It was after our stint at the cat girl brothel that I took Crim to the bar and got him a job for while his halo healed. It would get him a steady income and keep him from being stuck on the streets. Meidri took an instant liking to the angel, which made me a little salty, but I got over it…

"Why?! Why did I get a death stare when I first got here, but when Crim shows up, she's practically begging him to join up?!"

...eventually.

Because of my own presence, Meidri and Crim had regular orders covered while I stayed on bar duty. I didn't complain, as the only time I interacted with customers was when they came up and sat at the bar. Otherwise, I only got orders for drinks through my coworkers.

I had also received a small cut of gold from my review of the catgirl brothel, which actually came as a surprise to me considering I only reviewed the place on a whim. But I certainly wasn't complaining...though Meidri was giving me a disappointed look the whole time. I simply thanked her and went back to my job, not giving her a reason to treat me like Stunk.

But time passes as it usually does, and it was another week before the two decided to come back again. Zel posted their review of an octopus girl joint they went to the night before while Stunk sat at their usual spot. Within minutes, the board was flooded with patrons desperate to see the reviews.

Stunk and Zel were talking about what brothel they should hit next when Meidri flew over and gave them their gold.

"What's that?" I heard the human ask.

"Your pay for the article you posted," Meidri replied before turning away in disgust. "Those things are flying off the board, you know. Men are the worst ever."

"Who knew our humble opinions would earn us gold?" Stunk asked rhetorically before gasping in awed satisfaction. "And a whole lot of it at that!"

"What'll you do? I'd invest it."

"You kidding, Meidri?" I scoffed, coming up behind her and Zel. "I think you know exactly what their plan is with that much gold."

"Yeah, I think the answer is obvious," Zel added before speaking in sync with Stunk.

"We're gonna find a new species to bone and review!"

"It is our job after all," Stunk added.

"And it's hard work," the elf concluded.

The two debated where to go next while I put a hand on Meidri's shoulder. "I know. I wish they were more discreet too." The two of them looked my way next as Crim flew by with a tray of drinks. "Uh oh…"

"Hey Lance, Crim, c'mere a minute."

I sighed. "What do you guys want? You ordering food?"

Crim stopped and tilted his head curiously.

"You two have gotta be getting a fat paycheck from this place, right? You wanna come with us?"

"Sure, where to?" Crim asked before I put a hand over his mouth.

"No," I rejected, "not you, my angelic friend. You stay with Meidri in case it gets slammed. I'll go with them instead. Besides I think you already know what their plan is."

The angel blushed before nodding as I released his mouth.

"Come on," Stunk complained, "you gotta take a load off some time."

"More like bust a load, amiright?" Zel cackled, making Stunk laugh and Crim blush harder.

"Ugh, no thank you," Meidri shivered, disgusted with the two. "Just keep in your pants already."

"Come on, Meidri love," Stunk purred, placing an arm around her shoulder. "Are you jealous? Because I would be willing to give you a raving review if you fancy a jump in the hay."

An immediate uppercut was the birdmaid's response.

"9/10," I rated. "Didn't launch high enough."

I had packed my weapons and the little bit of gear I had before I met up with Stunk, Zel, and their lamia friend.

"So, we continuing my training on the way?" I asked.

Stunk shrugged. "Might as well. Just save as much energy as you can for when we hit our destination."

With that, we headed off on our quest. In the four days it took to reach the next town, I learned a new technique to get more power with my sword slashes and even managed to get a little strength training in when we stopped to rest.

"How many pushups can you do before you need a break?" Stunk asked on one such rest.

"Usually around 20-25," I answered. "Depends on why I'm doing them."

"What do you mean by that?" Zel asked.

"Whenever I did pushups back home, it was because it was a punishment for talking during class time."

Stunk looked at me weirdly. "What kind of class were you taking?"

"Martial arts. It had the added effect of getting us arm strength for a fighting style that had more leg moves but valued the blocks used via the arms when we sparred."

"Still learning more about you as we go," Zel commented.

"How did you learn magic?" I asked the elf.

Zel hummed in thought. "I was born with it. My parents taught me how to properly use it when I was a kid, and nowadays I just use the wind element to sharpen my arrows to give them an extra kick. Otherwise, I just use support magic like giving extra stamina."

