So I thought Mobile Suit Gundam Wing was good, mostly. I just wish more characters had views somewhere in between raging warhead and brain-dead pacifist. (I mean, come on, Relena, 'true peace cannot be achieved through force of arms'? Really?) This story ignores Endless Waltz and Frozen Teardrop since I haven't watched/read them and really don't care.

Anyhoo, here's a little key so you can tell who's talking during the quasi-message-board portion of the story.

Bold – Relena

Italics – Quatre

Bold and italics – Wufei

Normal – Trowa

Bad spellin (and just overall Duo-ness) – Duo (I imagine he does know proper spelling and punctuation; he just can't be bothered to use them)

"They said they'd be here before this evening," Relena said as she emerged from one of the guest bedrooms. "Everything's all ready for the weekend; all that's missing are the guests."

"It's been a year since the war's end," Heero commented, smiling a little at the care with which his wife shut the guestroom door. "Since we last parted ways. They may not be who they once were. I'm not."

"You'll forgive me for saying, but I prefer the man you are now." Relena gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "I realize you'll be working straight through the weekend, but I hope you can emerge from your office occasionally to mingle with the rest of us."

Heero pinched the bridge of his nose. That morning, two days after Relena first sent out the invitation to their friends, the government had contacted Heero, asking him to help program their new Aquilas, mobile suits designed primarly for defense and capable of incapacitating enemy units without killing their pilots. The perfect self-defense tool. But they needed top-of-the-line programming and the government wasted no time in recruiting Heero, with his mad coding skills, for the job. He didn't expect much free time for several days. "I doubt I'll have time to breathe, let alone socialize," he muttered.

"The timing is atrocious, I know. But there will be plenty of opportunities for future visits. I'll just have to handle this one myself. Now let's go downstairs. We want to meet them when they arrive. I'm sure you can spare the time for greetings." Relena ran off down the hall, and her footsteps echoed on the clouded marble stairs.

Heero folded his arms across his chest and followed at a slower pace. He looked up at the high proud ceilings, the crystal windows, and all the fancy furnishings which Quatre insisted came with the place. He rather doubted the wisdom of bringing his old comrades in arms to such a pristine, elegant dwelling. Most of these boys considered a cot in a military camp and a tin mug of black coffee the lap of luxury as compared to sleeping in your Gundam with a bag of pretzels. Quatre shouldn't have any trouble – the house was once his, after all; he probably knew it better than its current occupants did – and Heero himself could easily adapt to any situation. But he didn't know how Trowa would take it, or Wufei, or Heaven help them Duo –

No matter. It would be good to see them all again, and Relena would certainly spare no effort in making them comfortable. And it was only for a few days. Hardly enough time to catch up on all that had surely happened in the past twelve months.

Relena, staring out over the flower garden from the parlor window, started at the coughing roar of an engine in less than good repair outside. She had left the estate gates open so her friends could pull right up the house with no trouble. She whirled around and ran to the front door, anticipation beating a tattoo through her heartbeat. She skidded to a stop, took a quick scan of the room. It did look a mite stuffy, but she would let the pilots sprawl about and rearrange things to their liking, if they were at all like she remembered. She wanted them to enjoy themselves and she could always clean up later. Not everyone shared her borderline OCD tendencies, and she could live with that.

She opened the door and stepped out onto the front porch and into the late afternoon sun. She froze in place as a dusty, rattling pickup truck with the shotgun window glass knocked out barreled toward the house, screeched to a stop as though the driver had remembered to hit the brakes barely in time, and threw up a cloud a dust as high as the roof. Relena could have sworn she saw flakes of paint and small bits of metal in the dust cloud. A few moments later, an equally filthy and dilapidated motorcycle zipped over the horizon and pulled up next to the truck.

Relena winced. No, the pilots were just as she remembered. And only now did she stop to think that maybe that wasn't a good thing. The motorcycle driver, coated in a thick layer of white dust and recognizable only by his long braid, sprang off his vehicle, and the doors of the pickup banged open as its occupants spilled out, as wild and gangly and painfully thin as they had been in all the time Relena had known them.

"On the way back, I'm driving," Wufei snarled, staggering toward the house on shaky legs and holding his midsection. His face looked unnaturally pale.

"It is not my fault you get motion sickness," Trowa monotoned as he tucked the car keys into his pocket.

Quatra attempted to wipe the mingled sweat and dust off his face, but only succeeded in smearing it across his skin. "We've got to put something over the window. That was not a dust bath I needed."

