In light of Covid-19, I'll have more time at home, so there might be more stories per month. That's not a promise, and it certainly won't be every month, but there might be an extra story or two every few months. Stay home, if you can, stay safe, practice social distancing to the best of your ability, all that jazz. So, more Carmen. AU this time, lots of messing with gender, hopefully going to be more oneshots, all in the same universe, but almost certainly not in chronological order or all that related.

Disclaimer: I don't own this newest reboot, nor any other iterations of Carmen.

"So, Carm, I know we're real new to your crew, but, uh- who is your crew?" Ivy asked a few weeks after the printing plates had been returned.

Carmen raised his eyebrows and smirked.

"Me, and you, and Zack, and Player." He answered, and Ivy bit her lip.

"But, who is Player? You talk to him-" Carmen raised a finger.

"First of all, Player isn't a he. Secondly, it's not important. I trust Player unconditionally, that is all that matters." The auburn-haired male said definitively. Ivy nodded, "Sorry." She murmured, and Carmen smiled.

"For calling Player a he, or for asking questions about a member of a crew of thieves that you have no background on?"

Ivy blinked.

"For calling Player a he, I guess. What-uh, what do I…"

"Xe, xem, xyr. With an X."

"Do you want me to tell them?" Carmen asked his ceiling, lying still in the dark.

Blood rushed in his ears in the silence, and he waited patiently for the subject of his question to respond.

"I don't…I don't know." Came the reply.

"Player, if you never want me to tell them anything about you, just say you're an ally and nothing more than that, I will. You know I will." Carmen said, rolling onto his side.

"I like them, I want to tell them at least something more than that, but, I mean, it's a pretty unbelievable thing." Player's voice was soft, just vaguely stilted.

Carmen snorted.

"That's a bit of an understatement. I knew you on VILE and I still have trouble believing you're not just a teenager halfway across the world sometimes." Player chuckled, and Carmen smirked. He liked getting his friend to laugh. Joy was not a native emotion for Player, so it could be tough to get even a snort out of xem sometimes, but Carmen enjoyed the challenge.

Silence descended again, and Carmen pursed his lips.

"I could…lie." He offered.

"Tell them what you told me at first. A teen genius hacker is a little more realistic than the world's first AI created by an international smuggling agency so underground no one but us and its agents even know it exists." He explained.

Player didn't sigh, xe couldn't, but xe did make an odd humming noise, like some futuristic cannon from a sci-fi movie charging up. Albeit at a lower pitch.

"I guess-I still feel bad about lying to you though. I don't want to do that to Zack and Ivy. I'll think about it. Get some sleep Red, I know you need it."

"No pro-and-con lists, Player. It'll be alright, whatever happens." Carmen said as he let his eyes slide shut, the rush of his own blood in his ears creating a peaceful white noise.

"Thanks for the assist Player." Carmen murmured to his companion, breathing heavily and leaning against the door that had just slammed shut behind him.

"No problem Red." A crackly voice came from Carmen's earpiece, and Carmen grinned despite himself.

"Zach and Ivy good?" The red clad boy asked the air, and he could practically hear the grin in Player's voice.

"At rendezvous now, and probably wondering where you are."

Carmen looked up at the celling and cocked an eyebrow.

"That's not all they're wondering about. You want to tell them tonight?"

There was a moment of silence, so quiet Carmen could hear the blood still pounding in his ears.

"Yeah. I said we'd do it if the caper went well, and I'd say it went pretty well."

"All thanks to you. I really don't know what I'd do without you Player."

"You uh, you said you had somethin' you wanted to tell us?" Ivy asked hesitantly as the three of them settled onto beds in the hotel room.

"Yes. Our…secret weapon. Want to introduce yourself?" Carmen asked thin air, and Zack and Ivy looked sideways at each other before the laptop open on the TV stand flickered to life.

A teenager, roughly 15 or 16, clad in a dark blue hoodie with shaggy black hair and a headset, appeared on screen and waved.

"Hi! I'm Player, nice to properly meet you both."

"It's a kid." Ivy said, eyebrows raised. Carmen's lips pursed.

"Yes and no. Player, do you want to explain, or should I?" The thief asked, and Player gestured wordlessly for the male to speak.

"Player is only about five years old, technically speaking, but xe's been…In the making for nearly a decade. Xe is an AI. A computer program designed by VILE to be a virtual agent capable of hacking just about anything on the planet. Of course, as you can see, things went a bit wrong. Bellum got too confident, and made Player too smart. Xe got access to databases outside of VILE's and decided xe didn't want to be a master criminal. Xe cut ties with VILE and spent the next several years piecing xemself together. Xe finally made contact with me, because xe remembered me from VILE and wanted to know what had happened to the little kid who was always running around."

Zach and Ivy blinked, nonplussed.

"But-The kid's right there. I'm pretty sure no matter how advanced a computer program is it's just a bunch'a numbers, right?" Zach asked, uncertain. Player grinned.

"CGI is much easier to do when you're right in the computer and you have access to the entire internet and then some. Plus, it makes communicating with Carmen much easier. A lot of human communication relies on visual cues."

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Player. Xe got me off that island, and xe convinced me to let you two help out."

"This is pretty insane." Zack said, and Ivy nodded.

"Took some getting used to for me too. Knowing that my best friend was a computer program made me rather paranoid. Player is both more vulnerable and less vulnerable than us, in a lot of ways. A blade can't kill xem, neither can, say, destroying this laptop, but if VILE created a virus powerful enough…" Carmen drifted off, and both redheads winced. Player pursed xyr lips.

"I'm still less vulnerable to a virus than a regular computer program. I'd know and I'd be able to fight it. Like a human virus."

"Does VILE know?" Ivy asked, and Carmen breathed out through his nose.

"No. They know Player left, but they have no idea xe made contact with me. I think they assume xe fell apart without Bellum."

"If they did find out…" Player trailed off. Carmen's face hardened.

"They won't."

Carmen and Player seemed to have a bit of a staring contest, and finally Player's shoulders heaved and an odd sound emitted from the speakers.

"Fine, fine. Have some faith in me, geez." Xe said, and Carmen glared.

"We don't know what protocols Bellum might have in place. I am not risking it."

Zack and Ivy glanced at each other, and Ivy cleared her throat.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm starving. I'll order food." The female ginger said awkwardly, backing out of the room. Zack mumbled something about experiencing hotel TV for the first time and exited quickly.

Carmen and Player looked at each other and burst out laughing.

Carmen's smile faded quickly though, and he looked at the still-chuckling teenager with worry in his eyes.

Player caught the brunet male's eyes, and xyr laughter quieted too.

"I know VILE as well as you, Red. I know it's a risk we can't afford to take, but I just-"

"I know. I want back at them too, but I can't risk you. I won't."

Player smiled at Carmen, tossing a ball back and forth.

"Goodnight Red."

"Goodnight Player."

The computer screen went black, and the blood rushed in Carmen's ears.