I hesitated to ask my next question. "Do you think I would be able to learn magic?"

Zel paused, not expecting the question. "It's definitely possible, but I wouldn't know about how to teach you. The most I could teach you is a few support spells."

I thought for a moment. "Maybe next time we go on an extended trip out of town."

The rest of the trip was pretty easygoing, and we had arrived at our destination just a day later. The birdmaid brothel wasn't far from our hotel, which we booked the moment we got to town. We decided to wait until after sunset to hit the place up though. And well…

Birdmaids were a pleasant surprise for me. Normally I like my girls a little on the...thiccer side, if you catch my drift (spelling intentional). So when I was able to find a birdmaid with a good balance between the TA ratio, I was sold. That's before I found out how sensitive they were. It was at the point where I actually had to be the dominant one, and for someone with little experience, it could get a bit awkward. I was just lucky I'm a fast learner in that department. Because of this, I can safely say that my experience was definitely worth the learning curve. Pro tip: if you have any features of a reptile, like a lamia for example, they will not allow you in. I don't know if its instinct or something else, because they wouldn't give me a straight answer. But it's one of very few I've seen that have this kind of restriction.

8/10

"YOU FREAKS ARE IN FOR IT!!"

Meidri's aura was visible from her position next to Stunk and his crew. I said nothing and just continued wiping the bar as I was supposed to.

"Hey just relax! It's not like it was our idea to seek out birdmaids," Zel shrugged, chuckling.

"You sick little pricks!" She looked ready to punch whoever was closest when Stunk snuck up behind her and stroked the back of her neck. Her body went rigid as she chirped in surprise.

"The best part's right around the nape of your neck, huh?" He purred.

Regaining control, Meidri grabbed a nearby stool and slammed it on the human's head, bringing him down to the ground. Huffing, she turned and went back to her job.

"Welp that sucks," Zel commented, before walking away, "Mitsu is waiting for me, see ya~"

"Stunk are you okay?" Crim asked, worried.

"He'll be fine," I replied. "I honestly thought she'd maul him for that."

Stunk tried to get up and apologize to her, but Crim and I held him back knowing he'd only make things worse.

"To Archmage Demia,

I'm writing to you because you were the first person that came to mind. Somehow I found myself...rather far from home, shall we say, and I know that you have experience with magic of that particular caliber. So I implore you to please help me return to my place of origin and I will do my best to repay you. The only proof I have is a future event that my companions haven't even heard of, and won't for a while. When we come to the gender swap brothel, this letter will be given to the witch in charge. Have her recall my appearance when I give her the letter. Later on, when we come to your Magic Metropolis, have your decoy doll look for the person that matches the description she gives you. Then ask the following question: what is the weakness of a fairy type pokemon?If the answer is anything expect poison and steel, you have the wrong guy.I hope I can trust you,

-Lance"

When I set my quill down, I read over it again. My plan was to mail it via the gender swap brothel from episode 3, as that was the most direct route to Demia I remembered. However, I wasn't sure if she would agree to deliver it. For all I knew, she may tell me to get fucked and mail it like a normal person. But I guess this is what I get for trying to contact someone as famous as her.

I rolled up the parchment and tied it, placing it back on the desk. I guess the only way I'll find out is to go there with the guys.

That was my first three weeks in this world. A paying job at an inn, and a side gig reviewing how good shmex with monster girls getting me gold to survive. The only goal right now is to get in contact with Demia. As much as she gives me the creeps, she is currently my only chance at being able to get home. Until then, I'd enjoy my time here as much as I could.

Omake: The Crap Guide Begins

It was about a week and a half after the reviews were posted. I got my cut of the gold, which went right into my hidden savings. While I enjoyed working at the bar, I also thought about doing other things to make money outside reviews. That's when I started talking with Kanchal and well...

I really did it now…

"Is this some kind of new show?"

Why did I have to do this?

"Dungeons and Dragons?"

Why did I have to take that bet?

"Who's this JoCrap guy?"

Why must I suffer like this?

"It's gonna debut tonight. We'll see what it is then."

I glared at Kanchal from my position at the bar. "I still say you cheated, short stack."

"Is that a crack at me being a rogue?" The halfling shrugged, grinning. "It's not my fault you have no poker face."

