How Ed Became President
(and it was all Mustang's Fault)

Edward Elric eyed the fancy bowl of stew in front of him with a suspicious gaze.

"It's not poisoned, you know," Fuhrer Roy Mustang said, too innocent to be trusted. He was definitely up to something.

"You're having us for dinner," Ed pointed out, eyes narrowed.

"Indeed, Edward. Your observational skills are astounding."

"You're having all of us, for dinner," the blond pointed out, waving at the rest of the table. Winry and Riza were talking to each other amicably with knowing smiles. Three of Ed's children were too busy shoving food into their faces to pay attention to boring grown-up talk. His youngest was happily chatting with Roy's son, taking all of his attention. Ed thought Nina's kid crush on Maes Mustang was both disturbing and kind of cute. She would grow out of it of course, so it was harmless, but still.

"It is not that unusual."

"When was the last time you invited my whole family?"

Roy paused. "It wasn't that long ago," he said feebly.

Edward's eyes turned into slits. "Five years ago, Mustang. For holidays. Because your wife forced you."

"It was a very pleasant holiday."

"We destroyed your living room."

"Accidents happen."

"You were livid about it, too. You were this close-" Ed brought his thumb and index finger together, nearly touching "-to setting me on fire."

"Oh I would never," Roy could not stop the snark from entering into his voice.

"And, you swore you would never invite us again."

"Clearly, your memory starts to fail you in your old age, Edward."

The retired Fullmetal Alchemist snorted. "Look who's talking! Looked into a mirror recently? Your head's so sliver I could mistake you for a State Alchemist watch."

"Speaking of which," Roy continued, ignoring him "You are 35 years old this year, are you not?"

"Yes, I had my birthday in February," Ed replied. "Why?"

"Congratulations, Edward."

"You doubted I'd make it?"

"Naturally. I'm shocked you made it past 18, knowing your recklessness."

"Hey!"

"It's an important milestone, you know," Roy said, casually. Far too casually. Alarm bells started ringing in Edward's head.

"What do you mean?" Ed spoke slowly. Turning 35 wasn't a particularly special occasion, right? 25 he could understand, but 35?

"Days when you could be employed by the government at 12 are in the past," Roy explained, looking at his bowl. "Age restrictions these days are way more rigid than they used to be."

"Yes, I know. You were responsible for them, after all," Ed said, finally tasting the stew. It was excellent. Even more suspicious.

"For most positions, you have to be at least 21. Over 30, to become a Secretary. Fuhrer-ship currently has minimum age of 35. I was 38 when I became the Fuhrer, myself."

"Yeah, yeah, good for you." Ed slurped his stew loudly, causing Winry to give him a look. "Sorry," he said her, sheepishly. The kids laughed at the exchange.

"You're aware we're finally installing the elective Presidential seat this year, right?"

"As if I haven't heard about it a million times already," Ed said dryly.

"I'll be stepping down from the seat of the Fuhrer, as you know."

"Great. By the way, Mustang, can I borrow 520 cents? I don't have any change." He pats his empty pockets.

"And," Mustang's free hand tapped on the table. "I won't be trying for the Presidential position."

That surprised Ed. "You won't? You're not retiring yet, are you?"

"No, I'll be trying for the position of Prime Minister, you see." A familiar smirk made a reappearance. "It has more executive power, after all."

Ed rolled his eyes. "I should have known."

"Unfortunately, that puts me and my allies in... quite a predicament," Mustang said slowly, still focused on his bowl.

"What's the problem?" Ed frowned.

"There are quite a few people intending to participate in the election, of course. But it's obvious several candidates will have much more support than others..." Mustang grimaces. "And none of them have, lets just say, foreign-friendly policies in mind."

"You think they'd start a war, if they became President?" Edward leaned forward in concern.

"It's a... strong possibility."

"You're joking."

"Unfortunately, I am not."

"We literally just established peace treaties with our neighbors!" Ed put his hand down on the table in frustration. He could feel his wife watching him from the corner of her eye, but she didn't interrupt them. "All of them at once! For the first time in four hundred years!"

"I am aware."

"Da- darn." Ed quickly corrected himself, mindful of the company.

Not again, not so soon. His children were not meant to know what it's like to live in a country torn by war – they were meant for a better future. That could not happen.

Ed gritted his teeth. "You better have some brilliant plan hidden in your sleeve, you conniving son of a gun."

"At this point, we just need anyone other than them to take the spot, really. The problem is who."

