I can't thank you guys enough for the incredible comments on my first fic! They made me very very happy.
I wrote this fic because I myself have been through trauma and had to deal with an abusive stepdad. Recovery takes years if it comes at all. I think Ryan finds it difficult as well. I can relate a lot to his character, even though I'm a girl.
I hope you like this one and I hope it's not repetitive.
English is not my mother tongue, so I apologize for any mistakes.
Enjoy :-)
Sandy couldn't see a lot through the closed shades. Only a dancing shadow, frantically moving up and down. Sort of stretched out grotesquely over the mustard yellow fabric which was shielding the inside of the pool house from onlookers.
Ever since he had given Ryan the punching bag, he had seen him practicing almost every afternoon. For an hour at least.
Sandy put down the garden shears with which he had been cutting the roses and decided to check on his son.
No one answered his knocking so he slowly opened the door to find Ryan completely drenched in sweat, sitting on the floor. The punching bag was still swinging from left to right.
His chest was rapidly rising with every breath he took.
"Hey, Ryan."
Ryan's gaze shot up and for a second he looked scared as if Sandy had found him doing something forbidden. He was hugging his knees and it seemed he wasn't quite aware of his surroundings.
"Everything alright. Are you done with your practice?" Sandy didn't approach him, he stood by the door, giving the kid space. He knew this behavior, knew that Ryan sometimes got lost in memories that Sandy wasn't sure he'd want to hear.
Ryan gestured vaguely to the punching bag. "He's winning today." he took a deep exhale, biting on his lower lip. "He has won every day of this week so far."
"Who is ?"
"AJ." Ryan winced as if the words pained him. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He was pushing himself up into a standing position. "I shouldn't be upset about this anymore."
"Hey." Sandy interrupted him gently. "What are you sorry about?"
Ryan opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. He shook his head.
Sandy slowly went over to one of the armchairs and sat down on the armrest. "I'm here. You can tell me anything."
"It's just...I feel like I should-" Ryan drew in another shaky breath. He was clearly fighting with himself. "I feel like I should have moved on by now, you know? Be done with it. It's been two years."
Sandy's heart dropped. He wished he could take Ryan's pain and throw it far away. So far, the kid would never have to deal with it again.
But he couldn't. All he could do was trying to help.
"I don't think there is a deadline for dealing with feelings. I still think about certain situations that happened to me in the Bronx. And I'm ancient."
Ryan let out a small huff.
"Don't punish yourself for not being able to let them go. Yet. Maybe you will at some point. Maybe you won't, and that's okay. You went through a lot. I would be surprised if you had moved on by now. Give yourself time."
Sandy got up. "In the meantime, let me show you a few cool hooks I learned in my youth."
Ryan reluctantly stood back up again. He put his hands up to his face. Sandy was impressed by the determination in his eyes, how quickly his posture had changed into a more confident one.
"Now, give me your hand." Sandy showed him the movement. Slowly, guiding him a few times.
"Imagine the punching bag is AJ." Sandy didn't know if child services would approve of him teaching his son how to properly fight but he didn't really care right now.
"That's what I've been doing. It's not working."
"What if I help you? What if I support you?"
Ryan's eyes widened. "You mean you'd hit AJ?"
Sandy admitted to himself that he would like nothing more than to hit the man who had caused Ryan so much pain in his life. And his father too. He knew he couldn't say that out loud though.
"No no, " he paddled back, " I meant the imaginary visual."
Ryan tried to hide his smile. "Alright."
Sandy got into position. He hadn't boxed in years, a decade even. He was surprised how quickly he got used to the movements again. Ryan fought like his life depended on it and on second thought maybe it did. In his mind.
They were sweating and swearing and punching until Sandy felt his muscles ache. He held up a hand, but Ryan was too focused. His hands flying everywhere. Sandy could see he was fighting back tears.
"I hate you. I hate you." at first the words were quiet, then they grew louder. Until Ryan couldn't stop the tears.
His movements became unfocused, just blindly hitting the air, missing the punching bag.
Sandy suddenly got concerned. "Ryan."
He didn't respond, didn't even seem to notice him anymore.
"Ryan!"
Sandy put a hand on his forearm. Ryan flew around, somewhat hugging Sandy but also fighting to get away. Sandy wrapped his arms around him.
"It's okay. It's okay."
"I hate him!."
"I'm here. I'ts okay."
Slowly, Ryan's flailing hands calmed down and he wasn't struggling so much anymore. His body shaking under the tears and exhaustion.
Sandy felt him go limb in his arms and he guided him down until they were both awkwardly kneeling on the floor. Ryan clung to Sandy's shirt, burrowing his face in his shoulder as if he never wanted to turn around again.
"It's okay, son. I'm here. You're safe."
Sandy hugged Ryan tighter than he had ever done before, so desperate to let him know how loved he was.
When the sobs had quietened down, Ryan backed away but not as far as Sandy had expected.
"Thank you." his voice was soft and quiet. "Thank you."
"No problem."
"You really know a few cool hooks from the Bronx."
"Are they better than the ones from Chino?"
Ryan smiled, "No."
"Thought so."
They sat in silence after that. Sandy looked over at Ryan and felt his heart soar with fatherly affection. Before he could say something the door to the pool house opened and Seth stuck his head in.
"Hey Ryan, I was- Wow! Did you guys reenact Fight club in here?"
"I was teaching Ryan some moves."
"Did he show you this one?"
Seth performed a movement that didn't even remotely look like a fight move.
Ryan laughed. "No."
"Anyway. Mom's asking what Chinese food you guys want. And there is a documentary on humpback whales tonight that she says we have to watch as a family."
"Sounds excellent." Sandy nodded excitedly.
"Just..." Seth scrunched up his nose, "Take a shower before dinner. Both of you."
And Sandy didn't think he had heard Ryan laugh this loud all week.