"Ah, I'm sure the next batch of insurgents will be more careful where they place their bullets." Duo snatched his baseball hat off and flung his braid over his shoulder.

By this time all four of the former Gundam pilots had reached the porch, but Relena was somewhat incapacitated of speech by then. At last she managed to choke out, "Insurgents?"

"Oh, hey, 'Lena." Duo reached out to shake her hand, then thought better of it. "Yep. There's still a lot of warmongers out there, and plenty of people who still want us dead. Gave us quite the good old-fashioned chase 'till we shook 'em off."

Relena sighed. She should have remembered, nothing would ever be normal when these boys were around. They had made too many enemies in their time, even with peace officially declared. They would have their own battles to fight until the day they died. She coughed once (she couldn't help it; with all the dust, their presence was literally stifling) and held the door open. "Won't you come in? Heero will be working all weekend, but he'll be down for a minute to greet you. I'll show you to your rooms where you can, er, wash up. What's ours is yours."

Dragging their filthy duffel bags behind them, the four boys wafted into the mansion. The weekend had officially begun.

Early Saturday morning Heero excavated himself from his office after working all night and ghosted down to kitchen to make a fresh pot of coffee. He found Relena doing just that, looking as though she had spent a rather rough night herself. She gave him a wan smile and took a quick gulp of coffee straight from the pot to disguise her morning breath before she kissed him.

"I take it our guests have been safely installed?" he ventured to ask.

Relena opened a carton of peppermint-flavored creamer and took a swig. "Safely, yes, but that's about all I can say. They're always good friends, whatever happens, but I do think some house rules are in order. In fact, I've already written up a list." She pointed to a sheet of paper on the refrigerator door.

Heero couldn't help the corner of his mouth twitching in amusement as he looked over the list of rules, neatly double-spaced and typed out in bold.

Duo, do not steal my shampoo. I have provided you with plenty.

Wufei, the interior decor may not be to your liking, but please do not take to smashing any offending objects during your sword practice.

Trowa, the chandelier chains are not tightropes. They are not made to support a human's weight.

Quatre, I really do not want to hear about the origin of the mysterious dark stain next to the fireplace. I realize you know this house much better than I ever will, but I do not want to know about all your ancestors' family drama and what ghosts may still be haunting this house.

Wufei, I would not have let you have coffee last night if I had known what caffeine does to you. I'm getting a can of decaffeinated coffee just for you, but please don't touch the regular coffee. This is for your own good.

Everyone, I had hoped your starving days on the run were long over, but as that is evidently not the case, I assure you, you will not starve under my roof. For your own sakes, do not try to eat so quickly. You are going to hurt yourselves. If you are hungry later on, just ask. The food is not going to vanish out from under your noses.

"Grand, isn't it?" Relena croaked. Heero frowned for a split second. He couldn't remember the last time he heard Relena resort to sarcasm. His bedraggled wife poured herself a mug of coffee. "Did you know caffeine makes Wufei go crazy? I didn't. I left plenty of space below and in between to add more rules as I think of them. This is going to be a very educational weekend for all of us."

Heero made himself a couple pieces of toast and mounted the stairs once more, heading back to the flickering screen lights of his office. For the first he wondered if maybe he was fortunate he got this commission at the same time as the visit, but only a little. He would have loved to witness the exact situations that spawned Relena's list of house rules, but for now he would have to be content with after-the-fact accounts. He shut his office door behind him and settled down for a quick nap before his keyboard called back to him.

Neither of them could know how much Relena would regret leaving so much blank space on the list.

Sunday evening Heero finally staggered out of his office, eyes strained, head throbbing, but his work complete. Stretching his arms over his head, he meandered down the kitchen to pay a visit to his wife and then chase after his fellow pilots. He found the kitchen empty, pots of pasta and sauce simmering merrily away on the stove. Relena had probably stepped out for a moment to go to the bathroom or, more likely, to check on whatever their guests were doing.

Where were the other pilots, anyway? Heero thought he could hear shouting and faint clanging emanating from the backyard. Well, in the absence of Gundams, they had to redirect their youthful energy somehow. He got a glass of water and turned to leave, intent on finding a couple of aspirin for his work-induced headache, when out of the corner of his eye he caught the list of house rules. There seemed to be much more writing on the paper than he remembered. He approached, mostly curious but a little apprehensive, and realized not all the writing was Relena's. Apparently sometime during his absence the simple list of rules had turned into a message board.