Stunk and Zel chose that moment to walk up. "What's with the poster?" Stunk asked, "And why does Lance look like he tried a hyena girl for the first time?"

"First off, fuck you," I replied, "second, I have a...performance I have to do here."

"Since when did you start doing live shows?" My fellow human wondered, raising an eyebrow.

"And for that matter," Zel added, "what even is Dungeons and Dragons?"

"Kanchal asked me about a game from my home," I groaned, "and bet that if I couldn't beat him in poker, I had to make a show all about that game teaching everyone how to play."

"Hence the posters by the reviews of the birdmaid place," Kanchal finished smugly.

Zel put a hand to his chin thoughtfully. "That oughta be interesting. Can't wait to see what you come up with."

I slumped on the bar, groaning.

The boys went to their regular table while I decided to head back to my room for a while. I needed a break and time to prepare.

Yeah, I was going to introduce DnD to this world. The problem was, they didn't have any equipment that I needed to make the game work. At least, they didn't have the dice I needed

So it looked like I'd have to do what every person in my position would do...plagiarize works from my world and act like I came up with it.

"Man," I sighed, "if I were home, Jocat would sue me for what I'm about to pull." I went to the dresser and pulled out a light blue and beige mask that looked like a hand puppet. The long neck held a stuffed, serpentine head with a bunch of light blue feathers at the back. The mouth was sewn shut and a pair of buttons represented the eyes.

For those unaware of the world of Monster Hunter, this is a Wiggler mask. And if my show was to go off, I needed it to hide my identity, and what better way to rip off this show than to copy his look too?

I'm gonna get sued for this when I get home…

The bar was lively as a spot was cleared near the front. A large chalkboard was brought out and placed as a marker for where I was going to teach/perform. Meidri stood next to me as I held my mask.

"Do you really have to do this?" she asked.

I nodded. "I'm a man of my word. The upside is that I can hide my identity with this bad boy." I held up my mask to show her. "And if this becomes successful, it'll be the character that gets associated with it." I sighed before putting the mask on. "Show time."

Zel was already cracking up at the deadpan tone of his other human friend. The phrasing showed he gave absolutely no craps about his audience as he gleaned useful information between the jokes. While the masked teacher wrote on the board, Stunk asked a question.

"So this is about a single class of this game?"

"Looks like it," Zel replied.

"How many classes are there?"

The elf shrugged. "No clue. I've never even heard of this game before. Though I can't say I object to this teaching method."

"But what the hell is a gobblebrite?" Kanchal asked.

"I think most of those are made up," Stunk replied.

Another laugh sounded around the room as he drew a picture of the barbarian girl with giant muscles to represent going into a rage.

"I know it's supposed to be an easy class to play," Kanchal grumbled, "but is it really worth calling the audience made up names?"

As if hearing him, the masked teacher pointed at the group. "What, you think you're better than me because you can count? You think I biggered my brain to waste time planning a strategy only to have to sit around doing nothing for the rest of the fight because of a shitty roll? What do you take me for, some kind of wizard?" The speed he sped over to the group's table made it look like he teleported. "Well?! Do ya?! FUCK YOU, I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU! I HOPE YOU ENJOY BEING PAVEMENT LOTION BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA BE FILLING ALL THE CRACKS IN MY DRIVEWAY!!" Rearing back his head, he brought it down on the poor halfling sitting in front of him, knocking the smaller being out. He turned back to the rest of his audience. "And now you know how to play Barbarian. You're welcome."

The audience applauded loudly as the masked teacher walked away.

"Well that was….something," Meidri commented when I was back at the bar. Stunk and his crew were right behind her.

"Blame Kanchal," I replied.

"I asked him about a game from his hometown and bet that he couldn't explain it in a way people would understand," the halfling summarized, rubbing his head groggily.

"And that game was Dungeons and Dragons?" The birdmaid asked.

"Yeah," I confirmed. "I started talking about how classes have different play styles, and it was too much for him. So he made me teach it in a way the common folk understand."

"And I think it works," the elf started looking around. "Sounds like the place is curious about the other classes."

Stunk looked at me again. "So how many classes are there?"

"Ten, including the one I just talked about."

"And what's the next class?"

I perked up a bit. "That would be the Bard...and all the jokes about seducing anything with legs."

The only response I got was a trio of grins.