To love, to truly love, means that sooner or later you will know the pain of parting. And yet if you have truly loved it will be worth it all.
Excerpt from 'Ruminations Of A Master Bard'
It was a beautiful evening. The air was clear and high, the sun had been bright all day and was just setting below the horizon. The bright blue sky was gradually turning a fiery red, and the rooftops of Baldur's Gate stood out in stark black against it. The city was stirring, buzzing with rumors, half-truths and outright fantasies. Sarevok Anchev had been made Grand Duke, then slain the two others. No, he had been slain himself, by the noble Grand Dukes protecting the city, as well as by the loyal among the Flaming Fist. No, it was somebody else who had slain him, and in reality, he was a demon straight from the abyss. It was his brother who had defeated him, a giant warrior with flaming eyes and a voice like thunder. No, that was Sarevok himself. It was his sister who had done the deed, and then refused to accept the reward offered to her by the Grand Dukes, just like a noble hero out of legend. And she had companions, did she not, this mystery woman? Heroes like herself. The Heroes of Baldur's Gate.
Edwin grimaced to himself as he stared at his pack, hoping that he hadn't forgotten anything. 'Hero' was certainly not a title that sat comfortably on his shoulders, yet he seemed doomed to wind up dragging it along wherever he went. But that was a very minor concern at the moment. He knew the truth of course, the truth of what had happened, but he wasn't about to share it with any of the fawning fools who wanted to gain some measure of fame by rubbing up against the woman he…cared about.
Zaerini was downstairs at this very moment, in the common room of the Elfsong Tavern, about to give a small performance. It was true that she had refused any grand celebration of Sarevok's death to be held in her name, as well as to accept any money for it. He was my brother, she had told the Grand Dukes Belt and Liia, her eyes burning as hotly as those of the dead warrior. I killed him because I had to, not for your sake, and not for the money. I want no part of it.
What she was doing now had nothing to do with celebrating her brother's death, she had explained to her friends. But it was, in a way, a way of celebrating being alive herself, and having them all with her still. She had told them that she felt a need for closure, of singing to clear her head and soothe her soul. It is like finishing the last chapter of a book, she had told them. Tonight, we pause and reflect, tomorrow we move on. There are…things I have been putting off doing for too long. It's way past time I took hold of them.
She had smiled at Edwin as she said that last part, a slightly shy smile that made the wizard's throat constrict painfully. There were things he had been putting off as well, and not pleasant ones.
Sighing, Edwin tightened the strings on his pack, tying a neat knot on them. It was done. He had everything he needed for the journey ahead. Everything I need. Not…everything I want. But I have to do it. She will remain safe from the Red Wizards. She will hate me, but it is the price I have to pay for knowing that she remains free. It is all for the best.
He had written her a letter, agonizing over it for hours, every word, every turn of phrase. Its very briefness had made it even more difficult. He could not tell her the truth, but he had to tell her something. He had to keep her from following him, but he could not bear to hurt her more than was absolutely necessary. He had no idea if he had succeeded, but he could do no more. Finally, he had signed it, for once getting absolutely no satisfaction out of his elaborate and carefully practiced signature with its elegant and grandiose swirls and loops. Then he had slid the letter under the door to Zaerini's room, where she would be certain to find it. He wondered if she would tear it up when she read it. Probably so.
Nothing remained. What belongings he was not wearing were in his pack, except for one. Edwin picked up his staff from its place by the door, and reluctantly cast a spell of invisibility, disappearing from sight. He would not take the risk of any of his companions spotting him leaving. But I will see her one final time. I will grant myself that much, at least.
His heart heavy, the wizard walked downstairs from his room, hearing the laughter and snatches of conversation from the common room drift towards him. And then he heard her voice, achingly familiar, and he pushed closer, unable to simply walk on.