Duo, do not steal my shampoo. I have provided you with plenty.

I'm out.

How can you be out already!? I put a brand-new bottle in your bathroom.

In case you forgot, oh great Queen Relena, I've got frickin rapunzel hair. Plus I've got a dirty job and I haven't showered in a wile.

Nevermind. That's disgusting. If you want more, just ask me. You don't have to steal. And don't call me Queen.

Wufei, the interior decor may not be to your liking, but please do not take to smashing any offending objects during your sword practice.

You said what's yours is ours.

Yes, I did. But would you treat your house this way?

Dang, she's got you there, Fei.

Stop calling me that!

Trowa, the chandelier chains are not tightropes. They are not made to support a human's weight.

Where else am I supposed to practice?

I'll see if I can rig something up for you. Somewhere.

Gosh, Trowa, just take a break for a few days, willya?

I still work at the circus. I need to stay in condition.

Never mind that you could split and flip just fine before you even joined the darn thing.

Only because I practiced. Besides, I enjoy it.

Oh my shinigami, did our Trowa just express approval? Mark it on the calenders! Trowa has emotions!

You think you're funny, don't you?

I'm hilarious.

Quatre, I really do not want to hear about the origin of the mysterious dark stain next to the fireplace. I realize you know this house much better than I ever will, but I do not want to know about all your ancestors' family drama and what ghosts may still be haunting this house.

I just thought you'd be interested in hearing about your home's history.

Yes, well, if you have some non-gruesome tales to share, I'd love to hear them. I just don't want you giving anyone ideas.

Reality check, if you're scared Kitty Catra's gonna make one of us go crazy and start killin stuff, he's more likly than anyone to go on a murderus rampage.

I said I was sorry for that!

You are the self-proclaimed God of Death, Duo. You're not off the hook either.

Why are you taking his side? You're the one he almost killed.

Low blow there, Maxwell.

He was sorry and I forgave him. There is nothing more to say.

Wufei, I would not have let you have coffee last night if I had known what caffeine does to you. I'm getting a can of decaffeinated coffee just for you, but please don't touch the regular coffee. This is for your own good.

Hah! You think I will take commands from a woman!? I refuse to submit! You are weak! Foolish! And justice will find you!

Duo, you read this list and went ahead and gave him caffeinated coffee anyway, didn't you?

Kinda hard to say no when he's flinging that sword of his everywere.

Everyone, I had hoped your starving days on the run were long over, but as that is evidently not the case, I assure you, you will not starve under my roof. For your own sakes, do not try to eat so quickly. You are going to hurt yourselves. If you are hungry later on, just ask. The food is not going to vanish out from under your noses.

Sorry, Relena. Old habits. I hope last night's dinner wasn't too unbearable. I was raised better than that, I hope you know.

Quatre, I could never be mad at you.

It's not just habits. We didn't have anything but a couple energy bars yesterday durin the chase. We really were starving.

Maxwell, stop stealing my hairbrush.

Sorry, Fei. Forgot my own.

Guys, this is Relena's list! It's not for our rules.

He never seems to hear when I say it to his face. Maybe this will get his attention.

Hey if we're adding our own rules to this thing, then can I say Lena and Hero stop kissin in front of us? It's gross watchin your best friends make out in front of you.

You are in no position to complain, Duo. You and Hilde have kissed far too often in front of the rest of us with no regard to our discomfort.

That's caus Hilde and I are acually a cute couple. But hey, Fei, I'm sure you and Sally have snogged plenty of times.

Do not use such a crude term in regards to me! And for the last time, Miss Po and I are not a couple!

Aw, come on, what's the matter? The woman hater afraid to admit he's found true love?

She is fourteen years his senior, and he is still a minor. You know as well as anyone that such a relationship would be inappropriate.

Barton, I can fight my own battles.

Yea, but in a few years you could make somthing work.

Stop trying to pair us up! I have no wish to be married again!

Again?

Dang.

Guys, I think we should stop this. Now.

Hey, I wanna hear about the Dragon's love life.

She died and I took up fighting in her honor. That's all you're getting out of me.

Is that why you don't like fighting women in battle? It reminds you of your wife?

Catra, run for your life.

What have you done to this list!? Talk about these things amongst yourselves!

Heero said nothing as he read the list through one more time. He drained his glass, placed it on the counter, and instead of making for the bathroom headed out to the front porch for some fresh air. His wife probably needed that aspirin more than he did.