A/N Do not expect to much from this fic, oh yeah- crude language, you have been warned.

Also I could tell you that I do not own Pokémon but how much good is that gonna do me? It is not like 'saying I do not own it' makes the lawyers go: Damnit! We almost had him. Nope, if Nintendo decides to be an ass I can't do shit about it.

Saying I don't own anything is not at all like a silver cross against a vampire.

Anyway, I hope some of you may enjoy this. Don't expect to much of it, I don't do that either.

Chapter1:

Inside the mind

"Here's your Pokémon Red." Professor Oak handed me ared and white Pokéball, "Now go on and catch all the Pokémon in the world!"

Yeah, he was definitely going to bang my mom while I was gone.

I'm not complaining though, I get a free Pokémon out of it.

A random nobody with the name Blue took the Squirtle Pokéball.

I'm still pissed that his mom decided to name him Blue, only to piss off my mom.

Red is an awesome name so you could say I got the good end of the stick but the entire naming theme is freaking me out sometimes.

Blue took his Pokéball in his hand and looked at it affectionately. "You're going to become my best friend."

I looked at the Pokéball in my hand.

'You better work because I can't change my choice.'

A girl I've never seen before took the Pokéball with the Bulbasaur and told the Pokéball something cheesy as well.

After that she proudly told us that this was her first choice all along.

It wasn't, I had seen her luring at the Charmander Pokéball but she wasn't me thus she had no choice in that matter.

If I wasn't me I would've complained about the unfairness of it all but I am me so I am cool with it.

"Crystal," Professor Oak called out and I was startled, thinking that a secret command to murder all of us had been given out.

Fortunately it turned out to be the name of the random girl, that made a whole lot more sense.

He told her something and the sixteen year old girl happily nodded.

"You can all release your Pokémon now," Professor Oak announced.

My eyes widened and I considered making a run for it, no way in hell I was going to give up my portable flamethrower.

Both Blue and Crystal pressed buttons on the Pokéball and their Pokémon appeared in front of them.

Guess that makes more sense, release them from their Pokéball, not from your custody.

If he were to do that I would totally sue him, I had done it before.

Still, nasty play from Professor Oak.

True, the word released had multiple meanings and he was definitely trying to trip me up.

Not to be outdone by the competition I released Charmander from its Pokéball.

A flash came and an orange portable flamethrower appeared in front of me.

With big, innocent eyes it looked at me.

"Charmander!" It cried out.

'Hello little one, how do you feel about engaging in a fight to get stronger so you can again engage in a bigger fight and get in an endless loop of fighting?'

"Char!" It cried out and walked towards me on its tiny legs.

That's a yes.

Having formed a binding, unspoken, contract I picked up the little dragon and gave it a hug.

The body was really warm and hot but at the same time not unpleasantly, it was almost like a soft piece of coal.

I looked at the adorable red dragon.

'Hey, if becoming the best doesn't work out I can always use you as a pillow.'

I heard dragonskin was very expensive, this portable flamethrower was in multiple ways my life insurance and probably worth his weight in gold. Literally.

"I can see you all already started bonding with your Pokémon." Oak complimented the three of us.

The bar of bonding with your Pokémon was apparently not that high, which is concerning. If I can get a Pokémon without any trouble other people can as well and those people aren't me which means they're stupid.

And as it goes, stupid people do stupid things and when stupid people get portable war machines they will do bigger stupid things.

And although it was really fun to see stupid things on tv, dealing with them in real life might be less funny.

Talking about stupid people;

Oak handed all three of us a free Pokédex, pre-installed and everything.

"Here you can document all your findings and scan any Pokémon you see to find out more about them."

Blue and Crystal gasped with surprise.

I just stared impassively at the Professor who was wasting my time.

I had already spent an hour inside this place, only to get a Pokémon, Pokédex and my trainer's license.

That was an hour I could've spent on training.

An hour I was never going to get back, when I'm on my deathbed and they'll tell me I only have one day to live I had already lost an hour.

If I had stolen it I would be done way faster.

Crime really does pay.

"I am really proud of you all, every single one of you overcame your challenges and now you three are standing before me as proud trainers." Oak said.

I nodded, I too was exceedingly proud of myself.

Being a mute and surounded my stupid people was really hard and I do't even get paid.

I do get free Pokémon though.

When he was fianlly done with telling us to fuck off I tried to leave the lab but Blue stopped me, pulling my arm.

"Hey Red, how about we battle now?"

'Oh you want to battle with your newly acquired murdur weapon? Don't you think you should maybe learn how it works before doing something reckless?'

He just grinned at me and he took my silence for agreement.

"Awesome, outside is a practice field, we can battle there!" He exclaimed and he patted his Squirtle.

"Oh, can I watch?!" the blue haired girl who's name I forgot asked.

I hadn't even agreed with a battle but Blue answered for me, "Of course you can!"

"Awesome!"

The two stormed outside, leaving me with a dilemma.

It was one I had faced multiple times in my life.

I had always wanted to throw Blue under the bus, I mean. Who would blame the mute boy? What would the police do? Interrogate me?

The problem was that Pallet Town had no buses.

"Are you coming?" Crystal turned around and shot me a cheeky smile.

I sighed.

Stupid people everywhere.

A/N Leave a review and shiz. Or not, I can not force you.