A/N : For this songfic I used the song "Her Last Words" by Courtney Parker, even though I had to change some parts of it. Heads-up! This story does deal with a quite mature theme (suicide). As usual, I hope you enjoy reading!

Just an average girl

She always wore a smile

She was cheerful and happy for a short while

Now she's older

Things are getting colder

Life's not what she thought, she wished someone had told her

Rosemary stood up with a start. It was too much for her. Where was she? she wondered. She was almost sure that she was in her dark bedroom, curled up on her bed. Her parents' shouts still resonated in her head that it was so painful. "I don't want to be married to some - harlot!" her father roared, face scrunched up in anger. Her mother, who winced at his harsh remark, gathered herself together at the last moment to retaliate. "Your career was always more important to you than your own family! " The man did not continue. When the young girl saw him grab the vase, she knew what he was going to do and immediately left the scene.

A kind voice sounding slightly guilty brought her back to reality. "Rosemary? Are you - are you alright?" She looked up to see her father. You can lie. "Yes." She was the Receiver-to-be. Yes, she should be able to take anything. Isn't it what the Elders had said during the Ceremony of Twelve? Pain was one of the things she would experience. After all, it wasn't reality - they were just only in memories...

She told you she was down, you let it slip by

So from then on she kept it on the inside

She told herself she was alright

But she was telling white lies

Can't you tell? Look at her dull eyes

The twelve year old softly knocked on the door to announce her presence before entering the spacious room where the Giver resided. "Ah, there you are, Rosemary," he said cheerfully. "I decided on what we will discuss today," he continued while she sat down on the bed in front of him. She was quite frightened. What was she going to see today? It was maybe best to voice her discomfort. "Giver? Will it be like the one - yesterday?" Sensing her fear, he put on a reassuring smile and told her everything would be fine. "Why? Is something bothering you?" Smiling back, she answered : "I must admit I was a tiny bit shaken …" Inwardly, she sighed. Could she carry on like this? Couldn't anyone see that she was suffering? That day, she learnt a new emotion - helplessness. Because nothing could change. She was always to receive the memories and endure her suffering alone for the rest of her life. After that, she kept everything to herself.

Tried to stop herself from crying almost every night

But she knew there was no chance of feeling alright

Summer came by, all she wore was long sleeves

'Cause those cuts on her wrists were bleeding through you see

It was very reassuring to feel the erasing pain channel through her body. That way, it numbed her sadness. No - that wasn't the right word. It wasn't enough to describe what she felt right now. The memories that she was receiving were having a huge impact on her. Nearly at every training session she was tempted to beg the Giver to let her quit. But she knew that the Community was not very keen on people deserting their posts. It was punishable by law. But maybe she did not care about it so much anymore … Even though she felt dizzy, she watched with some sick fascination the growing scarlet monster in the sink. "Rosemary!" Uh-oh. It seemed her mother had been calling her for a while now. Quickly wiping any trace of the blood and throwing her long tunic over her blouse to cover the wounds, she headed out of the door. Her parents should not know what was happening to her. None of them could ever understand. For a girl her age she felt as though she had seen enough and couldn't take it anymore. Now she understood why the Community dealt with emotions a long time ago. Without them, you couldn't feel hurt or grieved...

She knew she was depressed, didn't want to admit it

Didn't think she fit it, everyone seemed to miss it

She carried on like a soldier with a battle wound

Bleeding out from every cut her body consumed

Rosemary watched as her friends Lucas and Kathlyn played "What happened? It sounded like a very weird game but it wasn't long ago she enjoyed playing that game too. What happened? consisted of acting imagined characters and they have to solve a mystery. But today she wasn't in the mood. Lucas stopped immediately in his tracks when he noticed her. "Are you really sure you don't want to join?" She looked down, unable to look at his piercing gaze. Who ever told her that he had beautiful chocolate brown eyes? But she knew that he could never love her back. To him, like everyone else in the Community, love was an obsolete word. Love was nothing. Besides, if she grew too close to him he would start asking questions about her cuts. She hated nosy people. And she didn't want to be the reason for increased worrying and concern on his part.

Or anyone's, actually.

No one could help her out of her situation.

Everything was just what it was meant to be.

She had no friends at school, all alone she sat

And if someone were to notice she would blame the cat

But those cuts on her wrist, they were no mistake

But no one cared enough to save her from this self-hate

Her friends had soon "moved on" from her as she was distancing herself from them. They did not even bother to talk to her anymore. And their attitude towards her made her feel so guilty. It was her fault that they did not want to be with her anymore. Little by little she was immersing herself in her problems that some days she forgot about them. These past months she had only wanted to suffer in silence without thinking of the consequences of her actions. Yet she still hated them for leaving her too. They were abandoning her in a time that she needed them most. Lucas and Kathlyn thought that she was hiding secrets from them! She was, but wasn't she entitled to some privacy?

"What on earth happened to you?" A young girl gasped noticing the cuts on her wrists. Crap! She was so deep in thought she had forgotten to roll her sleeve to its normal length. "It-it was an accident", she managed to sputter. The redheaded girl looked at her strangely before saying "Oh. I see."