Zaerini was standing on the small stage at one end of the room, her tousled locks shining like bright fire, and her golden eyes glowing with a light of their own. She was wearing a simple peasant blouse, dyed a vivid red, and a pair of snug black pants. A wide belt encircled her waist, accentuating the slim build that came from the elven part of her heritage. Beautiful, Edwin thought, almost unable to breathe. So beautiful. But she would have been that even in rags.
The bard was smiling at her audience, and she petted the black cat sitting on her shoulder, exchanging a meaningful look with her familiar. Then she nodded at her friends, all of whom were sitting close by the stage. Jaheira looked solemn, Khalid proud. Yeslick was sniffling into his ale, but Imoen was smiling dreamily, twining a lock of pink hair around her finger. For a few seconds Edwin almost thought that the half-elf was looking directly at him. It was a nice thing to pretend. They would be saving a seat for him, he knew. They were expecting him to show up shortly. When he did not, they would eventually come looking for him.
"I had been planning to save this song for the end of the evening," Zaerini said, still smiling. "And once the occasion arises, I still mean to sing it at a…private performance. Sometimes songs say more than common words, you know. But I think I'd like to sing it once for you all, so that it will be just perfect for when I really need it." She closed her eyes in concentration for a moment, then raised the harp she was holding and started playing. Notes like falling drops of purest water swept the audience, then the tune picked up in strength and intensity as the half-elf raised her voice in song.
It wasn't that complicated a melody, but it pierced the wizard's heart like a sword, making him freeze into immobility, every word lashing him like a whip.
Once I thought myself so strong,
Always right and never wrong
Now I feel my legs go weak,
Every time I hear you speak
Felt lost and confused, about what to do
But meeting your eyes, is when I know
Who I want is you
Now there was another voice joining in, sweet and ethereal, humming wordlessly from all around, and the audience all breathed in as one when they heard the ghost who had given the Elfsong its name. Zaerini smiled again, and Edwin stared at her, unable to look away.
Once I thought I'd stay alone,
Running through the danger zone
Now I know within my heart,
We will never be apart
Felt lost and confused, about what to do
But meeting your eyes, is when I know
Who I want is you
Edwin's vision was blurred with tears by now, and he was clutching his staff in a death grip. He should leave, he knew that. He should leave at once. This would only make it worse. But he couldn't. He had to hear it all.
Once I thought love would pass by,
Leaving me behind to cry
Now I feel complete and whole,
I am yours, in heart and soul
Felt lost and confused, about what to do
But meeting your eyes, is when I know
Who I love is you
Who I love…is you
The bard made a courtly bow, then straightened herself proudly. For a few moments all was silent, and then she was beaming as the audience applauded wildly, shouting praise and cheering.
Once again, Edwin thought that the woman on the stage almost seemed to be looking directly at him, her brilliant eyes burning into his own like fires. He knew it was impossible of course, that she had no idea he was there, watching. But still…it was pleasant to pretend it, comforting. He hoped the memory would help him during the long and lonely days that seemed to stretch out eternally ahead of him. I will remember her like this. Laughing…happy. Free. And I will remember that I have to give her up for her to remain like this, and not to be brought down along with me. Even if she will never know the truth.
He was at the door now, then through it. Night had fallen, the stars shone like thousands of bright diamonds against a sky like black velvet, and there was a definite chill in the air. Shivering, Edwin pulled his robe closer, then turned around one final time. Through the window, he could see into the common room, where all was light and warmth, cheer and companionship. Only he remained without, watching, alone. He could still see Zaerini up on the stage, laughing, tossing her head to throw her red hair back from her face.
And so, this is the end of everything, Edwin thought. Goodbye then…my Hellkitten.
Invisible to all he turned and walked down the street, with the song of the Daughter of Bhaal still ringing in his ears.
Thus ends the In the Cards, the first part of my Bhaalspawn Trilogy. Zaerini, as well as her friends and foes, will return in the second part, Cards Reshuffled. May you enjoy it!