Cold. I feel cold.Hurt. I feel hurt.Why do I feel this? Why do did they do this to me?why?
Dull,lifeless brown eyes stared at the sky. The sky turns gray. It seems like the sky felt what he feels.
Can the pain will go away? It really hurts.
Tsuna at 6 years old
"C-can Tsu-kun play with you?" he asked. The children looked at him and suddenly they all laughed.
"Hahahahaha! Tsuna still talks in third person!"
"Are you still a baby?"
"Grow up! Dame Tsuna!"
And the children left him on that park. Those children are so cruel. They broke his confidence.
Tsuna at 10 years old.
"Dame Tsuna!" he look at his teacher. His teacher wrote something in the board that he cannot understand.
"Stand up and answer this problem!" his teacher said. He stood up and looked at his surroundings. His classmates were all grinning. They already know that he can't.
"I-im sorry. I don't know the answer " he almost whispered Then he bow his head.
"Come on Sensei, what can you expect from a Dame? Right Dame-Tsuna?" and everyone laughed at him.
Those voices, those laughters are the monsters who keep giving him nightmares every single night.
Every night he can't sleep. Their voices hunt him. Even in sleeping he still the laughing stock of the class. Even when sleeping he still feel the pain.
Tsuna at 12 years old.
"Tsuna why do you keep getting low scores on your quizes?" he can trace the disappointment in his mother's voice.
"I'm sorry Mama." he said.
"You never did your best Tsu-kun."
I did but-
"I don't know what to do anymore Tsu-kun." and his mother left him in his dark and cold room.
It hurts. It really hurts.
He remembers. He still remember that day. The day when his father came home with his granpa Timoteo.
The old man is wearing a hawaian shirt and he had this big smile on his face.
He was once a boy who was full of life. A boy with a big smile. A boy with a very expressive brown eyes.
But that dreadful day, everything change.
He fell from a tree, he readied himself to the pain he will feel but something is strange.
He felt warm. Its like a big warm blanket that came from his chest. Then he saw orange. Bright, full of life flames that gave him comfort.
He never feel pain or get an injury because the flames protected him. Those bright orange flames protected him.
"Nono." he heard his father.
"I know. We will keep it." the old man walks in front of him and he saw flame on his finger.
"Sleep Tsunayoshi."
And that was the day of the boy who is full of life- Tsunayoshi Sawada left.
Tsuna at 13 years old.
"Okay listen up guys. I need two groups. Each group will choose its members so that we can play this game." their teacher said.
The two leaders of the group choose their members until he is the only one left.
"Hey, Dame-Tsuna should be on your team!"
"No way! I don't want a dame in my team!"
"Hey guys." They look at Takeshi Yamamoto.
"Let us have Tsuna in our team. So that we can start already." and he smile.
And the game started and at the end of the game his team loses.
"I told you Yamamoto we will lose because of that Dame-Tsuna!"
"He cannot do anything right!"
"What a loser."
He remember the day when a certain hitman came to his life. He thought he will be forever a loser. He thought he will never have friends. He thought he will never have a family.
They fight together, they eat together, they walk together, they laughed together, they smile together.
Those were the days he felt he actually alive again.
Tsunayoshi Sawada came back to life.
He never thought he would gain so many friends. Hayato, Takeshi, Ryohie, Lambo, Chrome, Mukoro even the skylark Hibari.
He never thought he will be alive again.
He was so thankful to that hitman. Reborn is his salvation.
Tsuna at 24 years old.
He never thought he will die again.
It is so painful. Why?
"You're a monster!" Lambo shouted. He looked at his family, they all looked terrified.
He looked at his hands, it was covered in deep crimson blood. He looked at them again, they all took a step back, cautious that he will striked them.
He will never do that to his family. They are family. Why can't they understand?
He didn't want to kill but his family is in danger.
"Wait! Let me explain-"
"One move and I will bite you to death." Hibari said.
"Don't you come near us you monster." Hayato said.
"And I thought you are different Tsunayoshi. Turns out you're just like them." said Mukuro.
And he watch his family turns their back at him.
Its cold. Very cold.
It hurts. It really hurts.
Its been a year since he last saw his family. He miss those days where they all together.
There is a gaping hole inside his heart.
He feel cold.
He feel pain.
There is nothing left to live.
"Reborn, when will you come back?" he asked while looking at the picture of him and Reborn. But no one answered.
"I feel empty." he said
"How can I rid of this feeling? I feel cold. I feel pain."
Staring at the shining edge of the blade he started to cut his skin and let the red liquid gush out from it.
It felt nice.
It felt good.
The pain and coldness is still here in my heart. I need to cut.
He just sat there. In the cold floor of his bathroom. The water from the shower keeps on pouring. He watch his blood pour out from his open wrist.
I feel cold.
The pain? No I didn't feel any pain now. I finally get rid this pain.
He close his eyes and darkness engulf him.
At the end the coldness is still there.
Only my family can bring the warmth back.
Franco, his butler woke up at the middle of the night. There is a nagging feeling that tells him to check the decimo.
He knock on the door but no one answered. So he decided to open the door, fortunately it is not locked.
"Decimo?" he look inside. He can not found the decimo. He heard the shower.
Confuse on why would the decimo will take a shower at the middle of the night.
"Decimo? Are you okay?" he asked. But still he got no answer.
"Decimo?" He tried to open the door and luckily, it was opened.
He was shocked. He immidiately call the right hand man.
"What?"
"The decimo, signor.."
"Why? What happened?"
"He's dead."
There on the cold floor lies the cold and lifeless body of Tsunayoshi Sawada.
April 27, 2020.