Hello all! Sorry for the late update. Although this isn't an action-packed chapter, it's definitely important to the storyline :) Just hold on a little longer for Bella to wake up!

Thank you all for continuing to read my silly story, XO

Recommended songs for ambience: Medicine by Daughter, Where's My Love by SYML

Here we go!

CHAPTER 12

Edward popped in the gold contacts before arriving at the hospital, and considered the reflection before him. The contacts did well to hide the evidence of last night's massacre, but they couldn't hide the change in him.

At first glance, he appeared almost normal. At least, normal for someone hearing the news the love of their life had suffered unspeakable trauma. Deathly pale, darkness under his eyes. No one would suspect what he was.

The drive over to the hospital, he attempted to focus on any minute detail he could – the sight of a deer in the passing trees as he zoomed at 90 mph, the classical music Alice insisted to play on the ride over (no doubt, she was trying to find ways distract him), or even the quiet chatter between Jasper and Emmett in the car behind him. But nothing could help him escape. Not even Alice's prodding questions beside him.

Part of him went numb recalling Bella's voice begging for those men to stop, calling out his name to save her. He kept seeing the emptiness in her eyes when the pain was finally too much. When she lost her fight.

She had never given up on him.

And he had let her down.

That would forever tear at his heart.

Edward runs an unsteady hand through his hair as he enters the room. Rounding the bed, he looks over her monitors. Everything is as he left it.

His chest clenches when he bends down to touch her hair – he stops. It's an invisible wall of vivid memories, not his own, that prevents him from placing a kiss onto her forehead.

He can't –

Not after what he saw.

Not after what he did.

He was a monster.

He is a monster, for leaving her alone and unprotected.

For the painful hours that follow, Edward sits on the chair by the right side of Bella's head, and holds her hand hooked up the IV. Esme and Alice sit beside him, occasionally repositioning flowers around the room, or making small conversation to themselves. Alice flips through magazines or her phone, claiming she's picking out dresses for Bella. He didn't understand why she was acting this way until he heard her thoughts, consumed by silly innocuous subjects. She only did that when she was in close proximity to him and didn't want him to read her mind. She was trying to hide something.

But Edward's attentions were only on Bella, or watching the whirring of the respirator machine pump air into Bella's fragile lungs.

He feels the greatest gratitude towards his family; for Alice, in watching out for her, for Carlisle for saving her, when he could not. For Jasper and Emmett who attacked Victoria. For Esme, who's kind words soothed Bella's father, who's quilt was draped across her legs.

Which is why Edward was resolute to keep the anguish in his heart from manifesting outwardly; he couldn't put his family through more pain than each of them was going through. But he also couldn't stop Alice's former visions of Bella trauma, from continuously pulling him under.

Jasper's attempts to calm and control Edward's vicious cycle of blaming himself are futile. He feels every wave of pure fury, plummeting into the deepest depths of depression, while Edward relives the nightmares of those memories…of the terror in her eyes, of her screams, of the blood on her cheeks…the sound of her panicked voice calling out his name…over and over again, like a record on repeat.

Edward can feel himself slipping closer to madness as the hours tick by.

"You're giving me whiplash with your emotions" Jasper sighs, shifting in his stance next to Edward. "You can't continue blaming yourself Edward, you know that."

Edward smiles weakly at the sound of Jasper's comforting southern drawl. But he can't bring himself to talk, his throat is dry as he holds onto Bella's hand. He tries to emanate the gratitude he feels.

"We know," Jasper responds "you don't need to whip yourself Edward. Bella is part of the family. It was my fault in the first place we left."

Edward rounds on him "That was my decision Jasper, don't take that on yourself. And because of my decision to uproot us, I hurt her." He winces at the words.

Jasper doesn't try to retort, he knows it's useless.

Alice's leg bobs up and down with anxiety, her eyes scanning the waiting area.

"Hey" Jasper puts a consoling hand on her leg. "I know this hasn't been easy"

Alice barely shakes her head, her eyes refuse to look his way. "Jasper, I've seen so many visions of people through the years; visions of death, or trauma. This wasn't the first. It was just…" her eyes linger on the floor.

Jasper lets out a sigh. "It was the first for one of our family members."

Alice's jaw clenches and she meets his eyes. "And the first I was powerless to do anything about."

"Just because you see the future, doesn't mean you can control what happens to everyone, every time."

Alice leant her head on his shoulder "I know that. There was just, something blocking her trajectory so I couldn't access it until it as too late, as if it had already played out."

Esme was standing guard by Bella's door, which was only a few feet from the patient waiting room. She looks equally distraught, holding onto her arms. Once in a while her eyes flicker up at her family members, just to make sure the others were present, safe. An instinct she never grew out of when she was changed years ago.

"Where's Carlisle?" the tall, muscled man approached Jasper and Alice sitting in the waiting room.

"I think he's in his office Emmett, finishing up paperwork" Alice responds, taking in Emmett's slightly disheveled appearance. He looked like a lost puppy.

"Ok, I - " he runs his hand through his hair, his eyes quickly drinking in each corner of the room in search of something. "I've lost Rosalie, I can't seem to find her"

"I think Rosalie needs some time alone" Jasper looks at him knowingly. Realization dawns on Emmett's face. Since 1933 when he was attacked, he remembered waking up to the most beautiful, perfect woman he had ever seen. It was remarkable that for a few minutes following his transformation, he hadn't realized what had happened to him, or the burning in his throat; he only saw her – golden eyes matching her perfect hair, the concerned look on her face as she slowly backed away from his rising form. Concern for him. Nothing came before Rosalie; she was his everything, his lifeline. He remembered getting to know her through the next few months, but there was always a shadow lurking behind her eyes. The day she confessed to him how she was transformed into a vampire, was the darkest day of his life, and he vowed to always protect her from those memories, to be her confidant during those times she couldn't fight the reminders of her attackers. Thankfully, those nightmares were becoming seldom each year.