The girl soon left her sitting there. Rosemary sighed. She knew that the girl did not care about her, nor did anyone else. They just ask in surprise. In the Community, there was no ounce of pity left for her.

Things were going down, never really up

And here she is now stuck in this stupid rut

She knew exactly what she had to do next

Rosemary was again in the dark room she had a few months ago. But this time, her parents had not only ignored her. She just wished that they had. In this memory her father had ripped her clothes and forced her on the bed. What happened next was too disturbing for her to think about. The young Receiver was more than traumatised.

She had taken her decision that same afternoon. Standing up from the bed, she walked over to the Giver and kissed him on the cheek. He looked quite stunned at what she had just done but soon his face regained his composure. "Until next time." There will be no next time, she thought.

She had applied for release in two days time.

She wrote a letter with her hands shaking wild

"Look at me now! Are you proud of your precious child?"

But she knew that her parents weren't the ones to blame

It was the world that should bow down its head in shame

Having stolen a piece of scrap paper from her father's room, she took a pen. For a while, she was uncertain of what she wanted to write. But then an inspiration hit her and when she read through her work, she was satisfied. She neatly stuck it under her pillow. That was where it was to stay until she was released.

She sat down on the chair and looked out at the moon

Just don't think, it'll all be over soon

The chair fell down as she took her final breath

It's all over, all gone, now she's greeting death

After her training, she walked over to the Room of Release. Release wasn't something that scared her anymore.

She knew that was what she wanted. An escape from the miserable, cruel world she was placed in.

Taking the injection from the Nurturer's hand ("Let me do it."), she proceeded to put the needle in her arm. Hesitantly, she let it hover for a while over the middle of her forearm and her wrist as she was trying to decide which place would hurt least. Her forearm was best, she decided and stuck the needle there.

The young girl slipped into a sweet oblivion, then she was gone.

Her Dad walks in, he falls down to the floor

And now nothing can take back what he just saw

The little girl that he raised is just lying there

Her body's pale and her face is violently bare

"Sir?" The young receptionist tried to get the Giver's attention. "Sir?"

The old man shifted his piercing gaze from the wall to the young female. "Yes?" She cleared her throat and said rather quietly, "the Receiver-to-be is going to be Released today." Wait what? he thought in surprise. Was the little girl he raised really going to give up on life? Without even answering the young women in front of the desk, his fatherly instinct made him run for the Release Room. Adrenalin was pumping through his veins, and even the Giver was surprised how fast his legs could bring him. He was just praying he had not come too late.

No one even tried to stop him. At least they understood that he needed to see his precious daughter. He felt so guilty for having given her all those dark memories - but he had to. It was what she had wanted; she wanted to have everything. Which is what he gave her. He knew that she had only done, what, two months of training ? He was so sorry that he couldn't spare Rosemary's suffering.

He guessed wrong.

He was too late.

Rosemary was already lying on the floor of the glass cubicle. Her father couldn't help but let out a cry of loss. He had failed her. She was no more. He watched the Nurturers put in her a sort of large cardboard box before giving a tiny shove in a chute. Just like any garbage chute, he noticed bitterly.

This couldn't be! Just a few minutes ago, she was still alive!

He sees the note and unfolds it with care

All he does is stare

"How can this be fair?"

He starts reading as the tears roll down her face

"I'm sorry Dad but this world is just not my place

The Giver felt as if a part of himself had been ripped from him. No tears streamed down his cheeks, yet inwardly he felt as though somebody was stabbing him with a million knives. He just wanted to grasp on any trace, any memory of Rosemary at his side. Her room! Her room was a perfect place for him to grieve in peace.

Hobbling slightly, he opened the door latch opening into her bedroom. Rosemary always loved colours and order, though the entourage seemed to have lost a bit of their brightness. But what was most surprising was that there were papers flying around the room. He picked them up, having decided that they were maybe important.

Unfolding it, his heart stopped when he saw what was written on it. "How can this be fair? he wailed.

He will be haunted by his daughter's last words, forever etched on the damned paper.

I'm sorry Dad but this world is just not my place...

I've tried for so long to fix this and fit in

I've come to realize this world's full of sin

There's nothing for me here, I'm just a waste of space

I've got no reason to stay here with this awful race

It's a disgrace, I was misplaced

Born in the wrong time and in the wrong place

It's okay though, 'cause you'll see me soon

You'll know when your time has come, just look at the moon

As it shines bright throughout the night

And remember everyone's facing their own fight

But I can't deal with the pain, I'm not a fighter

You'll make it through the night, just hug your pillow tighter

So let the world know, that I died in vain

'Cause the world around me, is the one to blame

And I know in a year, you'll forget I'm gone

'Cause I'm not really something to be dwelled on

That's what they used to tell me, all those kids at school

So I'm going by the law, "majority rules"

My presence on this earth is not needed any longer

And if anything, I hope this makes you stronger

You're the best friend that I ever had

It's such a shame I had to make you so very sad

But just remember that you meant everything to me

And to my heart, you're the only one that held the key

Now it's time to go, I'm running out of space to write

And yes I lost my fight, but please just hold on tight

I'm watching over you from the clouds above

And sending down the purest and whitest dove

To watch over you, and be my helpful eye

So this is it, world, goodbye"