-yes," Remus managed to choke out.

Tonks nodded, feeling slightly relieved. "What did you dream about?" she asked, though she could guess some aspects of it based on the howling.

Tonks felt Remus shake his head against her.

"Okay," Tonks said somewhat disheartened; She could be so much more help if she knew the specifics. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want." She placed a kiss in his hair. "Well, it's over now," she tried to comfort him.

'Over?' Remus thought. 'It was only just beginning.'

Tonks could tell that her words made little impression on him. "You're safe," she whispered, because she did not know what else to say. "I'm here."

Though his panic had to do with her safety, Tonks's presence calmed Remus enough for him to realize how stupid he must look beside the toilet, practically in her lap, being rocked like an infant.

Remus backed away from her slowly. He felt ashamed of the tear marks on Tonks's t-shirt. He quickly wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand.

"I'm sorry I woke you," Remus mumbled, his gaze casted down.

"Merlin's beard, Remus," Tonks said shakily. "I don't care about that. Are you okay?"

Remus stared back at her. Her warm brown eyes were filled with concern. Perhaps if Tonks had seen what Remus had, she would not be so keen on comforting him. It felt wrong to seek comfort for her, yet Remus craved it. He kept taking from Tonks, taking advantage of her goodness and her love. Remus wondered how long before she had nothing left to give.

Remus loved Tonks more than he had ever loved anyone or anything before. So then why was he willing to do this to her?

"You are going to marry a monster," he told her.

Tonks grimaced at his words, but she forced herself to stay steady. "I was under the impression that I was going to marry Remus Lupin."

Remus closed his eyes. "Same thing," he said, barely moving his lips.

Tonks took up Remus's hands. "You are not a monster," she told him firmly. "Do you hear me? Remus, look at me." Remus flit his eyes open, but he stared down at the floor. Tonks ducked to catch his gaze. "Hey, come on now."

Remus straightened himself and looked at her gravely through red rimmed eyes.

"You're the kindest, gentlest, most wonderful person I've ever met," Tonks told him. She blinked several times to keep from crying herself. "You are not a monster," she repeated.

"According to the Ministry-"

"The Ministry's where the monsters are," Tonks said, "not here, not in this room."

"I am putting you in danger," Remus said, slipping his fingers out of her grasp.

A pit formed in Tonks's stomach. She anxiously twisted her engagement ring on her finger. She just needed to get him through the next thirty or so hours. If she could just get him to marry her, then he would see that it would all be fine.

"Does this have to do with what my mum said to you?" Tonks asked with an edge to her voice.

"No," Remus answered quickly. He had no intention of turning Tonks against Andromeda. Besides, her words, though difficult to swallow, were not news to Remus; they were a reminder of what he already knew to be true. It was easy to forget reality with Tonks, to get caught up in the colorful world she created, but not even Tonks could compete with the force of the moon.

Tonks looked skeptical, but she decided not to push the matter. "Please, Remus," she pleaded.

A pained expression crossed over Remus's face, but he nodded once.

Tonks let out a light sigh. "Okay," she said, knowing that that was the best she could hope for. "Come here." She propped herself up on her knees and engulfed Remus in a tight hug. "It's going to be okay- better than okay. You'll see." Tonks tried to keep her voice bright, but her heart ached with disappointment. She felt robbed, robbed of an experience that should be the happiest moment of her life. Instead, Tonks just wanted to get through it, fearing that Remus might change his mind before they could stand in front of an officiant. Though, Tonks did not blame Remus. It was not his fault. None of it was his fault.

Remus allowed himself to be held by her, taking more still.

"Just us," he breathed. "Okay? Just us." Remus did not think he could stomach the shame of having fanfare surrounding their marriage. It would be a joke, a charade, seeing Tonks's family swallowing their disgust. Remus's own father, an intelligent man, must know that this is reckless.

Tonks backed away to look at him. "Just…?" Then Tonks understood. "Yeah," she agreed. "It can be just us. Whatever you need." She kissed his lips gently. "You and me."

Certainly, her parents and Remus's father would be disappointed, but Tonks did not care. She just needed to get Remus to say I do.

XXX

Thank you for reading.

Thora Jane