"There's no one? Are you serious?"

"I spoke with Olivier Armstrong, but she wasn't interested – she already has her eyes on the Secretary of Defense. None other could gain enough public support in time to actually win the election."

"So you can't just sneakily install one of your allies to do the job?"

"You're missing the point of a democracy, Ed."

"Alright, I get it," he sighed. "So there's nothing you can do?"

"Not nothing, exactly." Roy put away his spoon and brought his hands together. Ominous. "We need a candidate with a country-wide reputation to have a chance at winning the election, who would have a positive foreign policy, one who preferably has spent a significant time abroad, has the right connections..." Mustang finally lifted his eyes to look straight at Edward. "And is at least 35 years of age."

Ed did not get it. For at least 10 seconds, he waited for Roy to make his point. Then it hit him.

"...No." He started shaking his head in denial.

"Ed," Roy said slowly, like speaking to a whining child.

"No, no way."

"Edward."

"This is a prank, isn't it? In revenge for the living room? Good one, Mustang. I'm not falling for it."

Mustang sighed deeply. Edward snapped.

"You've got to be joking!" Ed stood up, hitting the table with enough force to make all the dishes shake.

"Ed!" Winry chastised him. For once in his life he ignored her, too busy freaking out.

"No way in hell, can you expect me to become a President of Amestris," Ed said, his eyes wide and panicked.

"Ed, calm down," Winry tugged his arm.

"You knew about this-?!" Ed asked her incredulously.

"You're gonna be President, dad?" Nicolas, the oldest Elric, chimed in all of a sudden.

"-huh?"

"That's really cool!" Theo cheered.

"Eh..."

"Are we gonna move to live in Central, then?" Sara, the ever pragmatic one, spoke up with interest.

"Um. That's, not-

"We're gonna live in Central?" Nina asked with wide eyes, a smile of pure happiness appearing on her face. She turned to the boy next to her. "We'll be neighbors, Maes!"

"That's amazing!" Maes grinned back at her.

"Mustang," Ed hissed in a near whisper, while his children excitedly talked in the background. "You out of your mind?! I can't be President!"

"Why ever not, Edward?" Mustang asked innocently, taking a sip from a cup of tea as if they were discussing the weather. The sheer audacity.

"I don't know anything about politics, you complete moron!"

"Don't be ridiculous, of course you do. What do you think we talk about every time we meet? And I talk to you about the matters of State at least once a week through the phone."

Ed sputtered in disbelief. "That's doesn't make me qualified to be the freaking President! Besides, no way would I be elected. The citizens of Amestris are not that crazy."

"You'd be surprised."

"You said you need someone with a reputation, anyway. I don't have a reputation."

Mustang stared at his with a deadpan.

"I don't," Ed insisted.

"So how about this? You run candidacy for the President as a backup plan. I'll be searching for a better candidate in the meantime. And if you're right, you won't be elected anyway, so you'll have nothing to worry about."

Ed gaped at him.

"Ed," Winry spoke up, getting his full attention for the first time since the discussion started. "It's your decision, but whatever you choose, you'll have my full support."

"You two went behind my back about this, huh?"

Winry grinned dangerously. "Roy knows that without my permission, you're not going anywhere."

Ed coughed.

"At least consider it," Winry said, forcing him to sit down. "From my understanding, the stakes are rather high."

Edward Elric put his face in his hands. He's really going to go along with this, wasn't he? The world had gone mad.

That day, after the Elric family left, Mustang made another phone call.

"Hello, Mrs. Elric-Chang? I was wondering, if you and your family would like to come for dinner this Tuesday..."

Riza smiled knowingly in the background. She knew her stew would do the trick. Good thing she'd asked Winry for the recipe beforehand.

A week and a bottle of whiskey later, the brothers were forced to face their inevitable fate.

"I can't believe this," Al said, pale and still deeply in shock.

"Welcome to the club." Ed poured him another drink.

"We're really doing this, aren't we?"

"Blame it on Fuhrer Bastard!"

"For once, I really am." Al took the whole shot in one swallow.

Edward could say he was surprised, that Mustang managed to sucker his little brother into trying for the position of the Secretary of State the exact same way he did with him. Unfortunately, that would be an complete lie.

"I'm going to kill him one day, I swear."

"You know what? I'll help you." Alphonse put his head into his hands in despair. "I know I've been an ambassador for a while and it was kind of official, but this really crosses the line!"