He looked crestfallen. "Oh," he nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Don't worry Emmett" Alice bounces up, giving her brother a hug, one she knew he needed. "She'll be fine, I've seen it. She's just, processing a few things."

"That's what I'm worried about. I'm always there for my Rose" Emmett spoke softly, relishing in the vampire contact with Alice.

Edward emerged after an hour's break sitting in the outside hospital courtyard alone. Alice had attempted to make conversation with him, but he only starred at the wooden lattice gate shielding the small backyard memorial garden. Alice secretly wondered if vampires could go through trauma; it was something she would bring up with Carlisle later.

He made a bee-line for Bella's room. Esme placed a consoling hand on his shoulder, stopping him momentarily to exchange a glance before he slowly entered the dimly lit white room.

Charlie sits hunched over Bella's bed, his head in his hands. The smell of plastic fills the air, accompanied by the steady beeping of the machines beside Bella's bedside. Every thirty seconds the silence was interrupted by the whirring noise of the wound vac at the edge of the bed, it's tubes winding under the white sheets and Esme's quilt draped over Bella's legs.

There is a quiet understanding that neither would speak to the other. Neither want to address the issue of Edward's absence, nor talk about Bella's current ordeal. Or what had transpired yesterday between them.

They sit, on either side of Bella, both filled with a different kind of love for the young woman before them.

When Edward feigns sleep close to 1 am, it gives stubborn Charlie who had been fighting his drooping eyelids for the past three hours, the permission to finally rest his head against his hand and close his eyes. He regards Chief Swan's form; disheveled with obvious stubble, his brow slightly creased. He never blamed Charlie for his reaction yesterday. If the roles were reversed, he might have done the same thing.

If I were ever a father, Edward thinks to himself wistfully. Honestly the thought had never crossed his mind until Bella. When they were dating, he realized it was the one thing he desperately wanted to give her if they ever married. Yet he didn't see how it was possible. He regarded her heavily sedated form. He could hear the CSF in her brain moving slower than normally, but Carlisle reassured him it was all due to the concussion – and its regular rhythm would resume in time.

Bella would make a wonderful mother he thought to himself, a smile forming at the corner of his lips. But would she ever had the chance to? Now that she had one ovary, would it be more difficult? And if she were to wake and forgive him,…

He shook his head. He didn't even know how they would move past this first. He couldn't even forgive himself, let alone think about how to give Bella a child, if that was what she wanted. Let alone, a human child.

But the thought of her carrying someone else's child sent prickles up his spine.

Edward drapes one of the heated blankets around Charlie's form.

He continues to watch Bella under his half-lidded gaze, relishing in the quiet – but it was the furthest feeling to peace. The stillness was filled with the unspoken words he still wished her to hear from him, the apologies he had yet to make, the declaration of his love for her – his heart had never wavered when he left. That would always be hers.

The early morning of the second day slowly rises through the blinds, touching the edge of Bella's bed.

Charlie stirs. Esme walks in, taking note of the blanket around Charlie's waking form. Her smile at Edward is full of warmth.

"Good morning" Esme coos, holding out a fresh cup of hot coffee to Chief Swan, then to Edward. She places a kiss on Edward's forehead before leaving the room.

Charlie rubs his eyes with the palm of his hand, squinting into the new day.

As he runs through his medical training, Edward can't remember the typical recovery time for Bella's injuries. Her concussion was substantial, and her penetrating abdominal wound would surely take weeks to fully heal, if not months. His stomach twists at the reminder of what was taken from her.

The Chief of police roughly clears his throat, but Edward is already hypervigilant and acutely aware of every movement in the room – from the rise and fall of Bella's chest, to the slight movement of Charlie's hand, to the barely perceptible twitch of the wires as she slept.

He didn't like how very still Bella was.

"Her mother will be here soon." Charlie spoke gruffly. "She took the first flight out."

Edward swore he could hear a hint of warning in Charlie's voice.

"Thank you." Charlie's voice is just above a whisper. Edward looks over at him, a little bit in shock.

"I…I can tell this hasn't been easy on you either. And I'm, thankful for the company."

Charlie averts his eyes from Edward after his admission, as if embarrassed. Was it an apology for how he acted towards him yesterday?

To Edward, it didn't matter. It only mattered that Charlie was at peace with his presence. Edward acknowledged his words with a nod.

"I've got to get to work. Will you all stay with her?" Charlie's eyes were pleading. Edward could barely maintain eye contact with him. He couldn't imagine how Charlie, a mere human, could function with only a few hours of sleep with so much on his mind. At least he could provide one less worry.

Edward nodded. "You know I won't let her out of my sight."

Charlie stands, patting Edward's shoulder as he moves to the door. "Good" he mutters before heading out into the dawn.

He watches the IV slowly drip into Bella's veins, mixing with her scent that was slowly returning to normal. Edward brings her cold pale hand to his lips, watching her immovable figure. The tender exchange between Charlie and himself was almost too much, and he lowered his head onto the sheets beside Bella's hand, filling his thoughts with the heart monitor's steady, low pulsating rhythm, eagerly waiting for her to wake.

Thank you for reading! Please R&R