Edward aggressively finished his own drink. "You're telling me? I don't want to be President, Al!"

Al slammed his glass down. "Too bad! You're going to be!"

"Maybe Mustang's lying? Surely, there has to be someone better for the job."

"I wish," Al sighed in exhaustion. "I looked into it. Most of the other candidates? They're really anti-Ishvalan."

"Crap."

"The only one who's sort of neutral is Hakuro, but he's definitely strongly prejudiced against Xing."

"Greaaat." Ed hit his head on the table. "We're all gonna die, aren't we."

"Maybe not?" Al poured them both another shot. "We survived the Promised Day, Brother. How bad can it be?"

"I dunno," Ed gulped down his drink like water. "I guess the country could burn to the ground and sheep would take over."

"A sheep could be a competent Secretary," Alphonse said sagely, nodding.

"Well, at least Nina will be happy when we move to Central."

"She's still crushing on Maes?"

"She's a kid, Al. She doesn't know any better. It'll pass."

"...If you say so, Brother."

"Oh, the bottle's empty."

"You want another one?"

"Sure."

"To Fuhrer Bastard's tragic demise."

"Yeah! Let's see how he likes 'em, sheep!"

The Elric brothers toasted, while May and Winry calmly discussed the housing. Moving to Central would slightly disrupt their work, but they would make do, of course. May was used to being on the move with her family, and Winry had always been a woman of opportunity.

Just think how much free advertisement her automail business would get!

Somehow, Edward won the election. So did Alphonse. They were both officially important politicians, or whatever.

As if they needed more proof that this country was stark raving mad.

"Congratulations, President Elric," Minister Mustang visited him with a smug look on his face. "How does it feel to be on the top, I wonder?" He patted the ever-growing stack of papers on the other man's desk.

Edward was fuming. "One day, Mustang. One day, I will end you. And Alphonse will help."

"That I will!" Al said from behind his own stack of paperwork. "You do realize this whole thing is nepotism, right?"

"I don't care if it's nepotism, if I'm going down, you're going down with me!" Ed yelled at him.

"I hate you, Big Brother!" he replied with a knife-sharp smile on his face.

"I hate you too, Little Brother!" Ed responded in the exact same manner, then turned back to Mustang. "Have a moment to give us a hand, Prime Minister?" he asked in a sweetly-poisonous way.

"You know, I just remembered," Roy said, quickly. "I have another appointment. Very important. Gotta go, right now."

"I'm the President, you dumbass!" Edward shouted after him. "There's no one more important than me!"

"If you say so, Fullmetal President!"

"Use my goddamned name, Mustang!" Even if that was what the papers called him. 'Fullmetal' was a name which was long behind him.

"Right back at you, Elric!"

God, Ed hoped the term would pass quickly, he thought as he stared at the mountains of paperwork. He would absolutely murder Mustang one day for this, without a shred of remorse. He bet Riza would thank him, even.

The President's new assistant, recommended by his the Prime Minister's wife, sighed. The next 4.5 years would be rowdy, he suspected.

But hey, at least the President's wife gave automail discounts.

This whole being-a-President thing was absolutely dreadful, just like Edward knew it would be from the start.

"What do you mean, that's their minimum wage for women? What the hell is this?! No, I am not letting that go- Have you seen my wife's wrench, by the way? I can introduce you if you want."

Whoever thought Ed would be good at this, had made a terrible mistake.

"You want to cut the budget for West City universities? Are you serious?! Get out of my office, before I kick you out of a window!"

Edward was not making any positive contribution to the society by occupying the seat.

"Of course we're bringing up the Humanitarian Laws at the next international meeting! Yes, they're all signing it! Al has it all in order. What? I don't care if Drachma doesn't care, they will sign that paper or- is that so? Well, I think I'm gonna have a little chat with them-"

Like, at all.

"Are they- are they seriously trying to bribe me? Oh it is on. Not my jurisdiction? I'll decide whether that's my damn business or not! Let me just- hello? Olivier? Yeah, so about that Bernhardt guy-"

Literally anyone would have done a better job than him.

"Yes, we're allowing the second trade route! What do you mean, financial losses? Get over yourselves! Since when do you think you're the only one allowed to make profits? You- you know what happened to the last guy who tried to bribe me?"

Seriously. He had no idea what he was doing most of the time.

*riiiing*

"Hello?"

"President Edward!"

"Idiot Emperor."

"I hear you're doing well!"

"Whoever said that, they're lying."

"Ha ha ha! Hey, about that trade route-"

"Take it up with Al. He's the one ironing the details."

"I already did! I just wanted to thank you that you allowed it!"

"Sure, whatever."

"Did you read my suggestion about the immigrant policies?"

"It's already in progress, Ling. It's gonna get processed next month."

"Phew! That's a relief."

"By the way, you still owe me for the room service from the last meeting, jerk. I am not made of money and I'm not your free meal ticket!"

"Oh my gosh, look at the time! I'm going to be late for my next meeting!"

"LING!"

"Bye, Ed!"

*click*

"That shifty-eyed bastard!"

The President's assistant watched impassively from the sidelines. He's learned long time ago to ignore his boss'es antics at work.

Oh, Mrs. Elric left an apple pie slice for him. How thoughtful.

Some days, Roy Mustang was surprised Amestris was still standing. But overall, he was proud how well things worked out.

The thing about the Elric brothers? They had no idea just how much influence they possessed. It was almost hilarious, how oblivious the two geniuses were to the effects they had on the world. It seemed like every action they took, the ripples spread across the entire continent.

He hadn't originally planned for putting Edward into the Presidential seat. It had been a risky, panic-induced, last-second decision – no matter how devious Ed and Al believed him to be, he wasn't that calculated all the time. It had been more of a leap of faith than anything else. And perhaps, working with Fullmetal had rubbed off on him a bit, for him to be improvising like that. Having Alphonse as the Secretary of State was only natural, since no one else would be able to handle Edward Elric. You need both sides of madness to balance out the chaos, after all…

Well, in any case, like an experimental engine, it ran faster and better than expected. In the meantime, Roy was able to implement almost all his desired reforms and restorations in place, thanks to the oblivious Elrics doing half the work and keeping up the country's morale. The fact that the People's Alchemist and his brother were the newest faces of Amestris? The people were ecstatic, and put much more faith in the government than ever before. The public adored the Elrics. Even propaganda wasn't necessary – not when common folk still remembered the young alchemists traveling the countryside, solving problems and helping those in need. Be Thou for the People, indeed.

Of course, the number of gray hairs on Minister Mustang's head tripled in the first year, but still.

And so, as nearly five years of Edward's term inevitably passed, it was time for another election. All Mustang had to do to keep this crazy streak of good fortune going, was to convince Edward to run for a second term.

"No way in hell, Roy. I'm done!" Edward argued, as if he hadn't successfully ruled a country for half a decade. "Let someone else be President, I had enough! I can't take any more of this idiocy," he showed him a new document "They're trying to cut higher education budget! Again! You know how hard it was to convince Theo that education is good for him so he wouldn't drop out like I did?!"

"And yet, you still became the President," Mustang said with a grin. Fate had the strangest sense of humor, sometimes.

"Don't remind me," Ed complained. He was quite the fascinating man, with zero interest in power, despite having so much of it at his fingertips. Roy would never tell him, but he often felt inferior to the Elric altruism. Knowing Edward though, he considered himself the most selfish man on the planet – as if he hadn't approved additional orphanage founding in South City last month despite general protests. Truly, some things never changed. "I am done with this, Roy, I mean it. Just let me be!"

"And who would take your place right now, huh?" Roy asked him with a lifted eyebrow. "Anderson would be a decent candidate, but he's only 33."

Ed rubbed his temples. "He is? Goddammit."

"There you go. Don't worry Edward, it's just one more term."

"Just one more term?!" he screamed with bloodshot eyes. "Are you senile, you pyromaniac?! That's another 4.5 years of my life we're talking about!"

"Yes, yes," Mustang waved his hands dismissively. "My sincere condolences. Off topic, has Nina been acting... strange lately?"

"What? No. Except..." the blond trailed off. "She's been coming home late."

"How interesting." Roy paused for effect. "So has Maes."

"Roy..." Edward narrowed his eyes. "You better not be implying what I think you are..."

"They've been dancing around each other for years, Ed," Roy told him in a dry voice. "It was only a matter of time."

"My daughter surely has better taste than that."

"I'm hurt, Edward. You cut me deeply."

"They can't be dating! They..." Edward hid his face in his arms, his blissful state of denial finally shattered. "...they're serious about each other, aren't they."

Roy patted him on the back. "It's okay, Edward."

"They're thirteen!" Edward wailed in despair. "They're too young for this!"

"It's just dating, they're not getting married."

"Yet." Edward lifted his head and glared at him. "If they have a shotgun wedding, I'm killing you."

"Don't worry, Ed. I already gave Maes the Talk."

"As if that makes me feel any better!"

Roy was concerned about grandchildren as well, but for a different reason. Them being Elrics? He wished his son luck, because he was signing up for a lifetime of insanity.

Edward's assistant handed him a slice of pie on his way out. That man was a gem. Once again, Roy wondered if he could perhaps persuade him to work for him instead. Unfortunately, he apparently was satisfied with his current position.

Well, it's not like Roy could blame him. Can't really go higher than the President's personal assistant, can you.

Perhaps the man could have been convinced… If only Winry hadn't been handing out those automail discounts.

"Mr. President?" Maes Mustang spoke up nervously.

Edward knew this was coming. If the 9 years of Presidential career – half of which his and Roy's kids spent dancing around each other, and another half spent dating like the hopelessly besotted teenagers they were – had taught him anything, was that there could be no other possible outcome.

First being elected President – twice! – and now this? Him and Mustang were going to be in-laws? Somewhere, Truth had to be laughing at him.

"Yes, Mr. Mustang?" He said patiently, for once without correcting him to just call him Edward.

"I would like to ask you..." the boy gulped nervously "...f-for... your daughter's... hand in m-marriage?" the almost 18-year-old finished the sentence with a squeak.

"Oh yeah?" Ed said menacingly, as if he hadn't made up his mind years ago. "And what makes you think you're worthy of her?"

"No one could be worthy of her, Mr. President, sir!" Maes replied, like the smooth charmer that he is (in usual circumstances, at least). "Nina, she's so kind, and clever, and beautiful, and she's the love of my life. I would do anything for her. And I, I'd like to try spending the rest of my life proving it. Sir."

Damn, the kid was too much.

"Is that right?"

"Yes, sir!"

"You do realize that if you ever hurt her, they won't find your body?"

"I know that, sir!" Maes paused. "I was already given the shovel talk by her brothers. And sister. And all five of her cousins."

Ed freaking loved his family.

"Sure, kid. Piece of advise, though?" He put his hand on his shoulder. "When you propose, don't do it by making a reference for the Equivalent Exchange. According to my wife that's pretty lame."

The boy's embarrassed expression told him that was exactly what he had been planning on doing. Edward laughed.

After Maes left, Ed's assistant handed him a box of tissues and congratulated him. If he hadn't done it three times already, he would have given the man a raise.

In the first half of the 20th century, three alchemists carved their names permanently into the pages of history.

Roy Mustang was remembered a patriot, a revolutionary, a master strategist, and the Fuhrer who gave up power for the sake of his country.

Edward Elric was remembered a hero, a young prodigy, a scholar, and the first and one of the greatest Presidents of Amestris.

Alphonse Elric was remembered a genius, an ambassador, a medical specialist, and a spectacular Secretary of State.

But to their friends and family, they were simply Roy, Ed and Al. Three idiots who in their best efforts, somehow managed not to drive Amestrian government to ruin. However, their success should be mostly credited to their wives, in a certain assistant's humble opinion.

And as he sat at the wedding day of Maes Mustang and Nina Elric, watching the legendary trio bicker more than their own children, with Riza, Winry and May looking at them with fond amusement, he silently wondered: just how had these disasters managed to make history?

Well. If President Edward Elric was to be believed, it was all Mustang's fault.

The End.

Author's Note:

So, just to clarify: I don't know much about politics. Inaccuracies? Blame them on this taking place in a different world.

This idea came from a random thought, inspired by another story: what if Ed became the president of Amestris? And the ball just got rolling. They say the King is only as great as the Queen supporting him, after all. And our male leads have some great Queens supporting them, don't they?

I didn't name the assistant. Like Scar, he had given up his name – to be forever known only by a single distinct feature. If you want to imagine what he looks like, picture Alfred from Batman, except younger? And a pernament deadpan of hidden amusement.

The bit with Ed's daughter and Roy's son falling in love (much to their fathers' chagrin) had always been a personal head-cannon of mine. It's just, so cute. And Ed and Al having four and five kids respectively? I don't know why, but I always pictured them as big family guys. If nothing else, they deserve all that happiness – and chaos.

Thank you for reading, please leave a comment, follow and add to your favorites if you can, but most importantly – read of and enjoy! :)

Stay safe and healthy, everyone!